April 8th, 2019

Scary Books

Star Trek Discovery 2x12 + Sliders 4x16 Reviewed

Through The Valley Of Shadows

Spock looks like the Unabomber with his beard. Who makes the signals? Michael assists and snots. The ex-Emperor has buggered off. Ash was badly injured at the end of 2x11 but looks just fine now. Which is not explained.

The sphere data can't be removed from Discovery? Ash pronounces Kahless oddly. Pike visits the monestary on Boreth. Michael is onerous and pries. Ash is morally murky and Pike meets Ash's blue son who is all grown up. Ash has grave anxieties. Michael has no honesty or integrity. L'Rell shows up to bore. Michael's upset is clear. It is worrisome that no other character gets any screentime.

Klingons have time crystals. FFS. L'Rell can't ennunicate through her Klingon teeth. Ash and L'Rell scream at each other in Klingon. Her make up looks different. Pike has extraordinary strenght of will. Saru's change really has no plot purpose. This is not incendiary.

Blue Klingons lurk. Spock calls Michael sister. Odd he never once mentioned her to Kirk. Paul and the new engineer quote. Why does everyone want Paul and Hugh to get back together? Paul whines. Ash's grown up son speaks fondly of his parents. Time flows differently on the planet. Frozen Section 31 crewmembers float in space. An old crewmate of Michael's shows up. Michael has a chickenpox scar. Why are Michael and Spock whispering?

There is a yawning chasm in sense. Is there no health and safety in the future? Why are there bottomless chasms and small bridges with no railings? What are the weird pillars that Pike stares at? Pike gets a glimpse of his horrific future. Which differs from the description of how it happened in 'Burning Shadows'. Pike sees his Darth Vader like chair and scars and has PTSD shock. Why can't medical science in the future fix him?

Pike chooses his fate. How is Ash unhurt? He was STABBED! Pike is ferociously prescient and utterly serious. The mean engineer lost her spouse in the Klingon war. There is a twist and while this was good, this was not a delightful romp. There are complex social mores and Michael stands her ground no matter the consequnces. There is no true commitment. Michael goes all John Woo. Section 31 has its own fleet. Michael says it took a supernova to power the time crystal. She suggests destroying Discovery. Sad Pike has steely intensity and a statement of purpose. This was goodish.

Best Lines:

“A clossal waste of time.”

“Since our world was young.”

“Guarded with Klingon lives for generations.”

“The alternative is worse.”

“We are the time keepers.”

“Future of all sentient life is threatened.”

“Leave broken. Always.”

“Now is not the time for recklessness.”

“Choke on that!”

“Eat your protein.”

“Without name.”

“How are you possible?”

“I'm enraged.”

“Rage is the enemy of logic.”

“2 truths are possible.”

“Battle of the Binaries.”

“Walk away from this future.”

“No escaping it."

“Vegan steak.”

“People like us always find people like them.”

“Adapt your reactions.”

“You believe in service, sacrifice.”

“An ending I hadn't forseen for myself.”

Slide By Wire

A double of Maggie in a very short skirt fools the gang into thinking she's Maggie. Wade has been ditched. Meg Foster guest stars. In this world, the Cold War never ended. Quinn, AU Maggie, Colin and the crying man end up on a post apoc world. There is bad acting. Maggie is reunited with her AU dead husband. He berates her (or rather MU Maggie) for having ambition and a career. What are they using for money on post-apoc world? Colin is a non-presence. AU Maggie nearly gets the crying man killed. How are there candles and glass windows in the post apoc world? Foster turns pilots into organic flight computers. There is no sinister relish. Quinn does dumb things. Maggie is seen in granny underwear. How did they slide back to AU Maggie's world? AU Maggie is easily forgiven. This was okay.

Best Line:

“Now you want me to care?”

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Pretty Smart

Book Review: The Night Olivia Fell

The Night Olivia Fell by Christina McDonald

In the afterword the author discusses her next book: “In which a woman wakes in hospital after being struck by lightning and can't remember if she killed her mother”. Give the author this; she has a steadfast commitment to crap. In this unholy abomination – Abi, a hysteircal shrill smother, learns her teen tramp daughter, Olivia, is brain dead after an 'accident'.

But Olivia's rotting corpse is to be maintained on life support because she is pregnant. The effortlessly irritating Abi is hugely unlikeable as she eagerly awaits the birth of her grandchild, overlooking the enormous trauma of her daughter's decaying carcass being kept on life support so it can be used as a baby incubator. Abi's not harrowingly bereft – she's got a grandkid on the way! Various characters are hell-bent on malevolent deception.

In between preparing to be as crap a grandmother as she was a mother; she stomps around throwing blame everyones way as she seeks to find out how Olivia had her 'accident'. Care for Olivia is strikingly absent. Abi is morbidly suspicious and there is little consequnce to her wilful obstruction and confrontational selfishness. Olivia's bullying ex-bff is shrugged off, Olivia's bio-dad is scum and this is not-splendidly tense. Abi's unfettered self-adoration and self interest goes on.

