May 1st, 2019

Cat

Book Reviews: Blue Moon Rising + Bad BTVS Novels

Blue Moon Rising by Simon R. Green

This 1989 novel is a bog standard spoof of a bog standard fantasy novel. This was not complex or profound and creates no abiding interest.


Best Lines:

“Give me damn little reason to love you.”


“I wouldn't marry you if the alternative was a nunnery.”


~
Bad Buffy The Vampire Slayer Novels

Power Of Persuasion & Return To Chaos.

Kylo Ren

Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

'Proven Innocent' 1x11 promo

“It was a cult!”


'The Fix' 1x07 promo

A stand off.


'Game Of Thrones' clip

Melisandre lights swords. Yay!


'Charlie Says' trailer

Matt Smith plays Manson. The Manson girls end up in jail. Manson imposed his will on others.


Best Line:

“Thrust and jab.”


'The Flash' 5x20 promo

“I HATE YOU!”


'The Society' trailer

Vile kids.


'Victoria' 3x07 promo

Piss off Albert.


Easter egg made with single origin Dark Chocolate and cacao nibs – good.


RIP K.


Who saw 'The Great Race'?


Kim Wilde is now advertising chocolate.


A relative's child asked where our elves house was, we realised he meant the family crib.


The life I had dreampt of is in tatters. Why does my ex get to treat me with impunity. My ex is deliberately deceitful and caused lost dreams and emotional violence. I'm simmering with rage.


'RTE News' Quote:

“Seemed to be seeking vessels to attack them.”


'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“Waning immunity.”


“Can't stand the noise of each other.”


“There are things that cannot be unsaid.”


“Wield great influence over their intellectually incurious father.”


“Cultural resistance.”


“Never once seen any of this unacceptable behaviour challenged by the authorities.”


“Derelict site is in place so long that few recall a time when it did not exist.”


“A place that does not exist, except in memory.”


“An honour not without risk-”


“Dearth of successors.”


“The sight of any child of mine even reading a book fills me with the kind of wonder.”


'RT' Quotes:

“Little whale.”


“What a weird paranoid freakout.”


'Dr Phil' Quotes:

“Pushed to the point of insanity.”

“Thought he was sorry.”


“Crazy pyscho person.”


'American Housewife' Quote:

“Have my bodyguard push them in the gutter?”


'Banged Up: Teens Behind Bars' Quote:

“You don't have nothing no more.”


~
On 'Hollyoaks': Jonny tells Ste not to go to Lily's funneral. Leela fails to notice what a raging racist Ste is. Prince makes Romeo confess his lies, cheating and sins. Tony orders Romeo not to come to the funneral. Ste deletes all Peri's photos of Lily and doesn't care.


Romeo sulks because he's banned from the funneral. She was married and he broke up her marriage and left her to die on the bathroom floor of a train station. Grace looks like a sausage in a leather skirt. Has Mercedes had a butt implant? James yells at Prince. Scott wears a tacky coat to the funneral. Leela's fat and stupid.


Ste shuns Lily's funeral. Romeo is made the victim in this. FFS. James is ignored by TPTB. Cleo is miss tippy toes. Yaz has a memory tree for Lily. Sylver is thick and useless. This isn't tenderly or movingly told and it is not suprisingly potent. Diane freaks. Goldie makes it all about her.


Sinead and Goldie nearly fist fight in the church. Cleo does exposition about bulimia. Diane reads Lily's diary at the funneral. Romeo crashes the funneral. Boo to Romeo's ruined isolation. Romeo can't act with a modicum of grace and makes Lily's funneral all about him. Prince goes to work for Liam the rubbish gangster. Is Prince and Hunter's dad still in jail for a crime he did not commit?


Best Lines:

“Everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about.”


“Second best to someone you truly love.”



Meechum

Batman 2x32&2x35+Shadowhunters 3x20+Line Of Duty1x02+Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina 2x01+ 6 more

The Catwoman Goeth

I think of the 'Batman' fanfic 'A Song Of Innocence' when I watch this. It could be the backstory of Dick Grayson on 'Titans' and it could be this Dick Grayson's future. Sandman and Catwoman plot the duo's demise. One thinks of Batman and Robin: the forced secrey and an underage teenage boy being led into actively dangerous events, it's grooming isn't it?


Sandman keeps roofie-ing Robin. Sandman steals the batmobile. Batman has single minded determination to rescue Robin. Stop endangering him! Catwoman tries to murder Robin by even less subtle methods than ususal. The policewoman is trapped in a maze with Robin. Was she rescued? Robin is enviably loyal to Bruce.


