September 2nd, 2018

Pretty Smart

Trailer, Quotes and Stuff

‘The Crossing’ 1x03 promo

Crouton free Caesar salad - nice.
Mint Evolution tic tacs - okay.

‘Applecart’ has been renamed ‘Dead Night’.

Hip Chips has closed?

Alec Baldwin is not in the Joker movie.

There are strawberry nut M&Ms?

New Zealand wants to ban cats?

I will read ‘Vox’, ‘The Island’ and ‘A Confederacy Of Dunces’.

What is smoked oyster mayonnaise?

Who read ‘The Changeover’?

I won’t read ‘Future Popes Of Ireland’.

Who saw ‘Can’t Buy Me Love’ or ‘Genevieve’ or ‘True Romance’ or ‘The Rainmaker’ or ‘Swordfish’ or ‘Murder In Space’ or ‘The Accidental Husband’ or ‘Hope and Glory’?

The ‘Inspector Alleyn Mysteries’ suck.

What is a bone contusion?

What is a heavy metal cleanse?

I want the Vagres Mysterieuses clip and a Buccellati brooch in 18ct yellow and white gold with yellow and white diamonds and tourmaline. I also want a crystal honey jar and a munna velvet and brass Olympia armchair.

Recall ‘Sabrina The Teenage Witch’ (1996-2003)?

‘SciFiNow’ Quote:
“Cheesily fusty affairs whose very outmodedness was part of their camp appeal.”

‘Shades Of Blue’ Quote:
“He was never walking out.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“So unsafe that no reasonable holiday maker would agree to go on holiday there.”

“Strip field farming.”

“Proven negative consequences.”

“MI6’s attitude to him and his government.”

“A general expectation that they could sort out l the stresses and strains of modern life.”

“Work is quite simply defined as not being work.”

“Grinding day to day denigration.”

“Subsidiary channels,”

“Romanticisation of bad things.”

“Rest plan.”

“Long corridors to storm down.”

“Chime is too noisy.”

“Should not have behaved so confrontationally.”

“Causative factor.”

“Inherent falseness.”

“Gender power relations.”

“Politically congenial.”

“Emotional history.”

“Erotically fascinated.”

“Ethnic conformity.”

“Glassy-eyed conviction.”

“Nationally beloved.”

‘Inspector Morse’ Quotes:
“Some old lady hit on her head in her council flat.”

“Saying silly things.”

“He’s not here now. None of them are.”

“Rich neurotics.”

“Shiver with dread.”

“Abuse my courtesy.”

“Ill-matched couple.”

‘Tales Of The Unexpected’ Quotes:
“Bought IMB in 1932.”

“You and your little woman.”

‘Jigsaw’ Quotes:
“You have a choice. Scream or don’t.”

“We built a legacy.”

‘Blackadder The Third’ Quotes:
“Famous for having the worst personality in Germany and as you can imagine, that’s up against some pretty stiff competition.”

“Just pretends to be bluff and crass and unbelievably thick and gittish.”

“Roam the valleys terrifying people with their close harmony singing.”

“I’m auditioning for the part of Arnold The Bat in Sheridan’s new comedy.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Dead liver.”

“Faking illnesses for attention.”

“He’s pitiful.”

“Drug-seeking behaviour.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Climate pariah.”

“Sounds like the results of a fat man sitting on a Game Boy in 1992.”

“Have expectations for you.”

“Inheritable benefits.”

“Living skills.”

“Made my dislike for this country even stronger.”



“Often refusing to go to school or to bathe.”

“My role was to be quiet and invisible.”

“Things circulated around her welfare.”

“The vomit parent.”

“Internal shame.”

“All the neighbours hated us for no reason.”

“But not even the most decent of them would ever consider challenging the system, or thinking it might need to be challenged.”

“Historically ruinous.”

‘The Gloss Magazine’ Quote:
“Fit in and get approval from a community-”

‘Tales From The Darkside’ Quotes:
“Today’s audience, they’re not into dialogue.”

