August 17th, 2018

Scary Books

Book Reviews: Give Me Your Hand + A Demon In Silver

Give Me Your Hand by Megan Abbott
From the author of ‘You Will Know Me’, ‘The Fever’, ‘Dare Me’ and ‘The End Of Everything’ comes this tale of a broken friendship, secrets, perilous workplace rivalry and a woman who regards everyone with intense suspicion. One had huge expectations for this but it was boring. You don’t care about the character’s emotional worries or relentless self importance. I don’t care about a certain character’s capability and intent. One needs forbearance to finish this. It is way too similar to the movie ‘Thoroughbreds’.

Best Lines:
“The truth can’t be poison.”

“What has gone wrong in my life.”

“I want people like you banished from my world.”

~
A Demon In Silver: Book One Of War Of The Archons by R.S. Ford
This is a badly written terrible fantasy novel. How did this get off the slush pile?
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Illya K

7 TV Reviews

Picnic At Hanging Rock 1x06
A teacher is abused by her creepy brother and amid the overacting, they die in a fire. Have Alfred and Mike run off together? This isn’t even worth considering. We see how Mrs Appleyard got her fake name. What is her real one? There are endless flashbacks. Sara is found dead. Sara’s guardian finally shows up. How did Sara die? Mrs Appleyard continues to awfulise things.

This was incontrovertibility terrible. Mrs Appleyard has suspicious and fearful feelings and learns the man she fled from, died before she even set foot in Australia. This isn’t even gratifyingly silly. This has no profound sadness. Miranda and her selfish gratification annoys. Irma was racist to Marion. Mike saw the four girls sleeping on the Rock? Why was Edith left behind? Where did they go? How did Irma get back? What happened to the teacher? They threw their corsets away and took off their clothes. Mrs Appleyard jumps off the Rock. Nothing is explained or makes sense. What is the big deal about a soap tin? What was the point of this? Why was this so bad?

Best Lines:
“Devil’s crucifix!”

“Too busy dying.”

“You got your name off a soap tin.”

“I told the wrong lie.”

~
Insatiable 1x03&1x04

Miss Bareback Buckaroo
Patty thinks she’s Bob’s soul mate. Bob packs his underwear in tissue paper. Patty is not thriving. There are bizarre utterances and misplaced beliefs. Coralee nags. She used to be teen trash. Patty has no ecosystem of support. She has a vital need to annoy. Bob’s mentor shows up. Patty watches the Miss Bareback Backaroo pageant. A contestant wears a lot of red sequins.

Bob’s nemesis stirs up hatred and has the meanest of motives. This is not seismic. Everyone has moral vacuity. Dixie drives a huge yellow truck of some kind. People have poisonous auras. People gleam with malice. Coralee wears trashy clothes and her trashy sister (Robin Tunney of ’The Craft’ and ’Prison Break’) shows up with her three children. Bob ignores his wife and demonstrates pageant walking.

Patty is unhealthily antagonistic and is incapable of decent living. This was not captivating or thought provoking and just banal. Bob causes irritation. Patty has bravado. There is horse crap. Bob is scathing. This is not an intricately drawn world that they inhabit. Evil Bob lurks. Patty is pliant to Bob. People sext. This does not sing darkly. Evil Bob gets his shirt off. There is a catfight. Patty drinks, isn’t she too young? There are shallow bitches and gunplay and crawfish eating. Bob’s evil mentor (Beverly D’Angelo) cackles.

Best Lines:
“Butt tape.”

“You hillbilly whore.”

“None of my bras fit.”

“How real pageant girls act.”

“Your coach is a diddler.”
“Alleged diddler.”

“Pageanting.”

“Cousin Delilah decided to get re-virginised.”

“She and her crack babies.”

“Pacific rim child.”

“Napoleon bone your parts.”

“I would never say that.”
“You just did.”

“Eating a whole stick of butter in the dark.”

