July 26th, 2018

Sergio Balleseros

6 TV Reviews

Picnic At Hanging Rock 1x03
Irma’s been found and there is a lot of padding. She still has perfect beachy hair. There is a dead animal and Mrs Appleyard pacing and shrill annoying women. Irma says her mother choose her stepfather over her and believes him over her. There are even more flashbacks to the past.

Why won’t Irma talk about what happened? Bad news gets out. How did Marion end up at the school? Irma plans to marry her rescuer. There is misogyny and Irma is drugged. Flashbacks show students hanging out in their underwear. Mrs Appleyard has flashbacks. The local copper asks questions.

Michael is expected to propose to Irma, someone he barely knows. Irma is psychically discombobulated. Michael doesn’t propose to Irma. This has no visual wonder. People have nefarious purposes. The girls at the school do not reside therein compliantly. There are social limitations for women. Michael runs off. What are Irma’s secrets? Irma is menaced by her schoolmates in a display of anti-Semitism.

Best Lines:
“What’s yours is ours.”

“England does own the world.”

“This ghastly business.”

“You will be a slave to your secrets for the rest of your life.”

“I hate Miranda.”

~
Gotham 4x16

One Of My Three Soups
Tetch is still around boring people. Scarecrow brews something in his toilet. Jerome babbles and leads a breakout from Arkham. Gordon’s walked off being shot a lot. He has solemn regret. Tetch and his unsavoury reputation is back and screaming. Bullock has societal concerns. Gordon is deeply perturbed by the annoying Tetch. There is casual acceptance of weirdness. One is resigned to this ep sucking. Bruce is unhesitant about annoying people. TPTB think Bruce is extremely intense. He’s not.

Barbara is very unpleasant. There is civil unrest. Tabitha and Barbara have perfomative friendship. Gordon crossed a moral line but nobody cares. Bullock doesn’t have the greatest reputation and he’s lecturing Gordon on morals. Jerome, Tetch and Crane don’t have specific motivations for their unheroic acts and calculated provocations.

Ra’s Al Ghul lurks in memories and resurrection comes with responsibility and consequences. Where’s Harley Quinn? Why did Gordon ever love Barbara? Barbara is the new Ra’s Al Ghul. There is a bitter showdown. There is a lack of respect and the fright squad don’t spend much time on-screen. Tabitha’s imperiousness bores. Where’s Alfred? TPTB bring embarrassment upon themselves.

Nobody has accountability. This ep is not a colossal achievement. Selina tells Bruce to get over himself. This show really doesn’t show formative moments. Bruce and his fancy phrases are morally bankrupt. Criminal lowlife Jerome bores. He’s not someone who acts like life is only blood and teeth. The League has systemic frodeur for Barbara. Gordon gets unnecessarily panic-stricken. Bruce does something stupid. TPTB are cliché merchants. Why isn’t Lee facing repercussions for shooting Sofia?

Best Lines:
“Troubled history of Arkham.”

“Poisonous little mind you have.”

“Sucking on your own misery.”

“Cull weakness. They were unfit and needed to die.”

“How could there be a global army of assassins we’ve never heard of?”
“What part of League Of Shadows do you not understand?”

~
Shades Of Blue 3x04

A Walking Shadow
There is a Stahl flashback. There was drooling and blood and reputation destruction and stealing. Stahl was accustomed to his own way. Stahl had a secret stash he used to escape. He doesn’t care about his son, only stalking Harlee. He perved over her in her hospital bed and nobody noticed. Stahl is contentious and has deep antipathy for Harlee. The Intelligence officer (Nick Wechsler) doesn’t recognise Stahl?

Woz was battered. Bruce McGill lurks ominously. This was not nuanced. Stahl thinks he has a moral claim for retribution. There are horrendous consequences and nasty surprises. People are fractured by discord. Harlee’s caked in bronzer. Stahl decides to sow mistrust. There is explosive unrest. Intelligence seems to be untouchable. The hooker reunites with Stahl who is not authentically terrifying. He brooks no dissent and has a mania for revenge and plays the hooker.

Everyone has inherent personal weakness and hidden resentments. There is no discipline or service or ethical decisions. Harlee is on slightly dodgy ground. There are no estimable acts. Harlee is increasingly hostile. The hooker is a twit. There are enormous implications. This was okay. Woz menaces a priest and things go awry.

