September 23rd, 2018

Kylo Ren

Trailers, Quotes and Even More MMPR Rewatching

‘Vox Lux’ promo
Mmmm.

‘Arrow’ season 7 trailer
Oliver’s in supermax where he deserves to be. He killed numerous people. Felicity needs to shut up. No.

Best Line:
“Another psycho in green leather who assaults people."

‘Light As A Feather’ promo
No.

Best Line:
“Something seriously wrong with that game.”

‘The Haunting Of Hill House’ trailer
They’ve made it into a TV show with Carla Gugino, Timothy Hutton and Henry Thomas. This was not sufficiently horrible.

‘The Apostle’ trailer
A cult, Michael Sheen, Dan Stevens, creepiness, violence, fire and no oblique symbolism. Interest is nigh on gone. One looks at this with horrified contemplation.

‘Charmed’ trailer
“This is not a witch hunt, it’s a reckoning.”

‘Power Rangers: Ninja Steel’ opening credits
What is this CRAP?

‘Power Rangers: Dino Charge’ opening credits
No, just no.

‘Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue’ opening credits
Oh for the love of...

‘Colette’ trailer
No.

‘Power Rangers: RPM’ opening credits
Rose McIver was a power ranger! Oh hell no. Adelaide Kane was in this as a robot!

‘Glam Goo’ ad
No.

‘Power Rangers: Super Ninja Steel’ clip
Ranger icon Tommy Oliver appears in the 25th anniversary episode as he fights a robot double. He’s got rid of the goatee and hair gel. He gets kicked by his double. There are cheap ass echo chamber voices. There is kicking and fighting. Tommy has a Master Morpher which allows him to change into his previous ranger forms, without explanation as to how.

Tommy does the hand gestures. There is fighting as Tommy becomes the Dino Thunder Black, Zeo Ranger Red, White Ranger and the Green Ranger again. Where did he get the Master Morpher? Where’d all the green light come from? Ah, Tommy, you are a legend.

Best Lines:
“You haven’t been Dino Thunder Black for over a decade!”

“You’re nothing like me, you have no heart!”

‘The Last Ship’ promo
Is this still on? HOW?

Corned beef - no.
Hi-Chew Green Apple - no.

Who saw ‘The Last Dragon’ (1985) or ‘School Ties’ (1992) or ‘Airheads’ (1994)) or ‘George Of The Jungle’ (1997) or ‘The Mummy’ (1999) or ‘Blast From The Past’ or ‘Dudley-Do-Right’ or ‘Bedazzled’ or ‘MonkeyBone’ or ‘The Mummy Returns’ or ‘Looney Tunes: Back In Action’ or ‘Gods And Monsters’ or ‘The Quiet American’ or ‘Crash’ or ‘Three Amigos’ or ‘Always’ (1989) or ‘Matilda’ (1996) or ‘2 Fast 2 Furious’ (2003) or ‘The Man Without A Face’ (1993) or ‘The Mighty’ (1998) or ‘Courage Under Fire’ (1996) or ‘The Dukes Of Hazzard’ (2005)?

I’d try cacao and avocado mousse. And vegan kale chocolate. And avocado toast chocolate.

What is black carbon?

‘Find Me In Paris’ is bizarre.

Who saw ‘Walker, Texas Ranger‘?

What is a pizza bagel? Or celery ice?

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Mis-sold overhyped con.”

“Stone ballast.”

“Catching roving octopuses raiding neighbouring tanks for food at night.”

“Defuelling.”

“Citizenship he assumed he already had.”

“I’m not going to listen to what they say until they learn to enunciate clearly and speak properly in the Queen’s English.”

“Insinuates himself creepily into the creative process.”

“Cover himself with peanut butter and dive through broken glass to disguise the fact that his band couldn’t play.”

“Came within sniffing distance of fame without ever making it big.”

“Economically challenged.”

“Public distress.”

“Barotrauma.”

“Interesting friends of Facebook.”

“The last vehicle with an internal combustion engine would be sold in 2028.”

“Made their children successful if somewhat creepy.”

“Unnecessary denial.”

“No one likes us, we don’t care.”

“Different breed of people in the public eye.”

“Value placed on opinions and the power of mob judgement.”

“Hippy enclaves.”

“Pastoral country rock.”

“Mythic nature.”

“Biogas.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“It’s cast a certain way.”

“Unwanted goods.”

“Great untruths.”

“In thrall to pathologies.”

“Planned discomfort.”

“Picking apart the logic of said world.”

“Challenger band.”

“Commercial misjudgement.”

“Retail apocalypse.”

“Damaged its desirability.”

“More judicious choice of partners.”

“Capital-intensive.”

“Fails to engage with meaningful issues.”

“The end of her American celebrity.”

