November 25th, 2018

Scary Books

Book Reviews: Drawn Up From Deep Places, part 3 + Ghostly, part 1 + The Princess Bride

Drawn Up From Dark Places by Gemma Files, part 3

A tale of Jack The Ripper. This is neither a complex dark world nor an interesting take on the bizarrely demonic Jack. There’s no possible thought reform for him, no moral lesson or genuine insight. This is contrary to sense.

Best Line:
“Howling mad harlot killer.”

A Feast For Dust
A western, in which a man has a disconcerting encounter which is an unmixed blessing and a dubious honour in this okay tale.

Best Lines:
“Pray for you after, little as you deserve any such thing.”

“When he realized what they had in mind as regards his ending-”

“No consequences to come.”

Drawn Up From Deep Places
Yet another prequel to ‘Trap-Weed’, the ill-fated sea captain encounters a siren. The cursed captain becomes infatuated but has to accept the reality of the world with which he is presented and the dark tides of vengeances that ensnare him. There is no respect or kindness in this middling appealing tale that has a lot of gay fetishisation.

Best Lines:
“Birthed to roam and kill and eat without rest,”


“Knowing himself despised and avoided.”


“Took pleasure in being hated.”

Hell Friend
Something is watching her rapt and ravenous. This is really fairly awful.

Best Line:
“He was Edward, she was Bella.”

Satan’s Jewel Crown
A western tale of magic, zombies, love, necromancy and a coldly pleased ‘hero’. This was okay.

Best Line:
“Re-ordered an entire town to his personal liking.”

The Salt Wedding
A sequel to ‘Trap-Weed’, the cursed sea captain’s awful fate and narcissistic rage and angry regret go on and on and on. This was okay.

Ghostly: A Collection Of Ghost Stories edited, illustrated and introduced by Audrey Niffenegger, part 1

An okay introduction.

Best Lines:
“Future heavens or hells,”

“We project emotion onto them, they love us inscrutably, if at all. They have a keen sense of retribution.”

“See us and know us.”

The Black Cat
By Edgar Allan Poe. An animal abuser and wife killer comes up with a maniacal plan to conceal his deeds. This was terrible and has no creepy charm and I fail to see why Poe is treated with reverence. The jackass in the story was all unpleasantness and deserved all retaliatory measures. This was absurdity. Poe’s fame was a great historic mistake.

Secret Life, With Cats
There is no sweet sentiment as an alienated woman faces a moral quandary after the death of a friend. This tries for a distortive effect but one is disincentivised to care.

Best Line:
“Misconceived notions.”

Pomegranate Seed
By Edith Wharton, this is a tale like ‘Rebecca’, where a 2nd wife learns her husband is still ruled by his dead 1st wife. This is not innovative or deliberately evocative.

The Princess Bride by William Goldman
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Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Future Man’ season 2 trailer
What’s going on?

‘Watchmen’ teasers

‘Glass’ TV spot
Gurning and cheerleaders.

Best Line:
“Convince me.”

‘Replicas’ trailer
Keanu Reeves and Alice Eve star in this tale of a man who clones his dead family.

Best Line:
“I hope you’re ready to go to jail.”

‘Aquaman’ trailer
What’s with Nicole Kidman’s accent? There are silly outfits and Amber Heard in a bad wig and tridents and tattoos and a submarine and Willem DaFoe and a robot and obscure motives.

Best Line:
“Protector of the deep.”

‘Dynasty’ clip
Heather Locklear and Emma Samms fight in a horse trough and then in the mud. The 80s hair and clothes and bad ADR!

‘John and Yoko: Above Us Only Sky’ promo

Maple salted fudge - okay.
Caramel softly - okay.
Truffle heart - okay.
Fudge duet - okay.

There is to be a ‘Northern Exposure’ revival?

Recall the Chicago Cow Parade?

There will be a movie version of ‘My Best Friend’s Exorcism’?

Jon Cryer is to play Lex Luthor on ‘Supergirl’? Oh FFS.

Recall The Sun’s ‘Up Yours Delors’ headline?

There will be a ‘Tales Of The Unexpected’ revival?

I hope ‘The ABC Murders’ is good.

Recall the Game Boy?

Who saw ‘House Of Mirth’ or ‘Red Scorpion’ or ‘Revelations’ or ‘The Hours’ or ‘Scalps‘?