WMBS
Magnolia hates pageants and quits. Bob plans a pageant. Coralee and Bob have a daughter? There is a gym called Gymacide. Patty doesn’t have rightful anger and ferocity. There is genuine cruelty. I feel waning commitment to this show. Patty’s mother shows up. Patty is of dubious lineage. Coralee is squeezed into spanx. Brick is busted for screwing the town shrew. Coralee sets up a service organisation.

Patty’s mom is a bitch. Nobody has familial duty. There is no incredible energy. Evil Bob resents his wife. Patty competes in her first pageant. Dixie’s mother is arrested for sleeping with Brick. Patty adds to her shame. Coralee shows how shallow and selfish and awful she is. Evil Bob and Ettamae lurk. Evil Bob is known as Hot Bob and Bob is Other Bob. This was okay. Evil Bob dances in tiny gold shorts in a Kylie homage. Patty enacts revenge on Coralee. I so do not care about these shrikes.

Best Lines:
“Since when do you care?”

“What dad?”

“Read a little low class.”

“Fake molesting me.”

“You had sex with the clown.”

“When is it my turn?”

“Patty’s mom is a disaster.”

“I left my bra in the park.”

“Smile pretty.”

“I’m your mom.”
“Could have fooled me.”

“The hickey goes here tattoo.”

“I was conceived in a blackout.”

“Not without my wiener-tacos.”

“4 hard, side of wet!”

“Own misguided alcoholic way.”

“You look really loose to me.”

“A bunch of bitches?”

“Ward of unwanted babies.”

“Anus face wife.”

“That’s a lot less creepy.”

“Found her in a ditch - beat that.”

“General groin area.”

~
Valor 1x09-1x12

Stay Frosty
Gallo shrugs off the grave nature of his idiocy. Nora makes sparrow faces. A foreseeable crisis is about to ensue due to the major implications of 1x01. A bad ass sniper who looks like Vin Diesel preens. Thea continues to be laughable. Gallo has no positive effect. Nora shrugged off her injury from 1x01. The POW feels he has the moral high ground. I am insatiably curious as to how this ends.

The evil influence of the warlord is felt. There is a flashback. Davis has the spirit of determination. The POW phones home. There is no stress reduction for Jess. Thea has intractability. Davis takes Nora and Gallo hostage. This promotes conversation and is a decisive factor. There are psychosexual difficulties.

How does Davis know Gallo and Nora’s names? Davis claims to have been framed and is in an antic state. There is death and this was okay. Thea is suspicious. Nora had a patch with her blood type printed on it on the arm of her uniform? David bequeaths a videotape. How did Davis’ sister get on base without being arrested or noticed?

Best Lines:
“My parents were big hippies.”

“Yes. Really.”

“Black Hawks have a fuel range of 600 nautical miles.”

“This community will not be forgiving.”

Ciphers
Gallo has a VCR? Nora confesses her insincerity to Ian. Thea is not benevolent. She’s ridiculous. Nora suffers stoically. Thea’s destructive arguments cause harm to be inflicted. Haskins is annoyed. Thea is punitive as she sneers contemptuously. Ian’s stoical resolution cracks. Gallo rages. Davis’ tape shows him babbling. Will Thea shut her fat mouth? Haskins and his wife brood. There is a reveal. This was good. Ian dumps Nora.

Best Line:
“Definition of tragic.”

Command & Control
Nora never told Ian she cheated on him with Gallo in 1x01. Gallo is smug about Ian and Nora’s breakup. He and Nora do not create possibilities. There are fictive solutions to the POW’s plight. Jess and her son are pariahs. The loyalty of Thea’s boss is questioned. Ian has ended up bitter toward Nora. No one cares. Poor Ian. Jess is broke. Nora is not regretful.

I HATE Gallo. It’s a shame this was axed. This show entertained. Jess gets blowback for breaking the continuing duty of confidentiality. Gallo whines about crisis decisions and how his interpretation of their experience is correct. The socially inept Gallo has strikingly obvious issues. Who is the primary enemy? Gallo shows off his unsuitability.

