August 9th, 2018

Kylo Ren

Movie Reviews: Cujo + She Led Two Lives + Stolen Innocence + The Endless

Cujo (1983)
Dee Wallace stars in this Stephen King adaptation. Jan De Bont is the director of photography. A cute little rabbit is chased by a Saint Bernard dog and then bats bite the dog. A cute moppet kid does cute moppet kid things. The mother (Wallace) has a bad haircut and an idiot husband.

Cujo develops rabies. His awful owners don’t notice he is obviously very sick. The mother is having an affair. Then she and her howling, tantruming, brat son get trapped in their broken down car in a remote location by the rabid dog. Heat stroke is avoided, rabies kicks in quick, the violent actions of the mother’s discarded lover are shrugged off and the sheriff is killed by Cujo. Was the sheriff meant to be Bannerman?

This was sadly boring. The mother smashes a window with a gun. Where they bullets in it? It may have been a distressing experience for the mother but one doesn’t care. The book ending is changed. There is no high level of public concern about a missing woman and child. This wasn’t acclaimed or disconcertingly severe. This did not interest.

Best Lines:
“Peeing and puking red dye.”

“You couldn’t set that dog on me if I was coming at you with a straight razor in each hand.”

She Led Two Lives (1994)
Connie Sellecca is married to Perry King for 7 years. After her father dies, she has some form of mid life crisis and becomes a bigamist by marrying her first love A Martinez. Patricia Clarkson pops up as her slutty friend. Would a bigamist really end up cuffed and tossed into a holding cell with a gum chewing hooker?

King talks down a huge blocky phone. Sappy dialogue is uttered. King is a doctor and there are contrivances and people going in and out doors like a French farce. This is overwrought soap as she does cunning manoeuvres to have her husband and her side piece at the same time. Life is one long calculation. There is dated fashion and she frantically tries to facilitate her sudden lack of engagement with husband number 1.

Husband number 2 isn’t inquisitive about her odd behaviour. This is unadmired. She likes of the emotional attention of hubby 2. Really ugly clothes are worn. Passion is polite and this doesn’t even arouse causal interest. She’s brusquely rejected when the truth comes out. There is bad acting and eternal shame and discomfort.

Best Lines:
“Any tattoos or gang affiliations?”

“It’s in your box.”

“Heels from hell.”

“This is my husband, this is my other husband.”

Stolen Innocence (2007)
A woman suffers a stillbirth and faces invective. She’s accused of killing her baby. People patronise and judge her and she’s the subject of withering focus. What happened to her baby? What caused its mysterious demise? This was not visceral. The heroine has perfect makeup at all times and never shows the side effects of childbirth. It all turns out to be part of a baby selling ring. The heroine fights to regain access to her baby. I don’t care.

The Endless (2017)
From the people who gave us ‘Resolution’ comes this boring tale of 2 brothers who escaped a UFO death cult who get a tape in the mail. They have to buy an old video-camera to play it. They use old phones and have a TV with a built in DVD player and VCR. When is this supposed to be taking place? There is mumbling and things get unspeakably grim. This isn’t as good as ‘Resolution’.

One stupid brother misses the cult and wishes to return and thinks their lives outside the cult are horrible. The other brother has a remnant of moral fibre. There are weird images and the brothers drink in a park looking shifty. The brother with selfish inclinations wants to visit the cult and harasses his brother into aggressing.

The duo visit the unaging cultists. There is a lot of talk and silent purpose in this socially irrelevant cult. Something lurks in the woods and there is a tie-in to ‘Resolution’. There is a tug of war with something. You can’t tell who is who. There is a padlocked shed and weird events. What’s in the lake? One brother lies. What lurks in the woods? There are reveals and an idiot ending.

Best Lines:
“Have fun with that.”

“I don’t know why we haven’t been able to make a living or make friends.”

“Combed full of gel.”

“That looks like a gun nut tweaker.”

“Retarded hobbit.”

“You drill a hole in your skull so you stay permanently high. He drilled too far.”

“The two of you smoke crack together and then would steal the red buckets from the Salvation Army guys.”

