October 23rd, 2018

Sergio Balleseros

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Crikey It’s The Irwins’ promo

‘Doctor Who’ 3x12 promo
Derek Jacobi and John Barrowman guest star.

Best Line:
“No timelord’s ever come this far. We should leave.”

‘The Little Drummer Girl’ promo

Best Line:
“Is this real?”

‘Mercy’ trailer
Family strife. Looks interesting (it isn’t).

‘The Chalet’ trailer
A French show about people trapped in a holiday home with a murderer. No.

‘Supergirl’ 4x03 promo

‘Berlin Station’ promo

‘Surviving R. Kelly’ promo
“That’s not acceptable nowhere. Nowhere.”

Walnuts & pecans - okay.
Made peppermint fudge - it didn’t turn out well.
Glacier mints - okay.

WTF is baking spray or marshmallow cream? There are edible markers?

I want to try a volcano hot choc at the Rim Café in South Philly and ice cream on the Jersey Shore.

Who saw ‘Casper’?

Stephen King thinks ‘The Tommyknockers’ is bad?!?

Selma Blair has MS?

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Mobile autopsies.”

“He somehow got killed.”

“Moral decision.”

“Making horrendous situations even worse.”

‘The Pioneer Woman’ Quotes:
“Fixing fence.”

“Big plops.”

‘Total Divas’ Quotes:
“I love a good dive bar.”

“Monetary gain.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quote:
“My first hug. I like it.”

‘Happy Together’ Quotes:
“An inspiration to bland women everywhere.”

“The most famous cougar on the planet.”

“Some old lady with her original teeth.”

‘The New Yorker’ Quote:
“Speaks only as necessity dictates,”

‘Great Lighthouses Of Ireland’ Quotes:
“End of generations of tradition.”

“Know how life was lived then.”

‘RTE News’ Quote:
“Outrage to any decent person.”

‘TVNow’ Quote:
“A low sport.”

‘Tales From The Darkside’ Quotes:
“Always the wrong people die.”

“You know what a triple burial costs these days?”

“I don’t think I want to do that.”

‘Word Processor Of The Gods’ Quotes:
“We’re a payment behind on the Betamax.”

“Perhaps something about his smile deterred her.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Fuel-poor households and the affordability of warmth.”

“They only told us lies.”

“The monster who would come for us.”

“Could provoke or respond to it.”

“Not been engaging in any form of communication.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Kidnapped me for my house.”

“Smashing Craig’s cell phone with an axe.”

“Stole his wife and took over his house.”

“Wrecked our family.”

“Stole his wife and his life.”

‘Rome’ Quote:
“Sacrificial portents.”

‘House Of Cards’ Quotes:
“You’re still here. He’s not.”

“Do you believe me?”
“Not for a second.”

“People we should have kept closer.”

“No, we’re not safe.”

“I’m done trying to win over people’s hearts.”

“We can work with fear.”

“He’s not here.”
“Then get him here.”

“They mistake complaint for leadership.”

“There’s no coming back from this.”

“I trust ambition.”

“Aren’t worthy of my trust.”

“Your dumb dead wife.”

“Bumbling idiot that you are.”

“Legacy of nothing.”

‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ (1992) Quotes:
“In a graveyard with a strange man hunting for vampires on a school night.”

“Assert your personhood!”

"The thing from another tax bracket."

"Are you adressing I?"

"I choose to be shopping?"

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Rick Astley had a cameo as Kim left the show. Liam Donovan’s back (played by a different and even more inept actor). He’s a gangster now who likes to intimidate Kim, Maxine and Farrah and talk about starting a war with them. FFS.

Best Line:
“They’re all mad cows.”


Pretty Smart

Movie Reviews: Now You See Me 2 + Mercy

Now You See Me 2 (2016)
There is exposition and a flashback. People want revenge on the Horsemen. It’s a year since the first one. Nobody has a willingness to contribute to society. Dylan’s still a bumbling FBI agent until he isn’t. Where is his love interest? A manic pixie dream girl named Lula replaces Henley. The Horsemen gurn and they are unable to find their purpose in life. Baddies have nefarious intentions.

