August 7th, 2018

Pretty Smart

Search Party (2016-?) 1x01&1x02 + Valor 1x03&1x04 Reviewed

The Mysterious Disappearance Of The Girl No One Knew/The Women Who Knew Too Much
Hipsters are stupid. A woman goes missing. A bored hipster sees the missing woman and decides to look for her and has various whacky misadventures. There is relentless attention seeking and the idiots don’t have the capacity to think through their decisions. The trailer promised fun. It lies. Interest has been discontinued.

Best Lines:
“Talk about axes for a while.”

“You don’t need to know my name!”

Soldier Ready
The POWs hair and beards aren’t growing. There is manifest damage all around and deceptive practices. There is conscientiousness and fetid features and low moral capital. The CO’s military hairdo is gone again. There is a distinct lack of order and spectacular bluntness. There are no noble pursuits. Sadly this was one of the oft-forgotten 1 season TV shows. There are more flashbacks.

Nora and Gallo wonder about a coaster and bullet holes. People’s deepest assumptions are wrong. People avoid confronting the problem. There is no camaraderie. Nora makes self-pitying assertions in increasingly conspicuous ways. Gallo is profoundly revolting. Nora’s friend has secrets. The bullet wound through her leg healed in a month. Thea the CIA chick has a secret. There is a reveal and this was okay.

Best Lines:
“Readiness packet.”

“With you, trust is hard.”

Zero Visibility
This grim but compelling ep was okay. Charmless Gallo uses his woman. Consequences aren’t apparent, not yet. The sexist burk Special Ops guy lurks. Ian has tolerable contentment with Nora. There is a flashback to 10 years ago that shows Nora and her druggy dad. One of the POWs wives goes to a hostage retrieval business. Why does Gallo’s woman dress like a day shift pole dancer?

Thea bothers Haskins. Ian is asked for a favour. Haskins is sad. Nora was abandoned by her dad. Nora wants to buy drugs and the ethical drug dealer (who is an old friend) won’t sell to her but gives them to her. Thea causes problems. More flashbacks explain why Nora joined up in scenes ripped of from ‘Our Girl’ and ‘Semper Fi’. Thea isn’t quite as smart as she assumes she is. Nora goes into a mission on pills and Gallo sees. There is a problem. I am enjoying this.

Best Lines:
“Don’t dig up more snakes than you can kill.”

“Selling oxy when he’s not using it.”

“You can leave now.”

“You’re too good to get caught.”

“I look like a guy that sells drugs for a living.”

“Don’t come back to me because I won’t do this again.”

“Smell like you drank a keg.”

“Magic flying.”

“What’s happening back there?”
“Nothing good.”
  • Current Music
    Diving Woman - Japanese Breakfast/For Blood/Electric - Bass Drum Of Death/Throw A Bone - BA Skery/Disparate Youth - Santigold
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Shadowman Issue 5 Reviewed

Dead And Gone Part 2
I’ve missed some issues of this. People with low social positions are menaced in the old west. Particularly cruel people have a ruinous appetite for stirring up trouble. People are not exquisitely evil and this was done extremely seriously. This tries for solemn and devastating. There are lifelong consequences to choices. There are not even occasional interludes of interest.

Best Lines:
“Mama Dahomey knew their old names. Their true names. And sometimes they answered her call.”

“Don’t you be showin’ no hospitality, now.”

“Earned himself a low reputation.”
  • Current Music
    Cruel Companion - Baskery/Ban - Future Islands/Future Starts Slow - The Kills/Alone - Rorstad
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Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Frankenstein’ promo

‘9-1-1’ promo

‘The Descent’ promo

‘The Outpost’ promo

A new Picard cantered live-action ‘Star Trek’ show? WHY? It negates the novel-verse and who asked for this?

There are Mint Feasts?

You can make an edible sugar from crustacean shells?

Who saw ‘The Wedding Banquet’, ’A Dance To The Music Of Time’, ‘Eat Drink Man Woman’, ‘Tigerland’, ’Fast Girls’, ’Baggage Claim’, ’Sucker Punch’, ’The Pacifier’, ’The Football Factory’ or ‘Waiting To Exhale’?

Terra nullis - nobody’s property.

