June 19th, 2019


Movie Reviews: Willow + The Black Hole + Where Are My Children + Liz & Dick

Willow (1988)
This was a lot of nonsensical plot devices and fatuity. This was a bog standard heroic fantasy movie that starred Warwick Davis, Jean Marsh, Val Kilmer and Joanne Whalley. This box office flop was awfulness and it was horrifically bad.

People make all the wrong decisions in life. This was full of banal scenarios and it is squalid horror mediocrity. This absurdly implausible ridiculously grandiose film has varying degrees of plausibility.

The Black Hole (2006)
This was utterly tepid and simply ludicrous. Kristy Swanson and Judd Nelson star in this rubbish in which a hole is discussed.

Where Are My Children (1994)
Marg Helegenberger, Corbin Bernsen, Christopher Noth and Jerry Hardin star in this tale of a 1960s single mother who is arrested for a petty crime. She is jailed and her children are stolen and illegally adopted. She’s judged as she spends 20 years looking for them. She has another baby and marries Noth who turns out to be violent. No one helps. She marries again to Bernsen. Time passes and she finds two of them. This was dull.

Best Lines:
“I don’t want no trouble!”

“I am not loose!”

“You’re young, you can have more.”

Liz & Dick (2012)
Lindsay Lohan and Grant Bowler and Theresa Russell and Charles Shaughnessy star in this bio-pic. This was much mocked but has nice opening credits. Lohan’s horrible and obvious lip fillers aren’t very period centric.

Bowler does a horrible imitation of Richard Burton’s accent. Lohan’s accent is all wrong. Taylor and Burton have their love affair in this camp film which one is not uniquely fortunate to watch.

Best Lines:
“Than he really started drinking.”

“Welsh Don Juan.”

“Won’t you join us?”
“Oh god no.”

“A love scene? With him?!?!”
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Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

‘Glow’ season 3 trailer
Las Vegas, costumes, Geena Davis, a zip wire, pills, unhappiness, Ruth whining, Bash whining, Debbie whining and fire. Maybe.

‘Trespassers’ trailer
Fairuza Balk asks for help from 2 couples. Bad things happen.

Best Lines:
“You can’t stop what’s coming.”

“Why are you hurting us?”

‘Ready Or Not’ trailer
A bride meets the in-laws on her wedding day. There is a game and attempted murder.

Best Lines:
“Getting to know your crossbow.”

“We prefer Dominion.”

‘The Hills: New Beginnings’ promo
They spawned?!?

‘Unit 42’ promo

Why did my ex do such a revocation of our relationship? He is studiously ignoring me with demented levels of determination. He’s beyond redemption and I feel seething hatred for him. I cannot believe his malevolent duplicity and ever-increasingly levels of nastiness. I feel mounting shock at his acts.

Know this: niceness isn’t always a virtue, sometimes it can be a façade. He turned out to have no personal integrity and to be ineffably duplicitous. I’m left appalled and betrayed at the behaviour of this despicable narcissistic man and its effect on those who must endure him.

Who saw ‘Betrayed’?

There is going to be a ‘Hunger Games’ prequel novel!

Apparently ‘Survival Of The Dead’ came out in 2009. I did not know that.

I’d try a milk chocolate melting ball and poached pears with chocolate shards.

What are flat eggs?

I want silver gilt and enamel sherbet cups.

‘One Velvet Glove’ Quotes:
“Conjuration menace.”

“Murder space,”

“Useless mouths.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Love is conditional, withdrawn on a whim or compromised, can have life-long consequences.”

“Without any significance self-awareness growing in her.”

“Deliberate smiling.”

“Consistent with innocence.”

“Inability to gauge the public mood.”

“Mutual denunciations.”

“Dangerous and disruptive.”

“Cultural experience.”

“Incite public outrage.”

“Build a rapport.”

“Instil feelings of trust.”

“Mismatch between affect and words,”

“Refuses to hold him to the most basic standards of professional journalism.”

“Desist from selling padlocks.”

“Problem in the river with the volume of keys being thrown in.”

“Societal ban.”

“Where were her defenders?”

“Misreads his intent.”

“Deemed subversive to the state.”

“Cultural standards.”

‘Lifeforce’ Quotes:
“Evil star.”

“Collect the pieces and watch them!”

“Couldn’t expose the world to what we’ve brought back with us.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Life behaviours.”

“Deflect accountability.”

‘Jessica Jones’ Quotes:
“You don’t deserve my forgiveness!”

“Out there doing damage.”

“Let her rip the rest of your face off!”

“I’ll walk slowly so you can catch up.”

“Intentionally indifferent.”

‘The Hairy Bikers Comfort Food’ Quotes:
“Me cod balls!”

“Veg shy.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“I’m getting egged on the street”

“Louder, angrier.”

“Yes. Terrible.”

‘Channel 4 News’ Quotes:
“Leaf lickers.”

“Yelling profanity.”

“Moving a river.”

“These rivers and fields will be no more.”

“Totemic fight.”

‘The Planets’ Quotes:
“A potential habitat for life.”

“Saturn’s great rings will be no more.”