Ian moves on. I am enjoying this story of the social and emotional aspects of special ops life. This was okay. Gallo rubs his relationship with a dead woman in the face of the man he stole her from. Gallo is rude and abusive to Nora so she shags him. Gallo is B+ blood type as revealed by his uniform sleeve. I detest Gallo.

Best Lines:
“No fail mission.”

“Mission critical.”

“A history of travel to terrorist states.”

“If you’re in debt, you can lose your security clearance.”

Oscar Mike
They pray before the big rescue mission. Ian’s father died in the 1993 WTC attack. The POW is menaced. His captors have wifi. There is bad VFX. Nora and Gallo crash in Somalia, again. There is an underlit gunfight. Gallo’s shot. DIE! DIE! DIE! There is a twist regarding Olivia the translator. There is a reveal and a tiny dirty bomb. Olivia infiltrates. The warlord has a point. The POW kills the warlord. Nora and Gallo’s helicopter was shot down from the inside without anyone noticing. This was good.

Best Line:
“We don’t get another chance after this.”

~
Star Trek 2x25

Bread And Circuses
The Enterprise visits a planet which was previously visited by a stardrive vessel. What is that? Spock calls Kirk “Jim” and Kirk says the Academy has a 5th year, which it doesn't. The planet is Earth like. Kirk wears his bright green wraparound top. Uhura wears hoop earrings. TV does not exist in the ‘TOS’ era. The aliens speak English and adhere to the precepts of Ancient Rome. Why is McCoy so rude and abrasive? The Prime Directive is discussed.

An agrarian sect known as the Children Of The Sun opposes the Roman ways. There is a twist at the end of the ep regarding them which is the most memorable thing about this ep. The twist is that they don’t worship the sun but the son, the son of god. Which raises a whole lot of other questions, which they don’t dwell on.

The captain of the stardrive vessel turned on his crew and sent them to arena so he could live the good life in the Roman Empire. Spock says space academy not Starfleet Academy. The mean evil captain plans to send Kirk, Spock and McCoy to the gladiator fights. The Romans are not of virtuous disposition. This was not good. There is inveterate malice.

The evil captain is sneered at by Romans. He is evil with unusual stringency. He and the Romans are held in small account. Kirk is ill-pleased and makes little effort to hide his discontent. He must avert farther despair. There is fighting and no decency or respect. The evil captain is contemptible. I didn’t care.

Best Lines:
“No sign of atomic power as yet.”

“Treasonable disobedience by well treated, well protected intelligent slaves.”

“Arena slaves.”

“Ordered to please you.”

“No identification of self or mission. No interference with the social development of said planet.”
“No references to space or the fact that there are other worlds or more advanced civilizations.”

“Hodgkin’s law of parallel planet development.”

“Dangerous ideas of other ways.”

“Carry word of their existence elsewhere.”

“With strange ways.”

“I’m trying to thank you, you pointy-eared hobgoblin.”

“Rome had no sun worshippers.”

“Your first three world wars.”

“The 37 million who died in your 3rd.”

“Caesar and Christ. They had them both.”

“It’s the son of god.”

~
Gotham 4x19

To Our Deaths And Beyond
There are emotional responses and malicious purposes as Barbara can’t lead her ninja death cult. Gotham is not a meritocracy. Selina and Bruce hang out. TPTB have inexpiably ceased trying for quality. The League has sinister ways. Bruce overacts. Ra’s Al Ghul rises again. Lee and Riddler rob banks in this dreary ep. Ed bores. There is no sweeping grandeur. Lee snots.

Barbara tantrums. Bruce offers Selina no respect. A glowy emblem of power is fought over. People have distracted stares. This ep is unviable. Things sour. Bruce has a lack of concern. This steps over the line of plausibility. Penguin prances. Ed invariably bores.  There is ominous foreshadowing.

Best Lines:
“Try it zombie boy.”

“Ruled empires.”

“Stabby stab.”

“I can’t make a joke?”
“That’s what that was?”

“You don’t look like a guy that got shot 4 times.”

“To our deaths and beyond.”

“A cataclysmic event soon to befall this city.”

“Dark knight of Gotham.”

