October 14th, 2018

Scary Books

Book Review: City Of Lies

City Of Lies: A Poison War novel by Sam Hawke
This fat fantasy novel is the first in a saga. It is boring padding and full of whiny bitchingtons.

Best Lines:
“Talafan lost a northern border city sixty years ago because someone inside poisoned the wells.”

“Heroically caring for such a frail little thing as me.”

“Howling Plains.”

“We’re in a siege! Where can anyone desert to?”

“What reason do they have for loyalty?”

“Now you are getting what you deserve. Ruin.”

“You spit on the traditions that formed this country.”
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12 Monkeys 4x01-4x03 +Hercules The Legendary Journeys 5x05 +Prison Break 5x04&5x05+Star Trek 1x18

The End
Cole and Cassie’s foul concept is to only care for each other. There are weird accents, flaming torches and yelling about a weapon. A weird device shows up. Nobody is firm and resolute. Jones is dying and then she isn’t. Cassie forgets she is a doctor. God I hate Cassie. Cole and Cassie are disgustingly selfish human being. They self-consciously doom everyone.

Deacon yells. Why are Cole and Cassie being appeased? This show has lost its lustre. I do not know the point of this ep. It is just confusing. Cassie and Cole fiercely oppose sense. What about stopping the plague? What about the plague mutating? Why do people continue to offer their support to Cole and Cassie? They caused all this! The Witness plans the collapse of civilisation and a campaign of calumny. Or something.

Where do they get their endless ammo? The characters are not the easiest to care for. They are awkward and difficult. Someone has a fancy bow and arrow. Cole overacts. The Witness has sinister intentions. There is a lack of common sense. Deacon is left behind. No one really cares. Cole and Cassie abandoned him without a thought cos they are selfish jerks. What’ll become of Deacon?

One is extremely discouraged about season 4 by this godawful ep. Cole mentions Ramse. The narrative shifts. Cole and Cassie have unusual reverence for each other and their crapulence. Their distorted intimacy ruins others and this show. The time machine is busted. They’ve no power. And power has become very important. Cassie and Cole have vociferous support for each other’s crap. Cole mentions Spearhead.

James Cole has an undeserved mystical reputation. Where is Jennifer? Cassie has never shown any sign she had a baby - no milk, no split vagina, no complications, nothing. Cassie has no conscientiousness. God I hate her and Cole. In 2018, Jennifer is in Prague doing drawings and robbing as the plague rages. Why in Prague - is a museum guide in English? Cole sees himself. They’re in 2043 or something.

Best Lines:
“Where would we go?”

“As long as we get.”

“Far and fast.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Where else would prey go?”

“Slaughtered Spearhead for.”

“Abort catchphrase!”

“Just come out already!”

The events of 1x01 play out again. Cassie is a selfish bint who only cares about herself. Kirk Acevedo shows up, he went from this show to ‘Arrow’. Poor guy. Cassie and co plan to attack the season 1 versions of themselves. When did they stop trying to prevent the plague and start obsessing over revenge on The Witness? What became of Marcus? Cassie has open hostility and personal grievances.

Where did the birds come from? Cassie kills birds. Jones blathers to herself. There is no moral guide. Cassie takes an emotional approach to The Witness. She has no anger competence. Cassie pivots around anger. Cassie and Cole got her fiancée and Ramse killed for their love. It wasn’t cruel necessity. Where is the Army Of The 12 Monkeys?

Ramse was smart. Where does Jones get cigarettes? This was no dynamic. Cole comes face to face with the friend he murdered - all for Cassie’s vagenda. Ramse mumbles. Cole doesn’t retrospectively condemn himself for murdering Ramse. An Interpol guy lurks. What happened to Jennifer? This bored.

Best Lines:
“Ass eating snake.”

“Come with me.”
“Not this time.”

“In a time of plague.”

“We are echoes here.”