“A journey from which it would never return.”

“Very, very distant place.”

Jessica Jones 3x12&3x13 + Butterfly (2018) 1x01 + Black Spot 1x05&1x06 Reviewed

A.K.A A Lotta Worms
This is superhero TV, quite a change from the 1966 ‘Batman’. I haven’t seen season 2 or any earlier eps of season 3. New characters run around being annoying. Jeri is selfish and has learnt nothing. Trish has become a vigilante and makes mischief. Trish’s mother was killed by a serial killer. Jessica protects the serial killer for some reason and people are comically polemical to the weirdly per formative Trish. Jessica has hostile behaviour. There are travails.

Trish is the bad guy now? This was compellingly weird. Jessica is not terribly pleasant. There is cultivated doom and people gazing pensively. Where are Doctor Strange and Thanos and Ant Man during all this? This was pleasantly silly. Trish takes horrible joy in being a vigilante and having unhinged lunacy. Her miserable situation leads to dramas.

The serial killer is an annoying talky omnipotent serial killer, which sent out with ‘Profiler’. There is a negative turning point for Trish. So what if she kills the serial killer? He’s a serial killer FFS! Why is Jeri representing a serial killer? Trish does verbal and violent intimidation of the serial killer. There is slo-mo. Trish should have killed Jeri too for being scum.

A.K.A Everything
Who’s the cop in the silly hat? He looks like an ‘Oz’ reject. Luke Cage shows up. The Raft is still around after Tony Stark’s vile ‘Civil War’ fascist temper tantrum. Why isn’t Jessica dead of alcoholic liver disease? Jessica takes on Trish. Jessica wants Trish to turn herself in. She won’t. FFS.

Jeri has ALS. When did Jeri’s laptop turn off during her shaky hands drama? This was not upsetting or disquieting. An awful man whines. Trish and Jessica fight. There is confusion and double standards. Jeri’s thick. There is muddled thinking and escalatory non-logic. Jessica denies responsibility and makes assertions and false claims.

Jessica and Jeri are the ones with plenty to answer for. Trish is declared bad for no apparent reason. Trish is a considerable threat apparently. Why? There is a calculated, if seemingly causal, conflation of truth and opinion. Jessica reveals Trish’s identity as the vigilante. Jessica does no serious self-scrutiny. Nothing meaningful happens. Why is Trish a perceived imminent threat?

Jessica is not highly moral - this is persistent targeted bullying of Trish. As for Trish she is charged with lots of crimes. Oddly other vigilantes are not. Jessica has a callous nature and plans to leave town or not. There are disputes and anxieties. Trish is sent to The Raft. Will she ever get out? She’s in an untenable position. Where are her civil liberties? This was a bit lacklustre. WTF did you do Jessica? This was chaotic. One is impatient with the whole process. Miserable looking Jessica doesn’t turn herself in for the murders she committed!

Best Lines:
“I’d be hurting someone I care about. Again.”

“I’m supposed to fix this.”

“Hero of Harlem.”

“Nice fashion upgrade.”

“Lives he ruined.”

“I sent him to The Raft.”

“She’s become the exact thing she hates the most.”

“Dangerous insane situation that you created.”

“You’re the last mistake I will ever make.”

“Beat this self-righteous resolve into you.”

“You’ll pay.”

“Maybe you’re glad they’re gone.”

“She needs to go down.”

Butterfly (2018) 1x01
Anna Friel and show killer Emmett J. Scanlan star in this ITV tale of a boy named Max. Amy Huberman co-stars. Scanlan snarls and growls as Friel’s estranged husband and he has a new ho. Max is having a phase and it caused his father to leave. Max broods with his Justin Bieber haircut and signs despondently. Tensions are elevated.

Why was Max using the staff toilet in primary school? Max wants to skip school and obsesses over bathrooms. Why does the household have to resolve around the difficult, volatile and scheming Max? Why is he running the hose? Max is attention seeking and cuts his wrist for attention. He’s 11! Scanlon is all controlled volatility as Max’s angry dad.

Max has calculated selfishness and inappropriate conversations with his father. Max and his selfishness is truly infuriating, he’s full of over-reactions. The ex is emotionally blackmailed to move back in by Max. His parents are made to share a bed again because Max tantrums. The sister is ignored. Max’s dad spews hyper-criticism. Max wants to make a massive change.

Best Lines:
“This can’t keep happening.”

“Thank you for that.”

“Nowhere else.”

“I’m not having the drama.”

“Ready for different.”

The End Of The Road
A gang of thieves come to town. There are suspicions, accusations and gunfights. Cora and her gang of tools brood about mysterious trucks. The doctor is in peril. The prosecutor annoys. This was dull.

Best Line:
“If they’re doing it in the middle of the night - it can’t be good.”

Dark Heroes
There is weirdness and the blonde cop yells at crows. The prosecutor insists on being the worst. The mayor annoys. There are no grim but fitting conclusions. People are bitter, resentful and isolated. People are utterly despicable. There is a perv and secret shagging. A man is attacked with snakes. There is violence, yelling and hinting at secrets. The mayor is arrested. This was not good.
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