February 17th, 2019

Kylo Ren

Star Trek Discovery 2x05 + Covert Affairs 5x01 Reviewed

Saints Of Imperfection
Why does everything on this show have to revolve around Michael? Where’s the red angel or the red lights? What is a Class 5 torpedo? The ex-Emperor shows up. Where’s Spock? Pike doesn’t know who the ex-Emperor really is? Pike stares. Everyone knows who Section 31 is. There are cruel orders and hard-bitten ambition. Cestus III is mentioned. The Section 31 guy isn’t a Trill. Section 31 has unchecked power.

An apple is chewed. Leland is the Section 31 boss. Spock is not Michael’s brother. The ex-Emperor makes snake noises. She needs to be watched warily. Michael faces confrontation. An organic transporter is discussed. Blondie whines. He and Michael think they can do everything and that they are better than everyone else. Tilly screams. I’m tired of her and her marketed innocence.

The Thrush talks. People keep calling the Thrush, May, as the Thrush and her silly accent yaps. Pike knows Michael is lying. Ash Tyler/Voq is Section 31. Discovery finally has a new Chief Of Security after Landry’s death. Michael does everything. Why is the cocoon still on the floor? The Thrush/May whines. Will it go away! A monster lurks. But it isn’t a monster; it is Hugh the dead doctor who can’t act. Blondie and Michael have lights on their shoulders.

Pike annoys and will May PISS OFF? How is the doctor alive? Blondie is Jesus and raised the dead. FFS. What did the Section 31 guy do 6 years ago? The doctor isn’t alive or something. There are stunted hopes and no moral philosophy. This was not deeply passionately good. There is acrimony and no narrative efficiency. MULorca was colder and devious because he lived with the threat (often the daily reality) of violence. One misses him. Is real Lorca alive?

Pike is a vehemently annoying prat. The doctor who can’t act is naked and you can see right up his ass. FFS. The Admiral is back and people talk about time travel. Starfleet is a civilising force. Section 31 has moral neutrality. Alan Van Sprang guest stars in this okay ep.

Best Lines:
“Aggressive stance.”

“The innocent don’t run.”
“You ran from us.”

“There are always lives at stake.”

“This insufferable place.”

“Make it useful in new ways.”

“Fester for eternity.”

“Accepting that distinction.”

“Just like you knew your former captain?”

“Nothing in the known universe would make that possible.”

“Intentional thought.”

“Opened the door to our world.”

“No set end point.”

“Before they eat through the hull.”

“Starfleet is a promise.”

“Reaction cube.”

“Deeply insane plan of yours.”

“Your tiny finger.”

“We won’t survive complications.”

“Hold her together thrust.”

“Explain that to me!”


“Our matter is not your matter.”

“Shining beacon of righteous contact.”

“I really need to know your intentions.”

“No world where I can give that serious consideration.”

“A greater hand writing our story.”

“A greater hand leading is.”

Shady Lane
I’ve no idea what happened in season 4 as it was crap. Annie’s back at the CIA doing stuff I don’t care about. When did Joan have a baby? HOW did she have a baby? What happened to Ben? Who killed Jai? People mumble about the domestic threat matrix and reel bad Arabs. I've no idea what is going on or why. 'Salt' is ripped off. Auggie is ANGRY. Oh piss off Christopher Gotham.
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Trailer, Quotes & Stuff

‘Long Shot’ (2019) trailer
Charlize Theron and Seth Rogen star in this romance. Theron runs for POTUS and Rogen was the kid she used to babysit. Ha!

Cheddar cheese & onion flavour gourmet bites - dry.

I want a platinum, sapphire and diamond ring.  I want a Chanel necklace in white gold, ruby and diamonds. I want the Van Cleef and Arpels The Poetry of Time watch. I want Christian Louboutin so kate booties and Moschino gloves in leather and a Louis Vuitton trapeze splash bag and a leather bag.

I want to try Janice Wong chocolates.

