March 8th, 2019

Pretty Smart

Trailers, Quotes & Stuff 🎉😜😘😊🐱‍👓

'Shazam' trailer

No.


'Midsommar' teaser

Weirdness.


'Dark Phoenix' trailer

Bad acting and the stupid helmet.


Best Line:

“Answers to a man in a chair.”


'Cheat' promo

WTF.


Best Line:

“She scares me.”


'Five Feet Apart' trailer

Mmmm.


'Captive State' trailer

Yes.


'Good Omens' trailer

Gurning, Dog, Jon Hamm and this is mmm.


Best Lines:

“We've lost the antichrist!”


“Who exactly summons them?”


'Motherland: Fort Salem' promo

Why?


'Brightburn' trailer

An evil kid is to be an evil Superman expy. Oh yeah.


Best Line:

“He's not our son!”


'Proven Innocent' promo

“Amadna Knox with a law degree.”


'Hollyoaks' promo

Ste becomes a neo-nazi but it's not his fault. FFS.


Made gluten free pancakes – okay.

Peach & Mango flavoured water – okay.


Why would you rub rare diamond dust on your skin even if it is in a face cream?


RIP Luke Perry.


A 'Rumpole' reboot?


What is sand boarding?


I won't read 'The Burning'.


Who saw 'Big Daddy' or 'Perfect Creature'?


'MotherFatherSon' looks crap.


What are bespoke cocktails?


'Sherlock Holmes 3' has been delayed.


'Isn't It Romantic' Quotes:

“My girl slumming it in the realm of the employed.”


“That isn't a real vegetable”

“To him it is.”


“This is how we are.”


'TVNow' Quote:

“The situation is aired in the pub, per usual.”


'Teen Titans Go!' Quotes:

“Finally I can prove I'm socially superior to all of you!”


“I'm so lonely.”


'Dr Phil' Quotes:

“Wannabe ghetto girl.”


“Deception detection.”


“Stop lying to your husband!”


“I'm sorry you're depressed.”


“What is enough?”


“Ruined all of your lives.”


“Threw it all away, for heroin.”


“I don't steal.”

“Where's my car?”


'RT' Quotes:

“Resorting to lies.”


“Fight and win in the Arctic.”


'Derry Girls' Quotes:

“I'll never understand the point of you.”


“Why were you threatening people with a knife love?”


“End that sentence now.”


“Lads aren't going to make friends with you.”


“You will not be well-liked.”


'The Sunday Business Post' Quotes:

“According to the canons of aesthetics, behaviour and ideology that its leaders profess.”


“Lived as a hermit for over 80 years.”


“Sounds like something for silly women to enjoy.”


'Wolf Hall' Quotes:

“All I hear is tutting.”


“God sees her tricks.”


“Infamous incitations.”


“Touchings.”


'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“Escalation through the system.”


“Trauma marks.”


“With much fervour.”


“Restricted liberty.”


“Deliverance from the media.”


“Willing to be awful on command.”


“Have his existence acknowledged.”


“Not a co-operating debtor,”


“Criminogenic.”


“Every possible act of sabotage.”


“No one wants that. It scares people.”


“Brushed against fame.”


“Lasting decision.”


“Consistently challenged.”


“Health anxiety.”


“Not seen as relevant to decisions.”


“Unsatisfactory customer journey.”


“Re-establishing your reputation.”


“Social shield.”


“Ancillary family accommodation.”


“A small, under-resourced office headquartered over a Spar.”


'Tales From The Darkside' Quotes:

“Pathetic dope addicts and hookers.”


“You are not a nice man.”


'Great Continental Railway Journeys' Quotes:

“Seething with grievances.”


“Things were not well in his empire.”


“Sorry fate.”


'Andromeda' Quotes:

“Unmitigated disaster for both sides.”


“Galactic expansion.”


“Guilt is a wasted emotion.”


'Nationwide' Quote:

“Pebble art.”


'10 Things To Know' Quotes:

“Hand hygine.”


“Recontaminate.”


“Indicator bacteria.”


'Louis Theroux: The Night In Question' Quote:

“That's pretty weird.”


