July 8th, 2019

To Light The Way To Bed

Book Review: The Descent

The Descent by Jeff Long

This nonsensical twaddle sees humanity learn an offshoot of humanity dwells in the abyssal world beneath the Earth. They have murderous intentions. This causes people to a horrible horrible life as they try to stop them. This is badly written, sexist and racist. How are they even breathing underground?

Best Lines:

“The overeducated.”

“Built religions against them.”


“Something's gone horribly wrong down there.”

“Suplanetary levels.”

“Before history ever began.”


“If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”

“Before you kneel, it would be wise to know to whom you kneel.”


Scary Books

Movie Reviews: Midsommar+Heaven Knows Mr Allison+TheBoySheMetOnline+Donkey Punch+Cobra+1 more

Midsommar (2019)

This slightly unpleasant film does not deal in unease and it is not laden with disquiet. Florence Pugh plays a whiner who has a useless boyfriend whose decisions are thoughtless. She also has a dead family and is sad. This leads to him, her and his useless friends ending up in a Swedish commune which exists in undisturbed isolation.

They plan to see the commune's ritual. No good comes of this plan. This was dull and ridiclious. It seemed like it would never end. This was not an affecting drama. The boyfriend's decisions are thoughtless and he has contempt and disregard. This movie leaves you increasingly frustrated.

Best Line:

“Meat pies.”

Heaven Knows Mr Allison (1957)

A nun and marine end up in a warzone in WWII. Deborah Kerr and Robert Mitchum star and John Huston directed. You're meant to care about the character dynamics, you don't.

The Boys She Met Online (2010)

An idiot meets a perv online. This does not work well in his favour. So much for her moment of defiance. There is helpless doom.

Donkey Punch (2008)

This sleazy and sexist and full of bad moral decisions. This was beyond ridiculous and reprenensible.

Cobra (1986)

Crime is a disease, meet the cure. Sylvester Stallone, Brian Thompson and Bridgitte Nielsen star in this grubby action movie. Cobra (Stallone) takes on an army of fanatical psychos. There is a killer in the city. Andrew Robinson and David Rasche co star. Nielsen shows she can actually act as she wears a wig. There is no grating realism or ethical implications.

How To Lose Friends And Alienate People (2008)

Simon Pegg is in this, you have been warned. This is based on a true story. Danny Huston is in this. An English dog killing gay panic afflicted reporter goes to work for a US magazine. I think we're meant to be glad when he physically assaults his actress girlfriend on a live tv awards show. This was crap.

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Trailers, Quotes & Stuff 🐱‍👓🐱‍🚀🐱‍💻🐱‍👤🐱‍👤🐱‍👓🐱‍🚀🐱‍💻😃

'Waco' promo

The Man made this worse.

'The Current War' trailer

Oscar bait.

'Animals' trailer


'Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark' trailer


'Rabid' trailer

Laura Vandervoort stars in this remake. There is an accident and the guy from 'Cult'!

Best Lines:

“Why am I dreaming about drinking blood?”

“Too rough for you?”

Walkers Max Strong Jalapeno and cheese extra hot crisps – okay.

Chocolate brownie fudge – okay.

Still water with strawberry flavouring – okay.

Gumbo – nice.

Oysters – okay.

Gluten free bagel – too much.

Green chartruse – too strong.

Chocolate pebbles – okay.

Chocolate sauce – yum.

My ex has a lack of desire to communicate. I didn't harbour doubts about my ex. I should have. I am not needed by him. He has a vicious refusal to apologise. My ex won't acknowledge me or show me respect.

Recall pouffes?

Jeremey Renner could have been in 'Hellboy'?

I'd try Thai rolled ice cream and avocado fries.

I want a sequinned Baquette bag and a Herbarium dinner plate and Star Eye XL demitasse cup and saucer. I also want a zebra print midi dress and a white neroli, momosa and lemon three wick scented candle and reactive glaze dinnerwear.

'Wolf Hall' Quote:

“I hate ingratitude.”

'RTE News' Quote:

“Instill fear in the population.”

'The Kids Are All Right' Quotes:

“Mysterious basement fire.”

“Cheerful self delusion.”

'The Sunday Business Post' Quotes:

“Described as a sworn enemy.”

“Glum silence.”

“Villainy that is being committed in all our names.”

'The Snake' Quotes:

“One didn't enter the park after, or even approaching, dark.”

“Inept emoters.”

“Street talk.”

“Idiot rapture.”

'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“That's how culture worked then.”

“The world is ending and too few people care about it.”

“Appalled at the disrespect.”

“Legally obliged to use it in perpetuity.”

