April 3rd, 2019

Illya K

Book Reviews: Skidding Into Oblivion, part 3 + a bad BTVS novel

Skidding Into Oblivion by Brian Hodge, part 3

Eternal, Ever Since Wednesday

There is no solemn focus as it snows and doesn't stop. This has no fascinating aspects. There is bad treatment and this does not forge meaning.

Best Lines:

“None of it felt right, or honest.”

“Some different decisions on Dad's part.”

Let My Smile Be Your Umbrella

This was an embarrassingly awful sexist mess. I've no idea what this unthought out tale was about. It wasn't darkly sublime, all-business seriousness. This was unearned self-satisfaction about horribly alone people. This was deliberate ugliness.

Best Line:

“Wishes better for you.”

We, The Fortunate Bereaved

On Halloween, a small town summons the dead. This year the summoned has a message some don't want to hear. This is memorably brilliant and done to utterly stark elaborately sinister effect.

Best Line:

“Wearing masks not just on Halloween but every day of the year.”

One Possible Shape Of Things To Come

People encounter the other, which is profoundly hostile and extremely unfriendly. Obsessive worry leads to tremendous consequences. This was frankly appalling depsite having promise.

Best Line:

“Possible to slam a door so hard you only end up widening the doorway.”

Cure For A Sickened World

An extreme metal musician compels (incredibly violently) his harshest critic to live up to his trolling. There are acts of will and a twist in this good story.

Best Lines:

“There are two kinds. There are those who'll be missed. And there's you.”

“Shield miseries from view.”

“Wails of utter despair.”

The Same Deep Waters As You

I've read this tale about the fate of the Innsmouth detainees before. This was very good.

Best Lines:

“Never forgotten who and what he had been.”

“Inhumanly patient, just waiting.”

“Time would kill their captors, generation by generation.”

One Last Year Without A Summer

This was trash.

Best Lines:

“How desolate he truly was.”

“Monsters of lying, meanness, cruelty and treachery!”

Bad Buffy The Vampire Slayer Novel

Out Of The Madhouse

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Sergio Balleseros

Movie Reviews: The Ritual + A Daughter's Conviction + Vertigo 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒

The Ritual (2018)

There is unexpected brutality but no high emotional drama. This boring mess was based on a lesser Adam Nevill novel. Unobservant friends have an encounter with chavs that is fatal for one of them. Rafe Spall and Robert James Collier co star.

The 4 surviving friends go on a hike. They miss their 5th friend who died due to an impetuous decision by a scrote to get vodka. An injury causes a detour. There is sexism and a dead deer. This is nothing like the book. This causes no undaunted enthusiasm. There is a silent presence in the woods. This was no thrillingly mysterious air, purpose or theme.

They find evidence of witchcraft in the woods. There is a fetid worldview and gurning and a spooky house and rapport is not built. There is swearing. There is moral turpitude and personal acrimony but no effective action. They do not collectively mourn their dead friend. They're self-endangering twits facing adversity in a contentious and truculent fashion. They're in dire trouble, this tries to be sinister but isn't.

There is no continual fear and the foursome have chronic high level irritability but no sheer desperation. There is no emotional depth and this was not harrowing. There are explosions of anger. The chav is a conspicuous nuisance. There is a cycle of aggression and looming tragedy. Anger is aroused and the friends have no deep fondness for each other. They react with resentment to each other.

The chav feels no anguish or shame at getting his friend killed. This does not make you ill at ease. The chav declined to intervene when his friend was being murdered. Nobody seems to be caring about the arcane dark magic. There is wilful violence and renewed fury. This was soul-destryingly stupid. The friends are nasty and this leaves you dissatisfied. There is yelling and death.

The friends run into witches in the woods who worship an ent looking thing. The eco-caste are silly. This is a no hope narrative. The chav had negative perceptions to start with and this was stupid.

Best Lines:

“No-one's ever been to Belgium by choice.”

“We do not say its name.”

“Hiking? For fun?”

“Find something to fall over in Vegas.”

“Bastard country.”

“That's what trees do!”

“Clearly the house we'll be murdered in.”

“The dead thing hanging in the trees!”

“Off road bollocks!”

“I do not value your judgement!”

A Daughter's Conviction (2006)

Kate Jackson and Keegan Connor Tracy star in this tale of a bimbo whose mother (Jackson) is arrested for killing her stepfather. The killer is obvious. This sucked and blew.

Best Lines:

“I know the way out.”

“And yet you're not leaving.”

Vertigo (1958)

James Stewart and Kim Novak star in this tale of stalking, which is stupid.

Best Line:

“Wasting your time in the underwear department.”

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Trailers, Quotes & Stuff 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

'Joker' trailer

I am interested.

'Urban Myths' promo

Trueish stories.

'Pet Sematary' tv spot


'Victoria' 3x03 promo

Victoria throws a drink in Albert's face.

'Supergirl' 4x18 promo

Kara v the government.

'The Dead Don't Die' trailer

Bill Murray, Adam Driver, Tilda Swinton, Rosie Perez, Iggy Pop, Carol Kane and Selena Gomez star. This looks good.