I want a pop-up robin card and crystal double G multi-finger ring and gold effect wine glasses and an antler candle holder and a lantern with a red candle. I also want gold pear halo drop earrings, a Paris in the fall candle, Dance ceramics ring dishes, suede bow detail courts and an 18k yellow gold and coloured sapphire rainbow.

I’d try cacik and rabbit apples and fried doughnuts filled with zingy orange and whiskey curd.

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Shared distaste.”

“Veneer of cohesion.”

“Symptomatic of a wider loss of festive spirit.”


“Reasonable requirement.”

“Limited engagement.”

“Be the subject of public ridicule.”

“Asked the plaintiff if the Kilkenny People was actually suggesting that he too had been hiding in the foothills.”


“Subject to comments and ridicule at funerals, social events, hurling and rugby matches.”

“A lot of the people I met back then are not alive anymore.”

“Endured over and above other instalments in the franchise.”

“Became iconic, like some films do.”

“Wearing the sort of sleek, weirdly collared coat that actors wear in bad Shakespeare productions that gesture to generic fascist dictators.”

“Those outlaying Vegas casinos that missed re-invention in the 1990s.”

“The Empty Shops Initiative.”

“Proof will never be available either way.”

“Stress-relieving showers.”

“Shaped on the playing fields of Eton.”

“The EU has been interfering non-stop in every part of their daily lives,”

“Gender confusions.”

“Wealth researchers,”

“No wealth limit in the constitution.”

“Can never claim on.”

“Creative destruction.”

“Home culture.”

“The creativity involved in one product destroys the last one.”

“Innovative flux.”

“The helpings far too large.”

“Nutritional adequacy.”

“Dowdy and not in a charming way.”

“Yet another tool by which to judge women.”

“Conniving manipulative seductresses”

“Their ambitions have disappeared.”

“Experience disbelief daily.”

“Reifies European political experience and events into desirable universal norms,”

“His ambitions often dictated the course of their lives.”

“Conquest and those who are subjected to it.”

“Despite being editor of the school’s literary magazine, he was unable to get a single story published in it.”


“Jeopardising his own success.”

“Wouldn’t receive untitled visitors.”

‘Video Killed The Radio Star’ Quote:
“This old hippy.”

Urban Myths’ Quotes:
“Running out of lies to tell them.”

“May I address a few logical hiccups?”

“Die you French bastard!”

“Bourgeois snakes in this cultural Eden!”

“Submarine sex comedy.”

“Crippling social ineptitude.”

“Turgid fools.”

“I’m so good, I’ve defeated retirement.”

“When I want the opinion of a fake boxer, I’ll call up Joe Frazier!”

“You dozy git!”

“Serious trust issues.”

‘Gary And His Demons’ Quotes:
“We’re not friends. Less so now than 5 minutes ago. Much less so.”

“Eat brick and die!”

“Was expecting pervert art.”

‘It’s Christmas’ Quotes:
“The Christmas you’ll have this year is probably very different from the one you experienced as a child.”

“Our apartment doesn’t have an oven,”

‘Escape To The Chateau’ Quotes:
“Partly destroyed by fire. Twice.”

“It’s financial suicide.”

‘Miss Marple’ Quotes:
“Sticks to this sort of business like chewing gum to the cat.”

“He wasn’t shooting magistrates.”

“Man in my shrubbery!”

“Half witted little tart like her.”

“Noticing sort of person.”

‘The Daily Telegraph’ Quotes:
“Wool is stolen from sheep.”

“Little flavour sponges.”

“Expensive sometimes unnecessary items.”

“Animal rights activists have declared that the Dorset village of Wool is an affront to sheep,”

“Emotional disorders.”

“The behaviour of children with ODD was often so bad it prompted questions whether they should let them out of the house.”

“War of succession.”

“Conduct of some of the heirs.”

“Jeopardised the heredity rights of my client.”

“Ask the wrong things in the wrong way and it can potentially go very wrong quickly.”

“Raised international suspicions.”

“Rarely deviate from wearing black.”

“The didactic tale of a returning Korean war hero who organises cooperative farming and roots out class enemies.”

“Condemn any scrutiny or analysis.”

“Designated non-persons who must not speak.”

“Even if they had the capacity.”

“Land hunger.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“War studies academic.”