What is a skort or DNA braids?

Who watched ‘ChuckleVision’ or ‘Marker’?

I’d try potato emulsion, fig leaf cream, goat’s milk caramel and ewe’s milk sorbet.

Who read ‘The Accidental Tourist’?

What are hive tools, lavender twigs or bee brushes?

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:
“Grim pub.”

“Small, dark supper club.”

“Hyperstretch contortions.”


“Dissolute branch of her family.”

“Loot boxes.”

“Anorak types,”

“Degeneracy within the family.”

“Girls in acid-bright bikinis and groggy boys who look as though they’ve barely left school.”

“Air ripe with Lynx.”

“Initiate major crime scene protocols.”


“Food culture.”

“Mainstream perceptions.”

“I just can’t ever get excited by cod, which always seems to me to taste somewhere between bland and really bland-”

“Serious reportable incident.”

“Potentially unusable.”

“Water stress.”

“Moving Irish food beyond he potato.”

“Queen of sluts.”

“Sexual noises.”

“Maximum allowable treatment.”

“His continued existence was of no benefit to him.”

“Relegitimated and rejustified.”

“Being pretty was a job requirement.”

“Evil sorts.”

“Cultural shift.”

“Became the type of drunk who passed out on the curb,”

“Even baptised him in the baseball star Tyson Chandler’s bathtub in 2014.”

“Now with 5 village idiots.”

“A goose pooed in a little girl’s face.”

“Pretending that inherited wealth is of no consequence to him.”

“Be his place in history.”

‘The Sunday Business Post’ Quotes:
“Ignorance is fostered.”

“A once-vibrant city bled dry of artists.”

“Cultural war.”

“Public pronouncements.”

“Visible without fear.”

“Negative treatment.”

“Gender marker.”

“Bathrooms that are safe for them to use.”


“Expend vast energies justifying their lives to themselves.”

“Obsessively justifies.”

“Having a good pray.”

“Ethical vegan.”

“Banned forthwith.”

‘RTE Sport’ Quotes:
“Counter attack hockey.”

“Lethal on their counter.”

Mama June: From Not To Hot’ Quote:
“Half ass nude.”

‘Murder Uncovered’ Quotes:
“Maggot evidence.”

“Agreement of cooperation.”

‘The Girl In The Green Silk Gown’ Quotes:
“It’s been centuries since the last true resurrection.”

“I’m the sort of thing that goes bump in the night, and I’m scared of a truck stop toilet.”

“His survival now depends on continuing to believe that what he did then was justified.”

‘Tales From The Darkside’ Quotes:
“Die with plenty of screaming.”

“Beat that desert breath!”

“He’s not a saint! He’s a pickle salesman!”

“Crush his sanity.”

“Eternity is a long, long, long, long time.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:

“Unholy, if unwitting, pact.”


“Ideologically hostile.”

“The stained glass window through which an irritated bear once leapt to freedom.”

“Lion club claw marks in the mahogany panelling.”

“Kitchen chairs with lumps bitten out of them by a pelican.”

“Find a boa constrictor in his bed, curled around his hot water bottle.”

“Prevailing TV trends.”

“Early verbal audience.”

“Deepen the shadow over the performer’s reputation.”

“Relatively low on the scale of scandals.”

“Challenging its attribution.”

“Intolerance and Amazon flourish.”

“Sharp, savvy acts.”

“Enemy state.”

“Online irritant.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Horrendous record in taking aggressive action to evict people.”

“Armed and insistent.”

“Most militants do not last two years.”

‘Scientific American’ Quotes:
“Ongoing discoveries of bones, artifacts and DNA from deep time.”

“Culturally unidentifiable.”


“Worldwide sentiments.”

“Revelation of heredity.”


“The diminishment of life’s pleasures.”

“Redo my life.”

“Social pain.”

“Anal ducts.”

“Eaten camel intestines.”

“Create the necessary pressure for a definitive flatus.”

‘Ascension’ Quotes:
“A woman not lawful for you to love.”

“Sent us out here to die.”

“It wouldn’t be proper to dress too extravagantly.”

“Council is terrified of insurrection.”

“Terrible, terrible me.”

“Joke of a job.”

“The captain who launched and the captain who lands.”

