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November 4th, 2018

Cell (2016)
John Cusack and Samuel L Jackson star in this bland adaptation of a bland Stephen King novel. A phone signal causes humans to become feral savages. The few unaffected try to survive. The ending is bizarre and what happened to Cusack’s lovely fluffy white pet cat?

The Ghoul (2016)
A cop goes undercover as the patient of a shrink who may be linked to a murder. There is talk of magic and this is all very odd. Are 2 shrinks’ evil witches who time loops to be immortal and is the hero doomed no matter what? This is okay micro-budget horror.

King Kong Lives (1986)
Linda Hamilton stars in this sucky sequel to the 1976 remake. How could Kong get a heart transplant? From what? What do they use for blood? Hamilton plays a heart surgeon. Kong and his mate escape. Where did the female come from? King Kong becomes a daddy and then he dies. Lady Kong and Baby Kong live in a wildlife preserve.

Matinee (1993)
John Goodman and Cathy Moriarty star in a tale of social cooperation. This was terrible indeed. The Cuban Missile Crisis kicks off. There is sap and bad acting.

Best Line:
"Throwing up your own organs!"

Book Review: In Bloom

In Bloom by CJ Skuse
The sequel to ‘Sweet Pea’ sees the Rhiannon the unconivcted criminal of uncertain reputation, pregnant and covering her tracts. She’s morally compromised and trying to stave off impending disaster. She finds not being a serial killer a frustrating existence. A cop seems to know that she is guilty of actions from which there is no return. Rhiannon has fits of pique and many failings of judgment and character. She does enduring damage and has a reluctance to acknowledge error. This is good if not brilliantly creative as Rhiannon does terrible terrible things.

Best Lines:
“The whole place stank of a vanilla PlugIn.”

“Once that cell door closes behind you, it’ll never open again.”

Trailer, Quotes and Stuff

‘The First’ 1x02 promo

Chomp bar - okay.
Jalapeño & cheese crisps - okay.
Lemon Curd yogurt - yum.

I want a metallic twill jacket and a platinum paper flowers diamond bracelet and a 18ct gold petal yellow diamond ring with diamond band. I’d also like an 8ct white gold cerulean topaz diamond dress ring and a silver dream bangle and a gold You Me And Magic morganite ring and Asscher chandleir earrings. I also want a Dior sous le signe du lion and a l’object snake letter opener and a Moser caorie case and a Dior Grand Bal Miss Dior watch in steel and rose gold with diamonds and mother of pearl. I also want a Tom Ford pocket square and a Violeta Galan fern cabinet. I’d also like a De Beers solitaire pendant.

I will read ‘The Haunting Of Drearcliff Grange School’, ‘Empire Of Sand’, ‘Terminus’, ‘Ghost Wall’, ‘Drawn Up From Deep Places’. ‘The Tangled Lands’, ‘The Monster Baru Cormorant’, ‘Two Dark Reigns’, ‘Ghostly’, ‘Subhuman’ and ‘Power Rangers/Justice League’.

What is curing salt or apple brine?

I’d try Chicago deep dish pizza.

Who saw ‘Secrets And Lies’ (1996) or ‘The Beast’ (1996) or ‘She’s Out Of Control’ (1989) or ‘She’s Out’ or 'The Sandlot'?

Recall the Player Wills Factory?

Who had a fat frog?

I read the ‘MMPR’ story ‘Search Party’ - it doesn’t quite explain why AU Tommy went full Drakkon.

Recall toe rings?

I won’t read ‘The Dinosaur Tourist’ or ‘Kingdom Of Needles and Bone’.

On ‘Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina’: Salem isn’t on that often because the Sabrina actress is allergic to cats.

‘The Gloss Magazine’ Quotes:
“Continue to spread hate and sow division long after you have drawn your last breath,”

“Decade-long rift with her siblings.

“Pass on her Tiffany silver champagne swizzle stick.”

“Spite from the afterlife.”

