February 27th, 2019


Movie Review: And The Beat Goes On: The Sonny And Cher Story (1999)

This is a silly bio-pic based on the icons of the hippie counterculture movement. They didn’t change pop culture, they defined it. Sonny Bono delivers meat and gets into the music industry and meets Little Richard and Phil Spector and Cher. He and Cher become an act. There is obvious miming to vocal doubles and hideous clothes.

Sonny is gender policed and they’re disapproved of. Sonny is controlling and thoroughly unpleasant. Sonny says Cher can’t act and Cher says she hates Vegas, oh irony! David Geffen shows up. Cher has a baby. The couple do their wildly popular TV show. Cher wants out and this bio-pic blames her for the divorce.

Sonny’s second wife Mary just appears. Sonny still has a laundry list of character defects. This was brilliantly ill-advised and there is bad ADR and a reunion on David Letterman. There are clips of the real Sonny Bono and his funeral at the end.

Best Lines:
“What the hell is that in there?!?”
“This name is Sonny.”

“We are garbage! Look at us!”

“I’m not doing Vegas.”

“No more dreams.”

“Cher, smile.”

“I’m not even friendly with my husband.”
  • Current Music
    Family Affair - Mary J. Blige/Keep On Moving - Five/I’ll Be There For You - The Rembrandts/Breakfast At Tiffany’s - Deep Blue Something
  • Tags

Book Review: Slayer

Slayer by Kiersten White
This novel is set in the world of ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’. Nina, an emotionally abused member of a watcher family, becomes a slayer. Her dumb twin sister and vile evil bitch mother are useless and unsupportive and uncaring. There are demons, bullies, obvious baddies and ties in with the comics. Nina’s twin sister hooks up with her bully and is angry at Nina for being upset with this.

Her mother lies, excludes Nina and then throws a pity party for herself. Nina is the daughter of the Donald Sutherland watcher from the original movie. Faith gets an unnamed cameo. This is set in Ireland and it is FULL of racist errors about the country: unpaved roads, the words soda and candy used, people use pounds and not the Euro, the capital city is described as though it is still 1973, the author seems unaware that Ireland is rabies free, the Watchers live in a village called Shancoom which is so rundown that it wouldn’t have existed in 1843 and the author seems unaware Wesley is dead.

There is no gathering dread or implacable fate. The Watchers and their ideological dogma are intentionally cruel and coldly pragmatic and impenitent. Nina talks in japey fashion like an uneducated tool and this brings no grim joy. This was mundane and way too teeny bopper.

Best Lines:
“The stabby stab.”

“My mother kept choosing her.”

“She had no idea what she was or what was coming for her.”

“They’ve ignored me for years.”

“I wanted her with me, but as always, she chose to protect someone else.”

“Doesn’t deserve anything she has, anything that was sacrificed for her-”

“A sad, broken society desperately trying to hang on to the glory days that will never come again.”

Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

HBO 2019 promo
‘Chernobyl’, ‘Watchmen’, ‘Big Little Lies’ and Jon Snow.

Best Lines:
“Tried to be a better human being.”

“Never occurred on this planet.”

‘Shadowhunters’ season 3 trailer
Jonathan, that stupid warlock, fighting, Alec and will Simon just DIE already? There is a wedding, glowing, monsters and nobody withdraws from the violence.

Honest Trailers: ‘A Star Is Born’
Growl-off. The Diceman for a dad.

Recall Esso tiger tails?

‘Arrow’ = Walmart Batman.

Recall fruit roll ups?

The old ‘A Woman Of Substance’ miniseries was boring, like the book.

Best Lines:
“How disgusting you are.”

“Miss bossy knickers.”

“Her family doesn’t love her.”

Tales From The Darkside’ Quote:
“I’m not with some cheap floozy!”

‘RT’ Quotes:
“That makes it bad!”

“Faced hostility.”

‘American Housewife’ Quotes:
“That cannot be learned by watching Kevin Costner movies.”

“Play with my zebra.”

“I was there when the paramedics had to hold her down and administer a sedative.”

“Once a month supervised visitation day with my kid.”

“New name on my hate list.”

“I can’t wait to laugh at you.”

“Let people hunt Greg in the woods ‘Most Dangerous Game’ style.”

“A couple of poors.”

“Stop using words that haven’t been invented yet!”

“You learned it to me!”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Reading was exhausting. Talking to people was exhausting. Television was exhausting.”

“Most of her friends fell away.”

“Chatting about things I hadn’t been a part of.”

“Couldn’t not try.”

“You can within limits, live your life.”

