April 12th, 2019

Scary Books

Book Review: Two Dark Reigns

Two Dark Reigns by Kendare Blake

This haplass book is a follow up to 'Three Dark Crowns', 'One Dark Throne' and 'Queens of Fennbirn'. Katharine is the Queen Crowned but nobody loves her. The useless twits Mirabella and Arsinoe are useless. And Jules has combativeness. This was awe-inspiringly boring with no emotional motivation.


Best Line:

“Given a name I will never know.”

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Hawkeye

Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

'AHS: 1984' promo

Mmmmm.


'The Murders' promo

A fat guy and stupidity.


Best Line:

“Career killer.”


'The Victim' 1x04 promo

Cry Craig cry!


'Two Guys, A Girl And A Pizza Place' opening credits

90s.


'Line Of Duty' promo

Ted Hastings is bad.


'Light As A Feather' promo

No.


'Star Trek Discovery' 2x14 promo

Incoherence.


Have you see the image of the black hole in another galaxy?


Who saw 'Dogtown And Z Boys', 'Click', 'Tottie: The Story Of A Dolhouse, 'Enchanted Castle' or 'I Heart Huckabees'?


Bruce Wayne to appear on 'Titans'?


A 'Hawkeye' tv show?


A shout out to my ex (quoting Katy Perry):

You change your mind

like a girl changes clothes


You're no good for me


got a case of a love bipolar


'Dr Phil' Quotes:

“Hide behind judgement.”


“Instigating conflict.”


'RTE News' Quotes:

“An idea of real merit.”


“Located up a tree.”


“Robbery by sudden snatching.”


'Urban Myths' Quotes:

“Big sweaty horrible men.”


“You saw 'It's A Royal Knockout' didn't you? They're like that all the time.”


“Attracting bloody attention.”


'In Her Shoes' Quote:

“You do not have any place in this conversation.”


'Blackadder II' Quote:

“Creature from the black latrine.”


'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“Dosser's pastime.”


“Accountant for Guns N' Roses (really).”


“Govern their lives for years to come.”


“Previously said critical things about him.”


“Useless replies.”


“Future based.”


“500 billion billion kilometres away.”


“Gargantuan formations.”


“Micro-society.”


“Who say the art is distasteful when really they mean the people making it are-”


“Moral core.”


“An energy-absorbing bottomless void with no escape-”


“Unpleasant micro-climates.”


“How arbitrary teenage social standing can be.”


“Cultural challenges.”


“Cumulatively contributed.”


“Dedicated accomplice.”


“Ignite a furious debate.”


“Turns up on your doorstep demanding you pay up, his reputation alone would be enough to terrify most people.”


“Repaid the court's confidence in him by trying to murder a groom at his wedding.”


“Forensically barren.”


“Actions speak contrary to that.”


“Nobody expressed any concern.”


“Damning evidence.”


“Moral responsibility.”


“Impropriety.”


“Unacceptable legacy.”


“Revocable.”


“Becoming disillusioned with academia.”


“Accepted practice.”


'Dead Pixels' Quotes:

“Don't try to make this meaningful.”


“DON'T GET GROIN ROT!”


'Sky News' Quotes:

“Another motive at play here.”


“As cowardly as he was selfish.”


“Avoided social situations.”


'Channel 4 News' Quotes:

“Angry carry out.”


“Self imposed carry on.”


“Threatened in his home.”


“Abject surrender.”


“Remaniacs.”


“Trying to start a fight with a group of men.”


“Not confirmed or explained this.”


'Black Summer' Quote:

“Listen to your woman little boy!”


~
On 'Hollyoaks': Lily looks very well for someone dying of sepsis. Lily expires on the floor of a train station bathroom. Romeo sulks and lies. This show has no intellectual debate or threshold moments in people's lives. Lily was to be a doctor? Yet she wouldn't stop self-harming. It's not deeply unfair she's dead, it was deeply unfair that TPTB inflicted the useless Lily on us. Romeo is a tool. This was woefully banal. Diane runs with no bra on. Death has Lily claimed forever, yay. There is no genuine regret.


Best Line:

“Don't waste your time crying when I'm gone.”

To Light The Way To Bed

Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina Monster Sized No 6-8 Reviewed

This reprints 3 issues that should be found in 'Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina Volume 2'. The Netflix show seems to have killed this comic – irony. Salem's origin is revealed. Sabrina's dad's backstory is revealed. There are unsubtle homages to other horror tales.


