January 21st, 2019


Archie Meets Batman '66 Issue 2 Reviewed

This is emotioanlly vacant unchallenging entertainment. The story goes on without anything resembling a coherent plot. Robin and Batgirl go undercover as students in Riverdale. Gotham criminals plan to infiltrate Riverdale. The fairly patheitc Archie whines. Since when did the Dynamic Duo know who Batgirl really is? The socially corrosive Joker plots. This was ludicrous but one feels gleeful reading it. Dick, Alfred and Batgirl's totalitarian loyalty to Batman is still odd. One wonders if TPTB can propel this vison any further without logic giving way.

Best Line:

“How many subjects does this crone teach anyway?”

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Sergio Balleseros

Star Trek Discovery 2x01 +Runaway/Calypso/The Brightest Star/Escape Artist +Sliders 1x10 Reviewed


MULorca's constant malevolent shadow and carefully crafted persona is missed. There is babble about the Cassini probe for some reason. The 'heroine' does exposition. Amanda is not blonde. Lil' Spock was unfriendly. Captain Pike of the USS Enterprise takes command. Tilly SHOUTS and babbles incessantly. Pike (Anson Mount of 'Inhumans') stays on. The 'heroine' is a contrarian who is not delightfully difficult.

A dude in a visor and another dude with a coal-scuttle on his head wander. No-one is too concerned with the fate of the real Lorca. Pike and his dated hairstyle slumps. So who is captaining the Enterprise? Thinking of Spock generates strong emotions in Michael, who is embittered. The crew get into another rotten mess. The turbolift looks ridic. The Enterprise crew are not warm and cuddly. There is a snot joke. Saru has contemptuousness. Tilly incessantly yaps.

Saru and Michael are adversarial. Things are unutterably dull. Michael, Saru and Tilly are needlessly antagonising. Nobody cares about the real Lorca. There's a potentially devastating sitch involving red signals across the galaxy. The real Lorca is apparently still stranded in the mirror universe without credit or recourse. Not that anybody cares. Why did MULorca want to go back to the MU? He had a new life! Nobody has a shadow of misgiving about real Lorca's fate. Tilly is a horrible cretin. MULorca is denigrated.

There is no more mushroom drive. The doctor who can't act shows up. This ep is a disincentive to care. What happened to MULorca's tribble and weapons room? Sarek wanders around in his bathrobe looking skinny. There are foibles and inadequacies. Sarek doesn't mention Sybok, his eldest son. The ship has telescopic cameras. Enterprise sat out the war. Micheal says they wouldn't abandon a Starfleet brother or sister. They've abandoned real Lorca! Michael snots. There are colour co-ordinated suits to wear as 4 people fly pods down to a wrecked Starfleet ship. Evan Connolly the jackass dies. Nobody cares.

Pike's pod and auto-eject is damaged. What are the things near the redshirt's mouth? They find the crashed ship with some survivors. This ep is utter tripe that is devoid of substance and has substantive flaws. A red angel is seen. What is it? Do TPTB even know? Pike is beamed up and somehow is back down on the crashed ship seconds later. What was the blue thing that wouldn't transport?

This was tedious, laboured and bloated. The story rejoices in going nowhere interesting. Michael has intransigence. This was not well-reasoned. I viscerally dislike Tilly. Discovery's viewscreen cracks and it gets an asteroid in the shuttlebay. Tilly goes on about dark matter. Pike puts on a Discovery uniform. It is said that the 'TOS' uniforms are the new uniforms. Pike is on about the source and intent of the signal. Pike sees one of MULorca's fortune cookies that is a horribel prediction of his future.

Where's Spock? There is a 'TOS' homage (holey plastic in Spock's quarters) and Spock's quarters look different. There is a 3D chess set and a message in Spock's quarters.

Best Lines:

“A thousand centuries.”

“Hit it.”

“Declaration of malice.”

“Starfleet's most prominant ships.”

“Terrain between us we cannot navigate.”

“The classified details surrounding your last one.”

“I'm not Lorca.”

“Wildly lame.”

“He was right. As usual.”

“Great reverance for his mother.”

“I will say fewer things.”

“Fly good.”

“Where's my damn red thing?”

“One of the most hostile environments in space.”

“Cry like a baby tribble.”

“We won?”

“There was a armstice.”

“You're an engineer, not a surgeon.”

“And I read.”

“Course I stayed behind.”

“On a collusion course with a pulsar.”

“This feels bad.”

“The power of math.”

“Wasn't one to encourage discourse.”

“An instrument of last resort.”

