March 20th, 2019

JohnLock

Book Reviews: The Instrument Of Death +Missing Daughter +Afterimage

The Instrument Of Death by David Stuart Davies

One read this with incredulity. It was a nagging disappointment that causes no little scorn. Holmes takes on a homicidal lunatic. One could give less of a toss about the forgettable characters in this memorably awful unreadable book.


~
Missing Daughter by Rick Mofina

This is not depressingly astute. This is not searingly emotional. This badly written novel novel tells of 12 year old Maddie who goes missing and her family become suspects. This was badly written, awful and does not have the pitiless shock ending it thinks it has.


Best Line:

“Stood up in a threatening manner.”


~
Bad Buffy The Vampire Slayer novel

Afterimage.

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Sergio Balleseros

Movie Reviews: Willing To Kill+The Similars+The Villainess+Who Killed JonBenet+Next Of Kin

Willing To Kill: The Texas Cheerleader Story (1992)

This true crime tv movie stars Lesley Ann Warren, Tess Harper, Dennis Christopher and Lauren Woodland. Wanda (Warren) is eternally hopeless and taunted into maniacal rage by a snoot (Harper). Competition over cheerleader spots make Wanda angry as 80s clothes are worn.


There is big hair and grievances over cheerleader spots. This was very medicore. People do virulent condemnations of Wanda ignoring the ugly undertow of bullying by the snoot (Harper). This was bland and insufferably slow and theatrically absurd.


Best Line:

“I'm here too you know.”


~
The Similars (2015)

This Spanish 'horror' is so obviously inspired by the 1960s 'Twilight Zone'. This was painfully boring and torpid. This was not terribly worthy of notice and it is insultingly daft.


~
The Villainess (2017)

There are blood, stunts, violence and people get thrown through windows a lot. This has inventiveness. The title character has a child and there is a swordfight on speeding motorbikes in a tunnel. There is a sneaky spy and violent situations. This was watchable.


Best Line:

“So melodramatic.”


~
Who Killed JonBenet (2016)

Michel Gill of 'House Of Cards' is in this true crime tv movie which is tweely narrated by the murder victim. There are appalling implications and aggressively nursed betrayals and people quickly passing beyond the realm of respectability. People are misery generators. This was absurd and stupid.


~
Next Of Kin (1982)

This Oz horror is sadly not nerve-shaking.

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Kylo Ren

Trailers, Quotes & Stuff 😎😃😜😘😍💋🌹🐱‍🐉

'Black Summer' trailer

The 'Z Nation' prequel and the zombies are coming! This looks GOOD.


Best Line:

“Is there anywhere that's safe?”


'Absentia' season 2 trailer

Violence and a hoodie. I am intrigued.


'Supergirl' 4x16 promo

Lex and Commiegirl have sustained spite and there is potential doom.


'The Grand Tour' clip

Clarkson drives a Tesla which is full of lawyers. Ha ha ha.


'Lucy In the Sky' trailer

Is this based on the murderous diaper astronaut?


'Arrow' promo 'Inheiritance'

FFS.


I made gluten free chocolate and maple syrup brownies – yum.

Walnut Modica chocolate – nice but not very walnuty.


I want a Valentio Garavani leather v-ring bag and a Hermes Jypsisre 28 micro bag. I want a Dior white gold, silver, diamond and pink sapphire Dior a Versailles salon de venus braclet, Graff white gold and diamond necklace and Alexander McQueen leather shoes. I want Kiki McDonough yellow gold diamond and amethyst earrings and a Hirsh London rose gold, chameleon diamond necklace and Alexander McQueen satin shoes.


I want a Boghossian white gold, diamond and mother-of-pearl necklace. I want a Chaumet Ecritures watch with white gold on Alligator strap and Anna-Karin Karlsson Magic You sunglasses in gold-plated steel and zirconia and Cosabella lingeries in lace. I want a Dior steel, diamoand and Lacquet la Mini D de Dior watch on patent calfskin strap.


I want Louis Vuitton calfskin Janet boots and diamond and blue topaz earrings. I want a cross-body minibag and a button-through midiskirt.


Glitter paint is a thing?


I'd try uyghur fries/thai shallot/mango powder and purple sprouting broccoli with coddled egg sauce and oysters zarina.


Are fly whisks still a thing?


Carriage covers are a thing again?


I don't think I'll review 'Counterpart' season 2.


I used to like crispy shredded beef.