~
Shades Of Blue 3x07

Straight Through The Heart
The cliffhanger is resolved weakly. Jlo has several inches of bronzer on her face. People are unreasonable. Stahl tries to frame Harlee for the hooker’s murder. Harlee has a defiant tone and she and Woz and Tess are haemorrhaging goodwill. Reputations are toughly trashed. Harlee’s inescapably associated with corruption. There is no moral clarity. People are criticised and vilified. This was not compelling. One is impervious to their antics.

Nobody is amenable. This was venal. There are pointless provocations. Woz is an expostulating foghorn. Harlee doesn’t do quiet. There is a twist and Harlee turns a blowtorch on someone. Woz collapses. Tess is tempted. Nate is embarrassed by his dad. Where is the investigation into Pomp and his weird relationships? Why are people so stupid? There is moral peacocking. Stahl stalks. Tess is in massive debt. Hostility is palpable. This was quite unpleasant and has no raw logic. Nate’s fed up. So am I.

Best Lines:
“Only 2 still like us?”

“Stop making enemies.”

“My salary’s been decimated.”

“Reliable behaviour forecasts.”

“Buys me some sympathy.”

“You sound like a mobster dad.”

“That casefile is sealed.”

“Don’t hold back.”

~
Quantico 3x12

Ghosts
Harry rants and makes it all about him. There is bad VFX as a plane crashes and they have to bail out. The plane crashed south of Dublin so does that mean it landed on Wicklow? The team land in a graveyard full of a ruined church, a round tower, mist and old Celtic gravestones. FFS! Did nobody notice the plane crashing and people bailing out? Alex doesn’t trust the Irish authorities and neither does Ryan. They drive a van which has the steering wheel on the wrong side. They drive around Dublin and find a payphone. Owen walks off being shot. A thatched cottage is seen in one scene.

Where are Will and Dayana? Gardai wave guns. There are bad Irish accents. This actually filmed in Ireland so why are the accents so bad? A horse is brushed. All the Irish are either corrupt or criminal. People show up like transatlantic flights are instantaneous. Harry’s selfish. The gang hang around the Long Library in Trinity College. A TV mogul shows up. The gang fake bad Irish accents.

The major criminal is allowed to walk around Ireland unbothered. WTF? There is sex trafficking and an obvious betrayal. The FBI busts up the sex trafficking ring and where are the Irish authorities during all this? Nobody hears guns being fired? Alex gets into lingerie and makes out with some random co-worker. Meanwhile her former man-candy is in peril. This was TERRIBLE and racist.

Best Line:
“Run the docks, they run the bars, they run the clubs.”
Kylo Ren

Pretty




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To Light The Way To Bed

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Valor’ 1x11 promo
Oh.

‘Supergirl’ promo
This show wrecked Reign.

‘Bodyguard’ promo
Does she want to heighten fear and seize power?

Raspberry cider - nice.
Tried a whiskey and chocolate drink = yum.
Pink Lemonade Snapple - mmm.

A ‘Simpsons 2’ movie and a ‘Family Guy’ movie?

Who saw ‘Time After Time’ (1979)?

What is Turkic culture?

I recall a chocolate and almond ice cream in a clear plastic container that I loved when I was a kid.

They’re reviving ‘Designing Women’?

I want to try Fendi ice cream.

Gregory Peck’s grandson Ethan Peck is to play Spock in ‘Star Trek Discovery’?

I vaguely recall Winston’s Department store.

‘Bromwell High’ (2005) was not good.

What is seaweed butter or maple-balsamic dressing or meat radish or peanut omelette or Creole balls?

My ‘Hercules: The Legendary Journeys’ fanfic lost with PC.

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Wilfully ignore my right.”

“Acts as the social hub for the village.”

“Default objective.”

“Foreign conspirators.”

“Under sexualised.”

“Presented a danger.”

“Biobanked.”

“Contraindications.”

“Outdated people.”

“She never made it, never will.”

“Became increasingly derelict.”

“Overstuffed sedentary pet.”

“We cannot leave as it’s far too much of a risk.”

“Love our home, but it can feel like a prison.”