'RTE News' Quote:

“Put on the enemy list.


'American Housewife' Quotes:

“Things I would eat if I were on the show 'Survivor' and I already ate every rat on the island.”


“She's kind of stupid.”


“Flesh eating super virus.”


“Secret bar.”


“I let him believe I was nice!”


~

On 'Neighbours' for Toadie, acting is an activity for which he possesses no aptitude whatsoever as demonstrated when Sonya dies. The sweathog Finn comes out of his coma.

Scary Books

Book Reviews: Awakened + Alien Pregnant By Elvis, part 1 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒

Awakened by James S. Murray with Darren Wearmouth

Below is where darkness lives. This rubbish took 13 years to be published, shame it ever was. A new subway opens and monsters attack. This wasn't dark or unsettling or excellently nuanced. Various dreadful sociopathic brats run around. A secret conspiracy moulds society. Monsters smiteth people.


The POTUS (not 45) needs to make doomsday contigency plans. There are dire contingencies and aggressive language. People are treated with contempt and violence and do horrific things. There are evil actions and raw fury and men with cold cold hearts and useless women.


There are violent altercations, a malevolent baddie and a sequel hook. This was not desperately tense. There is no dangerous meance and baddies take malicious relish in endless cruelties. There is stiflying malevolence and no people of common sense. This was badly written, laughably plottted and not a serious contribution to knowledge.


This was low on tension. There is callousness and an impending catastrophe. This was ridiclious and doesn't have an original idea in it. There are pitiless people and rabid paranoia and this was incessantly boring and incompetent. Matthew Reilly and Preston & Child and Warren Fahy are better writers than this duo. This reviled crap is a grim indicator of the downfall of the US publishing industry.


Best Lines:

“Forget about explosives blowing out the windows. It looks like the passengers were thrown through them.”


“Unfortunately he'll live.”


“It's always the damned Nazis.”


~
Alien Pregnant By Elvis edited by Esther M. Friesner and Martin H. Greenberg, part 1

This 1994 anthology centres on tabloid tales.


Introduction

This is incoherent.


The Source Of It All

This is a blatant 'Eerie, Indiana' knockoff.


Best Line:

“Lure paths.”


The Bride Of Bigfoot

Bigfoot, Elvis and UFOS. One needs endless pateince to get through this.


Close-Up Photos Reveal JFK Skull On Moon!

There are negative outcomes and dreams shattered and strange misfortunes in this incapable tale.


Marilyn, Elvis, And The Reality Bites

Faux disbelief causes aggravation.


Those Rowdy Royals

Bollocks.

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Dollanganger

Movie Reviews: The Lost Future+Hunt For The Wilderpeople+Fighting With My Family+ 2 others 😢

The Lost Future (2010)

Sean Bean stars in this bizarre boring tale of post-apoc cavemen taking on mutant zombies or something.


~
Hunt For The Wilderpeople (2016)

Sam Neill stars in this tale of a New Zealand foster kid dumped with a couple who live in the remote woods. The foster mother promptly dies and the foster dad and kid end up in the bush on the run. There are irreversible moments and a selfishly conniving social worker. The foster dad has pathetically repressed inarticulacy.


People are irredeemably horrible and they are no models of charm. The duo keep running into particularly awful people in this totally unconvinving medicore mess.


Best Lines:

“Kicking stuff.”


“I hate you heaps. Please die soon. In pain.”


“Double gangster.”


“Go back.”

“To what?”


“Freaky kid.”


“Did you shank anyone?”


~
Fighting With My Family (2019)

This is a bio-pic of pro-wrestler Paige who came from a working class family in Norwich. She made it to the top of the business. This has snigger potential but is warm hearted and funny. It's a time of change and discord for Paige as she passes an audition to the big time but her brother fails. As Paige trains for the big time, things get bad and they get bad often. But her inherent resolve sees her through. This was medicore and Paige's brother is bitter from his unfulfilled ambitons. Yet Paige's brother managed to train a blind teenager to be a pro-wrestler, this part is still true. Paige makes her triumphant debut in the big time but the film ends before her career ending injury.