John-Paul is coming back to 'Hollyoaks', sigh, he owes James a massive apology.


Recall the Pink Elephant?


Who saw 'Regarding Henry', 'High School High' or 'I'll Fly Away'?


Dying stars crystallise?


'Deadly Lessons' (1983) aired on BBC1 on July 19th 1988 (its UK debut) and Jan 6th 1990.


'Dr Phil' Quotes:

“Bad boys and the bad people.”


“Supposedly want to murder.”


“CARE!”


“You think I have the money for coke?”


“Stays out of the house.”


“Same crap happened again.”


“Makes up terrible lies.”


“Grew up in bars with my father.”


“Agitate this situation.”


“Never tell me thank you.”


“Made both suicidal and homicidal comments.”


'American Housewife' Quotes:

“Ham hiding.”


“Wait for me in fear.”


'Dirty John: The Dirty Truth' Quotes:

“Monsters don't always look like monsters.”


“From threats to action.”


“Making very scary phonecalls.”


“Not afraid to use violence.”


'New Scientist' Quotes:

“The first plant ever to germinate on another world.”


“Cryptojacking.”


“Can see and respond to threats while still in the egg.”


“Can sense the outside world while still in the egg and start preparing for the conditions they will face.”


“Seen Cane Toads trying to mate with a bit of rotting mango as it floated in a bit of water,”


'Teen Titans Go!' Quote:

“No murder missiles!”


'FTWeekend' Quotes:

“Constitutional havoc.”


“Fame so intense.”


“Alien to all of our traditions.”


“Never let a lack of experience or qualifications stand in her way.”


“Dismissed with mockery.”


“Family weakening implications.”


“Cultural politics.”


“Arrested for a crime that is never revealed to him-”


“Coded greetings.”


“Homicidal outing later known as the First Crusade.”


“Women who didn't know how to make slight social improvements.”


“Throwing random things out of windows.”


“Selecting the right enemy.”


“Ideal enemy.”


“Ejected by his own village.”


“Comprehension of English becomes selective under questioning.”


“Annoymous online aggression.”


“Populated by sad personalities without lives...”


“A person who can be presented as the embodiment of assorted evils.”


'HowToSpendIt' Quote:

“Time is a serpent coiled up on itself.”


'Great Canal Journeys' Quote:

“Graphic language form.”


'Gone Girl' Quotes:

“That love ended today.”


“Everytime you said something stupid. I thought: maybe he's just stupid.”


'The Sunday Times' Quotes:

“What happens to you when you're a teenager defines who you are for the rest of your life to a far greater extent than you might imagine.”


“Turned his life around after being found beaten unconscious in a gutter in 1973.”


“The assumption that women were impossible to please and some of them obliged me by conforming to this.”


“Rendered mysteriously incapable of work.”


“To stop was to invite death.”


“Harmful bystander.”


“Whose presence and silence effectively condones, or even eggs on, the violence.”


“Tastes can be reset.”


“Acceptable anger.”


“Wants him gone.”


“Liberated from their marriages.”


“Trusts no one but himself.”


“Parents who never really cared for them.”


“Never be given clearance.”


“Didn't really know what their purpose was.”


“Be careful whose door you knock on round here.”


'Tales From The Darkside' Quotes:

“Crazy but persistent.”


“It's unpardonable!”


'RTE News' Quote:

“Prolific reproduction abilities.”


'BBC News' Quote:

“Honourable compromises.”


'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“In-room status symbol-”


“If such disagreeable neighbours shut the door, it is better to turn the key in it before they change their mind.”


“Demonstrates his incompetence again,”


“I knew that he's not the good guy,”


“The main decision-makers in households.”


“Absorbs attention.”


“They can control not only what you feel, but what other people think about you.”


“Led to bad decisions.”


“I thought that was my life.”


“Initiating factors.”


'Total Bellas' Quote:

“The only door you ever knocked down was the door to John's bedroom!"

Cat

Santa Clarita Diet 1x06-1x08+Arrow 7x12+Killing Oswald+Kardashian+The Durrells 3x07&3x08+ 5 others

Attention To Detail

This is appalling and causes open irritation. The cop wants someone else killed. There is unshakeable acceptance of the mom being a zombie. The cop is a deranged maniac with a stash of illegal stuff. There are no moral demands. Sense is an absent presence. Drew Barrymore decides to act on her desires and take the consequences.