“Unable to digest the idea that some people like their siblings, or have a positive, functioning relationship with them.”

“Conscious of how his behaviour would be perceived by others.”

“Deliberately tried to set myself apart from others.”

“Perceived dislike.”

“Wordless pleasure.”

“Disregarding information conveyed to it.”

“Deny incidents of proven fact.”

“Blew a coveted opportunity.”

“Resource complaints.”

‘Tales Of The Unexpected’ Quotes:
“Nice floor isn’t it?”

“Some modern substance.”

“Heard you had to sell the castle.”

“Really flung it about.”

“Being horrible about her.”

“To the diplomatic wives.”

“Never a wife.”

“Very good sort of woman.”

“Don’t be so provoking.”

“You’re a bit of a failure.”

“Sex mad, the yanks.”

“The most hated student.”

“Generous with her favours.”

“All that cheap tinsel.”

“I wouldn’t dirty my blade with you.”

“There’s no suspicious circumstances here.”
“There could be.”

“Not without disgrace.”

“Against our code.”

“Stop now with honour.”

“Ours was a sad love.”

“I never paid her. Did you?”

“I shouldn’t care to have his conscience.”

“I’d like some service please.”

“Fear can be a terrible thing.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Falsifying the rules of succession.”

“Bypass our natural appetite control mechanism,”

“Many - and often expensive - marriages.”

“He doesn’t have an embracement gene.”

“Trying not to be alone a lot.”

“An assumption that something is going to happen.”

“Pointless person.”

“Masks distress and shame.”

“Accepted conversation.”

“Politicide.”

“Accept that this is what is happening to her.”

“Protect the mother’s dignity.”

“Anti-ethical.”

“Shun discussion.”

“Cold stunning.”

“That healthy crap.”

“Nobody in their 20s or 30s had seen fresh food.”

“Food intelligence.”

“They often vomited up Portuguese men-of-war.”

“Robbed his family of its birthright.”

“Blame culture.”

“His mother had an affair with the milkman, Alan, whom she later married.”

“Confidence crisis.”

“Bestowed rights.”

“Refusing to apologise.”

“Having never been sighted before in the area.”

“Greed breeds greed.”

“Demonstration effect.”

“Resettlement.”

“Archaic superstition.”

“Unreason.”

“Nostalgia for a world that doesn’t exist anymore.”

“Be careful what you do for a loaf of bread.”

“Felt alone and different.”

“Shut up and go into a corner.”

“I was living his dream and we both knew it.”

“Go-on-prove-it audience.”

“Tarnishing unit.”

“On the verge of dealing drugs.”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Multiple calamity events.”

“Can’t turn the conversation in his favour.”

“Shut up woman.”

‘3News’ Quote:
“Moral compass may have changed.”

‘Arbella: England’s Lost Queen’ Quotes:
“Flattery loving.”

“Her pleas could not have gone unheard so easily.”

“Lives in greater dejection than ever.”

“Ready-made reputation for scurrility.”

“A determination to secure the punishment of certain persons.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Not doing anything with her life.”

“Don’t think much of him.”

“So you know you’re being hacked and you make a sex tape?”

“A complete liar.”

“Saw him with a gun aiming at their chickens.”

“Dark triad.”

“Troublemaking stuff.”

“Troublemaking people.”

‘Cleopatra: A Timewatch Guide’ Quotes:
“Siren of the Nile.”

“Strumpet’s fool.”

“That great woman.”

“Evil Eastern harlot.”

‘The Last Journey Of The Magna Carta King’ Quotes:
“A foreign prince stalking the land.”

“Our most disastrous king.”

‘The Eighties’ Quote:
“Paid political complainers.”

‘Star Trek’ Quotes:
“Vulcan has no moon Miss Uhura.”
“I’m not surprised.”
Cat

Movie Reviews: Calibre+The Reef+Psycho II+Alpha Dog+The Zombie Diaries+5 others

Calibre (2018)
Two dude bros into rape jokes, drugs and irresponsibility go on a deer hunting trip to Scotland while having contempt for girlfriends and their unborn children. This terrible movie deserves unequivocal condemnation. This was not competent or unusual. The duo are not dignified or resolute. There are thick accents and the duo have no deep seated concerns about their behaviour. They and this film are all inadequacies.