Who saw ’Wah-Wah’, ’My Girl 2’, ‘Everybody Hates Chris’, ‘Ever Decreasing Circles’, ’A Beautiful Mind’ or ‘Monarch Of The Glen’?

‘RT’ Quotes:
“Fireplace salesman.”

“Didn’t deem it necessary to give an answer.”

“Democracy restoration.”

“Imperial rampages overseas.”

‘Man V Food’ Quote:
“Container of poor judgement.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“Willing to accept.”

‘Location, Location, Location’ Quote:
“Note of interest.”

‘BBC News’ Quote:

‘The Robot Chicken Walking Dead Special’ Quote:
“Stabby crew.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“Weird me out.”

“Laughing is for Germans only.”

“If you don’t like death. Get out of children’s toys.”

“Had no idea he could count.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Takes place only within the confines of a structured group.”

“He looked disinterested.”

“Without any solid explanation.”

“Lost almost two-thirds of its global population within days,”

“Infectious diseases that were once common are now seldom seen, with their effects forgotten.”

“How devastating these diseases were,”

“Concerned about chastity.”

“Not untypical.”

“Path of extinction.”

“Species decline.”

“Community wide concern.”

“Kicked a wheelie bin at him,”

“A status that she can therefore not reject.”

“Automatic presumption.”


“Throwing chairs about.”

“Went berserk.”

“Media activities.”

“Hard to imagine there was anything outside.”

“Social isolation.”


“Getting into CDs, because they’ve now become retro.”

“Coming for some information and nothing was going to stop him.”

“Escaped attention.”

“Biter little man resenting his wife so much that he isn’t even aware how deeply he wants to hurt her.”

“Gleeful ex-public schoolboy chasing down and appending a violent drunk.”

“That audience is not forgiving.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Space-eating cars.”

“It did not delight earlier generations.”

“There was so little TV for kids that we remember everything.”

“Something that barely seemed funny in 1981.”

“You mourn a relationship you want but know you cannot have.”

“Painful relinquishing of a relationship.”

“The kind, thoughtful relative you crave but who, in reality, is not.”

“Wills are a particular provocation.”

“Caviar was always a triumph of marketing over substance.”

“Tend to lack formal identity records.”

“High-functioning morons.”

“Couldn’t get a job as a speed bump.”

“People he regards as enemies.”

‘Tales From The Darkside’ Quotes:
“That’s my mother’s microwave oven!”

“My mother set great store by that microwave oven!”

“Leftovers are for the developing nations.”

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:
“I’m trapped and I’m bored. It’s grim.”

“Community outcast.”

“Looked at the wrong person in the wrong way.”

“As if that was enough to explain their lives and deaths.”

“The way people behave and the things they think they can get away with.”

“Deserving poor.”

“No appetite for establishing facts.”

“All cats compete for territory.”

“Reluctantly coexist.”

“The most damning comparison a Frenchman could deploy,”

“The existing order will finally break down.”

“The hatred they have inspired in some parts of the world because of their assumptions of superiority, together with a lack of respect.”

“Police finally extracted him from the house.”
Pretty Smart

Movie Reviews: Suspiria (2018)+Alien Fury+Let Her Out+Overlord

Suspiria (2018)
This remake of the 1977 original is set in 1977 and there are riots and brown in Germany. There are random scenes that make no sense. Chloe Grace Moretz, Dakota Johnson, Alex Wek, Tilda Swinton, Mia Goth, Renee Soutendijk and Jessica Harper star. There is interpretive dance and one is unsure of character names and Tilda Swinton runs around in drag as a man. There is criminal assistance and this is so damn horrible.

This was wholly clichéd. There is no strong narrative drive or psychological intelligence. There is theatricality and incoherence in this disconcerting bland film that is full of mumbling. There is imperturbability hiding terrifying steely hardness or something. This was not unsettling. There is narrative flux and intentional humiliation. This was not poignant or absorbing. It is perilously easy to fall prey to dank witches in this film.

