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February 1st, 2019

Book Review: Two Can Keep A Secret

Two Can Keep A Secret by Karen M. McManus
From the author of ‘One Of Us Is Lying’ comes this okay mystery. Ezra and Ellery end up in their mother’s home town after their neglectful drug addict mother ends up in rehab. Staying with their grandmother, they learn the town of Echo Ridge has a history of missing women, bullying and ignored traumatised recall.

There is psychological bullying, damaging accusations, people choosing unwisely, social stratification and a baddie whose betrayal is inevitable. There are inevitable consequences of people being satisfyingly certain yet wrong. This was good sharp and perceptive. This was a tale of narrative uncertainties, social uneasiness, unjust misfortune, diminished reputations and particularly horrible people.

Best Lines:
“Trouble I shouldn’t even be in.”

“Worry at home,”

“Acting like your existence annoyed him.”

“She’s a special kind of horrible, isn’t she?”

“You. Thought. He. Was. Guilty. Of. Murder.”
“I almost got murdered.”

“Some secrets shouldn’t be told.”
In Dino Veritas
The Sliders find themselves in a preserve for the last living dinosaurs. The image looks stretched. The opening credits are BAD. This was calamitous ineptitude. This show causes deep frustration. It is so deeply 90s. Polite looking lad Quinn is pointless in this ep. This was not exuberant. Wade is hopeless and reckless. This was terrible.

This was not controversial or subversive or wildly imaginative. TPTB made the park ranger a baddie and say the poacher should be allowed to hunt dinosaurs. People are ethically neutral. This was all absurdities. The poacher is all toxic masculinity. He’s belligerent and feels no deep responsibility. People are visibly annoyed. There is acrimonious stupidity. Interest desists immediately.

Best Lines:
“No urban noise.”

“San Francisco National Dinosaur Preserve & Spotted Owl Sanctuary.”

“An arrest team.”

“Little green bastards.”

Post-Traumatic Slide Syndrome
The gang slid home in 2x01 but didn’t recognise it as such. Now they think they’re home but overlook one HUGE clue as to why they’re not. The events of ‘Fever’ and ‘Last Days’ are discussed. There are secrets. The professor is replaced with an evil double. Which professor slides at the end of the ep? We don’t know and it all came to naught as they got rid of him in season 3. There are payphones and people act like idiots. This was farcically poor.

Best Line:
“Azure Gate Bridge.”

Out Of The Frying Pan
Social interaction has gone to hell. The ex-con molests Noah. Dawn lies and she and her gang act like they have unimpeachable respectability. The gang stopped liking one another long ago. Noah dismissed the murder victim as an interloping jezebel who latched onto superior men and seduced them into idiocy.

Noah suffers delicious hubris. The gang vindictively accused an innocent man of murder. They have no moral force or moral capacity. The ex-con rampages. Susan was even more awful than at first apparent. Andi was a drug dealer as well as a ho. Peter had a save a ho complex. A woman gets hysterical. Derisive comments are yelled. Logic is not something TPTB thought mattered.

There is antagonism. Noah’s dumb and gets what he has had coming for 5 years. He’s a perv. There is forcible confinement and no ethical awareness.

Best Lines:
“Disgusting carb muffins.”

“Don’t kill him!”
“I won’t! Not yet!”

“Let these outsiders in.”

“The real Glenn is shoved in a freezer in the back of that Winnebago!”

“Tell your big bad secrets to anyone who will listen!”

There is T&A and this is not frankly terrifying. The bald guy is a former lawyer who drove a man crazy. Noah’s still not dead. There’s no prospect of reconciliation. Noah’s unconscionable and had no compassion. Dawn gets caught in a trap. Where’s she getting the extra ammo? There are life-changing repercussions for the jerks. Someone is hell-bent on wrecking their lives.

There is no inventiveness. This was not reasonably diverting. The environment is hostile. There are no fiendish intricacies. This was not decently silly or funny. There are too many narcissists. Each preening character is more ghastly than the last. This was all crudeness. The indifference of others is on display when the ex-lawyer insists on a hearing. Death is not deeply concerning to people. The lawyer is run over and Renee is killed but no-one hears this?

Best Lines:
“You’re a horrible shot.”

“Girls are buried in caves.”

“Trust my own goodness.”

Day Of The Dead
What happened to Renee’s body? Mark the ex-lawyer is not dead, yet. Peter’s a moron. Their victim wasn’t the baddie they painted her as. They drove her to it. Mark dies. This was not good.

Best Lines:
“Musty basement apartment.”

“Promise not to judge me.”

“Now you care?”

“Bed bug registry.”

Exorcise Your Demons
The sisters plan to save the possessed Angela. An Elder plans to ritually kill Angela. Their mother was an Elder. There is no complex meaning. The original is a constant looming presence. How did Mel get Angela into the trunk when her touch can kill? So much for god powerful witches. A cop stalks the sisters and gets killed. There is forbidden love. The Elders are idiots. Who was demon guy? This was mediocre.