“Cate Blanchette head-butting an animated pumpkin.”

“The denizens of a palatial mansion that seems unlikely to survive the coming egalitarian consensus.”

“Indeterminate meat encased in suet.”

“Mispending.”

“Taking pictures and laughing and trying to provoke him.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Horrible child.”

“Get out of bed and get out of my house.”

“Forbidden from being on school property.”

“Gang guys.”

“I don’t feel welcome.”

“It’s your job to know it.”

“Behave your way to success.”

“This kid is armed in your house?”

‘Shadowhunters’ Quotes:
“Am I being terrible?”

“You got out.”
“Only when I knew we were doomed.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
Quote enjoy drinking and fighting.”

‘RTE News’ Quotes:
Love of fighting.”

“Bad, bad beating.”

‘Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt’ Quotes:
“He never goes to the bathroom.”
“They bred that out.”

“Off brand Kennedys.”

“Mental therapist.”

“4 years of that youthful glow left.”

“Cheap stripper name.”

“Other uneducated adults.”

“Don’t get lice.”

“Abandoned chandelier factory.”

“You’re scaring away the creeps!”

“Raps Shakespeare.”

“A former student we think is living in the air ducts.”

“Loneliness therapy dog.”

“Fresh flowers in the panic room.”

“He jumped into a shark! On purpose!”

“Hashtag lizard truth.”

“People who own the house don’t know I’m living in the basement.”

“I need Dong!”

“Whatever decaying steeltown you call home.”

“Acting like a real first wife.”

“That is a very obscene gesture.”

“Shame puppet.”

“Don’t act like you belong here.”

“Have to use the filth-bucket.”

“Unexpired meats.”

“A bouquet of dogs.”

“Her ex-husband died on top of his new wife.”

“A werewolf. Like in the bible.”

“Classy stripper name.”

“All of his wives have been killed in boating accidents.”

“He fought in some war with Germany!”

“Step off!”

“Woke up in the shower cleaning a knife.”

“A Kraut posing as a French prostitute.”

“Not you, you hooker!”

“Go to your rooms!”

“You bite my nails!”

“Biggest credit to date is that bum fights DVD.”

“A play directed by the third Affleck brother.”

“Scream lines.”

“Role of sharecropper no 2 slash cow.”

“Try the car. Where he lives.”

“Whose butt prolapsed.”

“Ouch. I assume.”

“Don’t use that kind of language in front of a unicorn!”

“Puppet frog and pig wife.”

“6 white complainers.”

“I like Dong.”
“Me too, don’t tell the guys.”

‘Tales From The Darkside’ Quote:
“Clean fighting man.”

‘Power Rangers: Ninja Steel’ Quotes:
“This ought to be interesting.”

“Some kind of mystical metamorphosis.”

“We’re become power rangers!”

“Ninja spin!”

‘Power Rangers: Dino Charge’ Quote:
“Humans with dinosaur spirits!”

Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue’ Quotes:
“No brother of mine could be as evil as you are!”
“Unless his father let him fall from a cliff!”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Re-partnered.”

“Joint lives order.”

“Persistence hunting.”

~
Did Another ‘Mighty Morphin Power Ranger’ Rewatch

The Song Of Guitardo
In 2x11, the only 3 morphing sequences shown in the opening credits are Tommy, Billy and Kimberley. In this ep, Kimberley plays guitar and sings. Tommy wears green trousers. There are no innovative ideas. Zedd plans adverse consequences. Bulk and Skull are morons. A mind controlling monster lurks. Kimberley wears a pink hairclip. Tommy is told his powers are running out. 4 rangers are in peril. Kimberley must save them.

Kimberley sings a song about Tommy. Kimberley defeats the monster by shooting the dragon dagger from her powerbow at him. Bulk and Skull do not act respectfully. Tommy utters statements of loyalty. This was absolutely appalling. This has no ingenuity and was completely irrelevant.

Best Line:
“Power ranger to the end!”

The Beetle Invasion
In 2x09, there is idiocy in the youth center. WTF is Tommy wearing around his neck? Zedd wants rid of Tommy because he was created by Rita. The galactic overlord and his endless legion of horrific monsters continue to stalk teenagers. Trini and Kimberley wear tiny shorts. Tommy wears a red shirt foreshadowing his ‘Zeo’ and ‘Turbo’ future.

Tommy does high kicks and Kimberley does flips. This was okay. Where’s Scorpina gone? Zordon is irresponsible and crazy. Where’s Tommy during the Thunderzord battle? Tommy’s drained and sad. There is suicidal overconfidence as the other MMPR plan to murder the monster. They slap it around and ignore mortal danger. Tommy’s gets better and saves the day.

Best Lines:
“The green ranger is ours again.”