Lula is loud and annoying. The baddies don’t bother to look for Henley. The baddies bother Lula; she had nothing to do with the events of the first film. This sequel is disimproved. Dave Franco, Daniel Radcliffe, Lizzy Caplan, Tsai Chin and Jay Chou run around. The baddies foment resentment against the Horsemen in poisonous obsessive ways.

An identical twin brother pops up. A twist makes no sense. This film should be a franchise ender. A bad guy (Radcliffe) annoys. There is no moral conflict and no moral code. People blather about Channel 1 and somehow do a worldwide streaming event. How? There is no magic in this just stupid stunts. Why is the FBI running around London with guns? This bores and the ‘magic’ is unimpressive. The ending is ridiculous.

Best Lines:
“Another sad attempt for attention.”

“Womb mate.”

“That’s really creepy.”

“Came into the world with the wrong family.”

“An empty experience.”

“Is it supposed to taste like that?”
“No. It is not.”

“Floozies around to impress.”

“Personal motivations.”

“30 year revenge plot.”

Mercy (2016)
The second husband and 4 sons of a dying woman clash in this rural thriller. There is an axe, money and greed. The family are alarmingly uninvolved. This makes no sense. I’ve no idea what this crap was about.

Best Lines:
“That degenerate outside.”

“Assh*le brother.”

“Your dad. Not mine.”

“They made him stop.”
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Scary Books

Doctor Who 3x11+The Haunting Of Hill House 1x03-1x06+The Cry 1x04+ 3 others

From 2007, the Weeping Angels debut. Originally I thought the Weeping Angels were creepy and menacing. Not anymore. Carey Mulligan guest stars. David Tennant gurns. People have their lives stolen by the Weeping Angels. Evil ‘statues’ menace people. There is bad personal decision making.

Sally Sparrow (Mulligan) annoys. She is perma-impressed with herself. This was not vivid storytelling. The Weeping Angels are pure evil at work and have purposes too terrible to talk about. There is no absolute logic. This was genuinely chilling in 2007 but not now. Guest stars are not generically pleasant. Nobody has rectitude about going to the creepy house.

Sally mocks nerds and the internet. Classy TPTB. Classy. Nobody is enervated by the creepy Weeping Angels. People are stripped of dignity. Men have emasculating insecurities. People are heroically indifferent to logic. If the Doctor is a figure of such stature, why has Sally never heard of him? Sally is not wistful. Things get odder. A ‘hip’ DI fancies Sally and ends up stranded in 1969. The Tardis was in a basement for decades. Where was UNIT?

The ‘hip’ DI ends up a dying old man. Sally gets a hipster boyfriend. Martha is really annoying in this ep. Sally and her boyfriend end up running a shop called Sparrow and Nightingale. This was daft.

Best Lines:
“Stop saying Hull!”

“A good and full life.”

“Kill you nicely.”

“Live to death.”

“Creatures of the abstract.”

“You mean the internet don’t you?”

“Started well, that sentence.”

“Go to the police you stupid woman!”

“Timey wimey detector.”

“You only got 17 DVDs?!

“You live in Scooby Doo’s house.”

“Course I can’t let it go.”

“Complex life.”

“Things. Happening.”

The Crain have 5 kids, well 4 now. Nellie was the unloved overlooked one. The bedding in 1992 seems wrong. Theodora deals with a foster kid with issues. She’s a shrink. The Crain family were flipping houses but not very well. In 1992 Theodora found a bottle of wine. Theodora is psychic. The house is full of statues.

Mrs Dudley the housekeeper wears unflattering outfits. I won’t watch 1x02. Luke was a cutesy kid who grew up into a loser nobody likes or loves. Theodora wears gloves. The house had a dumb waiter. What was Mrs Dudley scared off? There is a room under the house. Luke was a stupid whiny kid. What is in the basement?