Best Lines:
“Harbinger of doom in our attic.”

“BoHo Victorian.”

“Too confident that she’s right.”

“Done harbouring the harbinger.”

Lesbian Request Denied
Jason Biggs is reduced to this.  A nice middle class girl is in jail for becoming involved with an international drugs cartel. Inmates’ meds are changed. There is feuding, Laura Prepon, Kate Mulgrew, creepiness, aggressive words and behaviours. The nice middle class girl Piper is alarmist and has an instinctive tendency to blame others.

Best Lines:

“She’s talking to the devil.”

“Man stink.”

“Walking around like a $2 hooker.”

“I threw my pie for you.”

“That really happens?”

“She threw pie for me.”

The Exorcist 2x06

Darling Nikki
Nikki (Alicia Witt) is all botoxed. Truck is under a detention order. Tomas and Marcus realise a demon is using the island as a hunting ground. Rose has a differing interpretation as to what’s going on. Tomas and Marcus are precautionary. The demon is emboldened. Tomas and Marcus are interrogative. There is terrified silence in the group home. Demon woman from season 1 resurfaces, after all her desire to become possessed - she’s now dying of cancer.

Verity bitches. Andy escapes deserved scrutiny. Where’s the demon cop? Andy is obviously not well-intentioned. Shame this show had no adoring audiences. The demons want to possess Tomas. Demon woman is suitably unimpressed by the new character. There is a precarious situation. Andy has a grim expression. The implications of the Andy/demon relationship are unwholesome.

Andy’s threatening and contentious and reproaches are hurled. Rose whines - leave bitch! Also, shut up bint! The priests try to dodge the inevitable. Rose heaps more misery on the group home. Verity ridicules. The priests are a united front against Andy. Tomas faces constant assaults. Rose is fallacious. Andy (and maybe Tomas) are on a one way path.

Rose is misinformed. Things go badly wrong. This was good. Harper’s crazy mother shows up. How? Does nobody lock the door or hear the ruckus? Andy murders someone and is possessed and his hair never moves. This was not genuinely shocking.

Best Lines:
“You sent her away.”

“Random priests showing up for no reason.”

“Sounds a little 14th century.”

“Provoke an emotional response.”

“He’s not coming home; he’s going straight to juvie.”

“They’re unfixable.”

“Implied as much. Although he used much less ominous terms.”

Babylon 5

Severed Dreams
Phil Morris and Bruce McGill guest star. The word hell is used a lot. Where is Marcus? Sheridan is a moron. There are stupid speeches. A Ranger who can’t act shows up. Hague is dead. Always the best decisions with this show. Clark bombs Mars causing various colonies to break away from Earth. ISN is shut down. Franklin says they should fight: isn’t he a pacifist?

How can Sheridan access the holographic system on the planet below? Don’t people wonder how he’s holo-projecting himself over the station? So much for keeping the planet below secret. Delenn does ANGRY and SHOUTING. B5 secedes from Earth. The Churchill is damaged and instead of getting to the escape pods - the captain rams her ship into another EA vessel destroying it and her own. Delenn brings Minbari ships to defend B5 and brings up her past genocide. And B5 wonder why they have bad press? Sheridan loves Delenn and everyone applauds him. FFS. This lacks credibility and was a load of nonsense.

Best Lines:
“They’re bombing Mars.”

Breaching pod.”

Star Trek Deep Space Nine 1x18

Dramatis Personae
A ship explodes causing mind control stuff to affect the station. Sisko builds a clock and mentions a mission recorder. People act weird. Bashir plots. What’s a bio-survey mission? Dax is a bimbo. There is foreshadowing of later plots. People act maniacally unhinged. There is no sense of threat or darkness. There is goofiness and absurdity in this self-serious ep. This was completely and comically OTT as Sisko and Kira plot against each other. The clock stays. Dax gets slapped. None of this was ever mentioned again.

Best Lines:
“Don’t look at me that way. I’m perfectly normal.”

“He’s still dead if that’s what you mean.”

Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

‘Honest Trailers: Birdbox’
This film punishes everyone who tries to be a good person.

Best Line:
“Showing you stuff!”

‘The Flash’ 5x13 promo

Bison jumps were hideous.

Who saw ‘Surviving Gilligan’s Island’?

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“More convivial and socially egalitarian city.”

“The response of some parents was to accuse gardai of harassing their sons.”

“Properly bohemian.”

“Imploring their young congregation to change their behaviour,”

“Where locals now fear to walk or cycle.”

“Weaponisation of poverty.”

“End careers and galleries.”


“No words of regret, no thanks or acknowledgement.”

“Couldn’t be bothered finding a job.”




“Help seeking.”

“Increasing the intrigue.”

“Homelessness was made a punishable crime.”

“Self-annihilating fanaticism.”

“Delay, deny and defend.”

“Shattered the lives of an entire generation.”

“European corn border.”