“Generational segregation.”

“Tech backlash.”

“Artistic urges.”

“Opens explosively.”

“The really mind-blowing concept for her would be playing the songs that people actually want to hear.”

“Be a lot more careful about how I present myself.”

“They want to see the whale.”

“Space resources.”

“Structural crisis.”

“The curries for which he’d acquired a taste as a wartime commando in Ceylon and Burma.”

“Trans-polar currents.”

“Celebration food.”

“Metal killing.”

Movie Reviews: Roadside +Statute Of Limitations +Lost In The Bermuda Triangle +The Survivalist

Roadside (2013)
An idiot couple are menaced by a loony on an isolated road. There is sexism and bad acting as people park and bark. The husband is a cheater and a tool. Who is the unscrupulous man harassing them? Oh who cares? The husband is not caring. One feels no wave of compassion for them. This is unintentional comedy that is not high intensity or efficient.

The attacker acts in an unfair and irrational manner. What is his impersonal objective? What social purpose is this for? There is no dispute resolution or deep unease. There is a downer ending. This was not gloriously emotional and there are errors of reckoning.

Best Line:
“You reek of fear.”

Statute Of Limitations (2015)
Ashley Scott and Louis Mandylor face off in this tale of lawless terror. A man does 22 years in jail for a crime he committed with his girlfriend. She got away scott free. Now he’s out and wants REVENGE. There are bad fillers, a bad goatee, wild denunciations, bad acting, tyrannical misconduct and people are friendly until it is expedient not to be. There is a moral threat, calculating reason, no serious thinking, irreconcilable positions, no relentless fascination and a false sense of foreshadowed tragedy.

There is persistent recalcitrance and dark anxiety, a stupid slutty daughter is stupid and has uneasy thoughts. This was dumb and not an unsettling experience and it isn’t even mildly diverting.

Lost In The Bermuda Triangle (1998)
A man loses his wife at sea. This was dumb.

Best Line:
“You always bother strange men in bars?”

The Survivalist (2015)
An utterly bleak vision of post-apoc life. The last man on Earth opens his door to find a mother and daughter wanting food. This bored.
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Hawaii Five-0 3x01+Constantine 1x06-1x11+The Invaders 1x06&1x07+Babylon 5 1x21+Berlin Station 1x05

La Ona Makuahine Mother’s Day
‘Alias’ is ripped off as Steve’s long believed dead mother is revealed as a CIA super spy and Joe knew all along. Joe is not seen or mentioned in this ep thankfully. Chin Ho’s wife dies. Adam saves Kono with his shirt off. Daniel Dae Kim overacts and Ian Anthony Dale broods. Steve’s mother is snotty and unapologetic for abandoning him. Why is Wo Fat going to Supermax? He’s not been convicted of anything!

Steve’s idiot bint mother caused many tragic events. Wo Fat escapes via bad VFX. This show got less and less relevant as it went on. TPTB need to get rid of the notoriously lazy Danno. Where did Joe go? Oh who cares? Steve’s mother gives her son feigned attention. Danno is all petty, shallow, ugliness and idiocy. This ep is not a fundamental necessity.

One greets this with derisive laughter. Kono carries on dating Catwoman aka crime lord Adam. Steve is YOUNGER than Chin Ho? Did anyone thank Adam for saving Kono? Steve’s mother is rude to Danno, ha. Why does Steve want his useless uncaring mother around? Steve’s ex shows up. Why is Chin Ho working the Wo Fat case and not grieving? Nobody has jet lag. Didn’t Kono need medical treatment for nearly drowning?

Chin Ho called Adam and told him to save Kono. Danno ignores Chin Ho’s loss to berate his ex and talk about himself. What is Wo Fat after? This was not dramatic. Chin Ho murders the guy who killed his wife. Steve’s mother lets Wo Fat get away and lies. She’s incompetent and bolshy.

Best Line:
“Ridiculous sidekick name.”

The Rage Of Caliban
A kid is possessed. Constantine has no despairing dignity. This ep was directed by Neil Marshall. The angel claims profound concerns and something awful is happening here. Constantine is contemptible as he deals with ill-doing. There is no incentive to care. People are in immediate and serious risk. Constantine is not magnificently smarmy. He’s on a non-joy-filled search for evil.

