April 1st, 2019


Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

'Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark' trailer


'Chernobyl' trailer

A drama about the accident that will have repercussions for 50,000 years. The poor dog. Decontamination. Coffins. Jared Harris.

Best Lines:

“Never occured on this planet before.”

“Cut the phonelines.”

'The Victim' promo

This BBC1 drama wants us to feel sorry for a child killer.

'She-Ra' season 2 trailer

3 moons?

Best Line:

“How many of you are there?”

'Star Trek Discovery' 2x12 promo

Ash's baby and Section 31 ships.

Best Line:

“The future hasn't been written yet.”

'Pennyworth' teaser

Young Alfred and young Thomas Wayne. No.

'Annabelle Comes Home' trailer

The 6th film in the Conjuring-verse. The Warrens daughter is stupid and an evil dolly rampages. This looks crap.

Best Lines:

“What else did you touch?”


'Trust Me' promo


Apple, pear & cucumber wonder green drink – good.

Duck liver pate with Armagnac & prunes – nice.

Hot Cross Bun fudge – nice.

I won't read 'The Hunting Party, 'Blood Orange' or 'Wytch Elm'.

I will review 'Blue Moon Rising'.

Who read 'The Foundation'?

Felicity is leaving 'Arrow' – 7 years too late but YES!

What are red potatoes?

Who saw 'American Outlaws', 'Barney's Version', 'The Richies', 'Pretty Kill', 'The Prestige', 'Race For the Yankee Zephyr', 'Life Stinks', 'Two Fat Ladies', 'Father Of The Bride', 'Infamous', 'The Missouri Breaks' or 'High Art'?

A nice Mexican nacho place has closed.

I'd try chocolate and plum chutney. And I'd try fermented grapes and wood-fired oysters and peanunt butter cream pie. And I'd try chocolate and orange brownies.

Doing work on LJ.

Vegan tanning oil is a thing?

'Victoria Derbyshire' Quote:

“Brexit ruined my business.”

'Teen Titans Go!' Quotes:

“Also the neat.”

“The Apollo Creed landed on the moon.”

'RTE News' Quote:

“Brexit buster.”

'Channel 4 News' Quotes:

“Felt excluded.”

“Treated like a nuisance.”

'The Simpsons' Quotes:

“All the turkey shreds I can dig out of the slicer trap.”

“Who wants ass frosting?”

“Must go through the forbidden zone.”

“Which one? Radioactive? Smallpox? Eternal midnight?”

'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“Moves made by, and circumstances that have befallen other men.”

“Fundamental components of a functional life.”

“Social complexity.”

“Only ever expressed contempt for democratic values.”

“Not a world any sane person would want to live in.”

“Cultural theorist.”

“Shouty, lynch-mobbing, piety-rewarding.”

'Dr Phil' Quote:

“Get past the past.”

'RT' Quote:

“Unloved past.”

'Sunday Independent' Quotes:

“Shunned at church for being unmarried.”

“Living very high-expectation lifestyles.”

“Questioned their rights.”

“Think not speaking is a solution.”

“Having googled them, I didn't like what I read.”

'The Sunday Times' Quotes:

“Horse-poo picker-upper.”

“Keep your woman quiet.”

“Not been seen in public for years.”

“Failure of many in the community to co-operate with them.”

“PR voice.”

'Aertel' Quote:

“Known as much for their revoling door polcy for members as its seminal post-punk music,”

'Tales From The Darkside' Quotes:

“She didn't care to speak to me.”

“Find whores to share their beds with.”

“Did your whore leave?”

Sergio Balleseros

Book Review: Skidding Into Oblivion, part 2

Skidding Into Oblivion by Brian Hodge, part 2

Scars In Progress

A group of morons experience cosmological meltdown when they go demon hunting. This narrative is not operatic. I don't care about this shadow world of sadness and struggle. The characters are incapable of sensible action. This wasn't unnervingly awful, just awful.

Best Lines:

“Places of desolation.”

“It's very existence was poison.”

Just Outside Our Windows, Deep Inside Our Walls

An evil child gets a friend but makes an inherently damaging decision. This was not endlessly fascinating.

Best Line:

“Stand revealed as something our parents are mortified to have created.”

