October 7th, 2018

Kylo Ren

Book Review: A Confederacy Of Dunces

A Confederacy Of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
This was mirthless and completely terrible. This was boring absurdity. This was a superfluous tale of an ugly American who is diabolically difficult and laudatory of himself. He lives in a chaotic manner and is an absolute menace. He’s infuriating, loud and grating. Add in racism, creepy sexual politics and the fat loser’s mother’s utter inability to do anything about her son’s obvious mental illness and the son has erroneous presumptions about his own talents and is totally lacking in self-awareness. This was full of oppressive stereotypes.

Best Lines:
“I spent all his poor Grmmaw Reilly’s insurance money to keep him in college for eight years, and since then all he’s done is lay around the house watching television.”

“The perversion of having to GO TO WORK.”

“You’re shattering my religious ecstasy.”

“Forced to function in a century which I loathe.”
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Movie Reviews: The Captains + Silent Night + Xmoor + It Came From Outer Space II + Carnage Park

The Captains (2011)
This is a documentary by William Shatner which centres on actors who have played Starship captains. Shatner’s a fat bloated ham and this was boring. Shatner has a private plane. Shatner talks to Patrick Stewart who was an overactor. Shatner annoys. He talks to Avery Brooks who is wearing a bizarre outfit and acting like he is high and or an escaped mental patient.

Brooks is a tenured professor of theatre. Kate Mulgrew is fat and rude. Shatner sits in a cardboard box on the street. Mulgrew and others do misty eyed reminiscences of their jobs. This causes inattention. Shatner meets Scott Bakula and interrupts a lot. Shatner talks to Chris Pine who can’t pronounce ‘Waiting For Godot’. There is no mention of Mulgrew’s predecessor Bujold on ‘Voy’. Or Mulgrew’s bullying of Jeri Ryan.

People discuss theatre acting. Shatner talks to some random lunatic on the street. Shatner, Stewart and Bakula discuss their divorces. Mulgrew reveals her kids resented ‘Voy’ and talks about how hard it was to film and be a mother. Christopher Plummer shows up. This was bad.

Best Lines:
“Why did they get the role?”

“Content with my own company.”

“Absolutely important.”

“Nobody had any success.”

“You’re me 50 years ago.”

“So highly stylised.”

“Can she speak the language?”

“Tribble Slayer.”

“5 days off in 4 and ½ years.”

“Forced calls.”

“Can’t be corrected.”

“Nothing but dripping contempt for it.”

“Distained it.”

“Loved often and well.”

Silent Night (2012)
Malcolm McDowell stars with Donal Logue and Brendan Fehr in this terrible remake. A pervy Santa (Logue), an angry cop (McDowell) and a killer Santa all lurk in this cheap and nasty remake.

Best Line:
“No mercy for sinners.”

Xmoor (2014)
Nick Blood stars in this film that lacks creeping menace and genuine unease. Americans stomp around Exmoor looking for a monster. There is no mortal danger. There are dead sheep in this badly lit film that has no sense of jeopardy. This was boring as 2 yanks and a guy wander around uttering ropey dialogue. People show off their bad acting. The ending is stupid. There is no viable threat. The final shot is even more stupid. The characters are not even half-bright.

Best Lines:
“Probably been murdered by crack heads.”

“A crazy dug addict living in their house.”

“Operation Beastie.”

“Cat of the Baskervilles!”

It Came From Outer Space II (1996)
This was not quietly devastating as sweaty yelling men yell. Mickey Jones and Dean Norris are in this terrible film. There is bad VFX as aliens show up in a small town. There is a stupid kid, a blue rock and a distracted society who shrug off weirdness. The seeming normality is disrupted by aliens and weird lights. A semi-hostile nagging mother changes her tune. There is stupidity and bad VX.

Best Lines:
“You half dead old coot.”

“Hungry for attention.”

Carnage Park (2016)
This is set in 1978 and a crazy sniper kills people. This was oddly stagy as people indulge in risky behaviours and have a destructive agenda. There is mental disarray. A nutter plays his version of the most dangerous game. This was not inherently worthwhile. Alan Ruck is in this.

Best Lines:
“Not by her volunteer.”

“Don’t come round here no more!”

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina’ trailer
This looks awesome.

‘Mary, Queen Of Scots’ trailer
Blood, a red dress, Mary lies and whines. She and Elizabeth never met. There is a gun. Mary runs her mouth. She always had the absolute intention of stealing the English throne. It went badly for her.