45 RPM
In 2046 - Olivia is a crappy Witness. In the past, 1971, Cassie somehow has got hold of a sniper rifle to kill the young Olivia. Deacon’s not dead. Where did future Cole come from to save Jennifer? In 1971 Olivia murdered her friend. Olivia was pregnant. Who was the father? Olivia was branded by her mother. Olivia has self-doubt. What did she Witness? Cole waves a gun like the tool he is. Now we’ve got seers. Cole is shown a puzzle made long ago. Olivia always was a psycho. Who is Interpol guy? Deacon’s gone bad. What became of Olivia’s baby? This makes no sense.

Best Lines:
“It has not come.”

“Which Cole are you?”

“The chronology doesn’t make sense.”

“An unbreakable cycle.”

“The end of the great cycle.”

“The world started dying.”

Render Unto Caesar
People want Morrigan dead. Hercules opposes this. Caesar (Karl Urban overacting badly) shows up to conquer Eire. How does Hercules know about SPQR? Hercules is told to reform Morrigan, who is a thankless shrieking harpy. Caesar does not show how dangerous and attractive evil can be.

The fighting Irish need Hercules to lead them. Caesar is rotting from the soul outward. Morrigan goes through withdrawal from drinking god blood. A god with antlers on his head prances. Morrigan has a sinister alliance with antler god. There are bad VFX and bad accents. Hercules invents anti-ship warfare. Romans throw themselves off their ships. Caesar waves a plastic sword and rubs his nipples in joy. Morrigan sings, badly.

Morrigan needs to be convinced of her wrongheadness for the sake of her soul or something. Armagh is mentioned. Hercules can’t enforce real change in Morrigan via his monotoning. Morrigan has a child with antler god - wouldn’t that child be more than a demi-god? Caesar’s ambition to conquer Eire is deferred. Caesar never forgets a slight but he never bothered Hercules again. He also had his scribe tossed off the boat to ensure nobody would ever know about his failure in Eire. The national mood of Eire sees Hercules given new clothes. This was not even vaguely traumatic or pithy. Morrigan has no personal worth. This was really bad.

Best Lines:
“Is that supposed to past as insight?”

“Let you keep your teeth.”

“I am not impressed.”
“You will be.”

“You have no shame!”

“No enemy they cannot conquer.”

The Prisoner’s Dilemma
Linc always was the weak, worthless and stupid non-brother Michael was lumbered with. Michael is assailed by problems. This does not get intense to an intense degree. Michael is endlessly calm. Isis attacks, cue countrywide panic. Michael was in solitary for 4 years.
The Isis leader is in the important cell. The prison guards have a panicked response to Isis. Michael is intellectually secure. Rick Yune lurks. T-Bag and Sara spy on Kellerman and babble about Poseidon. Does Linc recall Veronica? People have expectations of Michael that he can’t deliver on. Luckily he’s self-reliant. Some people’s whole worldview is conspiratorial. Kellerman has a child?  Viewers know what they like and expect with this show.

Kellerman’s evil is unacknowledged. Accepted ideas are wrong. This season has had varying degrees of success. How many endless retellings of the same plot can TPTB pull off? The prisoners plan to use the Isis leaders as a bargaining chip. A poor guy is used as a battering ram. A decent guy dies. There is babble about a rogue CIA agent. Kellerman dies, it took long enough. Those 2 idiot assassins show up. You’d think Kellerman would have had bulletproof glass in his windows.

People are the worst people in the world. There is an unfathomable vastness of trouble. Michael hops the prison wall. Linc’s t-shirt is very white. How did T-Bag get out of Kellerman’s house? Bad things happen. Linc takes on real bad Arabs. T-Bag sees that Jacob is a baddie. Isis declares war on Michael and co. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“You bug eyed freak!”

“A prison out there as well.”

“I need to get in!”
“I need to get out!”

“Anyone comes at me dies!”

“We are in hell.”

“He knew it was worthless.”

“Kale is the rage? Kale!”

“Doesn’t sound very promising.”

“Killing for a lie.”


“Freaking Mexican soap opera out here.”

“What his word is worth.”

“Prison telly.”

“Behold the villain.”