Darkness is repressed in the family. The grown up kids endlessly think in an unhealthy way about things. They’ve a grim determination to ignore sense and are venomous detractors of each other. Family is a constant disappointment. This was not solidly convincing. Theodora was a snotty kid. What happened to Steven’s marriage?

Nellie was married. The surviving siblings all have defiant introversion. Hill House shattered hopes and was an accumulation of horror. The Crains are not a nurturing family. There was and is no stability. There is a mangle in the kitchen. Why? Theodora found a trapdoor. The basement isn’t on the blueprints. What allure does Theodora have? There is another room in the basement. ACTINGS are shown off.

Theodora looks into Mr Smiley. The siblings feel Steven’s book sullied their image. Do they care their mother is dead? Not really. Theodora does condemnation. She has a lot of fancy gloves. The house had a big pantry. Theodora looks like Angelina Jolie. The mother was also psychic. The mother knew that Theodora was psychic.

Theodora has a PhD. How many gloves in how many colours does Theodora own? Theodora touches the dead Nellie and freaks out. Did something bad happen to Nellie? What did the father do? This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Whose hand was I holding?”

“Hated the air on her skin.”

“Such an odd word she choose.”

“They don’t believe me.”
“About what?”

“The basement’s not real.”

“Not a single record of this basement.”

“Make up a mistress, something.”

“Good job me.”

“No one was listening.”

The Twin Thing
Little Luke had a friend called Abigail who everyone assumed was imaginary. Luke’s a junkie thief in rehab now. Buttons and a hat are found in the house. The supernatural proof father annoyed. What happened to the previous owners of the house? Why did they leave all their stuff behind?

Luke’s thrown out of recovery. People speak in strange tones of finality. Steven was awful to Luke. He is absolutely awful. Luke made a trashy friend in rehab. Relationships are fraught with tension. Who is the man in the bowler hat who is staking adult Luke? The family are distant and cold. The mother Olivia (Carla Gugino) is overlooked. People have unreasonable anger and are self-righteous and domineering people. Is there any way to get to the Red Room besides the spiral staircase? Who designed the house? This was not good.

Best Lines:
“Seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“This house is bad dad, it’s bad!”

“Bodies swinging back and forth right there.”

The Bent-Neck Lady
Nellie whines and has sexual enticement with a sleep therapist who she ended up marrying. Then her husband dies. In 1992 Olivia is cracking up. When she drove him to rehab, Luke got Nellie to buy him heroin. Why doesn’t Luke wear glasses as an adult? Did he get lasik in-between doing heroin? Russ Tamblyn shows up as Nellie’s inept therapist.

People have to put up with Luke’s bad choices and tolerate them or he sees them as unloving. There is no moral perfection. Theodora wouldn’t help Nellie. Theodora freeloads off Shirley. Why does she live rent free in Shirley’s guest house? Steven is an ass. Nellie crashed one of his book launches to ask why he writes books full of lies.

Steven is the worst. He treats people in an absolutely monstrously way. Steven has bitter affronted anger at being called on his crap. Luke (Oliver Jackson-Cohen of ‘Dracula’ and ‘Faster’) broods. The father, Hugh, never explains anything. Nobody cared about Nellie. So when ghosts get her to kill herself one isn’t surprised. Watching this you have no concept of people’s motives or actions.

Best Lines:
“It’s nice to be listened to.”

“I really misread that.”

“Mommy looked hurt.”

“How long is later?”

Two Storms
Shirley prepared Nellie for burial. The kids don’t recall Olivia and hate Hugh. Even Nellie’s funeral isn’t about her- it is about Steven pontificating. This was a gloomy miserable mess. Steven makes everything including his dead sister’s funeral all about him. Shirley throws Theodora and her husband out. Steven won’t let his father talk. Nellie’s ghost was at her funeral but in death like in life, she is ignored.

Best Lines:
“Flies across the country to puke on his dead sister.”