This was not lauded and is unspectacular. There is no seriousness of purpose. The stepdad/cop is absolute evil. This was not throughly engaging. The stepdad/cop has a derision of weakness. Joel is bothered by yobs. Joel does violent retributuion to the evil stepdad/cop.


Best Lines:

“Filthy filthy sex.”


“Unloving third marriage.”


“What do you do Bob?”

“Me. In a doorway.”


“Disrespecting the man's sofa!”


“Know where the tingle lives.”


“I'm not doing cocaine.”


“Kill poncho.”


“8 horses working sideways.”


“I knocked on your door. No one answered.”

“So you trespassed. I can shoot you.”


Strange Or Just Inconsiderate?

It's not thematically chilling that Joel killed Dan – the stepdad/cop – with a shovel in his garden in broad daylight. Dan was all pointed barbs and divinely disparaging vileness but still. Joel and his wife have a dubious relationship and worrying complicity. Zombiedom can distort a personality. There are no consequences to anything.


Nobody thinks murder is really dark solution. There is a nice title card. The bitchy daughter whines. She's given to dramatic outbursts. There are dramatic decisions and a frame up. This was ephemeral.


Best Lines:

“Somebody at work is stealing my breastmilk.”


“Our neighbour you just killed with a shovel.”


“A bean that you drink.”


“Saying mean things.”


“He's unbelievably repellent.”


“Judge us negatively.”


“Really lost the moral high ground on that one.”


“I brought death into this house.”


“In the desert shooting owls or at the beach shooting starfish or maybe at that strip club that has the bacon he likes.”


How Much Vomit?

There is another zombie and bits drop off of Drew Barrymore. There is no exceptional lightness or dynamism. This was wholly unfrightening and it is not a fascinating journey. Loki decides to murder Joel. This was not a monumental moment.


Best Lines:

“So much vomit.”


“Tetris the whole thing in.”


“That Japanese tidying up book.”


~
Emerald Archer

This 150th ep is done in documentary fashion. Lance has risen from the grave, only not. This has cool opening credits. Is this supposed to be a Netflix documentary? We see Diggle in his stupid helmet and orignal Laurel. Thea shows up and mentions Tommy, someone at least recalls that he existed!


Sin returns and how did they get an interview with Sara? William shows up and is ignored once again by his father and stepmother. Oliver prances around in his ridiclious outfit acting like he is the moral arbiter of Star City. Felicity is a bitch who only cares about Oliver. Team Arrow break the law and shrug off and laugh at said law. AULaurel doesn't wear a blouse. William's been expelled from his boarding school and neither Oliver nor Felicity noticed. Oliver ignores his son. This was okay.


Best Line:

“A city that's afraid of him.”


~
Killing Oswald (2013)

This conspiracy documentary is bizarre.


~
Kardashian: The Man Who Saved O.J. Simpson (2016)

This documentary shows bizarre celebrity links and an alleged cover up. This was okay and immoral, brazen and unfair acts took place.


Best Lines:

“Lost his reputation.”


“The secrets of the garment bag.”


~
The Durrells 3x07

Larry's boho friends are under suspicion for being sketchy. Gerry's clan bully him into not being vegan. There are social concerns and people don't act like it is the 1930s. Larry commits buglary. Leslie Caron makes her sole apperance this series. This ep is non-productive. One is less and less charmed by this glorified Corfu tourist ad.


Larry inspires undiluted loathing. The Greek defence of moral standards causes a strong sense of grievance in Larry. Leslie covers up Larry's crimes and gaslights Leslie Caron. There is no amusing strangeness. This was maddeningly feigned larkiness. This was dire. Everything Larry does is designed for attention. Leslie loses his job.


Best Lines:

“Immoral behaviour.”


“Hugely dirty books.”


“Your son's lunatic behaviour.”


“Government outlawing reading and thinking?”


“Rapport established.”


The Durrells 3x08

Leslie proposes to his babymama. A circus arrives. This was not grimly evocative. Leslie learns he is not the father in an ass-pull plot. The concept of medical privacy is unknown. Leslie engages in slut shaming. Will the mother shut up? This causes unnecessary frustration by being deplorable. Larry tells his mother to run a hotel.


Best Line:

Bring the family to shame.”