The duo cause chaotic, lethal bedlam in the town. This has systemic failure. They pick avoidable fights and have a chilling effect on all around them. They pick up two women and act in deliberate and reckless fashion. The locals turn hostile. There is overt malice and aggression and grim conditions in this abysmal film.

They cause stabbing glares with their caustic air and intense negativity and dogged persistence in being irritating. There is mumbling and cruel and unnecessary things are done. The easily slighted locals are annoyed that one of the duo is on drugs and sharing them around. The duo do not respond to acts of love, mercy or remorse. They have no moral high ground and their personal truth is ugly.

Inevitably bad things happen. There is no foreboding. Interest is systematically undermined from 1 minute in. You can’t blame the terse locals for hating them. The duo should be debarred from Scotland for life and more or less are. There is no sincere regret, the brazen jerk duo cause anxiety. One of them shoots a child who was wandering near a deer during hunting season for some reason.

It’s the duo’s morbid duty to do nothing wise after this terrible accident. They shoot the child’s father to cover up the accident. Naturally this is poorly received. They are the aggressors. They don’t seem to have raised anxiety levels in this continual failure of a film. They cover up the deaths (badly) and only want to safeguard their own peace and stability.

The camera lingers on a sign for Ravens Fell Road, which isn’t important. The duo obviously haven’t seen ‘Very Bad Things’. They are wilful egotists of an unbending disposition who try to justify their unjustified acts. They say they wouldn’t do well in the yard. They ignore associated consequences and have total certainty that ignoring ethical considerations is okay. They’re malevolent and non-complaint and not reasonable or responsible.

There are ongoing hostilities which kick off. There are no positive, functioning relationships. Fractiousness is common. I intensely disliked this. Nobody acts in a responsible fashion. Self-indulgent rude twits say things when their opinions are not asked for. They’re also loud and hubristic. Things get stark and unkind with significant integrity issues. There is no proper respect.

Things go wrong for the duo and there is not a queue of people lining up to do them favours. What is the duo’s force of character that they keep doing stupid things? Nobody is non-judgemental or compassionate. The twit duo cause harm and aggravate factors by ongoing misconduct. The duo give themselves away and revenge is inflicted. Jack Lowden and Martin McCann starred in this crap.

Best Lines:
“It’s illegal for you to even use my gun.”

“We’re not burying people.”

“Maintain the order of things.”

“Nothing happened here.”

~
The Reef (2010)
This is a boring Australian movie based on true events. A group of friends are on a sailing holiday when the boat capsizes and they are dumped into shark infested water. A guy suggests they swim to an island. This leads to death and blood and a sad ending.

Best Line:
“I know what’s out there.”

~
Psycho II (1983)
It’s 22 years later and Norman Bates is coming home. Antony Perkins, Vera Miles, Robert Loggia, Meg Tilly of ‘Carmilla’ and Dennis Franz star in this boring film. This is not faithful to the book. Norman is judged restored to sanity and released. Mrs Loomis (Miles) is depicted as a shrill virago and termagant who hates him and wants him kept locked up. She comes up with a plan to drive him mad and send him back to the loony bin.

The inherently psychopathic Norman returns to the Bates Motel which is still standing along with the creepy house. Mrs Loomis has unremitting hostility for Norman who she treats with incivility. There is menacing uncertainty around Norman. The 1980s look like a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Norman befriends a waitress named Mary (Tilly) who is actually a honeypot sent by her mother Mrs Loomis.

This is a fiasco. Franz yells "loony" at Norman a lot before being killed. People make bad decisions. All people do is cause problems. This is not very very terrifying. This was not made with formidable intellect and is not the bleakest. Norman has no intellectual support. Nobody is taciturn. Does Norman have innate evilness? It seems so. Mrs Loomis used to be Lila Crane. She married her sister’s sloppy seconds. Her husband is now dead. And so are a lot of other people by this film’s end.

