July 22nd, 2018

Sergio Balleseros

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ trailer
Cats, experimental music, fighting and Live Aid.

Best Lines:
“Only room in this band for one hysterical queen.”

“How many more Galileo’s do you want?”

“No one will play us on the radio.”

‘Overlord’ trailer
Is this or isn’t it a ‘Cloverfield' sequel? It’s WW2 and a plane gets shot down. There’s a village, Nazis, weirdness and a flamethrower. Mmmm.

‘Glass’ trailer
The ‘Split’ sequel. No.

The Meg’ clip
What is the shark eating? Swim faster!

‘For The People’ promo

‘The Good Fight’ promo

‘Roxi’ ad
“We don’t have a radio.”

‘Teen Titans Go! To The Movies’ TV spot
A Deadpool joke.

‘The FBI Files’ opening credits

Extra Fine Milk With Fruit & Nut - okay.
Verbena tea - okay.

Corrie from ‘Tomorrow When The War Began’ was in ‘Clique’?!?

Who saw ‘Winter Palace’ or ‘The History Boys’ (2004) or ‘But I’m A Cheerleader’ or ‘Kissing Jessica Stein’ or ‘Music and Lyrics’ or ‘Maurice’ or ‘The Remains of The Day’ or ‘Sense And Sensibility’ or ‘About A Boy’ or ‘The Nun’ (1966) or ‘The Bells Of St Marys’ (1945) or ‘Heaven Knows Mr Allison’ (1957) or ‘Agnes Of God’ or ‘Dead Man Walking’ or ‘Leonard Part 6’ or ‘Tristan & Isolde’ or ‘Maverick’ or ‘The Last Of The Mohicans’ (1992) or ‘First Daughter’ (2004)?

You make vegan cheese from cashews, garlic powder, salt, onion powder and among other things, deactivated nutritional yeast. Eeeww.

I will review ‘The Death Of Mrs Westaway’, ‘Bright We Burn’ and ‘Look For Me’.

I wouldn’t eat faux gras, vegan egg or vegan chorizo.

Who read ‘The Cat Mummy’?

I’d try sheep’s milk ricotta with truffled honey. What is almond cream? What is candy bacon?

‘DenOfGeek’ Quote:
“Space combat pigeons.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Appalling disrespect.”

“Breed-kill cycle.”

“Mythologise video shops.”

“Morally insensitive and aesthetically disgusting.”

“Reclamation of history.”

“Is not coming back because it never existed.”

“Might end up becoming the star of the show - because someone has to, even if only by default-”

“Studio audience that was laughing at her.”

“Long on bombast, short on content. Long on grandiosity.”

“Fragile narcissism.”

“No one understands his own failure better than him. A man of little courage and fewer principles.”

“Refused to apologise.”

“Not so well received when read out in court.”

“Perceived superior personal and moral traits.”

“A cashless society is not in your interest...Their job is to make you believe that it is in your interest.”

“Lie on the margins of legitimacy.”

“Dismissive culture.”


“Thoroughly discredited and ostracised.”

“Lost all credibility.”

“A spent force.”

“Plant-based innovation.”

“Moral premise.”

“Terror of rejection and exclusion.”

“Pleasure becomes irrelevant.”

“For the exclusive enjoyment of them and their kind.”

“Established ethos.”

“Earned them enduring respect and acclaim.”

“Her hair makes her look homeless.”

“Seemed to want to provoke her.”

“Reputation is absolutely critical.”

“Lead away screaming.”

“Inappropriate attempts by people of prominence.”

“Sent to a school for bad kids.”

“Being feared in the area.”

“Can’t even cross the road without putting themselves into a dangerous location.”

“Yearning to retaliate.”

“Stiffened in fear when they saw an unfamiliar figure.”

“No investment in formal society.”

‘Nathan Barley’ Quotes:
“Been out 3 weeks in Japan. Where’s yours?”

“Self-regarding consumer slaves.”

“Thinking is rubbish.”

“They wear their waistbands below their balls.”

“They babble into handheld twit machines.”

‘Tales Of The Unexpected’ Quotes:
“God how I hate you.”

“Learn very nasty things about my character.”

“She gets it first, then the lot of us.”

“But I don’t model underwear.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:

“Locus standii.”

“Cultural assets.”

“Usurping the function.”

“Mysterious attraction.”