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A Shout Out To My Cruel Ex

I can't believe I actually hoped you would apologise for your inexplicable actions. I don't know why you choose to treat me this way. Your actions have been totally appalling. I never expected you to cause misery with no possible justification or fair outcome. You've deliberately chosen to impose loneliness on me. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU.

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Star Trek Discovery 2x11+Batman 2x02-2x04+Star Trek 3x04+Line of Duty 5x01 Reviewed 🐱‍💻🐱‍👓🐱‍🚀

Perpetual Infinity

WTF is a time crystal? We get flashbacks of the Klingons attacking Michael's parents. How is Hugh able to practice medicine? Michael's mother is the Red Angel, okay then. Nobody is overly bothered about Leland. Season 2 causes restless boredom. Hugh is an unassertive presence. Why isn't Spock in uniform?

Michael has suprised hurt and does everything and she's emotionally conflicted. Leland is not dead but he has been taken over by Control. Disaster is imminent. This ep was frivolous. How did Control get Leland into the contraption he was transformed in?

Spock has quiet distain for Michael. The Control situation escalates unnoticed. Control will wipe out all life everywhere. Why? Control is death-worshipping garbage. Tilly yaps. Paul talks. Ash lurks. Security is unthorough. Control is ideologically extreme. What did Michael's mother eat and drink in the future? How did she know about Control or Pike's fate or Discovery? Or the sphere?

Immediate risk is ignored. Spock has no idea he too will end up in another timeline/universe and die there. Pike stares and gets a hint as to his future. The Red Angel didn't do the signals. Time has will? Where's the DTI? Nobody notices the thing in Ash's hand? There is deep time babbling. There is no mention of Kirk or Lorca.

Lunatic characters say bollocks and utter disparagingh remarks. No amount of reason ever works with Michael. There is no sign of the Terran's light sensitivity. There is a hint as to the ex-Emperor's future. This was not subtle. Section 31 has 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' style combadges. Ash is left bleeding after Leland tries to kill him. Ash can't be dead! Ash's blood is red, not pink. Doesn't he have backup organs?

Best Lines:

“It looks like it's landing.”

“Questionable moral decisions.”

“That is the job we have chosen.”

“Pre-existing technology.”

“Time's motion depends on the observer.”

“I could say more about your future but you won't like it.”

“She taught me to survive.”

“Domestic matters.”

“My sentimental Prime universe counterpart.”

“Galactic graveyard.”

“Hasn't existed for a thousand centuries.”

“Is that in any way vague?”

“I like science.”

“The definition of power you once were.”

“You want her gone.”

“Self-sacrifice is not our way.”

“Control can never reach.”

“I've been killed before.”

“Find what Leland does in the dark.”

Walk The Straight And Narrow

There are comedy sound effects and Archer has created arrows that go around corners. Robin considers crime fighting work. Alfred dresses in the batsuit. Archer is the instigator of trouble. This show is a cultural touchstone and it is defiantly weird. The batcave has a lunar scanning screen. The batboat is seen. There is no scene of the batcopter.

A citizen points out that Batman doesn't obey the rules of the road. There are endless moralistic lectures. Why hasn't Archer sailed off after robbing the bank? Archer tries to strangle Robin by grabbing his shoulders?!? This was okay.

Best Lines:

“Ego making machine.”

“I are seldom wrong.”

“Just puff up your chest and look virile.”

Hot Off The Griddle

Catwoman's back and the way she dresses is not how her comic counterpart dressed at the time and she wouldn't dress like tv Catwoman for another 20 years. Does Dick not go to school anymore? Batman and Robin use their insane troll logic to fight crime. Batman has a proto mobile phone. Batman and Robin put on their seatbelts. Did Burt Ward know he was in a satire?

You can see the scenery move during a fight scene. Chief O'Hara threatens police brutality. Dick stands with his legs WIDE apart. What sounds like 'The Twilight Zone' theme music plays. There is another deathtrap and Robin is disgusted that Catwoman likes Batman. Jack Kelly guest stars. This was good.

Best Lines:

“Perfidious printsman.”

“Hooded avenger.”


“My tenacious teenager.”

“As much as the next red-blooded average American teenager.”