“Dickless poison Kool-Aid drinking Heaven’s Gate offshoot.”
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Scary Books

Book Reviews: The Girl In The Green Silk Gown + Festival

The Girl In The Green Silk Gown by Seanan McGuire
This sequel to ‘Sparrow Hill Road’ is banal and overwritten and tries for human tragedy but is really ghastly. People have vile opinions, utter faux-philosophical purple prose and the overdone plot incites contempt. This was ridiculously inept as ghost girl Rose faces more trivial unpleasantness at the hands of baddie Bobby Cross and his fearsome reputation.

This is over-ambitious and inconsequential. An annoying woman consciously makes ongoing bad decisions. But you don’t care about these horrible, horrendous people. This was just bad and has no inventive deliriousness. This was ghastly.

Festival by Aaron J. French
This novella is a disgustingly misogynistic tale of a couple who stumble across a pagan cult. This was dated and full of sexism and sexual violence and homophobia. It wasn’t unsettling; the only unsettling thing is that this crap got published. May it fade from memory.

Best Line:
“He is Trump!”
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Illya K

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

Tell Me A Story’ trailer
A new take on fairy tales. No.

‘Rumpole Of The Bailey’ opening credits

‘The OC’ is 15 years old.

What is meat free chorizo or plant based mince?

I miss the Chicago Pizza Pie Factory.

My ‘Dog Soldiers’ and ‘The Hunt For Red October’ fanfic lost with PC!

‘Shogun’ to be rebooted.

A ‘Supergirl’ movie?

Recall ‘Drop The Dead Donkey’ or ‘Round The Twist’?

DVD-Rs and scart leads are considered defunct?

Who saw ‘Torch Song Trilogy’?

Recall ‘Smash Hits’?

Batwoman has been cast. Mmmm.

What is a fried slice?

‘Daily Mail’ Quotes:
“Forced to do commercial films.”

“Lies in my own behaviour.”

“Stands decrepit and unkempt.”

‘Rumpole Of The Bailey’ Quotes:
“All acne and lavatory jokes.”

“Second only in horror.”

“Unavailable knee trembler.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Shook his fist in my face.”

“Shout, fight or bother people.”

“Wear no clothes on the street.”

“Prone to serious break-ins.”

“Want nothing, but nothing, to change.”

“Claiming as his due.”

“Decided not to have anything more to do with him.”

“Pressure from the expectations.”

“Acquaint themselves with soap and water.”

“Tabloid mythology.”


“Being hurt and ignored.”

“Sexual hostility.”

‘RTE News’ Quotes:
“Lost his legal identity.”

“Moral responsibility.”

“Endangered Kerry slug.”

‘Pandemic’ Quotes:
“Designated route.”

“You have seen Level 5’s.”

“Starving and scared.”

“Quarantine A.”

“No. Not for us.”

“You stop moving.”

“There aren’t many left alive.”

“Put that down. I’ll say a lot more.”

“It’s barricaded from the inside.”

“Lock the doors and wait it out.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Gordon Ramsey accused Robuchon of once throwing a plate of langoustine ravioli at him for not cooking it properly.”

“Dark, underground and secret.”

“Local cultural sensitivities.”

“Evil act.”

“Cultural and societal barriers.”

“Very shouty, bellowing in your face, saying incoherent things.”

“Void marriage.”

“Self-righting tendency.

“Hate content.”

“Structuring fandom.”

“Visual album.”

“Passed off as art.”

“Ended up in lots of screaming.”

“Pee math.”

“So pompous and dreary.”

“Marginal historical accuracy.”


“Reading downbeat French literature.”

“May not show you the gratitude you expect.”

“Preventive detention order.”

“Utter intransigence.”

“These cultivars are not what our ancestors ate.”

“Instructed to avoid his mother and sisters.”

“Climate of hatred took hold.”

‘Ascension’ Quotes:
“Our new homeworld.”

“Regained some measure of popularity.”

“Legacy seedbank.”

“Ancestor’s homeworld.”

“Behavioural record.”

“I need a 40 degree temperature drop.”

“As fate would allow.”

“Marriage approval.”

“Deck 23 was damaged years ago.”

“Deck 23 situation.”

“She didn’t have any future at all.”

“Something bad’s coming.”

“You’ve done some dark stuff.”

‘Give Me Your Hand’ Quotes:

“Always rumours about it, about death cults and sex games.”

“It’s always catholic-school bitches who get pregnant.”

“What could you expect from a girl named Sarina?”

“Likely to steal ammonia tanks for a rolling meth lab.”