Best Lines:

“This is really awful.”

“This isn't going to end well.”

Gluten free flourless chocolate brownie – okay.

Who saw 'Hear My Song', 'You, Me And Dupree', 'Splash', 'Murder At 1600', 'White Comanche' or 'Bride Wars'?

I won't read 'A Darkling Sea', 'Blood Of The Four', 'Other Words For Smoke' or 'Flood'.

Where is 'Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina Vol 2'?

'The Irish Times' Quotes:


“Seriousness of his misdeeds, and the need to change his way.”

“The protection of respectable society from from the depredations of certain classes of children,”

“Undeserved reputation.”

“Prevent at all costs a breach of the border.”

“Decided to run for president despite having no relevant experience.”

“Wind-loading factors.”

“Rarely seemed to actually do any work or earn money.”

“I gave up on him and I gave up all my dreams for our future together.”

“Marginalised identity,”

“Tool of state coercion.”

“Socially conditioned morality.”

“Joyless rule-keeping.”

“Hold decision powers over him.”

“Consistent ethical basis.”

“Social implications.”


“Utterly without social competence,”

“No right to make that judgement of them,”


“This suggesiton will be met with hostility.”

“Return to their own social circles.”

“Had intended the consequences of their action.”

“Once-famed reputation.”

“Robbed him and his family of their wealth, pride and dignity.”

“Denied dishonesty.”

“Money that has gone astray.”

'Derry Girls' Quotes:

“Creep convention.”

“Fights with hoovers.”

“She's not going to a 'Carrie'!”


“Lots of other stuff happens too but that's the sort of relevant bit.”

'South Park' Quotes:

“Goth kids burned down the Hot Topic!”

“He's just a bastard!”

“Claudia! Bring me the bin!”

'American Housewife' Quotes:

“Some toilet witch eating their faces.”

“A sad man who is jealous of my happiness!”

“What is with you and revenge lists?”

“She's watching him do push ups in the driveway.”

'Supergirl' Quote:

“Inherent distrust of my intentions.”

On 'Hollyoaks': Sinead and Laurie have a big fight. Sami proposes to Liberty but neo-nazi Ste reveals to Liberty that Sami and Sinead hooked up. Liberty is upset. Oh piss off Liberty! Laurie assaults Sinead. How is Sinead a nurse? She was expelled from school for bullying and only worked as a prozzie! Diane ignores Sinead's pain and bruises. Brody screams. Laurie berates Sinead into forgiving him. Ste is oblivious to the damge he caused. Ste's open racism goes ignored. Everyone falls for Laurie's slut for a wife act.

Best Lines:

“I'm not sure I can forgive this one. Again.”

“No more sorries!”

“Cos you're a cheap slut!”

Kylo Ren

Manhunt: Unabomber (2017) 1x02+Traitors 1x06+DS93x15+Arrow 7x14+Victoria 2x03+ 3 others

Pure Wudder

Nobody listens to the profiler Fitz. Nobody reads the manifesto bar Fitz. There is mumbling and disgruntlement and discontent. The unabomber and his lawyer are seen in 1997. The FBI don't seem trustworthy, respectful, compassionate, steady team players. They don't want a trial in 1997. Fitz is not an amiable duffer.

There is talk of craven capitulation to tech. There is animosity and no solidarity or truth. Janet Reno's voice is heard. There is sorrow and sadness. Fitz gets a team of 2. This is not suprisingly touching or sharply intelligent. The unabomber has so little shame and has formed certain views. This was okay if frustrating.

Best Lines:

“I'm begging you to reconsider this.”

“Why is everybody so terrified of me?”

“Bloodthirsty lunatic.”

“Social machine.”

“Unthinkably reckless.”

“Unconsidered rant.”

Traitors 1x06

So it ends, finally. There is tired predictability but no unbearable intensity. There is violence and betrayal. A man with dementia batters a spy. A man hears a woman screaming for help and does nothing. Someone goes down the stairs. There is pill necking, nudity, belligerence, moral challenges, torment and despair. Feef is effectively abandoned. This has inherent absurdities and can't spin familiarity.


Cardassian scientists show up to build a communications relay. This was good if overlit. A Bajoran vedek believes that the mission will cause a propehcy of doom to come true. The propehcy does come true but in unexpected ways. A rogue comet on an unalterable course changes the pall of doom and Tracy Scoggins of 'Babylon 5', Wendy Robie of 'Twin Peaks' and Erick Avari guest star.

Best Line:

“Three vipers will return to their nest in the sky. When the vipers try to peer through the temple gates, a sword of stars will appear in the heavens. The temple will burn and its gates shall be cast open.”

Brothers And Sisters

I don't care about Felicity and her drama. Katie Cassidy is now billed as Katie Cassidy Rodgers. Oliver makes zero effort to see his son. Oliver makes everything all about him. The renamed Suicide Squad train. A new big bad named Dante is mumbled about.