“To be immortal from beyond the grave.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Rural response.”

“Cultural ephemera.”

“Off-putting monologues.”

“Smothering her ambition, bringing forgotten characters out of the shadows eager to take a slice of the political pie they now feel they are owed.”

“Instantly notorious.”


“Instantly infamous.”

“Descent into irony.”

“Perhaps going on tour with an occasionally non-functioning giant lemon sent the wrong message.”

“Why U2 were giving a press conference in a discount supermarket.”

“Never gained widespread report.”

“Built to withstand major earthquakes and high-velocity winds.”

“Caveated expressions of regret.”

“Enduring feeling that she should not have to apologise for what you did.”

“Denying things that everybody knows are true is that the value of anything that you say begins to steadily depreciate.”

“Formally notifiable.”

“Dismissed and distained.”

“Nagging the lads-”

“He and other vagrant people would congregate and get into fights,”

“From a country with a real food culture.”

“Syringing cream into deep-fried bread.”

“Somebody has got to be the person responsible for everything that’s going wrong in the world.”

“Decision points.”

“Contested link.”

“Forfeits any claim on our understanding.”

“Act of noticing.”

“Provocation worked.”

‘Tales From The Darkside’ Quotes:
“I expect an appropriate reaction.”

“Why did you destroy your videotape machine?”

‘Channel 4 News’ Quote:
“Questioned the sanity of programs like ours.”

‘Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt’ Quotes:
“Federal raccoon sanctuary.”

“Ho! Ho! Ho! You ho!”

“She’s great.”
“Is she?”

“Crazy American witch.”

“Streep chewing the scenery like a rat on drywall.”

“Pink cocaine.”

“Ohio shower using our disinfectant toilet wipes.”

“You did your one man show once.”

“Chew my own haircuts.”

“I slapped a goat.”

“Took off your tights and emptied them in that trashcan!”

“Get divorced and poor.”

“Even my cat forgets I’m there.”


“All our step dads.”

“Say a bad word!”

‘RTE News’ Quote:
“Podium hopefuls.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Why he left us.”

“Sexually relevant.”

“Never once apologised.”

‘Urban Myths’ Quotes:
“What thrills await our drooling public?”

“Twatty whingebag.”

“Crouching at the back like an evil dog.”

“80% teeth.”

“Slagging us off for being scum.”
“Well come on. You are scum. A bit.”

“Don’t talk to the mad one.”

“One man kicked in his new 380 pound TV in disgust.”

“You carry everything you own in a shopping bag full of holes.”

“I got a right to be hostile!”

“The foul and horrible future.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“Made a forced entry to the property.”

‘The Real Ghostbusters’ Quotes:
“It makes sense in a sick way.”

“The ecto-barrier.”

“Do not risk my wrath.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“His characters often end up being punched in the face.”

“The new wife strove on behalf of her own children against her predecessor’s offspring.”

“Second wives scheming to oust earlier heirs.”

“Punishment chants.”

“Challenged accepted notions of jewellery.”

“Bombed Salvador Allende’s palace with the doomed Allende in it,”

‘How To Spend It’ Quote:
“Looking at him like he was an idiot. It was a look he had unfortunately grown used to in recent years and which seemed to accompany his every attempt at doing anything.”

‘Matinee’ Quotes:
“It’s okay, it’s a crisis.”

"Citizens for decent entertainment."

‘Gary And His Demons’ Quote:
“Think about you! Nobody else does!”
Crows Blood (2016-?) 1x01
This Japanese horror show is not endlessly fascinating. It has no potent character, plot or pace. There is no emotive unspeakable horror. This has inherent ludicrousness and fails big time. This has no emotional heft as a creepy new girl named Maki arrives at a school. A crow coughs up blood and the new girl has a mysterious nosebleed of black blood.

Scientists prattle. There is bizarre running and teachers are apparently incurious about the weirdo new student. There is a negative narration in this abhorrent ep. Maki rants psychotically. This is not rapturously received. The ’plot’ flies in the face of rationality. Maki’s contentious. There is blood and this is not an addictive drama just a comical and creaky frivolity.