‘Cuckoo’ Quotes:
“Go away and work on yourself. Really, quite a lot.”

“Sexy elite.”

“Female conspiracy.”

“I’d just like to go to bed in my house without you here.”

“Why do I feel scared?”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Consorting with another female.”

“She made him a cheater.”

“Fight for him to love me.”

‘Chalk’ Quotes:
“The pit they were working hard to keep me from falling into,”

“Terrible penalties for admitting desires like that.”

“Against my own behalf.”

‘Cherry Falls’ Quotes:
“Critically uninformed.”

“Sketchy keg place.”
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NorthAndSouth1x01-1x03+ST:TNG(1987-1994) 7x14+Valor 1x05&1x06 +Gotham4x18+Shades Of Blue 3x06

North And South (1995-1994) 1x01-1x03
This is the first of 3 massive miniseries’ adapting three fat novels by John Jakes which cover the antebellum period to the civil war to reconstruction. Orry Main (Patrick Swayze) dresses like a dandy and is the romantic tragic hero from the southern plantation Mont Royal. Which means he is an unrepentant slave owner. But neither he nor this miniseries dwell on it that much.

Orry goes to West Point and meets George Hazard (James Read of ’Charmed) and they become friends. This is full of characters played by Kristie Alley, David Carradine, Lesley-Anne Down, Genie Francis, Terri Garber, Jim Metzler, Johnny Cash, Morgan Fairchild, Hal Holbrook, Gene Kelly, Robert Mitchum, Jean Simmons, David Ogden Stiers, Elizabeth Taylor, Jonathan Frakes, Forest Whitaker and Erica Gimpel.

Orry’s sister Ashton is the pole star of human evil even as a child. Orry has a perm and shrugs off accusations of being a slave owner in wilful denial. At West Point, a baddie shows up in the form of bullying Cadet Bent who has a bad southern accent. It is mentioned they had mixed colleges in Ohio in the 1840s. There is hazing and Ulysses S Grant wanders by. Orry gets shirt off and likes the drippy useless Madeline (Down). But she stupidly marries a rich older git named Justin (Carradine) who has an unsettling stare. All it took for Madeline to marry Justin was a unicorn musical box.

The shameful nadir of the civil war takes its time coming. Orry is morose. Orry and George are entitled tools. Part 1 was okay. Nobody ever utters a gracious thank you. Bent bullies a sick Orry. Jean Simmons plays Mrs Maine; she seems too old to be Ashton’s mother. The age difference between Orry and Ashton is unexplained. Orry meets George’s abolitionist sister. He and George and her family mock her.

George’s family run an unconvincing looking foundry. There is sexism and fierce malice. People are vituperative. People resist change and defend slavery and their tyrannical regime with the earnestness of zealots. Madeline wears an ugly wedding at her wedding. People have absolute blindness to their own villainy and the cognisance of their wrongdoing. People have impatient disregard for women. Madeline is still dumb.

People are devoid of life and have contemptible cowardly silence over important issues. The unattainable Madeline is stupid. This was not robust or substantial. I don’t care about the apparently inexorable descent into war. This is not a fascinating insight into the past. People have vexed responses to sense and a fearsome capacity for violence. There is no complex arc based storytelling just sexual violence and Orry drinks - oh boo you whore and your incredible sense of conviction about your worldview.

Part 2 continues the backward outlook as it romanticises the Old South and says war could have been avoided if Northerners would have stopped harassing the south about slavery and meddling. Orry’s thick and has no skillset or expertise. How did he get into West Point? Orry shrugs off the particular infamy of slave owning and subjection and racism. Consequences aren’t even on the radar yet.

George shouts all his dialogue. Women fall out of low cut dresses. The miniseries is full of big personalities. Orry beds the local whore. TPTB seem to aim for the Lost Cause rhetoric like ‘Firefly’ did. A cat is seen. Madeline is wet and weepy. Justin has no charm and is coercive. Bent carries on bullying and is famously merciless. With the reveal about his paternity (he is the bastard son of a Senator) one wonders if is he meant to be mixed race. This would explain a lot about his rage and bullying and endless anger.

There is bad acting. Orry and George get Bent expelled. His tyrannising is not at an end however. People big up war with Mexico. Ashton is a slut. George has perpetual discontent. Justin speaks of leaving the union in inflammatory language. People babble about honour, resources and factories. All it means is they don’t want to give up their predations. Martial abuse is shrugged off.