Madam Satan is useless. Sabrina is so overjoyed about Harvey's dark resurrection – she doesn't notice he's not Harvey. Will banshees be showing up next? This was bewildering and bizarre and full of unimaginable torments and calls to violent action. Tensions are inflamed and there are devastating consequences. People plot to malevolent ends, make ill-advised decisions, are devoid of empathy or remorse and have a boundless capacity for violence and aggressive behaviour and serious misconduct.


This was good and deliciously creepy and somehow Sabrina overlooks Harvey's blank coldness and menacing stares. Every act is potentially damning, sinister forces gather and there are unending hellish scenarios and persistent lying and intrusive notes of threat. It's a shame, the lore implications won't be followed up on if the comic is no more because so much is consequent.


Best Lines:

“What kind of accident?”


“Your husband was delicious.”


“Day-dweller.”


“Conjure-boy.”


“He must not have liked that one bit....”


“Great, unsettling doubt.”


“The Dark Pope.”


“Spoken of, in fear and awe,”


“She rather dramatically – threw herself into a den of hungry lions...”


“We were dancing in the woods for our Dark Lord while you were still in your diapers...”


“Lies, we could abide. Consorting with a mortal, we could tolerate.”


“Would be legend, even in the coldest reaches of hell...”


“You can't bring back the dead!”


“Murdering place,”

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Movie Reviews: The Curse Of The Mummy's Tomb + Little Girl's Secret

The Curse Of The Mummy's Tomb (1964)

This is a lesser Hammer movie. Myths don't prove unsettlingly real and this is not ominious as a mummy lumbers around London. There is no fascinated worship. Imputations are cast. People are needlessly disrespectful. There is sexism and this was objectively bad. People make inexplicably poor choices. There are inciting incidents and this was imperfect and lacklustre. Poeple try for serious reading of nonsensical lines in this totally substandard dreck.


Best Line:

“I know all about your ways!”


~
Little Girl's Secret (2016)

Maria Bello and 'Due South' showkiller Callum Keith Rennie star in this tv movie. Kids are haunted. A teen girl whines and this bored.

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The Purge (2018-?) 1x04+Black Summer (2019-?) 1x01-1x04+The Victim 1x03+The Bay (2019) 1x01 Reviewed

Release The Beast

I haven't seen eps 1-3. Ask my ex why not. He knows why not. The SPITE! Anyway this has a nice title card, but not enough Reed Diamond. A woman says she doesn't feel better after purging and it didn't get rid of her anger.


There is no accountability, emotional truth or moral intelligence. The purge is a national trauma. The purge is not transformative. Where does this fit into the movies? A couple had a threesome and the third is a crazy woman. People babble about a bus. The Carnival Of Flesh allows people to do anything from history to people. It's staffed by extremely cold, uncompromising, meancing people. Purge victims are disregarded by society. This was of no emotional significance. This was not relentlessly distressing.


A woman ventures out on purge night with nothing but a hammer. This show depicts a choking society but not very well. There is no moral edge, serious evil is on display and social norms go by the wayside and a stupid teen is stupid. There is no darker intent or stark reasoning and there is bad acting. This forgoes sense. Some people kill the rich on purge night. A woman eyes her husband with unease, after she gave him a very personal rejection.


Expectations for this show were improbable. This was not morally complex. The third stirs the pot. There is a mention of the purge triage vans. An RV drives around saving women. The occupants say 3 women die for each man on purge night. There is stupid dialogue and dumb plotting. As the teen girl is meanced, the butterfly clips in her hair don't budge. A collector is a job on purge night? Some masked guy makes gorked out noises. This had no sincerity.


Best Lines:

“Guys wearing creepy nun masks.”


“Purge night safety.”


“Living your dream don't come cheap.”


~
Human Flow

This prequel to 'Z Nation' has dull titles. I'm assuming this is a prequel. People evacuate (on foot) and soliders are unhelpful. A family get seperated and there is bad acting. This was frivolous and people mumble. The heroine Rose whines, she's played by the poor man's Emma Stone. Rose's hubby acts with obvious evasiveness and turns into a zombie.


This was not succinct or focused. Soliders do obstructive tactics, badly. Rose sees an old woman and leaves her alone with Rose's now zombie husband. This has no self assurance just torpor. Rose has idiot complacency. This tries for rough realism. Rose babbles about the stadium in anguished fashion. What is so important about the stadium?


A guy named Ryan broods. He's deaf. Some shrieky woman shrieks. A crazy guy with a gun and tied up women is seen. WTF was that? He apparently murders them offscreen, nobody does anything to stop him. Barbara sees the social systems around her utterly change. There are social implications of unexpected biological possibilities.


There is no moral outrage. There is no ethical concern. Some guy named Lance shows up, he's obviously the 10k of this show. He has a harpy with them. Then she's hit by a car and turns into a zombie! YAY! This show is a source of frustration. An aggressive and belligerent man kills someone. This was unserious.