Batman delivers every line with the solemnity of a sacred rite. Why does Batman fancy a woman who tried to ruthlessly kill him and Robin, a lot? As ever the duo overcome seemingly insurmountable odds. Sandman and Catwoman violate every ehtical principle. Batman is sanctimonious. Alfred doens't seem overly upset that Robin is MIA.


Alfred rides the Alf-cycle into action with Batman standing on the back, saying that won't attract too much attention. How does Batman tax his car? I am rapturously reliving childhood memories of watching this cultural offering. Batman tries to rescue his trusted ally. Batman has barely suppressed panic about Robin. There is no artifical joy here.


Best Lines:

“Button-stitched to death.”


“Batwalked up the road.”


“In dire danger.”


“I know Robin too well to believe he'd ever betray me and emnbrace a life of crime.”


The Contaminated Cowl

Mad Hatter is back and he's a sucking chest wound of a human being. Mad Hatter sprays Batman with radioactive spray, which only makes his cowl turn pink. Batman has spare cowls. This ep makes no sense. Mad Hatter plans to x-ray the duo to death.


Best Line:

“Boy Wonder, you'll get it too!”


~
City Of Glass

Jonathan and Clary kidnap the seelie queen with seemingly no consequences. Jace is threatened and then he isn't. Clary makes Jace lose all ability to think rationally. Seelies have gleeful nihilism. Clary tries to be menacing. This was not thought provoking or challenging. Simon sticks his nose in. Bane gets way too much attention. Luke is bothered. Clary clings to unrewarding dreams and ideas. Bane is irrational and bitter and stupid and unapproachable. Why is Alec's mother pandering to the creep who groomed her son?


Simon is annoying and causes dissatisfaction and irritation. Bane is a haranguing whiner and tosses his bad dad into limbo. Jonathan and Clary are snippy. This was silly and absurd. Izzy and Clary sword fight. This was incoherent and Jonathan is more powerful than ever because reasons. Simon needs slapping down. Will Simon just go away?!? Maia's boyfriend dies. Jonathan sabotages demon towers and demons attack.


Shadowhunters have canons? How did Simon find Maia? How did Bane get to the city of glass? Jonathan has agitation and belligerence. Things sour. One feels indifference for this cheap looking show. People have ill intentions. Alec and Bane fawn over each other as demons attack. This was generalised incompetence.


Best Lines:

“I'll be fine. I have to be.”


“Demon shelters.”


~
Line Of Duty (2012-?) 1x02

I'm watched this repeat which was made back when the BBC thought Steve was going to be the centre of this show. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Lennie James of 'Jericho' plays Gates, a top cop being bothered by AC-12. Gates has issues with Jackie who murdered someone and got him to cover it up. Gates has a wife and kids.


Ted Hastings is barely in this. How far he's fallen from running Ac-12 in this ep to being in utter disgrace in 5x05. In series 5, things look savagely damning for Ted. Are the grevious implications that he has been an evil corrupt crimeboss all along true? Is he really a brazen criminal pretending to be moral? Is he guilty of rampant corruption and murder?


In series 5, Ted's team now seem devoid of faith in him and he faces legal jeopardy. Is Ted Hastings deceitful? Is he H? His credibility has been damaged. Is Roz from series 4 still in jail? Is she framing him? A crime victim is ignored. Steve bothers Gates. This was dull. Steve annoys.


~
Chapter Twelve: The Epiphany

Salem makes a cameo. This has no intellectual brio. I'm uninterested in this. Sabrina goes down a dark witch path. Madam satan is now the high school principle. No one wonders about the fate of the previous principle. One of the witch teachers is called Lovecraft. Prudence fusses over her half-brother. Nick Scratch lurks. This was not emotionally laden.


There is sexism at witch school. Ambrose and Luke are awful. Salome is summoned to do a striptease for Lord Blackwood and co. Lord Blackwood has governance issues. Sabrina's in a miserable state. Ambrose is an ass. Lord Blackwood won't give Prudence his name. Sabrina faces very negative social and political consequences. Zelda fawns over Lord Blackwood and wants a ring on it.


Lord Blackwood is abhorrent. One finds this almost impossible to process at a rational level. Sabrina cheats. Anne Boleyn and Rasputin were witches? There is no sense of purpose or destiny. There are ill looks and sustained duplicity. Susie whines and Sabrina doesn't care about her mother in limbo. Ambrose is named Top Boy.


This was very dull and quite tiring and very inadequate. Zelda learns rumour says she killed Lady Blackwood. The coven seems very cultish. Lord Blackwood is pernicious and wages a battle of attrition against Sabrina. Lord Blackwood and his menacing followers smug. This was not a nuanced effort. There is bad faith. Hilda nags. Sabrina shows up at school despite being out 'sick'. Contentious Susie says her name is now Theo. A stupid demon who can't act shows up. There is a campaign of calumny. Demons are summoned and there is a prophecy. Demons don't like witches.