“Any deviation from the sacred texts is greeted with fury.”

“Lifestyle reboot.”

“Fighty arms.”

“Get angry and strip down to his underpants in order to give you an angry hug.”

“No cute, converted vans doing lovely things.”

“Never to become the story.”

“Ethnic trespass.”

“Human wallpaper.”

“Forcibly minoritised.”

“Stirring up trouble for them.”

“A desolate place not of his making.”

“A carrot is considered an indulgence.”

“Object of international pity.”

“Geopolitical implications.”


“Cultural rebranding.”

“An existential threat to liberal values and progress.”

“Toxic behaviour.”

“Unable to cope with social situations.”

“Moral norms.”

“Cultural cohesion.”

“No obvious animus.”

‘Testament Of Youth’ Quote:
“All of us are surrounded by ghosts.”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Serious doubts over its veracity.”

“Did you ask?”

“See off these lunatics.”

“The catastrophe of Jeremy Corbyn becoming Prime Minister.”

‘TV & Satellite Week’ Quote:
“More natural herd situation.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Bucket full of crazy.”

“Lying drama queen.”

“Name rape.”

“Wise and good people.”

“Sexual engagement.”

“Catalysing the false complaint.”

“Does that not fit in your ear wrong?”

“Question your moral compass.”

‘Alone’ Quote:
“No one cares about suspense and buildup.”

‘The FBI Files’ Quotes:
“Doesn’t believe in church.”

“Talking subversion.”

“Block all avenues of escape.”

“Informant rumours.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Idyllic if jobless countryside.”

“Treated as scrum for most of that time.”

“Communal self-policing.”

“A world devoid of privacy.”

“Poor social credit score.”

“Normal life has changed irrevocably.”

“Bellicose note.”

“There is no second place in war.”

“Morals reformed.”

“Potato scam.”

“Venerates more genteel traditions.”

“Format most revered by rationalists.”

“Violent bat speed.”

‘Man V Food’ Quote:
“A meter in, a meter out.”
Scary Books

Book Reviews: The Waterborne Blade + In Your Light

The Waterborne Blade by Susan Murray
This inept, badly written book is the first in a series. I could barely finish this and will read no more. There is civil war or something in a medieval stasis kingdom. A spoilt brat woman needs to be taken to safety from mortal threat as the rotten social order is imperilled. This is told in short chapters as perverted ideology is practiced and there is melodrama, opportunism and disloyalty. This was all laughable impossibility.

In Your Light by Annalie Grainger
This was Did Not Finish bad as a whining teenager whines about her missing sister and stumbles across a cult. This book does not merit retention and it is not significant or life-affirming. It’s an affront to your intelligence and it has no brutal logic and is not poignant. It has no brutal logic or poignant reminders of lost happiness. It has no integrity or sanctity. This was objectively terrible.
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Only You
This was the final ever episode, thankfully. This show was sexist dross that never lived up to the potential of its premise. A man is accused of killing his wife and the murder weapon is a smart gun with a DNA lock. He still denies it. This doesn’t even try to be flat out bizarre. This show was on a serious downward trend from 1x01.

Fruit is everywhere. This was not even curiously brilliant. Billy Campbell guest stars. There is no surprising class and the suspect badmouths his dead wife. There is creepy talk about smart carpet sensors, a smart home music system, a smart doorknob and a smart air conditioning system which all spy on their owners. Privacy is non-existent. Nobody cares or notices.

The perv pervs over his AI and wants to stalk the life model for it. This plot is strangely lethargic. Why does the perv get so much plot and screen time? He’s ghastly. The GM lawyer and another GM person (Gretchen Egolf of ‘Journeyman’ and ‘Martial Law’) don’t like being GM. Even the drink dispenser in the law-firm is smart. Creepy. People who are created via genetic modification are sterile. This was done deliberately. A GM woman (Egolf) wants to have a baby and sues the government for this right.

The government shrugs off making people sterile and say they can’t let her have a baby. Meanwhile the murder suspect learns he has a twin brother via nefarious goings on at a fertility clinic. Lucas annoys. The murder suspect turns out to be a cheater. The lawyers find this out via a smart dry cleaners, their lying client doesn’t tell them. The murder suspect mumbles about his hired prostitute/mistress and how he has needs. He is unpretty in everyway.