Justin is malicious and does concerted attacks on Madeline as he denigrates her. A slave (Gimpel) is bothered. Another slave gets drunk and Orry’s father is obsessed with cordiality and honour but not for slaves. Orry doesn’t care about slaves being abused. There’s no possibility of redemption for him despite TPTB setting him up as a tragic hero. Orry only cares about the thick Madeline. He doesn’t care about slavery. Orry only wants to be frolicsome with Madeline. There is war with Mexico and Orry is not marvellously brave.

A man with a bad Irish accent befriends George. And George wants to marry his daughter Constance who has an equally bad Irish accent. Orry is resistant to change and mopes. Constance worries her Catholicism will annoy George’s family. Baseball is played. Orry is injured and wears badly applied obvious pale makeup and stews in self-pity. George gives Bent a beating. Orry drinks. Are we meant to feel sorry for Orry? Madeline is dumb. Nobody has a sense of empathy. Orry goes slave hunting. No to Part 2, this was frivolous and absurdly overblown and it was absolute nonsense.

In Part 3, Orry defends slave hunting and is angry George is disgusted by it and him stopping a slave from escaping. George makes him let the slave go to Orry’s fury Orry defends slavery. George’s sister in law whines about Catholics. Her husband (Frakes) lurks beardless and fat. There is exposition and family feuding among the Hazards. Orry’s father dies and Ashton is grown up and a bigger slut. Orry runs the plantation. Madeline is barren.

A Main cousin, Charles, shows up to whine, his big 80s perm distracts. Part 3 is boring as hell. Orry stomps around in a cape like he’s in a Dumas novel. Orry encourages Charles to fight a duel. Virgilia preaches on the evils of slavery but Orry and co mock her and berate her. Why is everyone pandering to Orry and co? Orry and Ashton’s other sibling Brett (Francis) is ignored. Madeline has hysterics that Justin had sex with a slave. This was terrible. Constance and George join the Underground Railroad which breaks the Fugitive Slave Law. There is rampant sexism as Virgilia is ill-treated. Charles wants to be just like Orry. One rolls ones eyes.

Best Lines:
“The hazing is hell.”

“Orry’s ideas are part of his heritage, it’ll take generations to change them.”

“The big master.”

“Brawling in a tavern.”

“Repellent and wrong.”

“Your favour was undone.”

“No leave for 2 years.”

“Defy convention.”

“In dalliance.”

“What is your comment on that sir?”

“It’s god’s truth.”

“The ungodly evil that lives in the south.”

“The south counts for less.”

“The one thing you can never do.”

“Things just be worse for you.”

“In the name of decency sir, cover yourself.”

“Shut your mouth slut!”

“A real lady never eats anything in public.”

“Degenerate southern sadists.”

“Intellectual pretensions.”

“What with the famine and all.”

“Speaks like one of the housemaids.”

Lower Decks
This ep focuses on 4 junior officers: a sarcastic Vulcan named Taurik who looks yellow, Sito from the episode ‘The First Duty’ who is dim and oddly graduated before Wesley Crusher despite being in the same class, Nurse Ogawa who has no personality and Lavelle who is a whining, entitled embodiment of toxic masculinity. Also lurking is Ben a waiter who was never seen or mentioned before and wouldn’t be again. The actor playing Taurik would show up on ‘Star Trek: Voyager’ playing a Vulcan called Vorik with the exact same personality. Nurse Ogawa and Crusher discuss a man and Sito dies in the line of duty after being bullied by Picard.

Riker doesn’t like Lavelle. Being on a ship with Lavelle and Riker must be a cosmic hell. A Cardassain is a UFP agent. What happened to him and the UFP’s dealing with him? Picard is a jackass. Why does he have an English accent if he’s French? Ben hangs out with the junior officers and the senior staff. He was never to be seen again. Was the Cardassian telling the truth? What happened to Sito? Did she die? How did she die? This was okay but there is some bad acting. There is a reason the actress playing Sito hasn’t acted since 1995.

Best Lines:
“You think Worf’s chewing her out?”
“No, he always looks like that.”

“Have you ever considered learning to lip read?”