There is impending judgement and hexation and black miracles. There is no social resurrection for Constantine. This was woefully inadequate. Constantine acts utterly fearless and effortlessly dominant and assertive. There is no emotional impact. What is the rising darkness? A supernatural proof father punches Constantine. There is confoundation and a failed exorcism and a deer. People are little amenable to reason. There is a ‘twist’ and this was infelicitous if okay.

Best Lines:
“I never punched an angel.”

“I’m breaking in. You stand watch.”

“What makes me so special?”
“Nothing that I’m aware of.”

“Flees the presence of malevolent energy.”

“What’s in that trench-coat?”
“I am.”

Blessed Are The Damned
Zed shrieks and a snake handling goes awry giving a preacher healing powers. Zed whines and whines and whines. Foolishness brings people down. There is a price to be paid for ‘healing’ and this is not creepy, weird or witty. There is no eeriness, dread or comedy. There is sudden awful knowledge and a cosmic joke. Something unnatural lurks. A man loses his soul and goes bad.

Zed is unwanted and unpleasant. There are unlived lives. There is angry regret and another angel. Zed is stupidity aiding. Constantine is fighting a futile cause; he ends up on ‘Legends Of Tomorrow’ minus friends, home, city and purpose. People are neither moral nor efficient. There is abiding mistrust. Why can’t Zed see Constantine’s angel? Is this ep actually a ‘Touched By An Angel’ spoof?
Angels are not good. Someone stalks Zed. No one brings plenty of nuance or vulnerability to their characters.

Best Lines:
“A front for something dark, something poisonous.”

“Wipe that look of wonder off your face.”

“I faked the heavenly angel part.”

The Saint Of Last Resorts
A shrill ex of Constantine’s summons him to Mexico to find a stolen baby. Zed’s useless. This was not compelling or powerful. There is no constructive conversation. The ex has high dudgeon. There is no startle factor or pitilessness. One feels unutterable loathing for Constantine, who charges excitably ahead with his shouty qualities on full. Zed is wary in dealing with the nude model.

There is no serious interest. Lilith attacks. There are no fulfilled dreams. Constantine is effusive in his awfulness and finding evil constantly amusing. There was tentative interest in this show which is now gone. Constantine is not courageous or ethical. Who is Zed really? TPTB give Constantine tacit approval to kill his friends and visa versa.

Best Line:
“Baby snackers.”

The Saint Of Last Resorts, part 2
The annoying and obviously evil angel shrieks. Constantine is possessed. I hate the boring Zed. TPTB ignore potential areas of improvement. Constantine is in a parlous state. Zed pretends to be a hooker. There is thwarted hope and people live in society’s shadows. This is not immediate or emotionally true. There was mumbling and this was not staggeringly odd.

Quid Pro Quo
Zed is part of the Resurrection Crusade. Chas stares. This was not shockingly weird. Chas’ ex is a bitch. His daughter is in peril. The gang lurk with intent. Constantine is an arrogant fool. There is a self-pitying repugnant geriatric sidekick. There is no intellectual or moral sophistication. This was not even crudely dramatic.

This was not utterly terrifying. Chas punches Constantine in the face. This was not wildly imaginative. There are unnecessary flashbacks. This was not emotionally powerful or original. The ex is unsparingly shrill. There are sinister motivations. Is Constantine aware of his own psychopathy? There is no thinking or intensity. This was not weighty or complicated. There is mumbling about the hero’s mother.

Best Lines:
“Mage gone mad.”

“Toil beneath lesser men.”

A Whole World Out There
Idiot teens are vexed after playing at astral projection. This was full of foreboding. Constantine is inconstant. Jeremy Davies and William Mapother guest star. This reminds me of an Adam Nevill novel as the teens are stalked by a master of astral projection (Mapother). There is death and this was good.

A sighting of an alien warrants concern as Jack Lord of the original ‘Hawaii Five-O’ guest stars. One is not doing much engaging with this show. The voiceover seems to exist to cover up plot holes. There is crapness as David Vincent chases hostile factions. He’s driven by ideology and makes impassioned pleas in his struggle narrative.

David Vincent is morally righteous as he faces the degradation of modern society. This show is as tedious as it is unoriginal. David Vincent has damaged his reputation chasing aliens, his name is garbage and he’s seen as a complete joke. There is no great state of panic about the aliens. There is no profound disquiet just disastrous decisions. A wife shrugs off her drunk driving and she regards being prevented from drunk driving as an unwarranted attack.