This was not of huge significance. Witches are untroubled by the least moral qualm and dancers are unpitying. There are no decisive events just unreasoning desires and an emotional inability to cope. There is sheer unkindness and lurid revelations in this wholly implausible plot. There is sociopthic ruthlessness. The cast is repellent and there is senseless horrific futility and deathless boredom.

There is overblown psychodrama and camp hysteria and overblown melodrama. This was not utterly gripping. Ugly terrible stuff happens and the doctor has bovine docility.

Best Lines:
“Her constructed mythology is confirmed.”

“Illusion is their craft.”

“Blow up department stores.”

“I am she.”

“What reason is there to pity you?”

“She’s my sin. She’s what I smeared on the world.”

Alien Fury (2000)
Dale Midkiff stars in this alien invasion TV movie that has dated vfx. A photo of an alien ship on the moon is leaked. There is a fear response and people act irresponsibly. An annoying cop lingers. There is no deep unease. A guy bikes around an underground parking lot. Nobody is amicable. Serious and bizarre things happen. People are knowingly involved, deliberately involved and culpability is significant.

People report on the alien armada. The aliens are of immense public and national importance. The alien photos are claimed to be a hoax but there are actually aliens, as well as indignities and miseries and a CD that stuns people by being re-writeable. People babble about new software. Woe betide various people. There is no grim atmosphere and no absolute ease and this was plain horrible.

There is no clear eyed social observation. Just malign entities and conspiratorial nonsense. People with obsessive and paranoid traits lurk pitilessly and purposefully preying on the obsessions of vulnerable people. There are weird imaginings and craven desires and no perilous predatory situations. People are devoid of personality in this stultifying dreck.

There is no stunned panic by luckless tools. People are grimly accustomed to having no sense of decency or positive future. Ridiculous scenarios unfold and terrible choices and retributive actions are threatened and there is no lost utopian dream. There are no thoughtful ruminations only surprising ugliness. There is no pure drama just antipathy. This was not astute. There are grudges and grievances and callous self-serving attitudes. Ambition is thwarted and TPTB end this film without finding relevance in the consequences. Self-involved tools yap. There is nervous energy and everybody sucks on inhalers and is secretly an alien. Stephen Tobolowsky, Chyna, Grace Phillips and Judy Geeson co-star. There is no satisfying complexity in this awful awful awful mess.

Best Lines:
“Zero access policy.”

“Even Judge Judy would rule in our favour.”

“More foreign than we can imagine.”

“Enjoy your company at the landfill.”

“Federal types.”

“Sneaking around the backside of the moon.”

“Lunar Prospector Number 2.”

“Preposterous scheme.”

“Outrageous hoax.”

“Global embarrassment.”

“The aliens! They’re coming man!”

“Severe countermeasures.”

“Full scale global invasion.”

“Recordable CDs.”


“There are no aliens on the moon.”

“Spew an idiotic demand.”

“State capitals being ray-gunned.”

“Big ass ray gun.”

“An all-out liar, a nut job and most likely an alien.”

Let Her Out (2016)
There is no cultural fascination as a woman acts crazy due to vanishing twin syndrome. The girl annoys and she has unfathomably cruel idiot friends. Credibility is shattered due to charmless tools and a man taking uncool joy in being a perv.

Best Line:
“What happened to your foot?”

Overlord (2018)
Yanks v bitter foes in this dreck which causes no palpable fear or gleeful pleasure. This was grim and depressing. This was absolutely terrible and incredibly boring and terrifyingly trivial. This inane WW2 gibberish is full of clumsy prattling and addled incompetence. It is a dry and staid unconvincing portrait of Nazi zombies.

There is human wretchedness and nuisance behaviour and this was unappealing and uninteresting. I feel absolute distain for this. This is the dullest lowest grade crap that is indescribably awful. There is talk of war plans. This was a great calamity. The thoroughly unlikeable characters do stuff. This was a colossal failure. There was fevered speculation that this was a ‘Cloverfield’ sequel. It isn’t. Nazis are nefarious. Sense is constantly ignored. Nazis have abusive power relationships.

Best Lines:
“Friends die.”

“Exactly how hard is too hard?”
“You’ll know.”
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