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January 7th, 2019

The Cthulhu Casebooks: Sherlock Holmes And The Sussex Sea-Devils by James Lovegrove

The malign influence of Moriarty who is now an Old One (sigh) pushes Europe toward WW1. Watson and Holmes have various bitty boring adventures in this futile mess.


Best Line:

“That sounded neither complimentary nor civil,"

Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

'Godzilla II: King Of The Monsters' trailer

No.


'Instant Family' trailer

Ha.


'Second Act' trailer

Ha.


'Cold Pursuit' trailer

Go away Liam Neeson.


'Glass' trailer

No.


Gluten free indulgent brown bites – yum.

Gluten free garlic bread – okay.

Belgian Treson choc – good.


I will review 'The Death Pit', 'Space Inc', 'The Hymn' and 'Night Plague'.


I won't be watching season 3 of 'Colony'.


Who saw 'Charlie', 'Don Juan DeMarco' or 'Joe's Apartment'?


I'd try a E45 pizza topped with lobster thermidor, fillet steak, truffle hollandaise, asparagus and pont L'Eveque cheese.


The 'Star Trek: Deep Space Nine' novelization of 'Trials and Tribble-ations' shows how Daine Carey just wants to shag Kirk. So no.


Anyone see 'The Immortal' the long-forgotten tv show in which Dominic Keating of 'Star Trek: Enterprise' played the baddie?


'TexasMonthly' Quotes:

“Remained inside to the end.”


“Nothing he says will make the allegations go away.”


'The Stand' Quotes:

“Even a man of your apparently limited intellegience.”


“The Judge has been dead about eighteen hours, Bobby Terry considerably less – unfortunately for him.”


“DEAD WITH THE REST OF THEM.”


“DEADBOOK.”


“SOON THE WORLD IS DEAD.”


“She didn't like Harold and didn't know anyone who did,”


“A dollar tip that was crawling with death.”


“Bedrooms with a body or two in each one, and trenches, and dead-pits, and finally bodies slung into the oceans on each coast and into quarries and into the foundations of unfinished houses. And in the end, of course, the bodies would rot where they fell.”


'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“I, too, have stairs.”


“Did you drive on the actual motorway?”

“Of course I did! What did you think I was going to do? Take the back roads through Saggart?”


“Remain contested history.”


“Potential to resurrect old enmities.”


“That refusal and the things that flowed from it,”


“It's a topic that doesn't exist.”


“Unable to do.”


“Doesn't care about a victim's or a community's forgiveness.”


“Transcend ideology and circumstance.”


“No longer controlled their own decision making.”


“Profound and lasting effect.”


“Persuasion or dissuasion.”


“Social danger.”


“Did not realise the seriousness of his behaviour.”


“Post-charge.”


“Analogue craft.”


“Living in caves and worshipping the owl diety,”


“Written under duress and lock and key.”


“Digital photography had decimated film photography.”


“The preserve of purist professional photographers, hobbyists or outright nerds holding onto the analogue technology.”


“Preserve one that was vanishing because of digital disruption.”


“Store the film stock in their fridges to keep it stable.”


“Self-developing film.”


“Embracing craft, analogue, local, slow and essentially the past.”


“Simple and pure transaction.”


“Irish of the wrong sort.”


“Fraught with contentious weight.”


“Sad reminders of halcyon days.”


“Mechanisms of canon formation are nototiously nebulous.”


“Once-popular.”


“Reviled as traitors.”


“We do not forgive,”


“Prolonged unrest.”


“Deserve no mercy.”


“Cannot have a valid explanation.”


“No concept of what it means.”


“Doesn't like his normal routine being disrupted.”


'The Truth About Vegans' Quotes:

“The last animal farm is closed and burnt to the ground.”


“Free the chickens!”


“Don't eat meat. Or I will hurt you.”


'The Innocent Man' Quote:

“Corruption stuff.”


'RTE News' Quotes:

“Warm weather training.”


“Refused to compromise.”


'Law & Order: SVU' Quotes:

“Just another day.”

“Yeah. Until it wasn't.”


“Wouldn't be the first home wrecking nanny on the Upper West Side.”


“One of the top 2 reasons people get dead.”


'The Death Pit' Quotes:

“Built her own hideous pastiche of what she imagined an old Scottish castle should look like,”


“Inability to conform to social norms.”


'The Irish R.M' Quotes:

“No wish to steal the little horse.”


“Thinks he's disreputable.”


“I'll throw it at her head.”


“Spouting French at him.”


Shane McMahon Quotes:

“You need greasy fast feet.”