“What have you done to me?”

“Foolish ranger.”

“My clay comrades.”

“Your days as a power ranger are over.”

“Power ranger energies.”

Calamity Kimberley
In 1x31, Rita plots. Tommy and his season 1 hair likes Kimberley. She wears pink nail polish. Tommy throws Bulk into the janitor’s bucket. There is no clarity and presence. Kimberley is in peril. Tommy ends up unconscious and lying in leaves. He ends up on a chaise lounge in the command centre. Anyone else recall the ‘Observe The Viewing Globe’ fanfic? This was not good.

Best Lines:
“Bulk and Skull should get their own TV show.”

“How do they get their incredible powers?”

“These remarkable superheroes.”

“Kick him into another dimension.”

Lights, Camera, Action
In 2x33, the MMPR are rapturously received as they appear on a talk show. The new black, red and yellow rangers are around and Tommy is the white ranger now, with even longer hair. Zedd plots. The gang hang out and plan to go on TV to promote education. The chatshow host is dressed in idiot 90s attire. The gang appear on the chat show. Kimberley cartwheels onto the stage and Tommy does fancy moves. Naturally they are morphed. Bulk and Skull annoys. There is some real bad acting and clips. Bulk and Skull just want to be on TV and have people like them.

They are doggone stupid. There is no highly competitive selection process to be chosen as a MMPR. They are just grabbed off the street - literally in Tommy’s case. The MMPR are highly praised. Later shows were naff. There is no real, lived impact. There is nonchalance about the monster. Bulk and Skull deserve ridicule. This is not of titanic significance. Bulk and Skull are deeply asocial. There is no indie integrity. Does Goldar jump back to the moon after losing yet another fight to Tommy? How did the chat show get the MMPR to appear?

Best Lines:
“Don’t be a fool.”
“Stay in school.”

“Little costumed creeps!”

“Power pest!”

“Whatever happened to the green ranger?”

“Such a cool way to spread our message!”

“Impudent ranger!”

“The way to be cool is to stay in school!”

“He couldn’t capture the power rangers grandmothers!”



Scary Books

Book Reviews: Monster + Vox + Nightmare's Realm, part 1

Monster by CJ Skuse
Unwanted girls are left in a boarding school coming up to Christmas. There have always been rumours of a beast in the woods near the school, now the unnurtured students will find out if there is any truth to that. This starts out well as a homage to ‘Hound Of The Baskervilles’. But half way through there is an abatement of interest as the plot gets ridiculous and obvious.

This has no trademark bite, trauma or grim chuckles. This is not scary or overwhelming; it’s just full of moral problems and blasé conversations by morose idiots. This was discardable and not extremely creepy, real or relatable. This was a series of disasters and nobody acts sensibly or effectively. People act to the detriment of those around them. Serious consequential damage is inflicted. This was not thrillingly raw, just improbable and full of incompetence and ineptitude.

~
Vox by Christina Dalcher
Jean McClellan lives in a dystopian America that dismisses and silences womens voices and institutionalised misogyny has women limited to only be able to speak a 100 words a day as part of a return to proper values and domesticity. There is casual sexism, violence and women’s voices are ignored and dismissed. Jean sulks, resents her husband and sons and carries on an unthinkingly reckless affair.

She also comes up with a way to bring down the patriarchal system of zealous religiosity. This is very good but one doesn’t really care for Jean. She cares only about her lover and ignores her children and husband. She has no absolute despair only petty whining about not caring to clean her house. She doesn’t care about social exclusion but only justifying her adultery by recounting the failures of her husband and rhapsodising about her lust for her lover.

Also the plot wraps up too quickly and conveniently and she goes from not wanting her lover’s lovechild to caring more about it than her other children. Flaws aside this was an alarmist, fraught tale. But could such entrenched separation and conspiratorial whispering really be swept away? The cultural environment changed. Would such a stifling social code change back?

Best Lines:
“It’s frightening what she’s grown to accept as normal.”

“There’s no chance of going now.”

“Letters! Bad!”

“No idea of the hell he’s about to unleash.”

“Eking life out in a twisted Little House On the Prairie existence.”

“I note an uncomfortable absence of windows, or of an interior handle on the rear doors.”

~
Nightmare’s Realm: New Tales Of The Weird Fantastic edited by S.T Joshi, part 1

Introduction
Joshi babbles about dreams.

Best Line:
“All but impassable barrier.”

To A Dreamer
By H.P. Lovecraft, who wasn’t a poet no matter how he tried.