People casually mention there was a bio-attack in 2009. The social possibilities of 2030 are shrugged off. The perv wants to bang the life model for his AI. The murder suspect’s adultery is shrugged off. The perv meets the life model and is disgusted that she is a racist porn star. Also her likeness was stolen but the perv lawyer and his law firm don’t care. The perv is sad that his stalking victim is a slut and that he’s not getting any.

The murder suspect is acquitted despite being a sleaze who only wanted his wife’s money. A government lawyer (Jose Zuniga of ‘American Crime Story‘, ‘Desperate Housewives‘, ‘The Event‘ and ‘CSI: Miami‘) says there are side effects from making GM people and that they can’t let any of them have babies as it might unleash a plague. The LAW FIRM shrugs off this massive human rights violation. The sad GM woman can’t have a baby. The former suspect shrugs off his nefarious mistress.

This was awesomely stupid. Nobody commands respect or affection. There is slut shaming and the sleazy husband/murder suspect skips off. The perv laughs off his GM co-worker’s sterility. This was terrible and fundamentally dreadful.

Best Lines:
“DNA lock.”

“Criminals hire you.”

“Euro Muslim pop.”

“Genetic prototype project.”

“Abandoned embryos.”

“Pinged your bathrobe.”

“Contract consort.”

“Get me the President!”
“Of the United States?”

“Prone to develop unrealistic expectations.”

“Virtual sex arcade.”

“One hour’s notice of any requested sex.”

“She hired my twin brother to murder my wife!”

Part 1
Jessica Biel stars in this dull TV show that adapts a book I’ve never read. This has nice opening credits which are about the only good thing in it. Bill Pullman and Patti D’Arbanville are also in this. Cora (Biel) dislikes her mother-in-law, berates her husband, fawns over her toddler son and is unhappy. She takes pills, has joyless desultory sex and her home is a hostile environment.

Cora cleans obsessively and it is not a substitute for authentic experience. Nobody has gratitude and affection for her. Cora has inexorable bitter apprehension about life. No sense of dread is suggestively implied. This had notable acclaim for some reason. Cora and her family go to the lake. Relationship fracture points are clear and Cora seems held in very small regard by her in laws. She wears an ugly swimsuit and has a contorted decision making process.

This has no substantial impact. Cora seems to try and drown herself at the lake. Then she murders someone in broad daylight to a horrified reaction. She stabbed him with a knife she was using to cut up fruit for her son. The psychological implications of her act fascinate a creepy cop (Pullman). He is an altruistic activist for Cora. This was hokey. Why did Cora commit such reckless, vicious harm? Oh who cares?

Cora’s husband is a malcontent. There is no gratitude, affection, nuance or sensitivities. There is no considered debate or discourse. Why did Cora freak out and stab a guy? Blood flew and Cora was arrested as she did a madness mantra. This was not meticulously done. There’s a wall up in terms of communication. The detective mumbles. Why do people give him currency?

There are no normal uncertainties. There is an avalanche of criticism. Cora has flashbacks. The cop does not dampen down any speculation about the implications of Cora’s act and ultimate disgrace. What precipated this? Why did Cora do it? She’s not on drugs or mentally ill. Did the victim know her and let her kill him? Her husband seems ready to abandon her. Cora freaks out in her cell. This tries for intensity as Biel overacts wildly.

The cop is quirky and into kinky stuff. People make poor decisions and this is devoid of fact or logic. Cora is emotionally broken and having an emotional nightmare. This was sensationalist. Why didn’t one man try to stop her? His statement changes perceptions. This is completely and utterly awful. There is a flashback to Cora’s horrible mother. There is mumbling and Biel has an unflattering haircut.

Best Lines:
“It looked like he recognised her.”

“Never got up off your towel.”

“Why you didn’t try to stop her.”

“I think there’s something wrong with me.”

“Volunteers at the Y.”

“20 eye witnesses.”

“Impulse killing.”

“What part of getting stabbed 17 times is under control?”

Every Potato Has A Receipt
The girls do radio promo. Carmen is called out. Justine’s mother wants money. Sam whines. Debbie is awful. Bash has his house scrubbed down. Why does he get so much screen time? Bash is an ass. Sam hangs out at a strip club. Ruth’s dumb. Cherry Bang’s husband wants a baby.