“Real bad!”


“Eat lightening and crap thunder!”

The Kenny Everett Video Show Disc 5

Freddie Mercury shows up for a cameo. There are Irish jokes. Lots of Irish jokes. It can be robustly argued that this isn't very good. Were memories of Kenny's comedic genius a wilful delusion? There are more decidely dodgy jokes. A Joe Frazier beer ad is shown along with the Technics Cassette tape ad. Dusty Springfield wears clown pants. Sting shows up. Kenny feels a moral imperative to mock Streisand. There are various terrible musical acts. The Repel-A-Thug skit is not as funny as it thinks. There are more dodgy race jokes. Orson Welles is mocked. One feels indifference.


Best Lines:

“Ego-shattering statement.”


“More stars than Star Trek!”


“Are you insane?”

“Yes!”


“It's confrontration time.”


~
Ghouli

The duo recall the search for William. Louis Ferreira of 'SGU' and 'Prom Night II' guest stars. Season 10 had a certain amount of charm. This season has no psychological depth or dark questions. Where are Robbie Amell and Lauren Ambrose? There is product placement and Mulder extols fringe science. There is a terrible consequence of something. There are allegations and rhetoric. This season is ill-conceived. There is a sinister plot (yes, another one).


The duo find and lose William, which is no great loss as he is a punk. I don't care. There is muttering about the DOD and a conspiracy. Gillian Anderson shows off her ACTINGS. Skinner and CSM are in cahoots. Scully and Mulder are sure some punk teen is their son, oddly they're right. There are no character consequences or grim fatalism.


Best Lines:

“Teeth. Mucus.”


“Bowel-clenching fear.”


Kitten

We get flashbacks to Vietnam and a young Skinner. Haley Joel Osment guest stars. Somone finally asks why Skinner hasn't been promoted since 1993. Skinner goes AWOL, again. This show's 90s glory is not recuprable. Scully points out that they don't know Skinner that well despite him being their boss since 1993. A dude is nasty, vicious and accusatory. Skinner never had integrity. Where are Lauren Ambrose and Robbie Amell? Why didn't the duo chase William down after 11x05? There are reveberations from the past.


Where are Scully's family? Why are rabbits and a cat in cages near a trailer in the woods? Where they taken to a place of safety after the resolution of the case? What happened to the tv host from season 10? Skinner has unloveable characteristics and is unpleasant. Terrible decions are made. This ep has no dark enchantment. There is oddness in a small town called Mud Lick.


There are bitter cirumstances and a hostile atmosphere. This was not disquieting or unexpectedly genuine. A relentless and vicious baddie rants about chem trails. Is this ep horribly prophetic? Skinner is a poisonous influence. A man has venomous spite and hatred. Will Scully and her calm stocisism shut up? A confrontration is shaping up. There is no malign stillness. Skinner kills someone. WTF was the point of this? Where's Spender? There is no determining factor.


Best Lines:

“Conspiracy addled minds.”


“Standing over a dead body. In the middle of the woods. In the middle of the night.”


“Not without precedent.”


“Sealed. Even from me.”


~
Inquisition

Where is 2x25? David Vincent tries to make people believe in aliens and ends up accused of murder, again. Then the ep and the show end. There is no resolution. This was poo.

Tags:

Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond (2017)

Watching this glorified making of 'Man In The Moon' documentary is like watching a nervous breakdown. People are unamused by method acting and so am I.


Best Lines:

“I'm the reason for Hulk Hogan.”


“Spot a stuntman a mile away.”


~
Dumplin' (2018)

Jennifer Aniston stars in this tiresome comedy. The stupidly named Willowdean is the daughter of a beauty queen (Aniston) and does not look like one herself. There is idiot dialogue, hicks, Dolly Parton music, Bex Taylor-Klaus of 'Scream' and 'Arrow' and Willowdean does not wear a seat-belt. This was of minimal significance. Where is Willowdean's father? This was not inclusive or reflective. If Willowdean and her mommy are poor, how do they live in a nice house and have 2 shiny cars to drive around?


Why did Willowdean's aunt raise her? Willowdean signs up for the beauty contest her mother does every year. Her mother, Rosie, has Ivana Trump hair. Willowdean aims to sabotage the Miss Teen Bluebonnet conest. Willowdean annoys and alienates her BFF. People visit a drag bar. There is no serious reflection in this heinous, grossly detrimental film which adversely impacts your IQ. There is no constructive dialogue.


The 'talent' section is played for comedy. Willowdean and her friends are mentored by drag queens. There is beauty queen bollocks and sap. Rosie dries her tears with a hairdryer. Willowdean does not outshine her mother.