Short Treks: Runaway/Calypso/The Brightest Star/Escape Artist

These 'Star Trek: Discovery' shorts serve no purpose. Tilly has a stepsister? There is SJW stuff and then a man wakes up in his pants in sickbay. The Discovery will be empty for a 1000 years and it is hinted that the UFP warps. WTF? There is no emotional texture and this was not oddly compelling, just achingly serious. Will things go very badly wrong for the Discovery crew? These shorts are narcotising and cause a creeping dissatisfaction. They were not riveting or propulsive. There are no interesting implications. Saru's origin story is shown leading to an unexpected cameo. Mudd yells and there is boob armour, Orions and a call forward. This causes wry distain.

Best Lines:

“Got greedy and awful.”

“How could this life be enough for them?”

“Relics from the long ago.”

“What is out there beyond the skies?”

“Pissed off the wrong planetary alliance.”

“It trains you. For command.”

“How can I get?”

“Milk alternative.”

“Sugar is awesome.”

“Pre-warp society.”

Luck Of The Draw

The sliders get a dog and a new slider in the form of Ryan (Nicholas Lea). They are on a world where a lottery gives out money. Winners die as a form of population control in a world which follows the writings of Thomas Malthus. There is only 1/2 a billion people on this Earth. Wade is a lottery winner and is in peril. Rembrant meets and loses a woman. Quinn has macho scorn and gets shot in the cliffhanger. This was boring and the dog, Ryan and the gunshot wound vanished without explanation in season 2 due to network meddling. Which wasn't the last meddling that would damn this show (Maggie, Kromaggs and Charlie O'Connell are yet to come).

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Trailers, Quotes & Stuff😍🌹🌹💖💕🎁

'Io' trailer

Humanity flees Earth. Looks good.

Best Lines:

“Toxic zone.”

“There is no one else.”

“What was it like before?”

“Final exodus launch.”

'Gotham' 5x04 promo


'Honest Trailers: Solo'

Not everything needs an explation. No one asked for this.

Best Lines:

“Which part of the internet you like to scream at.”

“No wonder he tossed him off that bridge.”

Dairy Milk mint crisp bar – good.

Milk chocolate with a slug of smooth, honeyed, 10 year old single malt – yum.

Marmalade gin chocolate cocktail – strong.

Mint cream sealed in mint dark chocolate – okay.

What's cultured cream and pickled onion salt?

Who saw 'The Lady In The Water', 'The Machinist', ''Green Acres', The Freshman', 'The Happening' or 'Wide Awake'?

I'd try a burger from hell and chilli cheese fries and Coffin Bay oysters with ice plant. I'd try horseradish and blood orange creme fraiche. I'd try brioche buns with chocolate and rosemary.

Foris – what is outside.

Job ghosting is a thing?

'The Phoenix' Quotes:

“Such was her sense of grievance.”

“Advise and assist her in conflicts.”

“The very high expectations of what a book could and should achieve.”

“Made her sound like the Roy Keane of literary critcism.”

“Unnecessarily vicious.”

“Apparent exclusion from various tributes and special supplements.”

“Intolerable and needs to be addressed.”

“Always been to cultivate the most powerful and very wealthy at the very top of society in order to achieve her goals.”

“Sense of her place in society, at home and abroad.”

“Brought attention to himself.”

“Cultural diplomats.”

“Best known for outspoken views on assorted topics.”

“Bizarre outbursts.”

“Has been uncharacteristically absent from the sunday papers of late-”

'The Empire Of Sand' Quotes:

“I will make sure she doesn't miss you at all.”

“Unspoken expectations of his station.”

“Give a ritual its deserved weight.”

“He didn't sound like a man who considered himself blessed.”

“The taint of her choices.”

'BBC News' Quote:

“Unlike her barren self.”

'Coronation Street' Quote:

“I'll stick it though your front door.”

'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“Say something that would render me instnatly and permanently unemployable.”

“Talk myself out of opportunities that hadn't yet come my way.”

“No great moment of revelation.”

“Venerates stress.”

“The delusion that you're on the verge of being discovered.”

“Regards being on the verge of burnout as a sign of commitment.”

“Started to panic that she hadn't found a lasting significant other.”

“Born in shame.”

“Single women who don't want to be.”

“Unattached status.”

“Skin hunger.

“Found their kindness difficult to take.”

“Here's homelessness.”

“Dreaded milestones.”

“When they realise it's not normal.”

“Seeing all this food when they know it's not going to be in their house.”

“Faux online infamy.”

“Trudge of leaden celebrity cameos and randomised foreign adventures.”

“Poking the show with a stick in search of answers is officially fruitless.”