“I like bad TV.”

“A slob with a word processor.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Out of touch with today’s fashionable restaurants, clothes and language.”

“Detrimental to national unity.”

“Commercial woes.”

“Boyish bonhomie.”

“Scourge of soft drink barons.”

“Savage press criticism.”

“Grew up in a pub.”

“Bad leavers.”

“Vile, vindictive, vicious and baseless.”

“Social labels.”

“Moral revolution.”

“Raw grievance.”

“Philosophical logic.”

“Catholic tastes in ice-cream.”

“Near-constant war.”

“Necrotic economy.”

“A vast class of retiers virulently opposed to any kind of reform.”

“Formative time.”

“Changing moral mores.”

“The inevitability of the end.”


“Paranoid parenting.”

“Redeem the lives of dead strangers.”

“Sleaze brigade.”

“Scorched-earth self-reinvention.”

“Snatching chaos from the jaws of success.”

‘Mission: Impossible’ Quotes:
“Anti Western satellites.”

“Any chance for liberty.”

‘Hollyoaks’ Quote:
“That crazy little goblin you had sex with killed my mum and dad!”
Scary Books

Book Review: The Anomaly

The Anomaly by Michael Rutger
This much hyped novel plays out like a sub-par Matthew Reilly novel. It’s full of people who don’t always make the best choices, women with icy distain and a much-mythologized secret history. This is not questioning or nuanced. This is unbearably pretentious and stupid as Youtube TV show crew head off to the Grand Canyon to find a secret cave. This was long, mysterious and anticlimactic.

This has no muscular intelligence or decency. The characters are obnoxious loudmouths who aren’t paragons of stability. There is a moral descent as the un-noble endeavour takes place in doomed circumstances and bleakly soul-shattering existential horror, vicious practices and uncertain agendas unfold.

This was not gritty or stark or a retro-delight or emotionally profound. This is badly written at the expense of credibility as bitter curiosity leads not to glorious opportunity but to spiritually done people who get the starkest warning.

Best Line:
“The things we remember as demons.”
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Star Trek 3x11&3x12 + The Plague (2018-?) 1x01&1x02 Reviewed

Wink Of An Eye
This is the ep that gave William Shatner tinnitus. Spock wearily attests to facts. People vanish. There are weird goings on, on a deserted planet. Spock talks about a taped message. Why is the chief engineer lurking on the bridge? Kirk seems to be wearing a hairpiece. This was wilfully stupid.

Kirk’s stalked by a woman who wants to shag him and has a costume that’s hanging off her. She has chilling certainty that is placed in no lucid context. This ep has no clear will or well achieved purpose.

The Empath
Kirk, Spock and McCoy are harassed by aliens. This was dull. This was all about snotty aliens deterrmining who is worthy to survive.

The Plague (2018-?) 1x01&1x02
A Spanish drama about the Black Death. There is badly lit, full of subtitled Spanish mumbling and people walking around in the dark. The plague is loose and the crowd goes mild. This was deathly dull.
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Movie Reviews: Vacation+Just Before Dawn+Terminal Invasion+Invaders From Mars+Inbred+ 3 others

Vacation (2015)
A sequel/reboot that stars Christina Applegate, Leslie Mann, Beverly D’Angelo, Ron Livingston, Chevy Chase and Chris Hemsworth. The same theme song form the original movies blare. Rusty Griswald is all grown up and is a pilot with his own family. He’s surrounded by the inevitable disruption and doom. Nobody has calm or restraint. Everything frustrates and sabotages him. He has a slightly aggressive punk son and the elder son is a wuss.

Rusty and his wife (Applegate) have no intimate happy moments. This is a semi-fascinating diversion. Sexism is painfully evident. Indignation and mortification follow Rusty around. Rusty and his wife watch Gordon Ramsey on TV. He looks at photos from the old movies. Rusty has a plan to go to Walley World, again. Rusty wants to endlessly recreate his heyday. His wife, Debbie, was a sorority wild-child in her day. Rusty is notoriously dull with intent. Comically gothic things happen to him and his family on their road trip.