Best Lines:

“Hi whale!”


“Prep school Bo.”


“Walking is so hard.”


“More and more generic.”


“Lyrics and music deemed appopriate.”


“Worship leader.”


“Indecent violence.”


“Church no, which means don't ask again.”


“Ruining it is the point.”


“Should I invite the weirdoes?”


~
Escape Room (2017)

There seem to be about 3 films with the same title and premise. This mess is tedious and how is this culturally acceptable? Slightly ambigious people go to an escape room with no ominious result. They have bitter internal divisions and acrimony. The tools wander around escape rooms dropping like flies. There is violence and confusion. There are inevitable scenes of man-pain, murkiness and bad acting.


There is a grim kind of survival. The Teddy Bears Picnic song plays. This was cheap looking. What happened to the woman who stuck her hand in the bear's mouth? This was harsh and aggressively ugly. The ending was ludicrious and the baddie is utterly malign and unrevealed.


~
The Night Eats The World (2018)

This is a French zombie film. A dude sleeps through the zombie apocalypse to no serious distress. This is a blow from which humanity will probably never recover. This was lumbering. He shacks up in a Paris apartment ignoring the blood and mess. He gets a gun. Who has a gun in Paris? This was not even briefly beloved.


How did a body get on top of a public toilet? What did he smear on the windows? There is no sensationalist horror or evidence of life. The hipster dude has a vexed expression as he stews in the darkness of a sick, miserable world. This was not twisted or brilliant. There are no greater shocks or darker depths. Him venturing outside is not a terrifying prospect. This had no emotional value. He sees a cat and wants to make it a pet and gets angry when the cat doens't cooperate. Screw this guy.


This film is a failure on every level. He plays drums to attract zombies. This was devastatingly awful. He meets a woman and reacts in witless fashion. This was a ridiculously implausible pulpy scenario. Hipster dude does not smack of panic. This was not an unmitigated pleasure, it's just hopelessly weak. This falls utterly flat and is objectively awful.


Naturally the woman dies, he starts a fire and is endlessly stupid. Why is he so stupid? Why is he so truly revolting? What the hell did the end scene mena? This causes no pity, awe or horror.


~
Aquaman (2018)

James Wan directs this DC superhero movie that stars Jason Momao of 'SGA' and 'Game Of Thrones', Amber Heard, Willem Dafoe, Patrick Wilson, Nicole Kidman and Dolph Lundgren. A lighthouse keeper has a baby with the Queen of Atlantis (Kidman). Said baby grows up to be Arthur (Momao) who can talk to fish. There's mythology, a trident, sibling rivalry, an arch-enemy, the Sahara, Sicily, sea monsters, sea battles, Patrick Wilson riding a giant shark and the film climaxes with fish boy and his evil half brother (Wilson) fighting each other with giant forks. This was good. Heard has a very obvious wig, Aquaman likes beer and fighting and posing and the wonder of Atlantis is very well conveyed as is the abyssal horror of the sea.


~
Daylight's End (2016)

The world has been taken over by vampires in this post-apoc 'Stake Land' knockoff which is crap.


~
The Lady Vanishes (1938)

A woman befriends an old lady on a train who then vanishes. Everyone gaslights the woman that the old biddy did not exist. There are restricitve mindsets and a toxic social environment. This was boring and had a bad remake.


Best Line:

“That's fixed him.”


~
Halloween II (1981)

This 2018 reboot retconed this out of canon. Jamie Lee Curtis ends up in hospital which is staffed by morons. Donald Pleasence does nothing of note besides rant like a loon. Myers kills people without conscience or reason. Morons die, nobody cares, Laurie is revealed to be Myer's sister which was retconed out of canon by the reboot and this was overlit and full of 70s hair. Ana Alicia is in this as is Dana Carvey and Bill Warlock.


Best Line:

“I shot him 6 times!”


~
Dark Places (2015)

Charlize Theron and Nicholas Hoult star in this film which is based on a Gillian Flynn book. Theron surived a family annihilation as a child. Her brother is in jail for the crime. A man (Hoult) asks to meet her, he wants to get her brother out of jail along. The brother is an idiot, he was a messed up teen and he has a kid and doesn't care about the negative ramifications of his actions. This was okay.


Best Lines:

“He's lost hope.”

“Good.”


“Time for pride's over.”


“The kid who nobody paid attention to.”


“He'd shoot me in the head.”


“New satanic age.”


“No one in town liked much.”


“You lying whore!”


“Evil whore.”


“You don't talk hateful.”

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