The Cat And The Fiddle

Parking meters are only 5 cents, ah the 1960s. Robin does a disguise and Catwoman rides a pruple getaway rocket. Rare violins turn out to be fake and are dropped off a building. James Brolin makes a cameo as a cute driver who gets a $1000 tip from Catwoman. This was okay.

Best Lines:

“Haven't you noticed how we always manage to escape the vicious ensnarements of our underhanded opponents?”

“No policeman's going to give the batmobile a ticket!”

“Unhand that boy, and be quick about it, or I'll know the reason why.”

“You can't get away from Batman that easy!”



“Good grammer is essential, Robin.”

“Thank you Batman.”

And The Children Shall Lead

A then famous lawyer has a cameo as an evil alien who is summoned by evil, vulgar and loud kids who make deplorable decisions and make weird hand gestures. There is talk of tapes and the kids are evil and bad actors. This was vacuous and it has no emotional power. This was truly awful and oppressively vapid. The brats have ill intentions and terrifying powers and moral chaos. This is philosophically moribund and not an epic narrative. The brats get away with killing their parents for perceived slights and their apocalyptic impulses. This ep was thought free. There are boy sulks and there is special misery in watching this non-tension filled ep.

Best Lines:

“Parents like stupid things!”

“Always upset.”

Line of Duty 5x01

This opens with an obvious trap ripped off from a 'Highlander' episode as baddies steal drugs. The anti-corruption cops bully the only survivor. Isn't this very similar to another series? An undercover cop is in the drug robbing gang. A dude is tackled out a door. Then the anti-corruption lot bully another female cop. Adrian Dunbar SCREAMS – oh give it up mate, we all know you're the big bad. This was medicore. Why hasn't the undercover officer provided any info on any of the crimes from series 1 to 4? The undercover officer has gone rogue. Oh that's original.

Best Line:


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Movie Reviews: Captain Marvel+The Return Of Swamp Thing+Deadly Secrets By The Lake+ 3 more

Captain Marvel (2019)

Brie Larson, Samuel L Jackson, Annette Bening, Ben Mendelsohn, Gemma Chan, Lee Pace, Dijmon Hounsou and Jude Law star in this Marvel movie. It's 1995 and a Kree warrior (Larson) learns she isn't what she thinks she is as she runs around on Earth after nasty and mean Skrulls.

Add in an alien cat, a cameo by the eternally self-satisfied nonsensical 'Agents Of SHIELD' goob Coulson, bad jokes, fights and 90s music. This while not utterly risible is okay if so far removed from any semblance of reality. I did like the Stan Lee tribute and the reveal of how the Avenger Initiative got its name and the 'Mallrats' joke.

Best Line:

“It's a cat! Not Hannibal Lecter!”

The Return Of Swamp Thing (1989)

There is bad acting, blatantly irresponsible mad scientists, rapey hicks, idiot kids, Heather Locklear, Sarah Douglas, Ace Mask, Monique Gabrielle and Louis Jourdan in this camp dreck that is sheer incompetence.

Best Line:

“Motley Crue tour 1988!”

Deadly Secrets By The Lake (2016)

A woman's sister is accused of murder. So she returns to her hometown and uncovers lies, secrets and bastard ex-boyfriends in this medicore mess. People have endless narcissistic self-justification and there is no good character exploration. The 'heroine' is beset by suspicion. There is a 'twist' and was this a pilot? This was ineptitude and it lacks moral decency.

Best Line:


Kill Bill Vol 2 (2004)

The Bride gets mo' revenge. Every character is disgustingly vile. After hearing recent revelations about the behind the scenes antics on this film, it makes it even more nasty. Retribution is merciless. Various characters are unrepentant unrelenting evil. Where's Sofia? This was a silly tale of increidbly awful people.

Best Line:

“You don't have a future.”

The Natural (1984)


Carry On Teacher (1962)

At a comp, a beloved teacher plans to leave. His students won't let him. There is objectification of women. This was black and white and thankfully Sid James free. Teachers threaten pupils with physical violence. This was dated and not very funny.

Best Lines:

“Sex in the cycle shed!”

“You haven't seen the hole in them!”


“Flatten you out like a carpet!”

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