“Find meaning where we can.”

“A starship has been launched.”

“Something bad is coming.”

“Luxury beyond our means.”

“Exile you.”
“To where?!?”

“Space heroes.”
Scary Books

6 Movie Reviews

Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance (2018)
This is a ludicrously camp TV movie bio-pic which is full of bad acting, corgis, ridiculous English accents, celebrity look-alikes and vintage footage.

Best Line:
“Will be marrying a divorced African American lady.”

Satan’s Slave (1976)
In this almost intentionally bad ‘horror’, people with bad hairdos and worse dress sense get involved in a frankly preposterous but deadly serious plot. There is nudity and violence against women. This was sleazy and full of the most appalling behaviour. This takes gleeful relish in smut and lacks purpose and is charmless and devoid of merit.

When Worlds Collide (1951)
Earth is doomed and a rich man backs a space programme to fly a handful of survivors in a rocket to a new world. They say information analyser, not computer. A star and a new planet are entering the solar system. Heat and gravity are not really mentioned. People scoff at the plans to build a rocket to land survivors on the new world. Will the rogue star and planet keep on going? Will it be safe to live on?

The rocket is referred to once as Noah’s Ark. It will cost millions to build. People don’t know the atmosphere or gravity of the new world. Only 40 people, machinery and some livestock will be taken to the new world. Everyone and everything else will be left to die. Is that even a minimum viable population?

Billions will die and nobody seems that bothered. The rocket will launch via a mile long slide. Does only 1 rocket launch or are others being built in other countries? Men are engineers, women are technicians and the rocket looks like a toy. Women turn books into microfilm. How are people to read it? They bring the Bible, an anatomy book, a math book, an Encyclopaedia, a book on agriculture and the story of mankind in microfilm. They bring chickens, goats, horses, sheep and a dog and that seems to be it.

A rich evil cripple pays for the rocket. There is sexism and various idiots don’t think panic will kick in. People take the minimum responsibility. People talk about god and costal cities are evacuated. NY is a ghost town. This is not unpredictable, tense or uplifting. There is disaster and stuff blows up and falls down. This was ultimately forgettable. There are radio calls for help.

People look at a drowned city. There are no children on the rocket bar one who was saved from a submerged house. The ‘hero’ is negative and horrible. Plasma and medical supplies are loaded on the ship. This makes its irrelevance clear. There is no sense of enhanced risk. People deem detached and dead eyed. They plan to chloroform all the animals. How?

Nobody seems overwhelmed. One man chosen for the rocket decides to stay behind when his woman isn’t chosen. Then they get to go anyway. For some reason the rich man didn’t get a ramp built so he could roll himself onto the rocket. So the rocket launches without him. When the survivors walk off the rocket it is into a matte painting that looks like a cartoon. Why are there pyramids and a stone structure on the new world?

How was there oxygen and gravity on the rocket? Why did people listen to cod reassurances? This was deficient. The rocket flies like a plane through space. There are irreversible consequences. Where is the rubble from Earth? The rocket is flown via huge switches. People refuse to cede defeat. The kid had cloying cuteness. Building an ark is a magnificent achievement. But this film is inconsequential and not charming or delightful.

This was not lively or vital. This tries for real and serious. What are their survival strategies? People are beatific about landing/gliding to a new world. The ship lands like a plane. Did it even have a heat shield? They land in snow and yet walk out to a green field and not an unswervingly hostile environment. Why are they all in brown robes? They have no pressure suits. This was profoundly flawed and the doom-monger was right.

The avaricious rich dude and all the people not chosen for the ark and everyone else are dead. Nobody cares. The stray dog that was brought along has puppies. I hope they haven’t brought rabies to a new world. The rich evil cripple had fist shaking comic villainy. The new world is seriously unconvincing. There is no moral cost and no narrative drive or energy. Awful events were ignored. This was dull and very, very dated.

Best Lines:
“Oceans will be torn from their depths.”

“Will give gladly.”

“Our world will end.”

“The handful with a chance to reach another world.”

“The hour of doom.”

“Is anyone left?”

“We need drinking water and medical supplies!”

“The time left to us gets shorter.”

“Pressure will drive them mad.”

“Wiped out with the rest of the world.”