“Squandered the loyalty.”

“Hauled them – literally kicking and screaming – out of the building.”

“Harmful traditional norms.”

“When I tried to keep going to school, my mother threw stones at me.”

“Pretend ideas.”

“A power denied them.”

“Trapped in a trapped family.”

'Dr Phil' Quotes:

'Swing a crowbar at me.”

“I would eat the wallpaper.”

“Engaged in sexually deviant behaviour for money.”

“Why was there a crowbar in the bedroom?”

“Seeks out conflict.”


“Known threat.”

“Marital misconduct.”

'Vulture' Quote:

“People in DC have gotten so used to seeing Handmaids walking around.”

'The FBI Files' Quote:

“Television voices.”

'The Sunday Times' Quotes:

“Rejects sadness in art or music.”

“Microtonal shifts.”

“Dodging aggressive rent-a-mobs.”

“Lurid accusations.”

“Chooses to be ill-informed.”

“A dynasty whose members have a habit of disappearing without trace,”

“It's only guarantee against invasion.”

“Crave the illusion of certainty.”


“Dishonest evidence.”

“Dissent from the values.”

“Prevailing ideology.”

“Fateful words.”

“Heroic service.”

“Put the worst possible interpretation on everything it does.”

“Palaeolithic emotions.”

“Feckless undeserving waster.”

“Relentessly monocultural.”

“Posh crisps middle-class kids eat.”

“Slow living.”


“Bringing vulgarity and sin.”

“You're the pits of the world.”

“Answer my quesiton! The question, jerk!”

“Thrashed the drinks stand with his racquet.”

“Don't remember anyone ever explaining now and why it might apply to me.”

“Reverse around hay bales in a field.”

'Travelers' Quotes:

“Ancient diseases became unlocked.”

“War over what was left.”

“I don't like where this is going.”

'Sky News' Quote:

Ethics and morality of leaking.”

On 'Hollyoaks': Mercedes is angry that Sylver is angry that she was doing cocaine so to spite him she cheats on him with Liam. That's marriage number six down the tubes.


The Handmaid's Tale 3x06+STDS9 6x06+Travelers (2016-2018) 1x01+Charmed 1x21+Gotham 5x09 😜


June and co are in Washington DC. In the book and so far in the tv show: Boston is the HQ and heart of Gilead. So why are they in DC? In DC, Handmaids mouths are sealed. This has no narrative drive. Serena Joy is all dour faced cold calculated great silence. There is no great sense of plot or pace. There is emotional violence. A new Commander (Christopher Meloni) shows up. June's obvious intensifying resentment makes her particularly unpleasant and profoundly disliked.

The new Commander has 6 children (some obviously stolen). How does he have so many? June gurns and does wilful violation of common sense in a perilous city. There is no narrative drive. Fred seems ever more unneeded. How do the Handmaids with sealed lips eat and drink? Why are no Handmaids pregnant? June has plot armour. Why isn't she dead? There is performative piety and June has wilfully ignorant intent.

Nick shows up. Why do the Gilead lot never mention Jesus or go to church? What is that scar on Nick's forehead? Why hasn't Fred been assigned a new Handmaid? Serena Joy's promises are hollow. June categorically refuses to comply. Does she have pathological demand avoidance? June should be under permanent scrutiny and in unkind conditions. The flag of Gilead is seen. Where are all the Econowives? June is unencumbered by sense and has an outright refusal to be smart. The anger in her face is obvious. She's surrounded by mortal enemies and has no sense. It's utterly perplexing why TPTB keep her around.

June learns Luke turned over the tape to the governement. Luke is a tool. Canada wishes to avoid conflict with Gilead. Canada wants info on the black box that is Gilead. The Canada lot won't listen to Nick because, reasons. FFS. This ep causes no ferocious excitment. Canada describes Nick as a war criminal. I roll my eyes. This was not captivating or morally fascinating.

The new Commander is named George and he hits on Fred. Why hasn't Nick been assigned a new wife or a Handmaid? George has quiet menacing confidence. George's wife loved Serena Joy's book. George and his wife were once corporate lawyers. It's taboo to discuss Serena Joy's book now. June stares. Nick can just visit June with no serious consequences. Fred has no guile or manipulative skills.

Nick doesn't seem overly concerned with his child. It's starkly evident TPTB are making it up as they go along. So much is underexplored in this show. The Swiss can't be trusted. The allegations about Nick make no damn sense. He got in with the Sons Of Jacob because he needed a job and then he was a driver for Fred. June seems to think Nick is a war criminal now. Oh FFS.We see soliders (are they called Angels are not on this show? I forget) jump to attenton for Nick. I roll my eyes.