Michael explains stuff and retcons the past. Wasn’t he dying? That part is brushed over. This was not madly entertaining. People are intractably stupid. Linc demands answers. This was not good. Michael was blackmailed into working for Poseidon and breaking people out of jail. There is death, a nutter and C-Note gets free. People gaze pensively into the middle distance. Who is Sara’s friend? Michael’s just not brilliant enough. Jacob lies. Poseidon lurks in the background. Sara’s dumb. There is talking and singing and social judgement and BOREDOM.

Best Lines:
“Damn right I resent you.”

“Pivot to the next contingency.”

It's the infamous Kirk v the Gorn ep. People talk about defensive screens. The Gorn destroy a colony. Kirk is angry. Another alien race meddles. A Gorn and Kirk fist fight to settle the score. This was BAD.
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Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Time Freak’ trailer
2 guys time travel to stalk teenage girls. I think this is meant to be a comedy. Ew. Creepy.

‘Mr Mercedes’ promo

‘Goosebumps 2: Halloween Havoc’ TV spot

‘He-Man And The Masters Of The Universe’ opening credits
So camp.

Overlord’ TV spot

Cherry Coke - yum.
Cherry Laffy Taffy - yum.
Gluten free Mixed Berry Crumble - yum.
Sour Apple Laffy Taffy - okay.

Who saw ‘Hitman’ (2007), ‘Gamer’, ’When We Were Kings’ (1996) ’Mr Mom’ or ‘I Went Down’?

I won’t read ‘Death In The Spotlight’ or ‘That’s Not What Happened’.

Who read ‘Kane And Abel’ and ‘Not A Penny More, Not A Penny Less’?

There are unanswered questions about ‘House Of Cards’: What about Peter’s friend taking his seat? What happened to Christina? What about Gillian and the CWI? Didn’t Peter have Capital Police protection? When FU is made VP and his house is fortified, how are he and Claire still able to smoke by an open window? Where was the rest of the Secret Service when the Underwoods and Meechum had a threesome? Why did Meechum the man-pet have such wistful wonder for the Underwoods? Did he know how much they manipulated him? Did he care? This show and ‘Designated Survivor’ share the same Oval Office set. Will we ever see the 2 season 6 eps that Kevin Spacey filmed?


‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Selective tolerance.”

“Public sympathy having restored him to his job,”

“Social and moral controversies.”

“Myth of some kind of aggressive conduct.”

“Intestinal pathogens.”

“Accorded godlike status by her reverential public.”

“One-shirt conductor.”

“Slow to grieve.”

“Irrespective of the logic or even of the merits.”

“A future, one very different to their past.”

“A diva’s prerogative.”

“My husband decides the politics in this house.”

“False and vicious attack.”

“Economic full-load.”

“Aggravated vehicle taking.”

“Career changing opportunity.”

“Prejudice against social housing and the people who live in it.”

“Eschewing any form of exaggeration.”

“Politics of patronage.”

“Scorn for democratic norms.”

“As strong as mule piss.”

“Nation-changing effect.”



“Oblivious electorate.”

“Having a history of making allegations against ministers.”

“Crow banger.”

“Sought reactions.”

“No concept of the responsibilities that go with his office,”

“A gentleman on whom I built an absolute trust.”

‘Mission Impossible’ Quote:
“You didn’t think I’d just trust you?”

‘Tales From The Darkside’ Quote:
“Talk box.”

‘Rumple Of The Bailey’ Quotes:
“Alone and palely loitering.”

“What else have you done?”

“Daddy would be ashamed of you.”

‘House Of Cards’ Quotes:
“Addiction without the consequences.”

“Which means nothing to me.”

“That didn’t stop him.”

“The alternative is unliveable.”

“Illegitimate daughter. The nanny of course.”

“The cult of Tusk: membership one.”

“The most powerful man in the free world. For now.”

“Dear friends at the FBI.”

“Don’t get dramatic.”

“Remove hope from the equation.”

“You want me to call him a liar?”
“Isn’t he?”

“I have all the men with guns.”

“Loneliness is the price.”

“Put this behind us, just like we’ve always done.”

“I’m no longer asking.”

“Tensions will be quelled.”

“To Meechum, for his loyalty and service.”