~
Finding Neverland (2019)

Stage mothers, uncomfortable viewing, lies admitted and no guilt about lies, disbelief and this was disturbing.


Best Line:

“Not being believed by so many people.”


~
Extraterrestrial (2014)

Idiots put being annoying above everything. There is oafish behaviour and Michael ironside. Rescue doesn't seem to be coming in this banal movie which is full of histrionic overdramatisation. The characters are idle people with empty minds and they are layabouts who do craven posturing. This is not taut with tension as aliens crash land.


This was from the 'Grave Encounters' TPTB. It was relentlessly bad with no rising tension as the tools realise that they are dealing with something beyond the remit of the their rational framework. The aliens have homocidal tendencies and this was taste-free and unnecessary. There is no sheer desperation.


Best Lines:

“I'm an idiot.”

“I'm glad you're aware of it.”


“TTYL.”

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To Light The Way To Bed

Durrells3x03&3x04+Supergirl4x10+Babylon 5 4x06&4x12+Charmed 1x09+Black Mirror 3x03+Batman 1x11-1x14

The Durrells 3x03

Larry is selfish and Leslie joins the police. Larry and his useless mother are in the UK. Gerry tries to save donkeys. Leslie is a lifelong failure. This was not aspirational. Nobody acts like it is the 1930s. This was rudimentary. There is a joking reference to the mother's alcholism. This show consistenly refuses to be good.


Nobody has dignity and rectitude. Gerry is the hope of the clan. This is a chaotic litany of sheer unpleasantness. Larry is capriciously demanding. TPTB ignore how his own daughter accused him of abuse which people laughed at even though she killed herself. There are poor lifestyle behaviours. This is all wild inaccuracy. The mother steals a necklace. This does not leave you enraptured. Leslie engages in reckless gun usage.


Best Lines:

“Some people deserve to be cared for.”


“Doss house.”


“Greek peasant.”


“Love your ass!”


The Durrells 3x04

The mother talks up Leslie being born in India. ALL her children were born in India! The mother wants Gerry to be educated. His probable dyslexia is ignored. This was onerous. Leslie continues to allow his babymama to be shamed. Larry sails a boat. This was racist as Larry gets lost at sea. Gerry gets a sloth. The Durrells commanded lower status in Corfu than this inherently untrustworthy show depicts. What about the long running rift between Leslie and his family?”


Best Lines:

“Find you a nicer gutter.”


“Smells of fear and sick!”


“Will I bollocks!”


“Posing in your blouse.”


“A baby nobody wants.”


~
Secrets And Lies

No-one has noticed bizarro Supergirl? Kara has a detached and transactional 'friendship' with Lena – though naturally she doesn't see it that way. Kara is the calculating figure full of moral hysteria. She ignores the power inequality.


Kara ignores orders cos she has superpowers and can do what she likes. Brainy bores. Kara has a negative effect and is troublesome. She's done something bad. Alex whines and has distain. Alex tells DEO agents to lie to their boss. Alex and Kara's selfishness and stupidity has terrible consequences. They're profoundly dangeorus.


Where is Max Lord? Things get much much worse. Why do people have deference to Kara? Where is the mad murderer Manchester Black? Alex and Kara have bad moral behaviour and this ep causes frustration and anger. People talk in stupid voices. Sense is disregarded. This was unimpressive and there are bizarre line readings and Kara whines.


This has tonal simplicity. Alex isn't prepared to contemplate sense; she thinks she's a virtuous thinker. Kara has abject distain for sense and belittles sense. This was wretched and Kara and Alex have judgmental conversations. This was a fiasco. Alex attacks her boss and wakes fake Hank to mindrape her boss and other people. All to keep Kara's identity secret. FFS. NOBODY has issue with this.


The darker elements are ignored. Alex has fake Hank make her forget Kara is Supergirl. Oh joy, a return of 1x01 Alex. Nobody thinks this merits criticism. This is a fateful deciison. It's profoundly worrying what a fascist obscene joke Kara's become. Never once does Kara consider NOT lying. She's light on insight and this corrodes faith.


Best Lines:

“Trauma as a method of discipline and obedience.”


“She has no morality!”