It is extremely concerning that (SPOILER) the book ends with Abi prancing around with her granddaughter, having gotten away with being contemptuous and confrontational and chasing off the baby's father (END SPOILER). Abi has an infallibility complex and this is not a contemplative requiem for Olivia. This badly written horrible awful book leaves you frustrated and annoyed as nobody cares about Olivia's unsurvivable injuries.

I felt violently averse to this. Abi failed to take Olvia's emotional needs into account and now she's inflicting the same fate onto the next generation. Talk about generational damage. This book is full of condemning details, but the author can't be bothered to explore them in this woeful failure.

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Kylo Ren

Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

'Star Trek Discovery' 2x13 promo

Sarek and mumbling.

Best Line:

“Face your destinies.”

'Game Of Thrones' promo

Will Sansa just die?

Polish Taste soft cheese low fat – odd.

Gluten free chocolate brownies – yum.

Cactus fruit jam – tasteless.

Chocolate with orange peel – nice.

Gluten free peanut butter & dark chocolate nutbar – odd.

Strawberry Laffy Taffy – okay.

Apple Laffy Taffy – okay.

What are Cocteau Twins?

Who's been to SPORTSCO?

To my ex: I don't miss you, I miss the space in my life that you took up. There was a massive fault with the electicity supply. Only one neighbour helped, the other couldn't be bothered to notice. It's okay now but where were you? Not here to help. You are NOT the soulmate brought to me by destiny that I thought.

I seem to have missed issue 4 of the Boom 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' comic.

A butcher I like has closed.

Wardrope managemnt is a thing?

California's San Joaquin Valley is one of the poorest parts of the state?

I tried on nude high heels – no.

What is confit lemon, peanut rayu, carnitas, Mexican orgeano, chuck roast, brown butter sauce, hen-of-the-wood or pickled chanterelles?

I'd try 80-day whiskey aged rib beef, grilled onion and chimichurri. I'd try the Birdcage and Egg and the Ruby Heist easter eggs. I'd try chocolate canele, Gubbeen fondue, cured foie gras terrine with burnt apple & pickled walnut puree and canddied walnuts and dark chocolate praline eggs.

I want a leather wrap skirt and a smooth top handle shoulde bag.

Who saw 'Poppy Shakespeare', 'McCabe & Mrs Miller', 'Perception', 'Tetsuo – the Iron Man', 'Tetsuo II – Body Hammer', 'Poor Cow', 'White Countess', 'My Life' or 'Rosemary and Thyme'?

'Dr Phil' Quotes:

“Jeffrey Deam Morgan is complict in scamming you?”

“You sorry bastard!”

“Trust this person over you.”

'Virgin Media News' Quote:

“Had his head melted.”

'RTE News' Quotes:

“All charges will be contested.”

“Demoralising exclusions.”

“Source of his upset.”

'Channel 4 News' Quote:

“Groundhog May.”

'News Four' Quotes:

“Smell it, touch it, listen to it, look at it but without any pressure to taste it.”

“Great community spirit.”

“A film of a significant figure's funeral.”

“Famously caused outrage.”

“Decline in theatrical exhibition.”

“Thwart love.”

“Who disappears for days on end much to the delight of everyone on the farm.”

'Promising Young Women' Quotes:

“Happy I'm alone.”

“A relationship as long and outwardly peaceful as mine.”

“A class system that she's invented in her own head.”

“Build my life around,”

“For what I believed to be my future.”

'Cults And Extreme Beliefs' Quotes:

“Does this feel right to you?”

“Primary social group.”

“Bad ass bitch bootcamp.”

'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“What was done to him.”

“It was done to him.”

“Has not always had the purest reputation.”

“Unexpected period of national confidence.”

“Complete and consuming power.”



“Cease issuing claims that have no basis in fact.”

“Lost confidence in schools.”

“Constant feeling of scarcity.”

“The chicks won't stop chirping.”

“Shaking an angry fist at the herring gulls circling overhead.”

“Bullies created by the devil himself.”

“The list of grievances is long,”

“Cause the most issues on domestic properties.”

“Lifestyle choices shift,”

“Man Degrees Celsius.”

“Sellable ideal.”

“Fish isn't held in the same exalted state in Ireland as it should be,”

“It's not a threat, it's penance.”

“Worn-out dreams of yesterday.”

“Made such choices extremely difficult to make.”

“Set in train a process that cannot simply be reversed when he leaves the stage.”

“Alibi warning.”

“Objection culture.”

“Had to be escorted from the building by security staff and police.”

“Cultural entity.”

“Shouted furiously at overheating modems.”

“In order to be worthy of the camera.”

“Present, but not invited to be part of the conversation.”

“Be fancied, fit in, marry and have kids.”

“Failed to make the boy I liked fancy me back.”

“Faking sincerity and charm, and the talent to instil belief into millions of people that he actually was what he claimed."