~
Supergirl 4x12


Menagerie

I fast forwarded through any scene with Brainy and or Nia. Consequences are not forthcoming and Kara shoves marshmallow roses into her mouth. One is utterly sick of Brainy and his weird line readings and Winn is not missed. Ben Lockwood is in jail but the POTUS lets him out. Does Kara ever do any journalism? Ben Lockwood's son is goaded into action and this was not increasingly intriguing. This leaves you apathetic. Kara whines. The Children Of Liberty triumph. Nia shows up in a stupid superhero outfit. This was about as enjoyable as chickenpox.


~
Shadowhunters 3x14


A Kiss From A Rose

This was not worthy of serious attention. Jonathan plots and has hateful intentions. There is no tantalising luridness. Maia whines and Bane is an inept imbecile. This was un-appealing. Jace has got over being systematically excluded, silenced, demonised and vilified. This leaves you particularly displeased. Jonathan is a conniving villain.


~
Seduced By Madness (1996) Part 1

This true crime miniseries stars Ann-Margret, Peter Coyote, Leslie Hope, Tobey Maguire, Freddy Rodriguez, Cliff De Young, Aeryk Egan, Dean Norris, Kurt Fuller, Eric Dane and Danny Masterson. A man (Coyote) unwisely married a harpy shrew (Ann-Margret) who smacks him and hates his kids by his first wife. The harpy shrew is jealous of the dead 1st wife. She bullies her stepkids.


The unhinged jerk wife, Diane Borchardt, screams and is an emasculating bitch full of manic anger. Diane is a teacher who mainipulates her students into murdering her husband when he decides to leave her and marry a nice woman (Hope). This was okay if supremely miserable.


Best Lines:

“Real decent about it.”


“Morally deterimental.”


“Emotional parent.”


“Keep running bitch!”


~
Batman 1x28-1x30


The Pharaoh's In A Rut

A Bruce Wayne dummy is seen. King Tut tortures his 'Queen' into insanity. Nobody cares and he faces no repercussions. This was a terrible disappointment. Batman has virulent condemnation of criminals. Robin doesn't have a drivers licence. This was not substantive. Batman dances to 'groovy music'. Burt Ward SHOUTS all his lines. One wonders about his blood pressure. King Tut has a gold jeep. There is bad ADR.


Best Lines:

“Poor demented felons.”


“Millionaire about town.”


“We forbid you to speak well of our deadliest enemy!”


The Bookworm Turns

The Bookworm makes his only appearance on the show. Gordon can't pronounce “charade”. Abestos is handled. There is terrible ADR and Bookworm nearly engages in some domestic violence on his moll. Bookworm reads a 'book' that is obviously a ohonebook. There's a batmobile parachute pickup service. There's a Wayne Memorial Clocktower in memory of Bruce Wayne's father. What about his mother? Roddy McDowall and Jerry Lewis prance around this ep.


Best Lines:

“Reverse bat climb!”


“Bat gas.”


“Show his nasty nose again!”


While Gotham City Burns

There is no intellectual exploration. Robin was tied to a bell's clapper in the cliffhanger and was rescued off screen. There is bad ADR. Batman and Robin are trapped in a giant cookbook. Bookworm's moll looks like Patsy Ramsey. This was okay. Bookworm makes gorked out faces and is given to unnerving fits of rage.


Best Lines:

“HOLY TOME!”


“I think he means it!”


~
Cheat (2019) 1x01&1x02

This ITV drama is full of shagging, sexting and sex acts in workplace toilets. I thought it was about an academic disagreement getting out of hand. A student has her dissertation dismissed by her teacher. Two women, one truth. The student is failed by her petty teacher who is a bitch. Rose the student cries about being discrminated against. The teacher's husband, Adam, is a useless lump.


The teacher, Leah (her from 'The Last Witch'), is unbearable and she doesn't want a baby with Adam. Leah has arrogance and ignorance. Leah is capricious and malicious and bullies Rose in front of the class. Adam invites Rose into their house. Leah necks pills. There's a dead pet and a dead husband. Leah's intimidating and hostile treatment of Rose is leading to a moment of reckoning. This does not met the desired objective of quality.


Leah invades Rose's privacy. Why is Ben drooling over Rose? As for Rose, her father doesn't like her. Leah's very expensive engagment ring goes missing and she accuses Rose and obsesses over a pub photo. Leah assaults Rose and rips a ring off her finger in front of witnesses. Why wasn't Leah arrested for assault? Leah slaps her husband and wants to maim him. Rose has Leah's ring. Adam and Rose hang out. Leah freaks out. This was such a letdown.


Best Line:

“Only weak people apologise.”