Best Lines:

“I treat you as I please.”


“You're a hell-send.”


“Top Boy.”


“Harlot queen.”


“Demons don't just summon themselves.”


“Wanton hussy.”


“3 plague kings.”


“Wish death upon.”


“Ascribing motivations to them is folly.”


“My soul is who I am and I signed it away.”


“Ingest the spoilage.”


“Womanly arts.”


“Cave born shark.”


~
Supergirl 4x18


Crime And Punishment

Kara's dumb. Where's Lex? Kara is spectacularly unpopular. Alex is awful. I fast-forwarded through all Brainy and Nia scenes. Ben is brilliantly nasty. Kara does smug utterances. Kara and Alex have moral bankrupcy. There is a prison riot and fights. Kara lies to Lena and this ep greviously failed.


Best Lines:

“Anyone in our way will be shot!”


“Everything you touch, you ruin!”


“Come out or we're coming in!”


~
The Americans 6x05


The Great Patriotic War

Elizabeth plots. Paige invites derison. Paige beats people up. Oleg is bothered. Elizabeth is awful. Philip is awful. There is murky purpose. This was utterly abysmal. And patently ridiculous. Elizabeth is the worst person on the planet.


Best Lines:

“Were you drinking?”

“It's a bar.”


~
Victoria 3x06


A Coburg Quartet

Victoria and Albert have 7 children. Albert and his boyband hair that he never combs sulks. Bertie acts out and there is a ball. The currency changes. There is exposition and emotional neglect. Albert always sticks his nose in and he has frustration at being overlooked. The Duchess and her footman brood.


This was simply ridiculous. King Leopald lurks. Victoria's half sister lurks. The Duke stirs up shameful bickering and eternal squabbles with his wife. A sketch of Victoria appears in the paper. Albert sees himself as a worldwide moral authority. Victoria screams about private pictures, it is a SKETCH! Victoria howls about a gross affront and treason. The PM is berated. Albert disparages his son.


Why is the half sister always lying? The Duke has nihilistic intent and subjects his wife to a pitiless regieme. She's so maltreated and pitiable. Victoria whines and is regulary convulsed by scandals. Bertie is bothered by a quack and bullied by his family. Albert gaslights his wife and treats Bertie as the family halfwit. Why doesn't Victoria divorce Albert? Send him away!


Why is a Belgian giving advice to Victoria? There is bad dancing at the very small ball. Victoria and her hlaf sister fight. This ep singularly fails. The half sister screams about her thwarted ambitions. Albert treats Bertie as an idiot. Victoria whines. Albert sabotages his wife. Victoria has no succour from Albert. The half sister won't leave. Victoria slaps Albert who has near complete hostility to her.


Albert loves needlessly cruelty and vehement criticism of his wife. Bertie cries that his father doesn't love him because he's stupid. Albert revels in his emotional abuse.


Best Lines:

She had a new horse. I didn't pay for it.”


“Overdressed wife.”


“Rather shunned.”


“They wanted you to be Queen, not me.”


“Godless florin.”


“Lower you down to the level of your people.”


~
Star Trek Deep Space 9 4x10


Our Man Bashir

A holodeck malfunctions, again causing Bashir to have a 007 adventure. There was supposed to be more of this but MGM threatened to sue. Garak smarms. Bashir has a valet named Mona Lusvitt. Dr Noah overacts. There is overacting. Garak annoys and there is yelling. This annoyed.


~
Arrow 7x18


Lost Canary

Black Siren says Diaz should have died sooner. The city has turned on Laurel or something. Piss off Felicity! There are a gang of canaries in the future. Mia annoys. Piss off Dinah! Will Felicity speak like an adult? Diggle's helmet is never not laughable. Laurel isn't DA anymore and is being hunted. Sara shows up. Laurel leaves and goes back to Earth2. HOW? Oliver makes no effort to see William. In the future Laurel shows up in full Black Canary garb. Lord this sucked.


~
Timeless: The Miracle Of Christmas Part 2 (2018)

Will people stop talking about Lucy and Wyatt being the OTP. Rufus is an idiot. Some old dude bothers Emma. Wyatt never says sorry for his crap. Wyatt has arrogant distain. This was so bad and boring. In 2013, Lucy and Wyatt have twins named Amy and Flynn. Real Amy is still wiped from existence. A child designs a time machine. Lucy goes back in time and sets Flynn off on his season 1 rampage.


Best Line:

“North Korea happens.”