“I was careful.”
“Clearly not enough.”

“I will not ask for a third time.”

“A toxic president.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Compromise her values.”

“Those aren’t jobs.”

“I want my G Wagon!”

“My work is called shopping.”

‘Urban Myths’ Quotes:
“Dozy bastard lands his chopper in my garden. You should see the state of my begonias!”

“Run a 10 hour stadium show off of 4 generators.”

“Whole famine thing.”

“Sexy moron.”

“Nobody’s really that dumb.”

‘The Immaculate Void’ Quote:
“Ending up in the wrong toolshed.”

‘Red Dwarf’ Quotes:
“Whiny human hologram man.”

“Time jump.”

“Unemotional cold-hearted psychopaths.”

“Who mentioned school? I was off shoplifting.”

“Pushing a pram full of string!”

“Gutter muncher.”

“Other socky.”

‘Gary And His Demons’ Quotes:
“Vision seizures.”

“Chosen one lore.”

“Latest evil mirror based phenomenon.”

“Just scheming.”

“Mirror divination.”

‘Daily Express’ Quotes:
“People were that affronted and that offended.”

“Never run from any kind of pursuit predator.”

“Plastic should not exist.”

“No prospect of release.”

“You’ll get yourself punched, you will.”

“Threatened to throw himself out of the window if Paul Scott’s Staying On didn’t win.”

“Punched my agent.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“Lurid rumours.”
To Light The Way To Bed

7 Movie Reviews

Starry Eyes (2014)
A wannabe starlet has her entire career and life forged by Hollywood supernatural creeps. She uncovers a poisonous legacy of Hollywood Satanism. Or something. There is no justification for this terrible film existing. This is full of grave errors of logic. Her fake friends are useless and this was frustratingly ineffective.

Best Lines:
“Dreams require sacrifice.”

“Become one of us.”

The Funhouse (1981)
Is this based on a Dean Koontz novel? Badly dressed teens go to a carnival and this has no raw insistent urgency just sleaze. There is no Chekhovian poignancy as perennially blank untalented actors face psychological turmoil. This was made with unbelievable incompetence. Studiously avoid this. An annoying kid lurks. This does not stand up to scrutiny. There are no considered responses. Teens get into a furore. People are suffused with bitterness and act with viciousness.

The Two Faces Of Dr Jekyll (1961)
This Hammer horror is filled with nasty and discreditable conduct. Dr Jekyll plans clumsily wild things as he wears a fake beard and bad old age makeup. He’s slipped out of public life to do odd weird experiments. Jekyll repulsively denigrates people and wants to shatter cultural norms and have freedom from social norms.

Women are denigrated. Jekyll is not decent, kind and public spirited. His pal Paul (Christopher Lee) sleazes. Jekyll’s wife has clear preference for Paul. Jekyll heedlessly causes trouble and is going to cause more. Nobody has integrity. Prostitutes lurk. Mr Hyde emerges and there is bad acting, brothels, opium dens, bare knuckle fights and can can girls.

The transformation from Hyde to Jekyll and back again becomes uncontrollable. There is murder and attempted murder and women die for being sluts. There is horrendous acting, incompetent cops and Hyde executes a terrible revenge and a false narrative. Nobody has creditworthiness. People are maliciously accused. There is a malicious strategy and women are repulsively denigrated. This exists for no good reason.

There are vile lies, horrific falsehoods and no melancholy reflection on the destructive power of lies. People overact to near lunatic proportions. There had to be a degree of calculation in Jekyll. This is an unloved Hammer film for a reason: it’s terrible.

Best Lines:
“How dare you talk to a gentleman like that you drunken lout?”

“Dumb human animals.”

“Locked doors of the mind.”

“Such a useless waster.”

“Situation lacks dignity.”

“Go to hell and take that trollop with you.”

“A solemn warning not to meddle.”

