January 11th, 2019


Book Reviews: The Death Pit + Night Plague + The Hymn

The Death Pit by Tony Strong
In this 2000 novel, a woman goes to Scotland to investigate a 17th century witch. But as she investigates the past - modern day unpleasantness and tragic circumstances unfold. This was ridiculous and unrealistic. It’s full of dropped plots, the unsubtle presence of evil, a curtailment of logic, opinions reached far too hastily, startling assertions, forlorn commentary and sense is vigorously denied.

People are actively hostile to local witches, there is no deep concern over murders, bratty teens are unchallenged and people have inaccurate notions and this was not emotionally honest. Evil people ruthlessly assert themselves, there is no ethical state, locals don’t always act in a friendly way, there is no social credit and there is judgement and unsubtle cultural conversation about witch trials.

Idiots have impunity, there is community resistance to sense and a rambunctious idiot ‘heroine’. This ill-conceived novel finally reveals a baddie of innate malice and vindictive character who does and says things that are not in the heroine’s interest. The ending reveals ancient deep family disputes and schisms and a legacy of anger and silence. Various women are riven with desperation and are bleak of outlook.

This was a textual oddity in which panic-stupid people run around in a plot staunchly opposed to sense. This novel causes annoyance and contempt.

Night Plague by Graham Masterton
This 1991 novel (reprinted in 2003) has perversion and incoherence and is crap.

Best Line:
“Unloved by God,”

The Hymn by Graham Masterton
This 1991 novel (reprinted in 2003) has neo Nazis, Wagner, immortality, perversion, portents of doom, a lack of repercussions, loonies violating propriety and arcane rituals but no Shakespearean dread.
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: The Guardian + Lady Jane

The Guardian (1990)
This William Friedklin horror is all very very serious. Jenny Seagrove plays a vile and evil druid nanny who sacrifices babies to an angry molesting tree. No really. Carey Lowell and Miguel Ferrer and Natalia Nogulich co-star. Nobody notices the nanny’s baby stealing and sinister rites and pagan darkness. Why do the family need a live-in nanny? There is stupidity, t&a and death. Xander Berkeley shows up and the stupid parents think they’ve won.

Best Line:
“Don’t let that woman back in your house!”

Lady Jane (1986)
This is a bio-pic of the 9 day queen. Unredeemable men plot. Cary Elwes and Helena Bonham-Carter star. There is mumbling. Patrick Stewart, Joss Ackland and Morgan Sheppard co-star. Mary I has Jane and her husband executed to ensure her own marriage. Elizabeth I isn’t seen. This was unsubtle. Jane’s equally ill-fated sisters don’t seem to exist. This was over-long. Jane’s idiot husband gets his kit off. This was dull and nobody renders aid to Jane.

Best Line:
“Of famous memory.”
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Trailers & Stuff

‘Arrow’ 7x10 promo

The Flash’ 5x10 promo
Barry’s a moron. Reverse Flash plots. Nora is in peril.

‘Supergirl’ 4x10 promo
Kara keeps lying.

Caramel & Cornish sea salt butter fudge - yum.
Gluten free chicken and caramelised onion pizza - okay.
Belgian cocoa dusted chocolate truffles - yum.

What’s a conversation pit?

What was a treasure fleet?

Halley’s Comet won’t return until 2061.

I want cat-eye sunglasses and hand-rolled beeswax candles and a pink breeze Merino breathable top.

I’d try lemon curd mess.

Kenny Everett Quote:
“Let’s kick Michael Foot’s stick away!”

‘The Irish R.M’ Quotes:
“Lower orders.”

“Thought you were marrying a failure.”

“Here’s your sleeve ma’am.”

“I’ll cut it off so I will!”

“Them’s not company fish!”

“Blood, murder or fish.”

“Draw disgrace on me!”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Clearly denoted her way of life.”

“Policing women’s sexuality.”

“Lifelong insanity.”

“Political obsession.”

‘The Gloss Magazine’ Quote:
“The impending extinction of practical men and women who knew how to fix things, from toasters to televisions, irons to Instant Pots.”

‘Teen Titans Go!’ Quote:
“What’s a couple more weeks without soap?”

Titans (2018-?) 1x01&1x02+SeaQuest DSV 2x03+The X Files 11x07+Babylon 5 2x16+ 2 others

Dick Grayson is a cop in Detroit. He still uses the name Robin and the costume and isn’t Nightwing. Raven is kept locked in her room. Dick’s precinct looks high-tech for a bankrupt city. Robin makes a superhero entrance on some hilariously unimpressed gangsters who wonder where Batman is. Robin (and his stunt double) gets VIOLENT. Then after a hard night of vigilante activity, he cleans his gear - shirtless.

The Detroit PD doesn’t connect Detective Grayson (from Gotham) to Robin (from Gotham). It’s been a year since Robin was seen in Gotham. What happened between Robin and Batman? Starfire dresses like a stripper and one can see evidence that this show was extensively reshot. The mayor calls Robin a violent sociopath. Starfire acts weird.

Dick Grayson feared he was becoming too much like Batman. Raven and her blue hair kills someone. Dick has a very fancy car. This was okay.

Best Line:
“Gotham? Jesus!”