Best Lines:
“How did it come to this?”

“She comes ready for war.”

“Depose a sister monarch.”

“A woman with a crown.”

‘The Magicians’ season 4 trailer
Margo who is now Janet gets a visit from the dead Ember. He has a warning and kittens. This looks okay.

Best Lines:
“Great ill is afoot.”

“This is concerning.”

“Horned person.”

‘There She Goes’ promo

Rizzoli & Isles’ opening credits

‘Mosie’ TV spot

‘Finding Joy’ promo

‘Malevolent’ trailer
2 con artists go to a haunted house. There are lies, blood and hitting.

Best Line:
“It’s all an act.”

‘Into The Dark: The Body’ trailer
A hitman lurks. The body moves, there is death and idiots and this looks good.

Best Line:
“The British American psycho.”

Chocolate fudge - yum.
Wasabi crisps - okay.
Peanut cocoa honeys - yum.

The guy who played Brendan Brady on ‘Hollyoaks’ has been cast on season 2 ‘Krypton’ as Lobo. There goes my interest.

Who saw ‘Secret Window’ or ‘A Star Is Born’ (1976) or ‘Good Burger’?

I hope to review ‘The X Files’ season 11.

Nathan Darrow was in an ep of ‘Quantico’?!?

Who read ‘Divorcing Jack’ or ‘The Twelfth Day Of July’?

Tommy was more popular than any other ‘MMPR’ - well duh.

I miss Meechum on ‘House of Cards’ even if he was FU’s sex slave puppet. And FU had a fetish for manipulation.

I want a Liya suede satchel, a Whitney chain shoulder bag and Sammy knee high boots. Also I want a Metropolis mini cross body bag, Hazel pumps and a Ralph Lauren handbag. I would also like a sparkly green dress.

‘Inside No 9’ Quotes:
“Makes me feel like I exist.”

“You invited a tramp in off the street and got pissed with him!”

“Sounds like the kind of sh*t they tour around old people’s homes.”

‘Mission Impossible’ Quotes:
“Boxing back in the hands of honest men,”

“Bang him one.”

“Like them bulky and not too bright.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Enforced hypocrisy.”

“A star on her own terms, and they aren’t his.”

“Cheerful hatred.”

“Stood in sullen groups.”

“Social advancement.”

“Contested story.”

“That no one needs and, increasingly, almost no one wants.”

“No shortage of social standing,”

“Relying on women’s anger.”

“Vanished mores.”

“Giving out on the Joe Duffy show.”

“Far too subservient to the European Union.”

“Fawned over on radio and television.”

“Did his country no service.”

“Stunning collapse in support.”

“Family reckoning.”

“Other world cities have been destroyed by crack.”

“They have no right to know what I did there.”

“Preoccupation and fears.”

“Those who had welcomed him into their privileged lives began to turn against him.”

“Forever boiling hams or throttling chickens while in mid-conversation.”

“Any recognisable human instinct.”

“Undertake forced domestic labour.”

“Hitchcockian neurosis in a cardigan.”

Service user.”


“The act of looking also becomes a responsibility.”

‘The Gloss Magazine’ Quotes:
“Trades sex for a place at the table, knowing she’ll never be allowed to work her way there,”

“Speech orientated culture,”

“Not given the opportunity to use their full bodily capacities.”

“Cultural features.”

“Questioning social expectations.”

‘The Magicians’ Quotes:
“Hedgewitch Buffy.”

“Her fate is her own.”

“Logic this with me.”

‘Red Dwarf’ Quotes:
“All crew should run around screaming!”

“Die nobly.”

“Where’s my dinner at?”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Doesn’t work, cook or clean.”

“I really could care less.”

“You’re on your own.”

“What is your intended impact?”

“Choking each other out.”

“Let my life get this bad.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“I don’t call him popular.”

‘House Of Cards’ Quotes:
“Snapping on a flag pin.”

“See you round.”
“Hopefully less and less.”

“Weep a river of snot.”

“Nobody wants your condolences.”

“Not be the news.”

“Don’t be so arrogant.”

“Capable and beautiful and ambitious.”

“Go before I get violent.”

“A meeting.”
“With who?”
“Someone I have to punch.”

“No class.”

“Cancel the string quartet.”

‘Queens Of The Conquest’ Quotes:
“Emotionalising history.”

“Involved in numberless troubles.”