“We now live a terrible way.”

“They got very scared. The culture wars came out of that.”

“He completely changed the trajectory of the country.”

‘Aertel’ Quotes:
“Born sleeping.”

“Personal hardship.”

‘Don’t Breathe’ Quotes:
“You just gave this guy the legal right to shoot us.”

“This is not good.”

‘Danny Dyer’s Right Royal Family’ Quote:
“Stop stabbing bushes.”

‘Batman’ (1966) Quote:
“Only the Joker would think of that.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Alfie NEVER apologises to James for calling him a liar, ill-treating him and excluding him. Nancy hooks up with Kyle aka James’ lying ex. Alfie notes Mac has suffered no falling off in reputation despite all the crap he’s pulled. Sinead and Nancy go hysterical. Alfie leaves. No great loss. Mac learns he fathered a daughter on a vile prozzie, the same vile prozzie he forced James to sleep with thereby inadvertently fathering Romeo on her. So that’s complicated. Mac brags about his new daughter and stealing Cindy’s house.

Darren gets into an argument with Nancy but can’t do a dramatic entrance as he can’t open the door. Cindy gets out of the loony ward. Where is Hilton? She learns Mac stole her house and is shacked up in it with the vile prozzie and her whore dropped bastards. Cindy’s homeless. James wants to help Cindy. Sinead looks plastic.

Best Lines:
“You can’t get angry at facts!”

“Sienna the husband stealing witch.”

“I ain’t going nowhere!”

“You’re not just dead to me.”

“You killed Nita...Nathan going out the window..the school exploding.”

“Queen of loonyville.”

Return To The Batcave: The Misadventures Of Adam And Burt (2003)
Adam West and Burt Ward star in this TV movie which sees a crazed Adam West obsessed with his past role. The batmobile is stolen and he and Burt Ward must find it. Flashbacks show the making of their iconic show. Bruce’s pole was thicker than Dick’s, Burt Ward was a stage named and he was told to change his real name and Ward’s first wife is played by Amy Acker.

Ward has got old and fat. Did Robin ever get to drive the bat mobile? Adam puts on his costume suavely. Ward is inept at putting on his and health and safety is non-existent as he is constantly injured on set. Ward’s voice hasn’t changed since 1966. Ward and West have marital issues. There is exposition and anecdotes and censor issues about the fit of Ward‘s trunks. Burt Ward’s Robin outfit was ridiculous. There are loads of T&A jokes and questions raised about why Bruce Wayne had a ward.

Burt Ward had to escape a crazed fan. Batgirl shows up. West is not shown in the most positive light. There is on-set conflict to heighten the absurdity. Burt Ward has enduring mortification. This was a good seriocomic tale that co-starred Betty White, Curtis Armstrong, Lyle Waggoner, Lee Meriwether, Frank Gorshin, Julie Newmar, Jack Brewster and Jason Marsden of ‘Eerie, Indiana’.

Best Lines:
“There are stairs?”
“I’ll show you sometime.”

“Robinson Crusoe on Mars.”

“Something Clooney-ish.”

“Couldn’t get arrested.”

“Not a lot of call for that.”

“I just plan on saying my lines. Is there more to it than that?”

“Good guys don’t lurk.”

“He was accident prone around fire and electricity.”

“Holy henchmen!”

“Holy parking violations!”

“Mischief is afoot.”

“To what dark end?”

“Bat probe. Don’t ask.”

“Causes curious stirrings in my utility belt.”

“They’re only actors.”
“I’m sure they’d like us to think so.”

“Charming and well-loved as we’ve always been.”

“Dick’s thrust into manhood!”

“You’re not wearing seatbelts.”
“In the batmobile?!?”

“Superheroes wear tight clothes. Cuts wind resistance.”
“Tell that to the Catholic League Of Decency.”

“Is that all you?!?”

“I can’t help how I’m built.”

“You and Robin are gay I hear.”

“You two keep her in the dark about your secret life.”

“Older unmarried guy who takes in this naïve teenage kid as your ward. But you don’t adopt him and there’s not a female figure in the house.”

“You have a strange and unnatural relationship.”

“Sexual vampire.”

“You’re talking slowly on purpose!”

“How about better scripts?”

“I don’t see what’s strange and unnatural about 2 guys who run around in tights and live together.”

“And Bruce and Dick almost never date girls. Not to mention the whole strange uniform thing you share. And don’t get me started on the batpoles. Wrap your legs around that and slide into my batcave.”

Velvet Buzzsaw (2019)
The art world is the setting for this odd film. A dead artist’s work is looted by an art gallery worker. People plan to sell the art leading to oddness. What becomes of the dead man’s cat? There are awful people and a murky plot. This was WEIRD. Are the cats okay?

Best Lines:

“Disappeared for 3 decades.”

“You’re the advisor. Advise.”

“Been in a crate since 92.”

“Walked by like she was part of an exhibit.”

“We peddle perception.”


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