There are sewage jokes, sex abuse jokes, Republican jokes, contrived ordeals and banal scene-setting. This is achingly middling and light and larky. Everything compounds Rusty’s indignity. This is comically garish and terminally naff with no massive resonances. The clan are maddening people. Rusty kills a cow with a quad bike. His sister Audrey (Mann) babbles and her man (Hemsworth) poses in his pants.

A white water rafting trip down the Grand Canyon goes awry. Rusty develops a gibbering mania. He’s into impulsive over-reaction without any thought of the consequences. He hurls abuse at his family. There are unnecessary hindrances and Rusty’s aggressively toxic and strives for status. Norman Reedus shows up as a trucker. Rusty’s wilfully stupid. There are shout-outs to iconic aspects of the original. Rusty’s parents run a B&B. This is not a profound statement. Everything is apparently Debbie’s fault. There is a punch-up at a roller-coaster. Enough already!

Best Lines:
“Did you really burn down the Taco Bell?”

“If Vin Diesel can do it, so can I.”

“Daddy flipped out there.”

Just Before Dawn (1981) Rewatch
Gregg Henry and George Kennedy star in this cult slasher. A machete wielding cackling hillbilly killer lurks in the Oregon woods. 5 teens go camping. Warren (Henry) is their leader. He wears a shirt with the sleeves ripped off and a trucker cap. A ranger (Kennedy) utters warnings, nobody listens. He is a harbinger of doom. BBC showed this years ago, when they showed interesting niche movies.

The teens ignore a man in need. They’re unrepentant about it. The scenery is visually ravishing. The dumb teens don’t notice a redneck climbing on their RV. There is no moral orientation. The teens are kind of abhorrently reprehensible. Why does the killer do his un-atoned for actions? What makes him do bad things? We never get an answer.

The nightmare has begun for the teens. Warren’s gang consists of his girlfriend Constance who is a priss. A slutty redhead. A nerd and the nerd’s dude-bro brother who is Warren’s best friend. Puffer vests are worn. The redhead dresses like she is colour-blind and has a bad perm. They ignore their fundamental vulnerability in the woods. The redhead has feistiness. The woods are disconcertingly creepy. The redhead, Megan, is groped in a lake. Her fears are dismissed.

The teens’ boombox is shotgunned. The dude-bro, Jonathan (Chris Lemmon), wears HUGE saggy grandpa pants. He gets into peril and his distress whistle is ignored. There is a twist regarding the killer and no impressive dignity in the face of danger, just girly screaming. Megan (Jamie Rose) and the nerd, Daniel (Ralph Seymour), get into peril. A cat and 2 donkeys are seen by a hillfolk hovel. Constance (Deborah Benson) suddenly puts on hot pants and a crop top.

Hillfolk with a secret lurk. Constance has to fight for her life in butt-cheek shorts. How long has the killer been perpetrating murders? This outperforms expectations. Why does the killer have aggressive tendencies? He just does. Civic bonds are broken and there is no ethos of atonement. The camping trip is emotionally challenging as the thrill-seeking teens face a viciously deranged notoriously terrifying killer who is inconsistent with city slicker values. Nobody is reassuring.

There are conveniently recapitulatory lines. Roy (Kennedy) shows up and then leaves them up the mountain with the determined, entrenched and desperate hillfolk clan still around? The bitter vendetta goes on. Warren lies on the ground as Constance has to fight for her life. The killer is uncommunicative. Constance should doubt the trust in her relationship with Warren after this. Faced with threats of physical violence, Warren has a good cry. This defies social expectations and is good and riveting.

Best Lines:
“Let em have their due.”

“I found my caramel cream!”


Terminal Invasion (2002)
Bruce Campbell and Chase Masterson star in this cheap looking film. A convict (Campbell) ends up in an airport run by a woman (Masterson) during a snow storm. Campbell gurns and wisecracking aliens show up. There is bad VFX and this is painfully dull and preposterously OTT. There is no clammy malice in this witless film.