Aoi ’falls’ off the school roof and the video of her afterwards got lots of views. Aoi is not dead. This was entirely ludicrous. This has a whiff of farce. Maki is a destructive force. Aoi recovers from her fall and has black blood nosebleeds. A magazine weirdo blathers. A hilarious car accident is shown in flashback. Maki and Aoi were resurrected by a scientist apparently and are zombies. Oh boo.

Lupus In Fabula
The iconoclastic priest, Marcus, has a Knight Templar background. Ben Daniels goes all out as Marcus. The opening credits debut and they are not good. The father has a brain injury that seems to affect him or not as the script requires. Casey is possessed. Kat is selfish and useless. The Pope is to visit the USA.

An exorcism is a daunting undertaking. Where did Father Marcus go at the end of 1x01? A church higher up counsels realism. People make reasonable queries. The Pope is named Sebastian and not Francis. This ep was all futility. Casey does deceptive machinations and has callous motivations. It’s an intractable conflict. Millipedes swarm in Casey’s bed.

You’d think demonic possession would be a near-exhausted subgenre in this era. The hot priest is harassed by Father Marcus. Lacrosse is played. The priests won’t risk provoking the demon. People seem afraid of the response they might invoke. Marcus’’ solemn vow seems to be annoying. Marcus makes expressions of intent. Kat is awful. The family eat split pea soup and Casey vomits up a 3 foot millipede. There are horrible murders in the city.

Best Lines:
“A dying parish.”

“Bug man.”

“Broken priests.”

“Fear them not.”

“Shame is a weapon.”

“You designed toilets and not skyscrapers.”

“The power of Christ compels you!”
“Do I look compelled?”

Let ‘Em In
Kat killed her friend in a car crash and it seems a demon may have caused it. A street ranter rants. The hardcore priest of papal outreach shows up. Nobody genuflects in church. The father’s brain injury from collapsed scaffolding seems to have worn off. Kat is vile. Angela has grievances and victimhood.

A homeless man flames. Casey’s a liar. Marcus points out all Casey’s flaws. Marcus makes too frequent and over-long species. Marcus learns he has been excommunicated for the stunt he pulled in 1x01. Casey burns herself with a curling tong. The hot priest, Tomas, deals with Marcus’ gnashing campery and quietly ruthless priests. Marcus has depth of belief. Casey has histrionics. There is no emotive power.

Best Lines:
“Trailing clouds of me, me, me.”

“Boring invisible Casey.”

“Not my job to care.”

The Changeling
Spock talks about shielding power and warp 15. The ship is under attack by Nomad. Spock has very serious concerns. Nomad is an altered Earth probe. The narrative is implausible and defies plausibility. There are no unabashed thrills as Kirk has a scowl-down with Nomad and its evil activities. This was meritless and not substantive.

Nomad destroys biological infestations. Spock blathers about a history computer. This is not sombre drama. McCoy is useless. There is no notable tension just comic idiocy. This was pretty bad as things get grave and dangerous. Scotty ‘dies’. There are reasonably foreseeable consequences from having Nomad on board. Scotty lives. Chapel has to teach Uhura how to read again after Nomad wipes her brain. This does not layer menace. This was failed and futile. Kirk talks Nomad to death.

Mirror, Mirror
Kirk, Uhura, McCoy and Scotty are sent to the mirror universe. Mirror Spock is onto them. Mirror Chekov tries to kill Kirk and Mirror Sulu is security chief. The gang have to get home. Mirror Kirk killed Mirror Pike. Shatner overacts as Mirror Kirk who was busted pretty quickly. Kirk meets his captains woman. What is the cabinet? Mirror Spock is a raving hypocrite. The captains woman says it is hard to be a woman. If the Terran Empire in the mirror universe is so fiercely anti-other; how does Spock exist and why is he XO on the SS Enterprise? Uhura waves a dagger at Mirror Sulu. McCoy decides to treat an injured Mirror Spock which goes badly for him. Kirk makes a speech. Mirror Lorca faked being civilised much better. This was very good.