Hawk And Dove
There is swearing and the heroic duo (and their silly outfits) show up. Hawk has a bad hip and Dove wears a Superman t-shirt. There are flashbacks to 4 years ago that show a happy Robin (who SMILED) hung out with Hawk and Dove. Who’s the 4th person in the Hawk, Dove, Robin photo? Dick speaks to Alfred on the phone. Raven watches ‘Game Of Thrones’.

Raven is an annoying idiot. Where are Starfire and Beast Boy? A family of assassins lurk. Dick and Dove boffed. Hank aka Hawk is a tool. Dick’s cop partner is bothered. Robin stabs a guy in the junk and another in the eye. The R symbol on Robin’s costume comes off and doubles as a throwing star. Dove is disturbed by Dick’s violence and Hawk calls him a psychopath. Raven calls Dick a liar - oh get lost bint. Dawn is hurled off a roof and Raven is carried off by baddies. This was okayish.

Best Lines:
“Likes to make a dramatic entrance.”

“A night out with the bad kids?”

“Skinbag of blood.”

The Fear That Follows
The UEO are now combative, dangerously violent lunatics. There is bad VFX and people with guns storm the ship and point said guns at Darwin. Bridger has a beard. Half the cast has been replaced. Who is Edward Kerr? The new opening credits are terrible. The DeLuise brothers are in the cast. Groan. All creative force is gone.

This was awful. The UEO arrests Darwin, who is a DOLPHIN! There is no underlying rationale for anything that happens in this ep. The aliens from season 1 return. Sense is aggressively refuted. People say Lucas is brainwashed. The aliens show up, speaking English. The UEO is craven and paranoid. Aliens walk on treadmills. The aliens have no consistent set of objectives.

There are alien abductions. Magical Native Americans show up. Characters have an inability to react coherently. There is no deepening tension. This ep was particularly horrible. Lucas is unperturbed by his alien abduction. He also doesn’t go with the aliens; instead he continues his unacknowledged servitude on the SeaQuest.

Best Lines:
“I tried the internet.”

“I want my dolphin back!”

Where’s Scully’s dog? An AI targets Mulder and Scully because Mulder didn’t tip. Since when did Mulder and Scully trust their safety to tech? This ep was not desired. Scully’s personal massager is seen as a joke. Technology is openly disloyal. Why aren’t they looking for William? Mulder trims his nose hair with a huge pair of scissors. There is talk about an online rage cycle. This causes no terrible sense of dread.

Best Lines:
“Poor! Awful! Terrible! Never again!”

“Sushi bots.”

In The Shadow Of Z’Ha’Dum
Vir tells Morden he wants him dead (which would come true). Sheridan holds Morden without cause and interrogates him in order to find out about the fate of the Icarus and his wife Anna. The Icarus was a science ship that went too far. There is a B5 novel about the Icarus, Anna and Morden. The Nightwatch wear armbands which raises no alarms. There is bad acting.

Nowadays TPTB would big up the ‘hero’ holding someone without charge like they do on ‘Agents Of Shield’ and ‘The Flash’. Why is Nightwatch trying to recruit Talia? Sheridan is an ass. Garibaldi quits. Where is the ACLU or the JAG? Sheridan lies and bullies and forces Talia to scan Morden. Delenn is melodramatic. Delenn lies. Kosh and Delenn finally tell Sheridan about the Shadows. But Delenn lies about Anna being dead.

Sheridan tells a historically inaccurate story about Enigma, Coventry and Churchill. This ep was unnecessary and ineffective. Sheridan sees Shadows and can’t make measured decisions. This was not consequential.

Best Lines:
“How is your war going?”

“Dying cold and alone on the docking bay floor.”

“Shadows come again.”

“Woke something up.”

“Morden is never alone.”

Sliders (1995-2000) 1x03

Quinn waves his remote and the dimension travelling gang of tools end up on a plague ravaged world. The CHC is discussed. Quinn was Patient Zero in this world. Jerry O’Connell, Sabrina Lloyd and John Rhys-Davies star. Wade (Lloyd) is thick. There is a church of the divine immunity. Why does money from one parallel world work on another?

The disease is called the Q. The Q makes people orange. If the Q is so deadly than why is patient zero still alive? The plague ravaged the world because penicillin was never discovered. O’Connell overacts. Davis makes penicillin from mouldy food out of a bin. Allison Hossack and Dean Haglund guest star.

People scowl menacingly. There is no emotional expression. The Quinn/Wade ship went nowhere. Quinn and co have come to accept inhabiting realities parallel to their own and being the self-appointed moralists in each one.

Best Lines:
“I don’t think I’m liking this world.”

“Alternative pharmacy.”

“Fascist tool of immuno-oppression.”

“Hygiene wrapped.”

“About to go red eye.”

“Where’s your dignity?”

“Mould juice.”

“Did you tell her about the cannibals?”

War Of The Worlds 1x18

The Last Supper
A female solider has a MASSIVE perm. Colm Feore guest stars. Harrison holds a meeting about the alien menace. This show looks very brown. Peru, Sri Lanka, the USSR and New Zealand are represented. This ep is a clipshow. Ironhorse is hot. Aliens are diabolical bastards. An alien goes out a window. How did the alien get a gun? This was worthless.

Best Lines:
“Outdated cold war posturing.”

“Aliens walk the Earth again.”

“Aliens walked our land.”
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