This show makes no sense. Aunt Lydia aka the only Aunt in Gilead lurks. The punishingly stringent Gilead doens't punish June – she's unaffected. Enjoyment occurs no more. In the most memorable sequence in this ep: we see the Lincoln Memorial has been defaced and that the Washington Monument has been made into a cross.

Serena Joy finally wears the veil Gilead wives are meant to wear in public according to the book. Why are June and Serena Joy wandering around by themselves? Wives and Handmaids are not allowed to do that. Women aren't allowed to go anywhere. There is bad green screen and Handmaids kneel. Where did all the Handmaids come from? Didn't the gathered crowd hear June and Serena Joy yelling at each other? Sigh.

Best Lines:

“They don't stand for disorder.”

“This isn't love! You can't love!”

“In God's world.”

“He served Gilead.”

“How did he serve Gilead?”

“He was a solider in the Crusade. We wouldn't be here without him.”

Sacrifice Of Angels

In ep 6 of 6, fleets face off as the UFP aims to retake DS9 and the wormhole. O'Brien and Bashir start reciting poetry on the bridge. Why do the reptilian Cardassians have human teeth? Dukat cares about Ziyal. What about his other posse of children? Quark, Kira, Jake and Leeta plot. Damar is a thug. Where did all the Dominion ships around DS9 go? Dukat's gimp suit looks uncomfortable.

A guard faceplants in souffle. Quark takes out 2 Jem'Hadar. Dax's hair gets mussed and then is perfect again a scene later. The minefield is destroyed. Sisko comes up with a plan and asks the wormhole aliens for help. What became of the Dominion fleet that the wormhole aleins sent away? The Dominion leave DS9 and Dukat loses his mind and then Damar murders Ziyal which leaves Dukat babbling and curled up in a corner. Sisko's fate is foretold. Sisko pities the mad Dukat, which wouldn't last long. This was okay.

Best Lines:

“Massive occupation army.”

“Hot standby.”

“Head for that opening. Anyone who gets through doesn't stop until they reach Deep Space Nine.”

“A true victory is to make your enemy see they were wrong to oppose you in the first place.”

“Be Gods!”

“He will find no rest there.”

“All lost!”

“She loved you.”

I could never figure out why.”


There is violence against women in the first 5 minutes of this time travel drama. This was al mundanity with no challenges or tensions. This tries to be socially conscious by haivng a junkie in it. This was not fearless and it had no stark images. This was terrible and not emotionally devastating. The annoyance from 'Will & Grace' is in this as is Teryl Rothery.

People from the future do mental time travel. One ends up in a new mom with an abusive ex. This was not utterly charming. One ends up in a high school student/MMA fighter. The MMA guy has a bimbo girlfriend. This was ludicrious and not intriguing. There are messages on the Deep Web. An FBI agent looks into weirdness. One timetraveller ends up in a woman with an intellectual disability. People are stunned that she can suddenly talk and read. Her caseworker rants.

This was nto engaging or high stakes. There are no inventive thrills or artistry or imagination and this was not genuinely unexpected. A dodgy lawyer lurks. People from the uncertain future gather. This was incompetent. This causes disengagement. The characters seem like the biggest a-holes who ever lived. This was unsuccessful.

This was uniformly grim. The city seems sinister, unsettling and threatening. This was not absolutely compelling just sheer stupidity. This was authentically terrible. The violent ex is a cop. Why is humanity nearly wiped out in the future? How do they know when people died? The FBI agent is part of a twist. What happened to the FBI agent's real personality? This was ridiculous. What ruined the Earth? This was ludicrous. The junkie lets people die. What a jackass. This was an exasperating fiasco.

Best Lines:

“Stay down man, he's better than you.”

“Baby food. He's a baby.”

“Making people look after her.”

“Live in a flophouse full of crackheads.”

“I've important work to do.”

“A mistake's been made.”

“Let's begin.”

Red Rain

Who were the great sages? They didn't do nothing! A disease strikes. The sisters bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch. Hunter has been vanquished. Parker is going evil. The sisters are the c word. There is death, because. The Source shows up. Parker legs it. This show gets worse and worse. I'm hate watching it at this point.

Best Line:

“Deafening screams of human torment.”

The Trial Of Jim Gordon

Lee shrieks. Gordon is shot. Bruce bores. Jim hallcinates in a plot 'Earth Final Conflict' did in the 90s. FFS. Ivy shows up to bore. Catgirl beats up some gimp with sharp teeth. Why are they wasting time with this crap? Lee and Gordon marry.