Mrs Loomis clarifies her purpose repeatedly and loudly. She puts her daughter Mary near a man she calls a serial killing loon as part of her evil plan. People dig up Norma. Norman never apologises or expresses regret for murdering people. There are questions about Norman’s maternity. Mrs Loomis has measured celerbrance of her crapulence and predeterming of Norman’s guilt.

This belated sequel is unsuccessful. There is significant violence. Norman has a propensity to be a lightening rod for incidents. There is destruction and diligence. Norman has a prowling presence. Mrs Loomis is volatile. Norman cracks up and the ending is disastrous. There are blatant acts of violence and aggression. I unequivocally condemn this. Norman is seen as having been under attack from hostile women (which he was). So Norman’s resolve is strengthened. There is no moral authority. There is no deep concern about Norman. The money shot at the end was on the VHS cover.

Best Lines:
“Mr wacko.”

“An adult motel.”

“Are you familiar with the Norman Bates case?”
“Very.”

“I’m not living for dead people.”

“I didn’t mean to.”
“Now that’s what Norman said 20 years ago. Only he was crazy, now what’s your excuse?”

“What do you expect us to live on? Hope?”

~
Alpha Dog (2006)
Bad true crime story.

Best Line:
“Stolen boy.”

~
The Zombie Diaries (2007)
This is a terrible low budget UK zombie movie in which people keep on going to investigate scary noises. There is bad acting and this makes no logical or narrative sense.

Best Line:
“There are strange dead things running around!”

~
Catwoman (2004)
No, this is a not a good tale of a superhero in an unforgiving reality.

~
For The Love Of Spock (2016)
Adam Nimoy made this movie about his father’s iconic character and the impact and burden of it. Leonard Nimoy died of COPD and this documentary is full of old clips, photos and footage. We see Nimoy mocking Shatner’s acting and we see original Chekov and he’s bald and fat and looks bad. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Serving fish tanks.”

“Fire almost the entire crew.”

“Treadmill to oblivion.”

~
Dead Snow 2: Red vs Dead (2014)
The sequel nobody asked for sees zombies talking and the sole survivor of the first film is accused of killing everyone. He and the head zombies switch arms. Don’t ask how. A zombie walking into a church causes stained glass to bleed. This has derangement and bland tonality as the evil bunch of zombies get grimmer. There is vicious vengeance planned. An annoying kids dies. There are lots of ‘comedy’ deaths. American zombie hunters show up. Zombies drive a tank. Russian zombies show up. The ‘hero’ does something really stupid at the end.

Best Lines:
“Just waiting for a zombie outbreak to happen.”

“Go Iranian on him.”

“Homo-haired.”

“I don’t speak the language of Thor.”

~
Gone Missing (2013)
Daphne Zuniga stars as a mother whose daughter goes missing on holiday. The wilful brat annoys. This is not even mildly entertaining. People drink out of paper cups. Did somebody purposefully allow the disappearance to happen? Oh who cares. Everyone is a hateful idiot with intransigent hostility.

~
The Colony (2013)
An artificial weather system created a new ice age. So now it’s a post apoc new ice age and one of the last bastions of humanity is an underground base which seems to be a converted seed bank. A whining young man ignores sage advice. They have trouble with their livestock and another colony has gone silent. A rescue mission is sent. Bill Paxton and Laurence Fishburn star. This has bad VFX. This isn’t hilariously terrible just misguided. They learn there is a thawed area where the pack ice has melted and there is sun and soil but no seeds. A cannibal tribe attacks. Bill Paxton kills people and doesn’t listen to sense. In the end a tiny number of survivors with one can of seeds goes to look for the warm spot. What about the livestock?!? How did one character have white girl dreads in the post-apoc ice age?

Best Lines:
“We live in fear of the common cold. The last flu wiped out 20 people in less than a week.”

“A shotgun in one hand and a shovel in the other.”

“After we ate the horses and the dogs.”

“Define alive.”

“Somebody found them.”
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