“The Vedeks of the Janalan Order maintain a round the clock chant for the benefit of the Bajoran people.”
“Considering the history of your planet, that doesn’t exactly validate what he’s doing.”

“Did you crash this ship into something?”

“I didn’t have any friends.”

Full Battle Rattle
The CIA has to solve the fact that the prisoner for the prisoner exchange has died en route. Gallo does something moronic. Thea and co babble about a phone. People babble about their alleged woes. There are flashbacks in which Gallo wears a bad wig. There is significant risk, serious trouble, steely self-regard and Thea is notoriously self-regarding. Gallo fosters a vague sense of isolation and unease.

Another domino is waved. Nora is tripping balls and has to make a decision. The POWs suffer diabolically. Why are there containers marked with radiation symbols? Thea is particularly irked and gives hard, meaningful looks. Gallo is freighted with grief. This was good but absurd. There is an IED and Nora’s helo is damaged and she has to fix the chip wire. There is a reveal and how did a certain person get out of Somalia?

Best Lines:
“Give me a limp.”

“The prisoner is no longer breathing.”

“Talk long and hard about this.”

“The prisoner’s still dead right?”

“Ready to bang bang.”

“They don’t sound happy out there.”

“You have blueprints on a 50 year old hospital in a failed state?”

“Idiot stepson.”

“Not insignificant.”

“The traitor is living.”

I Got Your Six
There is flagrant obfuscation and Nora’s compromised her integrity. It’s amazing how much Somalia looks like Canada. Gallo is disgusting and the POW’s wife is approaching a Rubicon. Nora wants pills and Ian’s shocked, shocked when she reveals this. Yet he is also supportive. The POWs try for the border. Nora feels very protected. Gallos is irremediable. One feels physically repelled by him. One POW dies and another is caught. This was okay and all seriousness and purpose.

Best Line:
“Pretend to be fancy.”

That’s Entertainment
Gotham has a moral authority society? Scarecrow, Mr Freeze, Tetch, Jerome, Penguin and Firefly prance and drive people mad. Bruce whines. Is Sofia still in her coma? Bruce whines. Have TPTB forgotten about the existence of the batcave? Bruce is given a black car that looks like the batmobile for his birthday.

Tabitha (Jessica Lucas of ‘Cult’) is manifestly excessive. Mr Freeze (Nathan Darrow) quips and seems to enjoy being a super-villain having forgotten his tragic past. Penguin talks to Gordon who has ingratitude and is visibly enraged. Gotham has a music festival. Why? To ease tensions? Jerome incites anxiety. Barbara and her latest Barbie wig leads the League Of Shadows. There is no social nuance.
Jerome likes gruesome scenes, Selina lurks and Barbara’s self-regarding sense sees her turn on Tabitha. An unconvincing blimp flies.

There are never any dire consequences on this show. There are bad VFX. Jerome dies. Tabitha finds trouble and Jeremiah gets a faceful of crazy gas. How lucky Jerome had an identical twin brother to become the real Joker.

Best Lines:
“Expect no mercy.”

“Irksome do-gooder.”

“Frankly I’m offended.”

“This much.”

“A dark terrible plan.”
“Which is?”

“Worse, much worse!”

“Nothing good will come of this.”

“These are very dangerous materials.”
“Oh, we’re counting on it.”

The Reckoning
This was thoroughly absurd. There is blowback from the arrest, IA lurks and the Pomp plotline has vanished. Woz objects to the dirty cop. The irony of this is pointed out. There is a reckless gun discharge. People are overwhelmingly emotional. There is no beaming delight. Nobody has a non-threatening vibe. Woz is resolute and things intensity and get unruly.

Woz and Harlee are criminally inclined. Woz yells. There is furious criticism and babbling about sicarios. The FBI is useless. A dude jumps out a window. I’m sick of Stahl. Tess whines. People creepy monotone at each other. This ep leaves one unenthused.

There are highly damaging practices and people who probably made some bad choices in life. Nobody is reasoned and logical. There is a culture of indifference and a great deal of nonsense. Woz hallucinates his daughter (Karsen Liotta). Harlee’s new man is obviously untrustworthy and there is a cliffhanger.

Best Lines:
“That’s a constructive decision.”

“Let’s go make a scene.”

“You weren’t there to help them.”

“Unburdened by common sense.”

“My psychopathic stalker.”
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