Best Lines:
“Liberated myself from that particular proclivity.”

“That’s not the gun I planted.”

“5 dollar shakes they just tossed.”

“Need to forget you know me.”

“Drop gun.”

“Remember what happened to God’s son? Rough day.”

“For a couple of elite intelligence detectives, they sure have a lot of free time on their hands.”

“That is what she does to good people.”

“Nobody that you can write about.”

“Get un-interested.”

“She knows what’s coming later.”

“Collecting integrity medals.”

~
Salvation (2017-2018) 1x01

Pilot
This terrible show has a celebrity cameo, a jerkass and various annoying characters. Humanity faces inherent damnation. People do malignant behaviours and have no moral rectitude. Some Elon Musk expy is a poser. Ian Anthony Dale and Santiago Cabrera deserve better than to be in this crap. Dennis Boutsikaris, Sasha Roiz, Mark Moses, Samantha Ferris, Brian Markinson, Jonathan Silverman, Zuleikha Robinson, Reiko Aylesworth and David Nykl are also in this.

This has a dull title card. In 6 months an asteroid will hit Earth and cause an ELE. There is a hologram projector. Some jerkass calls the asteroid: Rocky. The movement is covering up Rocky. Nobody has anxiety cycles over Rocky. The government is planning Project Samson aka a gravity tractor to defect the asteroid. But the technology doesn’t work.

This is all unspeakable awkwardness. A divorced woman acts in frustrating catatonia. There is a lack of nuance and it’s not uncompromisingly excellent. There is no emotional arc or understatement or impressive explosiveness. The Elon Musk expy plans an ark/lifeboat to take 160 people to Mars. There is lying and no huge meaningful moments. This was shambolic and bad.

Best Lines:
“The greatest mind of our time.”

“Fractal holographic matrix.”

“No, I’m not on drugs!”

“Planet killer.”

“Orbital configuration.”

“Big scary dudes staking out his house.”

“The sky is falling.”

“Tomorrow has not yet come.”

“You’re extraordinary in an ordinary way.”

“Minimal viable population.”

“Need technology that hasn’t been invented yet.”

~
Scream 1x04

Aftermath
The genteel tranquillity of the small town has been shattered as it is full of morally repressible, repellent twits. The shattering consequences of Emma’s selfishness unfolds. Nobody has steely coldness. The body found in the burnt car is headless. Grief stricken teens still have perfect hair and makeup. There are no cruel realisations. There is a mutilated yearbook and no displays of normality. There is ongoing defiance.

There is no menacing. People plot. There is an unobtainable truth. The slut dresses like a slut and ignores her dad. There are dishonourable deeds and the slut is still self-obsessed. This was lackadaisical. There is a toxic culture in this town. There is a shower of unsavouries in this town. This was not emotionally rewarding. There is no expected associated sadness for the murders. 3 people hang out in a killer’s lair being caustic and witty. This show is endlessly undermined by its stupidity. Why is the slut’s father being blackmailed? A sex tape of Emma comes out. This was dull and leaves you artfully bored. The cop's finally realise the killer is still out there.

Best Lines:
“Protect and serve my ass!”

“Creepy, unrealistic icons.”

“Funeral nail polish.”

“A little analogue.”

“Go and be law abiding and whatever.”

“That’s sketchy logic.”

“You have a stun gun?”

“Jam it into his junk.”

“Your psycho friend.”

“This can’t be good.”

“Taze my man-parts.”

“A genuine killer’s lair.”

“This looks staged.”

“Uploading where?”

~
Slasher 1x03

Like As Fire Eatheth Up And Burneth Wood
It is a turbulent time in town. There is a flashback to 1968 that show how the heroine’s pregnant grandmother dropped a brick on a car full of prom-goers. The girl who was hit by the brick has been comatose ever since. There is mumbling and fraught decisions. There is no humanity or compassion. No-one is shamed. There is no wit or charm.

The heroine displays ugly art in her gallery. There is no emotional resilience or detached cool. The original killer blowhards. Robin can’t cope after Justin’s death. The heroine’s grandmother is a tres insouciant timeworn woman obsessed with her growler. People have the IQ of kick flare jeans. The heroine asks paternity questions. Nobody looks for their better you. The heroine is menaced.