~
Into The Fire

Footage from the Hubble Space Telescope is seen outside the windows of the White Star. Why does it have windows? Ivanova whines. Lorien is useless. Why does Lorien have a tiara? Why is Sheridan in charge of everything and why is he exalted? Lyta and Marcus lurk. One feels a dramatic decline in interest. Where did Lorien's race go?


There is endless talking. What is beyond the rim? Nobody asks this. This was absolute nonsense. Londo learns how Adira died and is thankless. Londo and Vir cheer over Morden's downfall and ignore Morden's correct prediction of the coming ruin of Centauri Prime. Londo has a pity party and he doesn't regret anything he did. Londo has a storm of outrage.


Ivanova has crazy assertiveness. The very tan and hair gel sporting Morden was always calm, collected and defiant. Until he is last seen yelling and screaming and getting his hair messy. How did the Centauri see and kill Morden's watchers? Morden seemed sad his watchers were killed. There is no moral clarity. Londo blows up an island and there is bad acting.


This was a failure. Sheridan is an axe crazy raving lunatic. There is a bizarre and too long scene where there is a woman in an ice cube and lookalikes babbling bad dialgue. This was a ghastly non-event. There is ageism and I HATED this. The Shadow war ends in a non-event.


Best Lines:

“Haul ass.”


“Star Liner.”


“They knew what was being asked of them.”


“THEY HAVE ALLIES!”


Conflicts Of Interest

Sheridan is a petty ass to Garibaldi. Ivanova goes on about broadband. Sheridan is purposely aggravating Garibaldi into a violent response. Garibaldi gets involved with shady people. Ivanova is annoying and stupid yet everyone talks about her like she is the second coming. Does nobody on Earth wonder where Sinclair vanished to?


There is idiot comedy. Lise returns and wails about her evil first husband. Why doesn't her rich as god second husband help reverse the unfair custody ruling her first husband got? Shadow allies are running around setting up the failed spinoff 'Crusade'. Garibaldi stumbles into the plot to commit genocide against telepaths. This was okay. Ivanova does nothing of note and Sheridan with his White Star fleet sets himself up as a tin pot dictator and NOBODY has issue with this.


Best Line:

“Their legacy remains.”


~
Jingle Hell

It is Christmas and Hunter and Parker murder people and get busted as dmeons by the bimbo bints. Parker's mother is evil. Parker is to be The Source. Parker's damned to a life inescapbale and inconsolable. Nobody has critical introspection. There is an incoherent fight and questions and Parker wails. A cliffhanger sees Harry and Hunter end up in the underworld. Oh boo hoo.


~
Shut Up And Dance

A nerd is not particularly liked after doing something online. He's subjected to true viciousness and has to rob a bank and do things. There is a twist but I didn't care.


~
A Riddle A Day Keeps The Riddler Away

Dick wears a hideous green jumper and a tie. Batman and Robin invite attention and sometimes hostility. One watches this boredom with incredulity. A King stares in disbelief at thederanged Riddler. This is not satisfyingly plausible.


Best Lines:

“What room can no one enter?”

“A mushroom!”


“Suprise attack style.”


“You lackey.”


When The Rat's Away The Mice Will Play

The Riddler can be truly terrifying and spiteful. Jim Carrey ripped off this take on the character wholesale. Bruce seems to wear lipgloss and Dick is VERY intense. He's pure determination. There is a HIDEOUS Batman and Robin painting. Riddler cracks up when foiled. Mmm.


Best Line:

“Now we're going to deactivate you!”


The Thirteenth Hat

The Mad Hatter lurks – not as bad as the irritating one on 'Gotham'. How was Batman a witness at the Mad Hatter's last trial when he won't reveal his legal name on record? Aunt Harriet bumbles. Mad Hatter's former jury is in peril. Batman and Robin are in peril. This was daft. I do not commend the makers of this ep.


Best Lines:

“Few men die of threats.”


“That human scourge.”


Batman Stands Pat

Robin's tied to a plaster horse and his hair is messed up. I've an increidbly negative opinion of this ep. Robin is in peril again. Batman kicks the Mad Hatter into a chemical stew for choking Robin. This bored.

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