People have a reluctance to believe and support David Vincent, who is visiting the latest place of incidence in this romanticised period. This show is indefensible logically; there are competing terrible ideas in this ep in which chaos overruns all lucidity. What don’t the aliens know what David Vincent looks like? Why don’t the aliens have wifi or streaming? What is teletype?

The aliens plan to enslave humanity. Why don’t they just kill David Vincent? What do they call themselves? What do they look like? A war hero (Lord) with obvious PTSD is willing to ally with the aliens and let them kill his wife. David Vincent does a cold thing.

Best Lines:
“Promptly forgotten.”

“He’s a mental case!”

There is no pure fascination, the aliens wield such immense influence that they’re in a small farming town causing locust attacks. This show is pretty tedious. David Vincent is infuriatingly impervious to emoting. You don’t like or care for him. People are largely indifferent to sense. This was not luridly entertaining. David Vincent is called fella and urged to get out of town.

This ep is absurd as the aliens carry out a profound distortion of public reality. The aliens come up with weekly mad schemes to meddle with humans. This ep was ludicrous and absurd and not inventive. The aliens must get fun out of thinking up the next outrage. This was not vivid as a teacher is menaced, patronised and ridiculed. This ep looks clapped out. David Vincent berates a useless woman - he’s not deliciously grotesque. There is no Dadaist surrealism here.

The aliens are perniciously effective at outrageous mendacity. This was not outlandishly ingenious. David Vincent is needlessly sour. One is terribly unmotivated to care. People have widespread disinterest in the truth. This ep was inept. The aliens are world beating. There is no relentless innovation. Locusts are incentives to attack. A woman is gaslit by egregious aliens.

This was bland and there was an absence of imagination and creativity in this unimaginative ep. A woman is seen as a nuisance. This was fusty looking. The small town is a malign place full of paternalism and mansplaining. The aliens want butterflies to eat people or something and people won’t help David Vincent.

Best Line:
“The American gothic: rigid, proud of its traditions.”

Babylon Squared
The missing Babylon 4 returns. Why didn’t a doomed pilot just say B4 was back? Delenn flies off. B4 vanished 4 years ago. Why did they build 5 of them if they kept blowing up or going missing? There is bad acting, padding and exposition. This ep was unimpressive and obtuse. The padding does not add drama.

Delenn is not unassuming. This ep is ridiculous and idiotic and low budget and there is no growing unease. Delenn and her silence about certain matters is actively and knowingly bringing catastrophe. Sinclair has a vision of the fall of B5. Who was attacking? Was it meant to be the break with Earth? Delenn’s sinister and sustained lying annoys. What is the change coming?

Joshua Cox has had a haircut. The irritating Zathras shows up. Basically B4 was stolen to be used in a war and he is helping. What became of B4 after it was stolen? To hell with Delenn and her psychological con tricks. Sinclair has an insatiable unsustainable need to be needed. Garibaldi seems to have oppositional defiant disorder. Ivanova has spite and aggression.

Delenn makes speeches and gives a lecturing. There is an unfortunate constellation of events. There is a reveal. What happened to the B4 staff? There is mumbling about existential threats and doom.

Best Lines:
“No questions will be asked.”

“The 9 who were.”

“The prophecy will attend to itself.”

“Surrounded by signs and portents.”

Unter Druck
Hector’s disputes go on. There’s potential for publicity. Daniel and co plan to foil the leaker. There are gratuitous attacks. They spy on teenage girls. A woman is a whiny stuck up drama queen. This is an absolute disaster. A man has a bitchy ex. There is an absolute and irresolvable conflict. This ep is a tedious failure. Daniel is an ass. There is no tonal complexity. The boss ignores his sidekick. This was unflattering and nobody is coolly objective.

This was not powerful or profound. Their trite foibles are an irritating aspect of this horrendous tale of chronic isolation, perceived threat and constant grievance. There is an incredibly toxic situation. This was inadequate and has a laughable sex scene. There is dead end doom and this was less nuanced or intelligible than usual.

This was not morally charged. People are sure they are self-evidently a good thing. There is no fierce scrutiny.

Best Lines:
“Bigots like you.”

“Eat pineapple. Makes you taste better.”