“Nobody could see me.”

“She got that from your mother you know?”

“The wrong parent died!”

The Cry 1x04
I watched the last 15 minutes of this terrible ep. Joanna learns her fiancée gave Noah medication that caused him to die. They covered it up and her fiancée lied about where Noah was buried. Joanna kills her fiancée in a car wreck. Joanna stares. Am I supposed to feel sorry for her? She wears a slutty outfit to court and lies and is acquitted. This was a desecration of a great book. The ex wife was in court for Joanna’s trial. The BBC changed the ending. The husband took a photo of Joanna standing over where Noah was buried. He’s under the floorboards in a house. Wouldn’t that smell?

Joanna was not a good mother. She was a lying home wrecking murderous slut. Why didn’t the fiancée put his seatbelt back on?!?! Protestors yell at Joanna. She goes back to Australia seemingly to live in the house where Noah is buried. Would Australia let her in? Did the BBC take the man photos his girlfriend standing over a secret grave idea from Brady and Hindley? Sick.

Joanna lies on the floor of the house cooing over her dead baby. She didn’t bother to tell anyone where he is or look for justice. Sick bitch. Stupid BBC.

Best Lines:
“Cause of so much grief.”

“Quietly sharing our precious memories of him.”

Hercules The Legendary Journeys 5x11

Jason the hero of the Golden Fleece legs it. The location of the church’ seems to have switched location. Morrigan says something totally anachronistic referring to a Roman Emperor when Rome isn’t an Empire yet. FFS. Hercules feels no greater despondency over his dead and possessed friend. There is no emotional impact. Hercules has arrogance and combativeness. This was tedious, ugly and terrible.

There are needless resentments. Hercules is sanctimonious. This was dodgy. Dahak says things which - at best - can be described as unapologetic. This was very poor. Hercules is chillingly autocratic and reckless. Cynical bargains are struck. After he died in 5x01 - Iolaus thought he wouldn’t go to the Elysian Fields because he didn’t die in Greece. WTF?

There are civilisational choices and acrimony and hateful and false information. Hercules has no considerable concern or anxiety inducing moments. When Kevin Sorbo gets to play Dahak for a bit he has weird diction. This was inconsequential. This was not meaningful and it has a disregard for sense. There is no unavoidable tension. Ares and Hercules have a fight.

This show had substantive and persistent deficiencies. Dahak is defeated in ridic fashion. The ending as Iolaus heads off to the ‘light’ aka Heaven is vomit-inducing.

Best Lines:
“What fool god would team up with Dahak?”

“More luck finding a virgin in Caligula’s palace.”

“You say kill his family, as if that were a bad thing.”

“I have no contempt for you.”

“I’ve been called many things.”
“Yeah, I can think of a few right now.”

“Black-hearted bastard!”

“I hate them all.”

“Took something that doesn’t belong to you Dahak!”

Star Trek 1x24

This Side Of Paradise
Kirk and co go to a colony full of cult like weirdoes. The agricultural colony has no animals. Spock is called a Vulcanian. Spock is sexist. Malicious rants are uttered. Spock sasses Kirk and kisses a woman. Spock slaps Kirk around and there are punch ups and this bored.

Best Lines:
“Another dream that failed.”

“A place in here where no one could come.”

“You stress very unimportant matters.”

“Beam down point.”

Blood 1x03
The creepy father’s creepier inappropriate brother shows up. He gets to stay in Cat’s room. Fiona doesn’t like her uncle. I wonder why? Oh, she has MND like her dead mother. The creepy father ruins everything and wants Cat gone. The mother banned skank Frank from the house. Cat is excluded at the funeral and the father won’t let his son carry the coffin properly. The father gets rid of a broken frog statue. Creepy dad and Frank hate on Cat. So Cat beats skank Frank up in a urinal. More of the father’s lies come out. He killed his wife! It is so damn obvious! Things take a new turn. This bored.

Best Line:
“Why is he here?”