Britannica wears Debbie’s wedding dress. The girls are insulted. Shelia has fans. Where did they get the horse? Bash proposes to Britannica. What happened to him and Carmen? Bash and Britannica marry. There is a battle royale and a kiss. There is a mixed match. Ruth becomes the GLOW champion. KDTV is mean and GLOW is offered a floorshow in Las Vegas by Ray the strip club guy. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Marrying a fan on television.”

“Will you visit?”
“Probably not.”

“We’ve dealt with this before.”

“Talk out your grievances.”

“That horse better not shit in there.”

“Love is fake! Just like wrestling!”

“Rhonda just married a millionaire without a prenup!”

“Pies of rage!”

“Russian on a zipline!”

“Good insane.”

“Sometimes stories end this way.”

“Call, a lot.”

Deep Cover
Alex’s knocked up and undercover. A military contractor is under investigation. Harry lingers. A class called 7 Deadly Spins is seen. Ryan and new guy go undercover at a jail. Oddly no-one recognises Ryan the spy who was outed on TV by the former POTUS. Does nobody at the jail recognise Alex when she visits? There is an actual mention of the events of season 2. Shelby puts on a chav accent. Harry does a magic seat swap. When did Alex become a sniper? While initially good, things get graceless, lurid and unnecessary in this inconsequential silliness. Alex is bruised by life and loses the baby. The baddie makes the required bad impression. There is sheer ridiculousness and relentless silliness. Did the baddie escape?

Best Lines:
“Any and all prosecution.”

“We’re about to burn in hell.”

“America’s a dying anachronism.”

“Once in a lifetime asset.”

“This 007 stuff.”

“Olympic level marksman.”

Picnic At Hanging Rock 1x02
A search is undertaken for the 3 girls and 1 teacher who have managed to lose themselves on the Rock. The posh boy is gloriously silly. There will be unknown consequences to the disappearance. There is casual racism. This was not delightfully fresh. The posh boy has absolute consternation over the missing girls who he does not know.

Mrs Appleyard tries to keep order as poisonous gossip flies. Edith is berated. There is nothing you can take as a positive from this. A local cop mumbles about the future and has a low opinion of the posh boy. This was joyless and full of snide remarks. There is snobbery and this was awful and wrong. The posh boy is endlessly smug.

There is a flashback to a year ago that sees Irma and Sara arrive and Miranda get caned. Sara found the secret box. Miranda seemed like a right little madam. The four missing women are presumed dead. Posh boy was flung out of Cambridge for something involving another boy. Mrs Appleyard tries behavioural engineering and to claim ownership of the narrative. She wants to deter and counter change and has unbending faith in herself. Edith babbles. There are myriad interpretations about what happened on the Rock. There is cultural context.

The missing teacher has secrets and this has no compelling coolness and is not significant or important. Albert, the rough arsed Australian gets naked. Things are suggestively implied. Albert is Sara’s long lost brother. Neither knows where the other is or that they are so close. Who were the 2 mysterious riders? What was Mrs Appleyeard involved in? Posh boy and Albert search for the missing women and find one. This does not thrive on its own oddness.

Best Lines:
“Disgraced yourself good and proper to be sent so far.”

“Be careful not to rise above your station.”

“Her special brandy.”

“Bare feet like a slum child.”

“Hats of a bygone era.”

“Heaven knows what went on there.”

“A vow is not a wish Miranda. It is a promise you make in front of a sacred witness and woe betide you if you break it.”

“Better than what?”

“Anyone from anywhere.”

“This strange business.”

“A nasty red cloud.”

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Movie Reviews: Citadel+The Shallows+Here Alone+Jackie+The Visit+ 4 others

Citadel (2012)
Aneurin Barnard of ‘The White Queen’ stars as a young father who was trapped in a malfunctioning lift as his wife was attacked by feral children. There is overacting and he is left with agoraphobia as he cares (badly) for his baby in grotty living conditions. His wife is comatose and then dead of unclear reasons.

There are ominous posters and signs. Social services lurk unseen. There is a friendly nurse and an unfriendly priest. He sets up a berserk barricade and cowers behind the toilet armed with a hammer. The hero’s twitching annoying. Where is this ruined desolate area?

There is bad acting and a stupid crying baby. Are the feral children, demons or socially deprived? The baby is taken by them. None of this is rational or makes any sense. This does not drip with malice. This was ridiculous and terrible and not a dystopian vision of broken Britain.