Best Line:
“We don’t like you.”

Invaders From Mars (1986)
Karen Black stars as an over friendly school nurse in this sci-fi remake. A kid sees an alien ship land, his dad acts weird and his mother wears white jeans. The annoying kid is bothered at this school by Louise Fletcher. Only the nurse (Black) helps him. A monster that looks like Kang from ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ shows up. There is overacting and killer sand.

The aliens and humans have a mutual hostile reception. So much for first contact. The ending is dumb. Humans and aliens respond aggressively to each other and this soils the legacy of the original. This is all camp and there isn’t even mild peril. Timothy Bottoms, Bud Cort, Eric Pierpoint and Donald Hotton of ‘Deadly Lessons’ also star. A Lawrence Poindexter is listed in the cast, is that Larry Poindexter?

Inbred (2011)
A group of young offenders on community service come across a community full of violent creepy weirdoes in this rural horror. Won’t anyone wonder where they are or look for them? There are different social factors at work in this village. Nobody is wary of the weirdness they see as the travel into the village (kids stabbing what may be a living scarecrow with sticks) and they ignore the obvious dark aspects on display. 2 hapless adult care workers are with the young thugs.

The locals incite violence and class war grudges lurk. The thugs face the loss of the lives they thought they were living and the future they thought they were going to have. This has no moody relevance and is formulaic as the wildly impudent teens have self-righteous aggression and smirk in satisfaction. There is bad moral conduct and bad moral attitudes. There is no rural idyll here. This was not nuanced and thrilling as the impossibly loathsome teens fail to notice the village reeks of evil until it is way, way too late. There is a toxic atmosphere and bitter disputes.

There is no relentlessness in this vision. The teen thugs think they are hard nuts. There is no breathless sense of pace and the teens are shockingly stupid. This was wildly contrived as the breathtakingly cruel locals show their true selves. The teens are obsessed with their own marvellous qualities. This starts out okay but turns into gargantuan god-awfulness. The locals are devoid of pity or mercy and take callous delight in being nasty.

There is no rational knowable evil or understanding of consequences or reasonable arguments. Just desperate states of mind. The teens are less liked than ever. There is no wrenching sadness just brutally tough local nutters. There is no surprising vehemence. The friendly pub landlord isn’t so friendly. There is a continued breach of morals. This was okay.

The locals are right weirdoes. This does not retain credibility. It’s like ‘League of Gentlemen’ on mescaline. No serious moral topics are covered. There is bad acting and the sole female thug is Cleo from ‘Hollyoaks’! Things don’t go well for the thugs. This has a downer ending and the only one I felt sorry for was the ferret.

Best Lines:
“Certainly rustic isn’t it?”

“I’ve stayed in better squats.”

“Care nawt for strangers.”

“Hide the problem people away.”

“Stop vandalising and salvage! There is a difference!”

“I’ll be having ya!”

“They won’t leave. They never do.”

“Gentlemen. Ladies. And Angus.”

Imaginary Playmate (2006)
This is not incomparable as Dina Meyer faces a grim struggle to protect her moppet stepdaughter from a ghost. This was not genre-defining.

Afflicted (2013)
This is an utterly awful found footage horror in which 2 annoying guys go on a round the world trip. 1 gets sick. Oh wait; he’s actually a vampire now. There is bad VFX and bad acting. This was all smug self-satisfaction. This was exceptionally painful and sub-optimal.

Best Line:
“I don’t like the Ebola virus.”

Demoni aka Demons (1986)
People go to a movie screening. There is bizarre dubbing. This is produced by Dario Argento. People in the movie audience become demons and here is GORE. A pimp is in the movie audience. Punks show up. A helicopter crashes through the roof. This was incoherent.

Best Lines:
“They will make cemeteries their cathedrals and tombs your cities.”

“Nostradamus. Sounds like a rap group to me.”

“That’s Rambo talk.”
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