Power Of Grayskull: The Definitive History Of He-Man And The Masters Of The Universe (2017)
This is an okay documentary about the Mattel toyline/cartoon. People mumble. What was the Big Jim toyline? Mattel passed on the ‘Star Wars’ toyline. Ha ha ha ha. To get profits up after that disaster, ‘He-Man’ came into being. This shows how ‘He-Man’ was developed and how Battle-Cat came to be. It was originally called ‘Lords Of Power’ but that was changed. The memorable ‘He-Man’ toyart is discussed.

Teela and She-Ra really looked alike, no comment. Evil witch Evil-Lyn is barely mentioned, the cheap animation is talked up as is the backstory. JMS of ‘Babylon 5’ talks. Moral guardians and naff toys like Stinkor are discussed. Apparently even dinosaurs showed up in ‘He-Man’. The voice actor for He-Man isn’t interviewed, he’s enigmatic apparently. The Skeletor voice actor laughs.

How the ‘She-Ra’ spinoff came to be is discussed. She was going to have a sidekick called Silver Reindeer. Moss-Man is discussed. More and more toys were cranked out but weren’t selling. The irritating Loo Kee is discussed. 80s ads for the cartoons and toys are shown. Dolph Lungren is interviewed. ‘He-Man’ and his elaborate mythology are discussed. Frank Langella is interviewed and he has deep thoughts about playing Skeletor in the unloved live action movie. The failed ‘He-Man’ reboot is discussed as are the comics and the revival of the classic action figures. This is okay nostaglia.

Best Lines:
“The world of male action figures changed.”

“Westerns? Is that popular?”


“Very very disgusted.”

“Play value.”

“Ran out of tooling dollars.”


“Educational consultant.”

“Female fashion action doll.”

“Burn the books!”

“No, he really doesn’t.”

“Eight-foot sword.”

“Not say silly, foolish things.”

“Choices born of 1987.”

Dead Night (2018)
This film has a troubled past. It was originally called ‘Applecart’, then it had a disastrous festival screening and was re-titled and re-edited. It’s still bad. Barbara Crampton and Daniel Roebuck star. This opens on a very well lit night in 1961 where incoherent things happen for no clear reason.

The original trailer for this gave me certain preconceptions. They weren’t met. Ill-mannered things lurk in the woods. 2015 arrives along with bad green-screen and Hollywood darkness. Grim mischief is not afoot in the woods and this was not terrifyingly convincing. Various inflammatory characters show up to the cabin in the woods. One is chronically unable to care about them.

There is no command of plot and pace. The characters are a chronic irritation. Clips from a true crime show give away the plot. This film has that horrible cheap shot on digital look. Who is Leslie? A mysterious woman is found in the show. There are disturbing indications that Leslie is weird. There is clunky dialogue and Crampton can’t act.

This is a perfectly useless film that should be confined to irrelevance. The characters are full of spite, inaccuracy and ill feeling. Murderously reckless mutters with strength of purpose lurk. There is death and a monotonously familiar plot. The characters ghastly lives end due to people with the ferocity of their convictions. There is no unexpected edge or gathering unease.

Leslie is plainly deceitful. There is no mischief or chaos. This was utterly inexplicably terrible. Leslie has sinister motives that make no sense. Nobody behaves particularly well. This is without artistic merit. A woman chops up people with an axe with way too much enthusiasm.

Two characters are indistinguishable Selma Blair look-alikes. The post credits scene makes no sense. Snow disappears and reappears. What became of the missing girl? Why didn’t Casey tell the truth about what happened? The ending and the entire movie make no sense. This was utterly mad.

Best Lines:
“The cabin’s built on a pile of magic rocks.”

“Axe Mom.”

“Sorry about the smell in here.”

“Look for wood in the woods.”

“End the war on values.”

“What are you doing here?”
“Just came to check on you, see how the house is working out.”
“At 23:30!?!”

“I’m going to kill you for this.”
“No you’re not dear.”

Thirst (2015)
Teens at a boot camp are in peril from bad vfx creatures. This was beyond crap.

Best Line:
“In case something needs to be shot.”

Hellions (2015)
A pregnant teen and an angry cop (Robert Patrick) face malevolent kids in this stupid mess.

Best Line:
“Your ass is grass and I’m the lawnmower!”
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