Best Lines:
“What kind of people are we in this universe?”

“I can hunt fresh game.”

“Oiling my traps darling.”

Tom (Sean Penn) jogs shirtless and does plumping. This was not pretty foreboding. In the not so distant future, there are voice activated TVs and cars and tiny phones that sit in your ears. He and everyone else is awaiting the launch of Providence 1 the first manned mission to Mars. There is talk of the Mars Transit Vehicle and a long burn. All the astronauts seem to be American.

Tom was meant to be on Providence 1 but was kicked off by a snotty executive who seems incapable of emotion or empathy. The executive works for Vista which seems to be a private space agency. Anyway Providence 1 explodes moments after launch in a tasteless evocation of Challenger. Tom runs to Vista and cleans up the launch celebration party, comforts the relatives and tells the useless executive to show emotion.

The heartless executive is cold and needs to be lectured by Tom. There is mumbling. Women are unlovely hopeless cases and need to be lectured by Tom who is lauded and exalted. What caused the unmanageable conflagration? I don’t care and I don’t care about these people and their personal travails. There’s family animus and moral outrage.

Best Lines:
“Go make some history.”

“Please don’t tell me we have a weather hold.”

“Go for main engine start.”

“You do know how ugly this is going to get right?”

Babylon 5

The Parliament Of Dreams
A rubber faced alien shows off his very human teeth. There is a religious festival on the station. Garibaldi drops exposition. Sinclair’s ex Catherine shows up and jokes about Sinclair and Delenn being married, which is gross considering he is her ancestor. G’Kar gets a death threat just as his new aide shows up. The Centuari boast about how they wiped out the other species, Xon, on their homeworld.
People find the Xon genocide hilarious. Londo passes out drunk. Sinclair looks constipated. This was not exciting, unique or fresh.

Lennier shows up and babbles about the Grey Council. He wants Delenn’s pink and sitnk. The bug crime lord babbles. How does a bug speak? Sinclair has a brother. He and Catherine were at the Academy. What isn’t she in Earth Force now? The Minabri are so dramatic. There is ropey dialogue in this bad ep.

Best Lines:
“I am dying.”
“About time.”

“The last of the Babylon stations.”

“Live in fear G’Kar but not for long.”

“Serious exchange of looks.”

“Protector of front doors.”

“48 Earth hours.”

“Have you received a death blossom?”


House Of Cards 6x01-6x04

Chapter 66
Claire is POTUS and Mark is VP and FU is dead. Of what? Other people’s emotions have no value for Claire. This was empty excess. Rick a Secret Service guy babbles. Diane Lane joins the cast. Who are the never-before-mentioned Sheppads? Apart from siblings who run the government and the country? What Foundation was FU supposedly setting up?

Where is Tusk? What about Tom and his stories? There are photos of FU’s funeral that don’t show his face. There’s an odd noise in the White House. People talk about FU belongings - weren’t they in his hotel? Doug and Seth are toxic presences. Claire faces non-pressing issues. FU wanted to be buried in Arlington not next to his father as Claire arranged. Did he want to be buried in Arlington to be near Meechum?

Who is some old guy? Claire is even more awful, she lacks sinister charm. This was not awful fun. Where are the FU cufflinks? Claire resents and rejects FU. She faces criticism. Where are the Conways? FU had a sociopathic instinct for self-preservation that finally failed him. Where’s the irritating advisor Claire had in season 5? FU died in the White House? Where is Cathy?

There are impotent staring matches and peeved men. The ERA is mentioned. There is an absence of trust in Claire. Where is Janine? Claire still hasn’t pardoned FU. An irritating new reporter irritates. Claire thinks FU was murdered, not that she cares.