“Will there be a place to land? Will the air be fit to breathe? Will there be water? Vegetable life?”

“You’re a very easy men to hate.”

“Can’t risk us bring right.”

“Move people and animals as quietly as possible.”

“The last dawn.”

“Land anywhere. We’ve got to.”

“It looks frozen.”
“I hope so.”

“Good air or bad, it’s the only place we can go.”

“The new world isn’t for us.”

Summer House (2008)
An artist berates her husband and bad-mouths his anniversary gift. Then she treats his father’s death like a holiday as they visit an island summer house which has service quarters. They are rude to the handyman and accuse him of murdering the father. Then they insult the police and fire the handyman as well as physically assault him and hurl accusations. The couple are jerks and deserve every bad thing that is coming for them. They are rude to locals and this was just terrible.

Best Line:
“Legacy of secrets.”

Devil’s Knot (2013)
Colin Firth stars in this true story playing an investigator on the West Memphis 3 defence team. Some of this film is narrated by one of the 3 young murder victims. What were TPTB thinking? Who was the mysterious bleeding man seen in a restaurant on the day the murders happened? Why to this day has he never been identified? Reese Witherspoon plays the mother of one of the missing boys. The police are inept.

This was inglorious and the police don’t wear gloves whilst working the crime scene. When one body is found, it is meant to be sad but sadness is undercut by the fact the body is obviously a doll. People think their condemnation of the three suspects is justified as is their ranting about a satanic cult. People utter crazed sounding outrageous accusations about the suspects. Firth does a bad US accent.

The police woefully fail to do anything. No wonder this case had a transformative impact on people. Those with spurious respectability do incomprehensible babbling about satan. There is an enabling of hostility toward Damien because he dresses in black and listens to loud weird music and has an interest in music. The satanic panic is in full on mode. There is pent up bile by extremely nasty people.

Damien has a son?!? Damien irritates people on purpose. This does not endear him to rednecks. The judge coldly assesses them and deliberately directs the case so Damien and co will be convicted. Their cause has unfading relevance. The investigator is the entire centre of attention. Lawyers are useless and nobody really looks into the unexplained, suspicious circumstances around one stepfather.

Awful connotations are made. The 3 suspects are in a difficult situation. Rednecks are particularly aggressive and people are insistent on Damien’s guilt. This pychodrama bores. Damien resolutely refuses to behave. A stepfather has casual indifference. The 3 pay a savage price for being different and their futures were swept aside. Damien is seen as a malign influence by ridiculously unreasonable types. Prejudice lead inexorably to grim consequences.

The legal system connives. This was not an absorbing narrative. The judge was useless and there is antagonism and unrestrained anger and dispiriting legal antics. The 3 suspects got disconcerting and shameful treatment. Sadly this film is inept. Firth flits around in a rarefied position. Damien chases meaning. Rex Linn, Bruce Greenwood, Stephen Moyer, Martin Henderson, Elias Koteas and Kristoffer Polaha co-star.

Best Lines:
“On social assistance.”

“Threatened to eat your father.”

“You’re a respected man.”

“Local devil worshippers.”

“Mail order college.”

“Mail order from a non-accredited school that required no classes.”

Child Of Darkness Child Of Light (1991)
There is a virgin pregnancy by a teen girl. This is investigated by a creepy priest. People slut shame and harass the girl and try to attack her in the street while laughing. A crow caws in a church. Sela Ward is in this as a nun who is patronised by priests. Something called polio-venice kills people. There is a second virgin pregnancy and one is god’s child and one is the antichrist. But which is which? The second teen girl is also bullied by idiots. A jock is mean, the nun cracks up and people orate. There is a twist and exposition. The final scene seems to set up a sequel. There is naff VFX but this was okay. They don't make tv movies like this anymore.

Best Lines:
“A divine child in our age.”

“Well liked but never fully accepted.”

“I come as your friend first.”

“They’re not kind to my daughter here.”

“Your miracle is unblemished.”

“Another virgin has been located?”

“Church cop.”
  • Current Music
    Walk In The Wild - Rivvrs/1234 - Kevin Morby/No Place I‘d Rather Be - Marc Baker/My Smile Is Extinct - Kane Strang
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