By Inferno’s Light
Dukat is haughtily disdainful as Cardassia joins the Dominion. This was unconvincingly serious. The Jem’Hadar fight club drags on. There is bad acting. Gowron shows up. There is ominous lamenting. Dukat is utterly unwelcome. The Romulans show up to help the UFP/Klingons. There is a too easy escape. This was okay.
“Makes it harder for us to miss.”
“What an interesting concept.”
How do clams make people into zombies? There is a shortage of wits. Anne has tenacity. There is no application of common sense. Joel is a moron. One feels better contempt for the idiot Joel. Gerald McRaney of ‘Major Dad’ and ‘Jericho’ guest stars. There is slightly heightened reality and increasingly preposterous plots and no terribly realistic acting.
“Spent a summer in Greece playing guitar.”
“Make him regular dead.”
“Never met or heard of.”
“Demure and chipper and never had an orgasm while eating a man’s liver.”
“I’m gonna need that skin back.”
A Change Of Heart
Shelia bit one of her own fingers off. Shelia and Joel are stupid and get their daughter expelled and then unexpelled. This was dumb.
Easels And Warpaint
Shelia has had a murderous blackout which leads to her getting fired. A bully bullies. This was not good.
“Psycho cop stuff.”
Shelia and Joel are even more stupid. This was dull. The ruby red clams are seen. They were smuggled out of a deep cave in Serbia. Nobody thought this was dangeorus.
The Ogg And I
Egghead and Olga kidnap Gordon. The ailing show coughs up a fundamentally trivial ep. There are many disincentives to caring. Olga is possibly a cannibal and she feels up Batman. Alfred tries to sniff out Gordon. Batgirl has walkie talkies that have frills on them. Where is Batman’s passionate concern for Robin? This was wilfully crap. Egghead gets chickens to lay eggs full of tear gas.
“This stuff is terrible!”
How To Hatch A Dinosaur
Olga and Egghead bore. Why is a lab tech wearing a pornographically short lab coat? People seem to be reading lines off cue cards. Egghead’s crazy. For once, Robin is lost for a holy expression. Robin points out a plothole. Egghead has a zapping machine. Robin is loyal to Batman, who somehow obtained a rubber dino suit, put it on, got into a fake egg and got zapped by radium - all to arrest Egghead. This was not good.
“What about the water supply Batman?”
“Right. Oh, that’s a favourite trick of Gotham City’s arch-criminals, Boy Wonder.”
“Quiet, wonder midget!”
“He sure turns up in some weird places.”
Surf’s Up! Joker’s Under!
What’s a wild comber? This is a surfing ep. There is surfing in Gotham? Barbara wears an indecent swimsuit. Joker and his brown hair shows up with a hot dog shaped radio and idiot lackeys. A hang out is called Hang Five. A female baddie has a cute fish shaped purse. Dick wears hideous beachwear. Gordon and O’Hara wear terrible disguises. Batman has no self-awareness. There is a prolonged musical number by the poor man’s Beach Boys. Joker’s hair is suddenly green. Batslides feature.
Joker rants like Manson. Joker and his gang handle sea urchin spines which are poisonous with their bare hands to no ill effect but the spines paralyse Batman and Robin. Nobody in this ep can pronounce resin properly. The duo shakes off being inert and being turned into surfboards just because.
Robin is told to head back to head back to Wayne Manor. Where does he keep money in that outfit? Batman challenges Joker to a surf off. Bruce heads up the surfing association. Joker and Batman wear baggies over their costumes. Surfer lingo is shouted. The shark repellent spray returns. This was really ridiculous but funny.
Where did Dick and Barbara keep their costumes in their beach wear? There are really obvious stunt doubles and unchallenged reckless decisions. Joker is driven by stupidity not malice.
“You mean the one talking to her hot dog?”
“Local surfing idol and the hottest wave jockey around.”
“Toss him into a trash can!”
“How long you ride it.”
“Bruce Wayne’s youthful ward.”
“You immature mollusc!”
“I’m millionaire Bruce Wayne’s youthful ward Dick Grayson.”