This causes dissatisfaction. There is disunity. What does the aggressive man know? Zombies are a seemingly invincible enemy. There is disillusionment and frustration. People suffer greviously. They axed 'Z Nation' for this?!? There are huge consequences for idiots. Jamie King and Gwyneth Walsh and Ty Olsson star.


Best Lines:

“I've seen what's out there.”

“So have I.”


“You are a terrible person.”


Drive

There are a serious of unfortunate events. There is no hope for the forseeable future. What is happening is wrong. There is no moral obligation and I feel strong frustration at this. They are in the midst of turmoil and they find it imperative to annoy. This was deeply flawed. They seek safety and security. There are immediate and urgent problems. Rose sees women in a car with a gun. WTF? This was lacklustre and substandard.


There is an ambush. Didn't the car windows break? Why are they back? There is creepy tailgating by other survivors. Even more survivors get left behind. Rose and co have reached 'The Walking Dead' level of callous fast. The car driver is named William. This was tedium.


This was weak and inadequate with no dystopian dread. A girl is in peril. Do they do anything? No they do not. Low life scum pop up. There was no intensity. There is a car crash and narrative lapses. This was ludicrious and maddening. Is Barbara dead?


Best Lines:

“How many is that?”

“Not enough.”


Summer School

This was implausible with no spooky resonance. Things are discussed. There is no brisk competence or icy shudders. This was appalling and ill-conceived. The unpleasant experience creates no observational dialogue. The characters are dumb as rock.


The cretins face inescapable dead ends. People are wretched and inhospitable. They're recklessly irresponsible and this is bad tv of the very worst kind. This causes permanent dissatisfaction as Rose and co hide out in a school. Evil kids hide out in the school tormenting anyone who they come across.


'Z Nation' had the dubious distinction of being cancelled for this? Where is Lance? This has glaring and structrually damaging flaws. It's boring and consistently fails. This has many structrual flaws. I feel indifference for this ineffectual mess. Rose sees dead people in a shower. Acrimonious and hostile kids murder people. They're annoying. There is no prevailing sense or increasingly serious threat or prolonged uncertainity.


The evil kids engage in unlawful coercion. One is not deeply troubled. The evil kids need shooting. The deaf man dies and turns into a zombie. Shame, he was nice. The kids watch Rose and the solider try to escape the zombie deaf man like its Thunderdome. The brats are brats and escape all consequence. There is serious and premeditated violence.


Alone

One guy is still stuck in the school in this ep which is 99% dialogue free. The man hides behind a fence from a zombie but the zombie runs through the fence. This ep was okay. Some lawns look well tended for being post-apoc. Where's the guy that knew something? Where is Lance? There is no litter. There is a horse statue, very clean cars and a dog.


Who keeps their keys in their car? The guy runs through a supermarket. The guy on his own finds it an extremely testing period. If it was the apocalypse why is the shop so well stocked and why is nothing rotting? The zombie keeps on chasing him which has a devastating impact. This was the first ep that was not absolutely appalling.


Since when can zombies climb and jump out windows? There's a major crisis. Where is the military? The zombie's threat won't abate. The lonely guy grabs an axe. Which does him no good. The zombie is especially crazed. The lonely guy has extreme worry. Someone else shows up to help lonely guy and gets bitten for his trouble. The zombie applies menaces. Lonely guy is sad. Zombies don't die lightly and this ep has some particular seriousness.


~
The Victim 1x03

Anna freaks out on the stand. There are no emotional conundrums. Craig is obviously Eddie. Some guy in a hoodie lurks. This was not remotely remarkable. This was uninteresting. The sexist creepy cop harasses a man in an attempt to hurt the mother. The cop who investigated Liam's murder shows up. Craig's wife leaves him. This was uninspired.


The prosecutor and judge are right bitches. Liam's grave is desecrated by his younger brother. The mother's new husband wants her to get over it. This was all inconsequence. There is a reveal about the daughter's boyfriend. This was atrocious and farcical. The sexist creepy cop lies and does infliction of suffering.


Best Lines:

“You believe that's rational?”


“SOME THING'S ARE UNFORGIVEABLE!”


~
The Bay (2019) 1x01

This ITV drama begins. It stars Jonas Armstong and has nice opening credits. Twins go missing and a DSI looks into it and learns the father of the twins is the man she shagged in an alleyway the previous night. But he's not their bio-dad. The DSI is rude to the cop she's supposed to be training. The bio-dad shows up telling a very different version of events. The DSI is a useless mother and a body shows up and the father is arrested. This was calamitous.

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