Best Lines:
“This is where the scum are coming from.”

“Do they look like kids to you?!?”


“For god’s sake, what are you?”

“Don’t think of them as children.”

The Shallows (2016)
This okay film sees Blake Lively take on a shark that has a deliberate wilful desire to see her dead. Incredibly dangerous stuff happens as the shark has inconvertible hared for her. She has a moral and ethical obligation to survive. Nancy (Lively) babbles and goes to a secret beach. The beach is beautiful and this lacks precision. There is surfing and no logic or structure.

Nancy is sad about her dead mom which is why she’s alone on a remote beach. She invites trouble and anxiety is gnawing at her. A dead whale suddenly floats along. Where did that come from? Dolphins leap. The shark attacks and she climbs onto the whale to hide. Other surfers were there but oddly didn’t notice her being attacked? There is violent disorder as she fights to survive. She has a willingness to live and oddly does not pass out from blood loss, exposure or hunger and thirst.

Nancy has to stitch her wound with jewellery. While not utterly riveting or truly terrifying, it is good. The shark has permanent disruptive behaviour. A drunken guy steals her phone and gets eaten. The shark has a grievance and a longstanding grudge and she has a permanent enemy. Nancy yells and is of no discernible personality. A seagull hangs around. Can Nancy find the emotional disconnection to escape her foe?

This was ridiculously enjoyable. It takes a psychic toll on her as does the gangrene. This was not a perfect study of human sadness. Glowing jellyfish lurk. A flare gun is fired. This was low-key good. There is no terrifying intensity and it is not fiercely affecting. But it is okay and the seagull lives. This was unmysterious with no radiant positivity and her dad (Brett Cullen) lurks.

Best Lines:
“Bad choices.”

“Ready to get wet.”

“Who is Uber?”

“Mom’s beach.”

“That’s how you wind up on Nancy Grace.”

“I love you sister mom.”

“See you soon.”

Here Alone (2016)
A woman endures the zombie post-apoc alone. Flashbacks show she had a baby and a husband (Shane West of ‘Salem’ and ‘Nikita’). What happened to them? What caused the virus outbreak? She whines and survives alone and loots. There is nudity and this was marginally less irritating than ‘The Walking Dead’. She encounters a man and his brat, which leads to negative consequences. This was not mature or socially relevant. This bored.

Best Lines:
“Just. Pack. Everything. Right. Now.”

“All she did was scream.”

Jackie (2016)
Natalie Portman goes for an Oscar as she babbles in an odd accent as Mrs Kennedy. She talks to reporter Billy Crudup. Her story unfolds in non-linear fashion. There are scenes of Jackie’s TV tour of the White House, the assassination and JFK’s funeral. Jackie is icily insistent about her social prestige. Jackie wanted the Irish Cadets at the funeral. This has no dramatic impact and is not a potentially tragic tale of ruined folk. Richard E Grant is in this arty film. The Kennedys are arriviste and LBJ is dismissed. This was not emotionally devastating or intensely felt.

I didn’t like this, it was all over negativity. Jackie has skewed social perception and she is motivated her by personal will and mentioniis and oratory and adulation. This has terrible ‘Camelot’ music and this film is unworthy of serious consideration. John Hurt is in this and Richard Burton warbles on the dreadful ‘Camelot’ soundtrack. Just no.

Best Lines:
“We have television now.”

“A sense of America’s greatness.”

“Made him what he was.”

“I’ve read a great deal, more than people realise.”

“Let them see what they’ve done.”

“Nothing’s ever mine.”

“39 hours on Earth.”

“Doing far worse for far less.”

The Visit (2015)
In this found footage film 2 teenagers go to visit their long estranged grandparents and crazy unusual things happen. The boy raps and the girl is a wannbe auteur. Their grandparents act in odd ways and are unnecessarily confrontational. The teens mother is useless. There is a twist and its young v old. This was BAD.

Best Lines:
“Let it organically swing.”

“Thinks strangers are following him.”

“Stupid hick town.”

“We’re looking for visual tension.”

“Get in the car and come right now.”

“Becomes Michael Myers when the sun goes down.”

Nuns On The Run (1990)

House Of Flying Daggers (2007)

The Wicked Lady (1945)
Not as racy as it thinks.

In The Best Interest Of The Children (1992)
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