Robin reveals he and Justin built their dreamhouse on land they stole from a poor family whose deaths they caused. Robin isn’t sorry. The heroine wants to leave town, her husband doesn’t. Genre expectations are dashed and motifs are twisted. There is mumbling and a gun. The overconfident incompetents blather. The heroine was suicidal? No wonder this show has no lasting popularity, it’s not a continuous pleasant shocker.

This niche-driven show was boring. The heroine has profound disquiet. There are bland sentiments. Robin is in massive debt and is menaced. This was daft. There is no public enthusiasm for this show. The heroine has wounded reactions. Robin is not sweetly stupid. Some crazed mountain folk man is inane. The grandmother is in peril. The husband’s boss is prophesying disaster. The heroine feels resentment. The darkening climate in town gets worse. The granny is tossed into a shallow lake. There is an unsafe social space. The grandmother has been rendered voiceless. This is not dynamic or intense and leaves you fatigued.

Best Lines:
“Doesn’t know when to close her mouth or her legs.”

“Lost in zealotry.”

“A town nobody’s heard of.”

“Fancy boy.”

“Come get me!”
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Illya K

Trailer, Quotes and Stuff

‘Insatiable’ trailer
Oh yeah.

Machego cheese - good.
Belgian milk chocolate truffles - good.
Praline perfection choc - okay.
Triple chocolate heaven choc - okay.
Lemon drizzle cake choc - okay.
Caramel carousel cake choc - okay.
Raspberry blush choc - mediocre.

Who saw ‘The Boy In The Plastic Bubble’ (1976) or ‘Reality Bites’ or ‘Theodore Rex’ or ‘The Secret Garden’ (1993) or ‘Half Light’ (2006) or ‘Love Is A Many-Splendored Thing’ (1955) or ‘Black Beauty’ (1994) or ‘Dead Presidents’?

Who read ‘The Lorax’?

They are remaking ‘Enter The Dragon’?

There will make ‘From A Buick 8’ into a movie?

What is rock sugar or sharp sauce or wine jelly or American ice cream?

‘Reeker’ Quote:
“I’m afraid of psycho desert crack heads who hunt small animals with Dahmer’s garden tools.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Out of control drug users.”

“Turned her away and told her not to come back.”

“Moment of panic.”

“You are satan.”

“Drunken grandma.”

“Set her house on fire.”

“Drug dealing weed smoking professional liars.”

“I can’t stand drama.”

“Disrespectful little punk.”

“Arrested with no pants on.”

“Please stop trying to kill me.”

“Ski bum.”

“Frustrates me beyond belief.”

“I don’t see a big deal.”

“Make me look like a piece of trash.”

“It’s not a paperweight you need to read it.”

‘NYMag’ Quotes:
“She woke up one Christmas morning on the floor of an apartment naked with another dancer, the tree knocked over, vomit everywhere.”

“She chose to go with it.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Risk-taking personality.”

“Decide what was best for me without any consideration of my opinion or my thoughts.”

“Balloon releases have been banned.”

“Incapable of recognising his disgrace.”

“Erratic taste in women.”

“Not a fit and proper person.”

“Cultural norms.”

“Refusal to be accountable.”

“A less-than-positive impression.”

“Re-speaking.”

“Conscious of her personality.”

“These rules were routinely ignored.”

“Harm-reduction sessions.”

“Active addiction.”

“Enjoyed authority and privilege disproportionate to his age and experience.”

“She will find it difficult to satisfy the inflated expectations which her rhetoric has aroused.”

“Controlled waste.”

‘Tales Of The Unexpected’ Quotes:
“He never left the house again.”

“He’s unhappy.”
“Why?”

“A peasant at heart.”

“Cognac, woman!”

“You pour!”

“Pour!”

“Usual litany of excuses.”

“Came home and never left again.”

“I wish they had shot me.”
“Go out and they will.”

“Stood up to strike me.”

“The town character.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“World-changing.”

“Bringing our community into disrepute.”

“Reputation management.”

“Dispute journalistic investigations.”

“Disputed coverage.”

“Food-exclusion diets.”