“Creative life went by the wayside.”

“Sanity, soul and reputation fell apart.”

'Sky News' Quote:

“Global pariah.”

'RT' Quote:

“Not one drop of Poland Spring water actually qualifies as spring water.”

'The Sunday Times' Quotes:

“Constantly promoting themselves and their lives and opinions.”

“Hate almost everything about him.”

“Resent every scintilla of their success.”

“Moaning platform.”

“Slightly low-rent reputation.”

“Media onslaught agaisnt him has been relentless.”

“Flaws deny him the acclaim he so yearns for.”

“Never wanted to live with the ramifications of their own ideology.”

“Constant, if reluctant, tendency toward squalor.”

“The basement had 5ft of water in it.”

“Given the level of incompetence displayed.”


“Withheld absolution.”

“Distortive effects.”

“Position unassailable.”

“Isolation while being surrounded by the possibilities of contact.”

“The servitude in which he didn't even know he was being held.”

“Believe they are an ordained spokesperson.”

“Soap averse.”

“Rose in acclamation.”

“That still defines his reputation.”

“Nobody would then have guessed how low his reputation would sink.”

“Showed little repentance.”

“Lack of interested men.”


“Ruined people whose greatness lay behind us.”


“Unrelenting hatchet job.”

'The Sunday Business Post' Quotes:

“Revelling in his dread reputation.”

“Dwells a longing for continuity, tradition.”

'The Simpsons' Quote:

“EZ Bake ovens burned down your house!”

'Prom Night III: The Last Kiss' Quote:
"I just stuffed my dead biology teacher into a cuboard."

'Line Of Duty' Quotes:

“Hastings shot dead one of the OCG. Right. A dozen AFOs had weapons on him. You seriously telling me they couldn't have brought him in for questioning? And Hastings? He doesn't get reprimanded. The Chief gives him a pat on the back! What the hell's going on there?!?”

“Doing more right than anyone!”

“Bent bastards”

On 'Hollyoaks': Mercedes and Grace have bar wars. Maxine fakes having CJD. Scott is a drag queen now. Lily acts like a screeching screaming attention seeking twit. Romeo smugs and Breda obviously plants poison on Romeo. Lily is socially clueless and exacerbates tensions. Lily had time to get the glass hair look in-between being cray cray and getting sectioned. Breda is only sporadically successfuly menacing. This was completely unsatisfactory.

Best Lines:

“Men's bogs need a good scrub.”

“As classy as a quickie behind the chippie!”

“More dead husbands than I've got split ends!”

“Cheating on you with village psycho!”


Movie Reviews: Under The Skin+Pet Sematary (2019)+Outcast+Horrible Bosses 2+Creep + 2 others

Under The Skin (2013)

An alien (Scarlett Johansson) roams Scotland. A baby is left to die. A man rides a motorbike. Men are eaten or something. There are thick accents and is a shadowy group gathering to plot the overthrow of society? Aliens have detached coldness and moral doubts and unethical motives and unblinking scowls. This was stultifyingly dull and a tiresome cavalcade of Art. This was not even intermittently interesting.

Pet Sematary (2019)

This overheated adaptation Of Stephen King's novel is not really needed after the 1989 film. This was not terrifically entertaining. Past tragedies resonate in the present as John Lithgow plays an old coot who sets tragedy in motion. The plot is frustratingly underdeveloped as grief makes people crazy. There are desperate acts, a mention of 'Cujo', unconvincing sets and the end credits song is bizarre.

Why didn't the idiot people build a fence around their garden with the trucks rampaging down the road? It could have prevented a lot of trouble! The road accident would have done far more damage. The cruel unforgetttable book ending is made even more unapologetically grim as dead people return to plot chaos and are full-on maniacs.

Outcast (2010)

Grimy and nasty and cataclysmically wrong.

Horrible Bosses 2 (2014)

This was sexist and racist and has no goofy geniality. It marginally fails.

Best Line:

“Pitiful offspring.”

Creep (2014)

A film-man is hired to film a dying man's video diary for his unborn child. This found footage horror is slow and insufficent. The film man takes no overzealous cautiousness. The 'video diary' is not a gesture of goodwill. A mask is worn. There are bad decisions and one has no particular affection for this. The 'dying' man is extremely discordant and creepy. There is no growing unease or concern. This abject failure has a weird ending.

Best Lines:

“When you saw that axe out front the house. Was there a small part of you that thought I might kill you with it?”

“This is not good.”

“Grave-digging video in the mail.”

“Wrong thoughts about what I wanted to do to you.”

Tiny House Of Terror (2017)


Escape Room (2017)

Skeet Ulrich and Sean Young star in this tale of an escape room and a demon in a box. Like all the other movies with this same title, this was not good.

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    Let's Wait Awhile – Janet Jackson/The Nutcracker, op.71, Act 1: Waltz Of The Snowflakes – Slovak Radio Symphony Orchestra & Ondrej Lenard/Santa Baby – Eartha Kitt
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