The Magicians 3x08-3x13 + Star Trek 1x12 + Elite (2018-?) 1x01 Reviewed

Six Short Stories About Magic
Season 3 is bereft of quality. Fray was a fake daughter. Margo is in peril. There is no sense of urgency. Penny is a culpable failure. This was torturously horrible. Penny attacks and ridicules. Get rid of him. This ep was dissatisfying. Cassandra shows up. Why is Quentin having sex with the disgusting Poppy? Quentin is rueful. This show has ceased to be essential viewing.

This was not deliciously dark. This is not an acceptable narrative. There are hostile tones of voice and no verbalised enthusiasm. What is the library up to? This was downright awkward. Quentin is not commanding. What is Alice up to? Margo and Eliot are in peril. I don’t care about Fen. Why is Penny such a suckhole? Fairies are on Earth?!? Who is Irene? She turns fairies into magic powder?

Harriet’s mother is a librarian. This show is broken. Kady’s done coke. The librarian trades in the fairy powder. The librarian lies and doesn’t seem upset that Victoria and Harriet are dead. The librarian is a bad mother. I wish Penny and his toxic masculinity would go away. Who is Sylvia? Penny is in peril and trust is eviscerated.

Best Lines:
“Power no-one should have.”

“This is not at all relevant!”

All That Josh
Kady knows music? Alice yaps about money. Who’s Todd? There’s a dance routine. Fairy coke is snorted. Where are Quentin, Kady and Alice? Where is the sloth? Julia bothers a fairy. Kady sings and strips. Or does she? This was feckless.

Heavily disputed events aren’t discussed. Margo and Eliot are called terrible rulers which isn’t entirely unreasonable. Fillory focuses its ire on Eliot and Margo. This was not audacious. Nobody has dignity or seriousness. There is vociferous hatred toward Eliot and Margo. Nobody is conciliatory. They’re all weak-willed dreamers. This is facile. There is deviance.

Nobody engenders loyalty. One was not emotionally attached to his. Penny whines. There is singing and a ship flies. Who is some random guy? There is no furious determination.

Best Lines:
“Back then the scale didn’t start at c.”

“It’s what my mom took her clothes off to for money.”

“Save your judgement.”

“I think we found hell.”

“Narcisstically up your own asses.”

“It’s quite horrid.”

“Something very wrong here.”

“Ditched hard by you guys.”

“Our death screams.”

The Art Of The Deal
Where is Fray? Alice whines and is a toxic nuisance. Season 3 has been overwhelmingly mediocre and dispiriting. Irene and her blowout tries to be exquisitely cruel and fails. Julia has strong concern for captive fairies. Does anyone care that Harriet and Victoria are dead? Leonard Roberts, Dina Meyer and Michael Hogan guest star.

Irene’s family have magic from snorting the fairy dust. They’ve been enslaving fairies for 400 years? No magic has stifled this show’s momentum. Who is Sylvia? Why should I care? Penny whines. How did Josh, Alice and Quentin get onto the flying boat? Josh is a moron. How did Julia and Fen get to Fillory? The fairy queen needs to shut up.

TPTB think they’re writing intense verbal exchanges. The fairy queen is debauched. Penny is a bearer of grudges. One recoils from him. Irene doesn’t know about Fillory? I don’t care about Julia or Alice’s self-discovery journey. There is a secret revealed and fairy vengeance. There is a problem and this was really awful.

Best Lines:
“Not better.”

“I choose to be grateful.”

Margo won’t parlay with tinker-bitch. People babble about the portal tree. Irene is alive after the fairy massacre. Another timeline contacts Josh and Julia. There is emotional distress. Martin Chatwin is called Mothra in the AU. Who’s watching them? AU Marina and AU Josh are not to be trusted. The AU Dean is useless.

WTF is the quickening? AU Eliot and Margo were killed by a botched spell cast by AU Eliot. AU Penny and AU Julia hooked up. The Beast shows up to attack and AU Quentin is the AU Beast. I did not see that coming! AU Alice resurrected the dead AU Quentin, except he was soulless and went on to create a theocratic oppression.

What happened to the real Quentin’s wooden arm? AU Alice works for bunnies. Carrot wine is drunk. What’s the Winter’s Doe? AU Quentin has done bad things. This was good. Will Julia let in a monster? AU Penny and AU Marina escape into the real world. Josh and Julia annoy. Alice is always entirely untrustworthy. AU Quentin is made to feel sad for being evil. Where did Poppy go? Oh who cares?!?

Best Lines:
“Earth-shatteringly horrible.”

“Murder herpes.”

“Where’s my Bambi?”

“The sads.”