“Saintly dead wives.”

“Dark kitchens.”

“Mary's body, like Elizabeth's is a symbol and vessel of the nation's integrity, and therefore it isn't entirely hers.”

“Generally treated Mary as a villain.”

“Canons are unfashionable and literary classics automatically suspected of patriarchal crimes.”

“How to win prestige by complying with the rules of the system.”

“Peripheral nations.”

“Obsessing over perceived slights,”

“Whose existence literature had hiherto failed to acknowledge.”

“Fear will become the future.”

“Delcared opposition treasonous.”

“From a time when beaches existed.”

“Increasing encroachment by the state in the way we live our lives.”

“War alias.”

“There is no way out from here.”

'FTWeekend' Quotes:

“Keeping his reputation in public view.”

“Ill-mapped backwater.”

“Gave certain men the right to tell a woman's story and judge her for it, to sentence or protect her and those she loves, at a price of his choosing.”

“Don't have that and they've never had that.”

“Influence exhibition strategy.”

“Opportunity costs.”

“Time sinks.”

“Celestial bodies moving around us on a cosmic scale.”

'Man V Food' Quote:

“Sorry I had to go there.”

'Tales From The Darkside' Quotes:

“Even back then it was dated.”

Welcome to welfare lady. Enjoy!”


Movie Reviews: Zombeavers+The President's Mistress+Dismissed+Fyre+In God's Country+ 4 others

Zombeavers (2014)

2 idiots cause a toxic waste spill that creates undead zombie beavers. Rex Linn is in this and it has an amusing animated opening and mumbling by 3 irritating young women. One takes her top off and acts like Rose McGowan and goes to investigate the scary noise. Various idiot boys and beaver puppets show up. The bitchy Rose McGowan type slut who ruined her friend's getaway also reveals who slept with her friend's boyfriend. A toxic boy tosses a dog to be eaten by the undead beavers. There is gore and the boyfriend thief is a dumb slut. Of them all, the Rose McGowan one is the final girl. Boo. This was okay silliness; you'll be damned!

Best Lines:

“Why are there no street lights?”

“Cos there are no streets!”

The President's Mistress (1978)

Beau Bridges, Susan Blanchard, Larry Hagman, Gail Strickland and Biff Yeager star in this tv movie. A dude (Bridges) who fanices himself a ladies man player harasses a woman on a plane into going home with him and getting it on. His sister is the mistress of the POTUS and is alleged to be a Soviet spy. The CSA plot. What is the CSA? The mistress is murdered.

There is bad acting, manic desperation, lies, manipulative violent psycopaths and this goes disastrously wrong. People do things for nonesensical reasons. Then it just ends.

Best Lines:

“Your basic neighbourhood weirdo.”

“They're always married.”

“She hit me!”

“I like her.”

“He's calling from the yacht.”

“We don't have accidents! We plan accidents!”

Dismissed (2017)

A caring teacher with stupid apathetic students gets a bright dedicated student, Lucas, who turns out to be a grade grubbing nutter. This low-budget film is unwanted and unheeded. This was not terrifying. The teacher's resilience and confidence and capacity to flourish are destroyed by Lucas' terrible feats. Lucas has no moral, intellectual or social education. Lucas thought life was set for him, but he is not as smart as he thinks he is.

Lucas (Dylan Sprouse, not the 'Riverdale' one) is secretly grotesque and there is domestic dysfunction. This is straight out of the 1990s. You don't care about Lucas impugining the teacher, pushing a bimbo off a roof and being despicable and deluded and full of unwise desires. Lucas is aggressive, nefarious and into purposeful humilation, negatively focusing on the teacher and he's confrontational. I outright despised this and didn't care about Lucas' pitiful fate.

Best Lines:

“How close you two weren't.”

“He's threatening me. Literally.”

Fyre: The Greatest Party That Never Happened (2019)

A con artist claims to be planning a music festival on an island. The festival turns into chaos. Things were overpromised. The schemer is fairly pathetic and he is a meddler and opportunist as well. He knew no morality or rules. Spoiled wastrels want to party at the festival and whine online when it is a disaster. Cons with RFID braclets were planned. Various people look booze and drug glazed.

Nobody has shame. The festival was an unrelenting ordeal. People have rancour and dissipation. Talk of the festival was spread by word of mouth. TPTB do not craft epiphanies or heighted moments. Stupid snowflakes whine and shrug off blame. Fyre was a major failure. There is monstrous arrogance, people acted in incomprehensible ways and this was a particularly interesting work of drama and character.