“Quickly degraded by the body’s harsh digestive system.”

“Turns all her attention to.”

“Withdrawal from family life, frustration, conflict.”

“Talk more negatively about and to them.”

“Struggling socially.”

“Physically excluding.”

“No going back to the way things were.”

“Potential exchange-value.”

“Resolution of disapproval.”

“Fostering social unrest.”

“Void unit.”

“Government in waiting.”

“Will never say sorry.”

“Two United States and that they don’t much like one another.”

“Nasty encounters.”


“Dismissive, condescending remarks.”

“Increasingly irrational.”

“Afraid of provoking him.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“My mom can do horrible things.”

“Giving them the wrong word.”

“Threw a used female product at them.”

“Lower life satisfaction.”

“I just don’t care about that.”

‘This Time With Alan Partridge’ Quote:
“Bedroom based do-badders.”

‘Teen Titans Go!’ Quote:
“The dance of the pee pee!”

‘Forsaking All Others’ Quotes:
“Money, power and beautiful young women are still the standard male rewards.”

“Purse phone.”

“Marry us, complete us.”

“Shopping was the main recreation.”

“Part of that deal was that she would have to adore him and approve of everything he did.”

“Locked out of her own family.”

“Low-class friends.”

“Out of the family that she had spent her whole life building.”

‘Warren’ Quotes:
“I got called a tosser.”
Oh no, not again.”

“Let’s hope it kills him: we could do with the money.”

DSCF0404.JPGheathers10.jpgearth_x Tommy.jpg
Scary Books

Shadowhunters 4x11 + The Durrells 3x01&3x02 + Santa Clarita Diet 1x03&1x04 Reviewed

Lost Souls
Jace dodges a manhole cover. Jace is sad and shouty because he thinks Clary is dead. Why was this cancelled? The Clary actress is now on ‘Arrow’ playing the daughter of Oliver and Felicity FFS. Clary isn’t dead; she’s hanging out with Jonathan who is being played by a new competent actor. Jonathan is still a predatory saddo. Bane is still a colossally stupid tool who is irresponsible. Simon whines and makes poor choices.

Who is the annoying child? Alec has boy band hair and we finally see evidence of the great Alec/Jace friendship. There is no escalating tension. Some annoying bint is connvingly cruel and evil to the bone. I don’t care about Clary or Bane and their drama. One is not particularly enthusiastic about this. Bad things happen to Clave prisoners, oh boo hoo. Clary can’t harm Jonathan. Oh boo you whore.

Best Line:
“You’re never going to survive.”
“Watch me.”

Shadowhunters season2 (1).jpgShadowhunters season2 (2).jpg

The Durrells 3x01
This show is not strikingly creative. Self serving bores have bare faced mendacity. All ties to the book or reality have been tossed long ago. The mother wears too much blusher. Leslie humps various women. Larry is deliberately demanding. They’re all pretty horrible people. The mother meddles in Leslie’s life. This was not fascinatingly dull, just insufferable.

Best Lines:
“Monstrous troll of a baby.”

“Commercial leprosy.”

The Durrells 3x02
There is no unshakeable intensity or emotional sensitivity. This was simply tedious and minimally credible. Leslie makes another ill-advised decision. Larry thinks the world is against him. Is he on drugs? Where’s Leslie Caron? The clan thrive on chaos. TPTB ignore Leslie’s eventual profound unpopularity with his own family. This was unnuanced. Larry and his mother and Leslie discuss contraception in the 1930s. A great aunt dies. Leslie’s fathered a bastard. The family try to kill Gerry’s pet goat, which is played for laughs. WTF?!? There is a WW1 mention and Leslie won’t marry his baby mama in the 1930s because he is a selfish tool.

Best Lines:
“Explained poorly.”

“We will know no shame.”

“Agree to marry my daughter.”


“That’s just creepy.”

We Can Kill People
The bratty teen daughter SHOUTS all her lines and can’t act. The wife and husband plot to kill someone to feed her zombie hunger. The cop neighbour annoys. The husband bonds with his wife’s dinner. So she eats a new dinner. This show is not good, so why do I keep watching?

Best Lines:
“Got that woman pregnant while she was having her wisdom teeth out.”

“Go to class as an act of rebellion.”

“Nothing sketchy there.”

“Speaking of Hitler, your mom called.”

The Farting Sex Tourist
The wife takes on her daughter’s principle. The bratty daughter brats. This show is extremely bad but has bile fascination.

Best Lines:
"Strangling a rooster."

"Went into the woods and yelled at trees!"