“Coup-studded.”

“Measured public discourse.”

“Chill debate.”

“Countries of heritage.”

“Chillseekers.”

“Feminist discourse.”

“Association study.”

“Not an insignificant exclusion.”

“Media sentiment.”

“Keystone prey species.”

“Unsuited to their profession.”

“Overestimates his commercial savvy.”

“Suddenly being a ‘liberal’ was an accusation.”

“Maladroit handling.”

“Progressive intentions (for the time).”

“Intellectual dishonesty, motive questioning.”

“Running at levels not seen the Second World War.”

“The Victorian spectacle of babies born with Syphilis is back,”

“Vomit fraud.”

“Opposition research on reporters.”

“Slow looking.”

“Of some renown,”

“Devastation of self-doubt.”

“Unconvicted felons.”

“Carnal intercourse against the order of nature.”

“Don’t feel entitled to refuse sex.”

“That old loony did  it.”

“Commensalist.”

‘The Death Of Mrs Westaway’ Quotes:
“Smiling, but not in a pleasant way.”

“What kind of person needed to stop their maids from escaping?”

“As though her mother was one step away from a medicated stay in a secure facility.”

“Post-war fantasy-land?”

“Does she realise people don’t live like this any more?”

“The Victorian-style theatrics involved in public willing readings,”

‘Great British Railway Journeys’ Quotes:
“Formation dance.”

“Danced by invitation.”

“Developed a social conscience.”

‘Video Killed The Radio Star’ Quote:
“Dressed up in all the wrong way.”

‘TVNow’ Quotes:
“I can finally defend his behaviour.”

“Disgust for this situation.”

‘RTE News’ Quote:
“Try to salvage her life.”

‘Channel 4 News’ Quotes:
“Age of Babylon.”

“Organic remnants.”
Scary Books

7 Movie Reviews

The Green Inferno (2013)
This Eli Roth horror stars Richard Burgi. Annoying hipster college activists head off to the rainforest to save an uncontacted tribe. The plane the whining college kids are on crashes in the rainforest. They encounter a scary tribe (played by a real rainforest tribe) who want to have them for dinner. Their SJW leader turns out to be lying corrupt corporate executive who lured them to South America with a campaign of lies, terrible lies. An inexorable progression of horror follows. Why does the survivor lie to the UN? This was okay with a sequel hook. It is not deeply upsetting and does not leave you ill-at-ease.

Best Lines:
“The only things those posers care about, is looking like they care.”

“They deserve to get tear gassed.”

“I can smell my friend being cooked.”

“Camera! Internet!”

~
A Ghost Story (2017)
This is contrived nonsense full of slurred mumbled dialogue. A disengaged couple live in a remote house. There is an absence of hope this will be good. The unkempt couple and their personal inadequacy live in their unkempt house. They seem to have deep psychological distress.

This has no emotional punctuation. I don’t care about the couple’s sordid actuality. This was all tedium and ghastliness. The boring husband dies and then he sits up and wanders around under a sheet. Where did the eyeholes come from? What lies beyond? That is 1 big sheet. He heads home and stares at a cute cat fridge ornament. There is annoying noise and staring, staring and yet more staring.

Rooney Mara eats almost an entire pie in real time. Time passes. He sees another ghost with whom he communicates with in subtitles. His wife movies away and later on a hipster yaps. One feels dissatisfaction. Nobody manages their emotional states. This has collective failings and is ridiculous. One can’t totally engage with this. Eventually the house is ruined and the piano tipped over. Watching this is incredibly detrimental to you. The intensely rural house is knocked down. This is the afterlife?

This was undistinguished and tries for fake-literary, emotional intimacy and sober prose. This is improbable with a lazy lack of concision. This boring film is a spectacular tiresome miscalculation. He and the other ghost stand in the ruins of their demolished homes. Eventually the other ghost vanishes. Where did it go? This tries for stillness and composure.

This is a rumination on grief and loss or something. A gleaming city is built where his home once was. Big serious people made this. He sees the past where his house would be built. A pioneer family were killed there. He sits on his ass and haunts himself. Where did the piano come from? In life he was a lazy ass who didn’t want to leave the house. Eventually he too vanishes. Where did he go? Why am I supposed to care about some slightly dodgy looking geezer?