The Dreamed
By the wildly over-rated Ramsey Campbell. This was not grimly compelling as a man faces despair on holiday in this dismaying charmless irritatingly annoying story.
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The Crossing 1x07 Reviewed

Some Dreamers Of The Golden Dream
How can Reece drive a 200 year old car? Caleb gets intellectually curious about coma girl. Coma girl has woken. Who is she? This was not suspenseful, compulsive or intensely disturbing. Jude thinks everyones only purpose may be to harm him. He carries out a campaign against the first arrival guy. There are elaborate contrivances. How are the first arrival people well educated if the Apex were committing genocide? There is no rapturous response to this.

Jude has grievances. Why are his harmful acts tolerated? He needs to suffer the consequences and iron his shirt. There is no peculiar fascination here. Jude is ridiculous. This is not a terrifying vista of the future. Reece plans murder. FFS. Why isn’t Jude worried about the genocidal GM killing machine? Jude has no seriousness or concern or duty. Why do Apex have a different language? This causes palpable frustration with its non-meaning. The yobbo’s a moron. Hannah’s an idiot. Jude steals a child. Reece and Hannah are fanciful and proud. Reece is captured.

Best Lines:
“Permanent solution me.”

“Demand answers for a living.”
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Nice


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Movie Reviews: Dirty Little Secret+Psycho III+Dead Mine+A Simple Favour+Mega Piranha + 2 others

Jodi Arias: Dirty Little Secret (2013)
Tania Raymonde of ‘Lost’ stars in this inept and incoherent true crime tv movie about the murder trial of Jodi Arias. A toxic relationship lead to the unkindest act and one of the US’ notoriously harsh sentences. This was not even vaguely competent.

~
Psycho III (1986)
Anthony Perkins and Diana Scarwid and Jeff Fahey of ‘Lost’ star in this inept sequel. This opens with fervent hysteria and nice music. Norman’s a recluse at his barely used motel. A greasy mean drifter (Fahey) who looks like Billy Zane gets a job with Norman. This was lacklustre. Norman Bates was Perkins’ defining performance. It’s a month since the events of ‘Psycho II’.

Walking steak Fahey is unaware of Norman’s violent tendencies until he isn’t. No one notices Norman’s behaviour changes or disconcerting air. An annoying woman has continued scepticism about Norman. This movie was not a defining moment or a big entertainment event. Norman lives a self-contained life until he decides he likes a crazy failed nun (Scarwid).

Perkins had his career derailed by this one distinctive role. A body in an ice container is ignored. Perkins had a resonant voice, which became almost self-parody. This was not brilliant, engaging or witty. So many upsetting events keep happening to Norman. A disobliging shrew nags and goads. This was generic pulp that isn’t serviceable. There is no fierce intensity, creeping decay or genuinely macabre narrative dynamics in this dreary film. Where did the failed nun’s suicide attempt scars go? Perkins does his best crazy staring but even he can’t save this.

Best Lines:
“You could have been coming instead of going!”

“Tend to automatically blame you for any murder in the area.”

“A pretty weird acting guy.”

“Full fledged loony tune.”

“You’ll never get out again.”

“All your glib insinuations.”

~
Dead Mine (2012)
This Asian movie sees treasure hunters come a cropper. They end up in an underground bunker looking for gold. But the bunker is an old biological experiment facility. A WW2 solider is lurking and won’t accept the war is over. A woman tries to fight a monster with a stick. This tried but was mediocre.

Best Line:
“That kind of thing yes.”

~
A Simple Favour (2018)
A not very amusing black comedy about the mommy status trap. This is a tale of ill functioning vulgar desperation. Stephanie a mommy vlogger is not self-possessed. She befriends career mother Emily. Then Emily vanishes. There is no brooding unease or deep wells of resentment as a toxic friendship turns out to be riven with discord and ancillary characters are background annoyances. This barely makes psychological sense. Emily is cringingly frank. People clash in spectacular fashion. This is not fabulously strange. This was self amused and nothing is what it seems.

Best Line:
“Bargain basement Tom Ford!”

~
Mega Piranha (2010)
Tiffany and Paul Logan star in this monster movie that lacks serious chills. Tiffany tries for resilient defiance but can’t act. This was not surprisingly daft just bad. There is no seedy grandeur. One needs endurance to get through this. There are reckless assumptions and Paul Logan bicycle kicks giant piranha in the face. He also fights off piranha with a knife. The fish leap out of the water to eat people.
The hero finds most of his success with his shirt off. There is nothing positive or affirmative here. This was not an enduring symbol of artistic purity. This was not very compelling. This was a grimly clichéd humourless slog.

Best Lines:
“They ate those people!”

“I know what you do in the jungle!”

“Yes sir, giant piranha!”

~
Bring It On (2000)
Poo.

~
Missing In Action (1984)
Chuck Norris is the near emotionless star of this Vietnam POW bad taste. The sequel was even worse. This was dull mediocrity.
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