“Captain Hopps.”

“Cause that’s not ominous.”

“I didn’t like them very much.”

“A monster. One even worse than me.”

“It doesn’t taste like horse.”

“They’re weirdly inconsistent.”

“A walking opiod crisis.”

“I killed a leprechaun once!”

The Filliorian Candidate
AU Penny doesn’t know Kady. He’s grossed out by her. Ha. Alice plots, badly. Frey shows up. AU Penny is a terrible person. Fairies lurk. Julia, Kady and AU Penny track down a certain jerkass. Margo becomes ruler of Fillory on a write in vote. Margo is given a fairy gift. This was boring as hell.

Will You Play With Me?
Calypso shows up to annoy and to warn the gang that what is in the castle must never ever get out. Julia is a god now. Irene triumphs in her evil. AU Penny annoys. Quentin comes up with a plan, which goes horribly awry. The fairy queen makes a sacrifice. The library and Irene plot. Alice whines. The unstoppable monster gets loose and wants Quentin as a plaything. I feel naked distain for this. Julia loses her magic, the Dean sells them out, things get worse and Eliot is possessed by the monster and cornering Quentin in an alley. Oh cliffhanger! Apart from the Eliot reveal, this was not good. Alice is locked up for her sins, oh let her rot.

Best Lines:
“This is sloppy plotting.”

“I was a fan too once.”

“I don’t care.”
“You should.”

“Bit hard by the martyr bug.”

“Mediocre power hungry girl.”


The Menagerie, part 2
Spock’s profound convictions allow him to escape legal responsibility. The inhabitants of Talos IV have uncontrolled aggression. There is bad acting and no mounting tension. This was not compelling or almost-tolerable viewing. The Talos IV lot are limitlessly powerful and have messianic fascism. There are no key emotional pivots. Read the novel ‘Burning Shadows’ instead.

This lacks moral significance. The Talos IV inhabitants can control perception and indulge in vicious behaviour, whilst making accusations of deviance against others and calculating effects. Spock shrugs off grave accusations. How was Spock ever thought reputable again? The Talos IV inhabitants have mind-sapping tyranny.

Spock wants to offload Pike on Talos IV. How far do the mental powers of the Talos IV lot extend? How did Spock contact Talos IV? How did Kirk get away with it? The twist is ridic! RIDIC!

Best Lines:
“Space vehicle Enterprise.”

“Prepare for hyper drive.”

“Shockingly limited.”

“You will now consume the nourishment.”

“Things even more unpleasant.”

“Wrong thinking.”

Elite (2018-?) 1x01
This is a dubbed Spanish drama about class war at an elite Spanish school. There will be blood. The story is told in non-linear fashion. 3 poors got scholarships to the very fancy school. They wear cool uniforms. The rich girls wear very short skirts. A chavvy chav is loud. Who murdered the murder victim?

The elite school is international and bilingual. There is an annual prize that allows the winner to study in America. People call the hero a waiter. A rich dickhead shouts. The school has a bridge and a lake with fish and ducks.

The riches leave a privileged slime trail. The school expects the poors to have dutiful servitude. The place seems unendurable. This is a sombre show with some serious overacting. It would be disturbing if it were remotely credible. The school has bitter gloom despite looking like an Apple ad. A wearisome rich punk snots. There is a stifling and sinister atmosphere and a sentiment of alienation.

What grim turn of events took place in the awful world of the school? The poors school collapsed and is closed. 3 injured students got scholarships to the rich elite school. The hero has a jailbird brother who looks like Cristano Ronaldo. There is a toxic dream of affluence. The poors have to have jobs. The riches have a great view. The poors face derision. The riches have a malign influence and feed the negative impact of the school.

This was darkly disturbing. The poors try, not entirely successfully to fit in. There is no evident integrity by anyone. 2 rich jerks have sex in the school shower. What gravest consequences kicked off? A rich git like guys. Red tights are worn. There is puking, a debutant ball, weird clothes, cheating, sex, voyeurism and the rich jerk’s sister Marina has HIV. This was okay with yelling about corruption and the identity of the murder victim is a surprise.

Best Lines:
“We strive to teach values here.”

“You read the rules?”

“Good luck, you’ll need it.”

“You hate everything.”

“Ticket straight to preppy land.”

“My job pays our bill since you left.”

“You wish you had this ass.”

“I don’t have any friends here.”

“I read outside of class.”

“In all its absurdity.”

“I don’t want her here either.”

“The only one Dad can still disappoint.”
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