Best Lines:
“Social order will fall away.”

“The future is going to hit a brick wall.”

“All go.”

“It’s always been here.”

~
Thinner (1996)
This okay film is based on the Stephen King novel. Kari Wuhrer and some no-names star. A Roma caravan arrives in a small town, Billy a fat lawyer (coated in prosthetics) does them active harm by running one over and Billy is drenched in bitterness. He blames his wife even as his friends ensure he faces no repercussions for what he did. Joe Mantengna plays a mob boss who Billy is friends with.

The Roma have ideological motivation to get Billy. A hot Roma (Wuhrer) prances. Stephen King has a cameo. Billy’s hot wife is berated and ill-treated by her husband. She and Billy aren’t sorry for what they did. A Roma curses Billy and his awful friends. There is hysteria and bad acting. People babble about the curse. Others are affected. Billy is scum. There is an idiot dream scene.

There is no sustainable rationale for any of this. TPTB are covertly grotesquefying Billy’s wife. Billy never interprets his own motives or faces complex moral judgement. There is no real terrifying realisation that curses are real. This leaves one unimpressed. There is not one likeable character in this mean spirited film. Nobody is seeking a resolution. There are silly fake accents. Billy gets his creepy mob boss friend to menace the Roma. Nobody has moral purity and this film is not awe inspiring. There is a compromised happy ending and no reconciling of bitter disputes.

There is essential wrongness and no amicable co-existence. Mob guy has uncritical support for Billy. This was mmm and Billy’s daughter Linda is played by Joy Lenz of ‘One Tree Hill’.

Best Lines:
“That kind of attitude could cost you court cases.”

“Give Billy 5 dollars to run you over in that golf cart.”

“Die quick and bad.”

“My mook.”

“You don’t get to ask that question again.”

“Proving my love.”

“Disease, crime and prostitution!”

“Nothing to get off from.”

“He will die thin!”

~
West Of Memphis (2012), part 1
This disturbing creepy documentary exposes the travesty of justice in the West Memphis 3 case that has dragged on since 1993. Who killed 3 eight year old boys in a small town? 3 local outcasts were blamed and irreparable harm was done and caused widespread disillusionment with the justice system. Satanism was blamed and a ridiculous satanic training video is shown.

There is babbling about the occult, everyone has a mullet - even the women and there are thick nigh incoherent accents. There is vintage news clips and crime scene photos from the notoriously cruel murders are shown. The victims and defendants were so young, there is a penitentiary area sign and muffled dialogue. People from the Center Of Wrongful Convictions Of Youth talk about how the trials went so wrong.

Marks on the bodies were most likely turtle bites. I did not realise snapping turtles were so big or fierce. The legal system is not fair minded or thoughtful. There are discordant narratives and there is toxicity around this cause and prosecution witnesses recant their false testimony. Did one of the dead boy’s stepfather commit the murders?

Best Lines:
“Claimed to have seen.”

“Bottom of the barrel poor white trash.”

“Personal cause killing.”

“Prosecutor controlled crime lab.”

“Doing a lot of inhalants.”

“Huffed gas.”

“Where was he cut at?”

“Case went bad.”

“Listen to weird music.”

“Something this heinous.”

“Never about justice.”

“Very passionate very sincere hate mail.”

~
Estranged (2012)
An okayish British thriller. After being left injured and amnesiac after a scooter crash, a woman and her boyfriend head to her estranged family’s huge country estate. There is yelling and the family are weird. How is she suddenly able to walk? Something weird is going on in the house. What became of her boyfriend? Who are these people? Nobody has critical thought. Why is the butler still there? There is a wince-inducing scene involving eye-lash curlers. When did she become pregnant? There are secrets and reveals and class war and violent revenge. This was mmmm.

Best Lines:
“Where else could we have gone?”

“This is how we live.”

“You’ll settle for this?”

“I don’t want my baby to live, not here not with you.”

“No one else wants you.”

“They took their revenge.”

~
Franklyn (2008)
Poo.

~
The Torment aka The Possession Of David O'Reilly (2010)
This talky UK 'horror' sees a man barge into his friends' flat whilst ranting that a demon is after him. This irrational talky conflict full of bad acting has no narrative craft.
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