People did not vigorously engage with logic, people had dubious ethics and wearisome machismo and unswerving self seriousness and blind trust which lead to chaos and an air of desperation and credit card debt and legal trouble. Various ill-fated nitwits whine, preening lunkheads do feats of idiocy and general inarticulate rambling. The whole festival planning was without any shape or formulae as it was a con.

This was a tawdry soap opera populated by sexual wantonness and people prone to rash someotimes disastrous decisions. They were tactless and petulant and artless and boring and depressing and nobody cares about the locals who were exploited and left out of pocket. Fyre was particularly bizare and justifably ridiculed. Ja Rule was involved but vanishes halfway through the documentary. Influencers are delusional poeple with no peace or dignity. This was good.

Best Lines:

“Flaunting the wealth that he stole.”

“Do not lie. Again.”

“Newest cool credit card.”

“No experience in doing events.”

“Music festival conference.”

“Flying v fromation.”

“Scratch the pigs now.”

“Creative mind.”

“Why aren't these people tagging us?”

“Sold 95% of their tickets.”

“Cultural experience of the decade.”

“It was so terrible.”

“Leftover hurricane tents.”

“Would not take advice.”

“Bio-waste standpoint.”

“We will come after you.”

“Outright told me to be dishonest.”

“Just started laughing.”

“38 million?”

“Tint of resentment.”

“Festival insurance.”

“Angry mob of locals.”

“We will come after you.”

“Hid behind a urinal.”

In God's Country (2007)

Richard Burgi stars as a Mormon cultist and Peter Outerbridge is a cop. A woman has scaped a Mormon cult and finds it hard on the outside. She tells the men they suck and saves her daughter from having to marry her stepfather. Then it ends. No.

The Wrong House (2016)

Clare Kramer stars. A family buy a house and a would be buyer who didn't get it stalks them and frames them for sex crimes and affairs. The wife goes hysterical and can't act. This was STUPID.

Magic Moments (1989)

In this UK set drama, John Shea plays a stage magician who falls for Jenny Seagrove his producer and acts creepy to woo her. She wails. Shea does bog-standard magic and wears a shiny white suit straight out of 1973 and it drags on and on and on and on and on and on. This has wearying familiarity. Seagrove's adoptive father's dire actions are excused because he wants to shag her. WTF was this? This was catastrophic.

Alien Nation: Millennium (1996)

This is the 3rd tv movie based on the cancelled tv show. After the 5th the tv movies stopped for no clear reason. Brian Markinson, Susan Diol, David Faustino, Jason Behr of 'Roswell' and Kerrie Keane appear in this. A Newcomer (Keane) runs a Y2K cult and has a powerful piece of Newcomer tech: a magic box. No really, a magic box.

It's 1999 (in show) and 7 years since the ship made a forced landing. The opening credits show a movie theatre showing 'Rambo 6' which was meant as a joke in the 90s but there really will be a 'Rambo 6'.

Buck whines about his aloneness and has obsessive enmity toward everyone. Every Buck plot is unwavering drivel because he has an inability to be reasoned with. Buck whines about not belonging on the planet Earth. He was born on a slave ship! Does he want to go back? The novels hinted he was trained to be an Overseer. In his view, Buck is always the victim in any perceived grievance. This was seriously silly. Matt gets burrito all over him. One feels utter distain and contempt for Buck. Geroge oohs over a touch screen PC. Matt has another new haircut.

One feels utter distain and contempt for Buck. Matt rants about afferminative action. Is that Jill talking to Emily? Yes it is. Randy (Behr) flirts with Emily because he's a sleaze. This was sadly devoid of tension or drama. Emily plays a synth. How do Newcomers have credit cards? Johnny Cochrane does tv shows in this 1999. Where's Vessna? There is a joke about the show's cancellation. Tori Spelling is a Fox news anchor in this 1999. Best joke ever!

Exposition is spewed. People act like the internet is some bizarre new thing. There is dated tech and Matt wears a LOUD tie. What's a midi chip 2000? Newcomer are named Al Fresco, Vincent Van Gough and Polly Wanakracker. Emily beats up Randy. Matt threatens to strangle someone with a phone cord and talks about a Power Ranger millennium reunion. The ending is a VFX mess.

Best Lines:

“Final week of the 20th century.”

“First it was bar codes and now everything has turned low fat!”

“Low viewer interest.”

“Did you really fall off a building today?”

“He's so brooding and troubled.”

“Latest in his string of confused anti-social behaviour.”

The Village (2004)

Folk horror with a twist.

Buried Alive II (1997)

“If it rained brains, you wouldn't get wet!”

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