The FBI agent is brought back. Where is the personal trainer? This was mediocre. Annoying new characters annoy. Doug’s shrink is informing on him to Claire. FU’s Sentinel ring is dug up and left on Claire’s bed. How? We get flashbacks to lil’Claire.

Best Lines:
“These are not rational people.”

“Promises were made!”
“Not by me!”

“Is buried with him.”

“Whatever Francis told you the last 5 years. Don’t believe a word of it.”

“It’s provocation.”

“A man who refused to fail. I respected that.”

“The first Underwood.”

“Somebody tried to kill her.”
“Can you blame them?”

“These powerful families.”

“Her charmed life persists.”

“De-charm her.”

Chapter 67
Greg Kinnear annoys. Ron Canada annoys. Claire thinks about contaminated water. Mark tells the annoying siblings to step off. There is a total repudiation of sense. There are more flashbacks to lil’Claire. There is no sense of unease. Claire tries to majestically dignified. This was banal. This falls prey to all the ills that beset seasons 3 and 5.

Tom shows up. Doug pulls a stunt. Where’s Heather? Was Claire going to divorce FU? Irritating rich kid Duncan annoys. FU’s sex technique is mocked. Claire plays the part of a person. People babble about FU’s will. What’s in it? Charges against Doug are dropped. There is a mention of Cathy. Janine shows up. Claire gives Doug the FU cufflinks. What’s wrong with Claire? FU went out in undignified fashion.

Best Lines:
“That’s how wind works.”

“Negative motives.”

“Keep the phone away from your mouth.”

“Frank did things.”

“Very unforgiving town.”

“Questionable deeds.”

“Your truth?”
“The one that keeps you in power.”

“Nighlife in Gaffney certainly has picked up.”

“Shaped the course of our lives for good but also for ill.”

“It’s wrong to assume Francis’ ambitions closely aligned with mine.”

“I never understood what he saw in you.”

Chapter 68
Claire ponders a Supreme Court nominee. She has pee coloured hair and spike heels. The siblings aren’t terrifying threats just bores. This was not pioneering. The siblings don’t horrify or disturb. FU did let go of the White House. The siblings plan to weaponise Claire’s medical history. Cathy lurks. This was not meritorious.

Cathy knows FU pushed her. Claire wants Cathy dead. This was not emotionally resonant. Claire is sheer wretchedness. Why is Doug so resolutely loyal? The siblings aren’t bitter opponents. There is a Jane mention. ICO is still a thing. Claire sets aside the norms of rational behaviour. Claire has no care or finesse.

Where is Terry? Tom rants about FU. Tom’s paper is bought by Duncan. FU was killed by his liver medication? Jane lurks. People rant about fake news. Tom rants and is unpleasant. FU left Doug everything. There is a flashback to teen Claire doing a weird curtsey and smoking pot. The VP displays Tom’s body. Where is the Secret Service during all this? Cathy’s dead apparently.

Best Lines:
“She serves at our pleasure.”

“A choice that outlives any President.”

“There isn’t a shadow for you to hide in anymore.”

“We don’t write anymore.”

“Hill rats.”

“You can’t ask that of me.”

“Find him alone at some point.”

“Horrible, horrible people.”

“Lady quotes.”

“I wish you a painful death.”

Chapter 69
Petrov attends Cathy’s funeral. Mark is snotty about Petrov using the term Great Patriotic War. How did Cathy die? Linda resurfaces. Linda menaces Claire. Seth barges in. Claire plays incompetent. What is the big deal about Cole? Doug discusses pardons. Deals are made and Cathy faked her own death. No. No and no again.

The siblings are an asspull who were never mentioned before. They basically control the country and are largely uninteresting even with the hints they are VC Andrews like and that Duncan is the product of the self-love they share. Ew.

Best Lines:
“Make him President. Just like we did with Francis.”

“Questions bring more questions.”

“My husband was a means to an end.”

“No place for you in that room.”

“He’s afraid. He should be.”


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