In the future, William mets his bitchy half-sister Mia. Diggle adopted Connor Hawke. Where is JJ? Oh shut up Felicity, you and Mia need to go away. Felicity plans to murder Diaz and mocks Black Siren. Felicity's idea of family does not include her stepson. Lord I HATE her. Oliver bothers his half-sister. Where is Slade? Why isn't he bothered that Joe is locked up by ARGUS? Where is Grant Wilson? Where are the Longbow Hunters? Mia can't act and is a useless bint like her mother.

Future William is sad about being abandoned by his wretched father. I can't stand Mia. Big bad Dante is played by Adrian Paul; how is that movie career working out Adrian? Felicity makes it all about her. Dante waves knives at Oliver, oh scary. Dante is in league with Oliver's half sister. Diaz is FINALLY killed off. This was blah.

Best Line:

“Worth every consequence.”

London Bridge Is Falling Down

Victoria's kids mutter. The peasants revolt. Alfred is pathological in his morality. Tom Hughes of 'Trinity' broods as Alfred. What has happened in France? Lawrence Fox yells. There is exposition, bad acting and very clean peasants. Peter Bowles guest stars, he looks like a bog body. He's playing Wellington. Victoria sets troops on her own people, she might as well be Macron.

Trinity 1x02 d
trinity braying2.jpg
trinity braying.jpg

Albert ROARS. A poor horse is ignored. A child eats out of the gutter. Insurrectionists seek a social solution. Victoria has a half-sister. Victoria utters needless provocation and continues her misgoverance. Dumb bints bore. People are morally enraged and there is precariousness. Alfred does coercive control of his wife. Victoria acts incautiously. There is an annihilation of all current certainties and rising distaste for the Queen. Victoria lives an odious life. London looks very clean.

Alfred is self-interested, admid mounting hostility. Things have spiralled beyond all reasonable attempts at persuasion. People are self-absorbed and sour and have callous indifference. There is a very small march. This was dreadful and there are no moral conundrums. People made false claims damaging to the poors. This has bad VFX.

Best Line:

“Have the support of respectable people.”

Batman 2x05&2x06

The Minstrel's Shakedown

A prancing idiot shows up to challenge the bastions of probity. There is bad acting and the morally reprehensible lute strumming twit is a transgressor. When and why did Robin decide that Batman had a glorious cause with which to ally himself? Aunt Harriet is stupid. The prancer is not a profound challenge. This ep has no credibility.

Robin grins like he's been doing weed. The duo have a roadflare waved at them. Batman has a batdrone. He also has a stain on his batsuit. The duo end up in a deathtrap, off screen. A personality free moll lurks.

Best Lines:

“Taunt me.”

“Criminal antisocial ends.”

Barbecued Batman

The baddie says Batman and Robin are vibrating together. No comment, none whatsoever. Chief O'Hara points out the bizarre fact that Gordon trusts two masked figures who fight crime in tights. Gordon doesn't listen. Robin shows no ill-effects from being punched in the face and nearly turned into BBQ. The Batman/Robin teamup seems exploitative in nature. Alfred looks like an overdone turkey. Robin makes eager faces and stands with his legs wide apart and makes wild hand gestures. Van Johnson plays the prancing baddie. This ep was ill-remembered and relentlessly repetitve. This show was a cultural fascination of my formative years.

Best Lines:

“That spy fink!”

“You'll be dead!”

“Whence did they come? Whither do they go?”

“I'll clobber you and Robin!”

Shadowhunters 3x16

Stay With Me

People are not watchful, wary or prepared for the unpredictable. Alec fawns over the creeping grooming Bane. Jonathan is allied with a fae. Clary wails about a demonic tether. This show created unmet and unrealistic expectations. Alec is incapable of being non-confrontational with people yet submits to Bane. This does not meaningfully impact you.

Simon whines. Luke's locked up and then he isn't. A warlock is smarmy. Alec and Bane are pathetic. There are no reflective points. Jonathan tries to be a socially confident charmer who gets away with murder but fails. Maia's left? Oh who cares! People have mental lethargy. Cain bellows. This was ill-judged and Bane won't listen.

Characters are notoriously intransigent. Lilith lurks in hell. Individuals behaviour falls outside the range of the acceptable. This was not quite realised. There is bad acting and there are no moral desires or moral rules or moral responsibility. Jace gets stabbed. Cain's useless. People are ideologically amorphous and uncertain.

Clary's plan goes awry, she's useless and Jonathan is locked up. There is hostile rhetoric and emotional decisions. This ep causes active mortification. Some burk shows up to annoy Luke. There are no profound and long lasting consequences. There are critical times. Alec's pathetic and devoted to his abuser. This does not causes astonised delight. Season 3 is a huge disappointment.

Best Lines:

“Lavished praise.”

“Could no no wrong.”

“Wanted you to stay dead.”

“There's no hope for you.”

Supergirl 4x14

Stand And Deliver

Aliens have virtuosity of thought over humans. This was full of stupid Ameircan platitudes. I fast forwarded through any scene with Manchester Black, Nia and or Brainy. Lena snots, Alex snots and Ben Lockwood smarms. The Fortress Of Solitude is invaded. There is a march and a brawl and James gets shot. This was shockingly bad.