July 17th, 2018


Designated Survivor 2x16-2x20 + Agents Of SHIELD 5x21 + Glow 2x05&2x06 Reviewed

There are serious threats of a dirty bomb. Kirkman menaces a universally disliked leader who is an expy of North Korea. Reed Diamond and Kim Raver guest star. The tech woman (Raver) is named Frost and she snots about working with the FBI. Kirkman shrugs off his dissipating greatness. Hannah annoys.

The defector son babbles. Emily wants Moss prosecuted. The defector’s son acts weirdly. The VP lurks. Does Hannah have some deep death wish buried in her soul? Frost annoys. This ep barely stays on the right side of plausibility. New guy who is the political director annoys. He never does any work.

There is no ominous impact or dramatic effect. The defector does a runner. This is not thought provoking. Hannah rants. Emily’s dumb and where’s Rob Morrow’s character? Coral gloss wearing twits bore. Seth has a self-esteem drop. People act contrary to Kirkman’s intentions. Hannah is self-assured and wrong. There are so many variables in life, so little of which people can control or prepare for or predict.

Hannah berates John (Diamond) into apologising to Kirkman. Alex’s mother committed a crime and got away with it and has now left the country, ditching her grieving son-in-law and grandchildren. New guy aka Lyor bores. Emily’s cosy planning blows up in her face. Hannah’s bombastic. John has to apologise for the profound effect of his investigation. Then he dies in some kind of redemption. It’s a harsher world.

Lyor and his improbable name bores. Hannah has a distain for everyone. This was dreary and not moving. Unnoticed people do stuff. Hannah seldom takes the time to understand and rarely acknowledges other people’s narratives. There are misconceptions. People are plagued with harrowing secrets and murky sins. Kirkman is sanctimonious. The ‘dirty bomb’ goes off and festering secrets fester. Hannah is hysterical and has awesome confidence in herself. There are no exciting circumstances. Hannah needs to apologise for her actions.

Another made up country does stuff. There are frustrating and baffling acts. Kirkman roars. He seems woefully unequipped to be POTUS. Hannah is unembarrassed. Kirkman starts a war.

Best Lines:
“The kind biological organisms shouldn’t be anywhere near.”

“The weak will be eaten.”

“None of that is interesting.”

“Cardinal Bender.”

“The same reason your government does anything! Money!”

“Dead had no justice.”

“I am not worthy of my office and neither are any of you!”

“At your command sir.”

People have low expectations of Kirkman and his dithering. Hannah is a shrieking fascist. Manifold horror unfolds. Hannah’s rabid and not goal-focused. She’s super horrible. Kirkman’s brother has a wild joyfulness in being annoying. One is deeply weary of horrible Hannah. Kirkman sneers with manly acknowledgement and studied distain. MI6 guy, Damien, has raw determination. Chuck won’t shut his mouth.

Hannah and some guy wander around made up landia. One is not terribly impressed by this ep. Kirkman is inherently reactive. Noble cause Kirkman rants about regime change. A US missile takes out a hospital during the war. Kirkman shrugs it off. This is a bit rubbish. Seth is fake nice. Chuck is super difficult and badly behaved. People are dire and ghastly.

Hannah is called on her recklessness. Chuck is thankless. Kirkman’s war is un-trumpeted and he’s not highly commended for his reprisal attacks. People are moral failures. There are sappy speeches and Kirkman has disgust and outrage. Everyone is utterly duplicitous. Kirkman pulls justifications out of his ass. People lick Kirkman’s ass for his humane, liberal and pragmatic principles.

There is a coincidence but no moral purpose or effective and creative responses. Kirkman mishandled an emotional issue. Why does everyone big up Lyor? Kirkman’s therapy session notes are leaked by the hacker. Kirkman’s internal narrative is public. Yawn.

Best Lines:
“He will. He better.”

“Sell your mother out for bus fare!”

“Cessation of hostilities.”

“That will be his legacy.”

“You look like you work in the mailroom.”

Kirkman Agonistes
Lyor annoys. Kirkman’s brother Trey bores. This is an exercise in misery. I am less wowed by this show that I expected to be. The media take creepy relish in doing Kirkman down. This unconvincing drama is not absorbing. People think arch and mannered Kirkman is vulnerable to bad decisions. Emily does not wear a blouse.

The cruel culture of Washington DC does Kirkman down for his grim honesty. People have a lack of gratitude to Kirkman. The troublesome White House staff caused all this. The media are contemptible. People take scandalised delight in Kirkman’s downfall. His enemies abound. Lyor is horrendous. Sheer human nastiness and moral slippage are trotted out in drained of drama style.

Damien blithely ignores sense. The hacker’s nihilistic agenda goes on. Extreme events are not made credible. There are portentous claims and cheap moralistic conclusions. How is Kirkman’s will-this-do tat White house even vaguely functional? This is another dreadful blot on Kirkman’s reputation. There are no brave narrative experiments.

Doleful Kirkman’s shrink’s notes make it look like Kirkman is a barely credible POTUS who is unforgivably causal about making terrible decisions. Kirkman’s readiness to serve others is ignored. Michael J Fox guest stars. Who is the utter bastard hacker? Washington DC is a moral cesspit. This isn’t riveting. People have serious qualms about Kirkman not being complex and thoughtful. Lyor is cornucopian in his mediocrity. There is no craft, invention or wit.

The VP tries to oust Kirkman. A twitching irritant (Fox) has steadfast determination to oust Kirkman. There is sap. Hannah is awful and gets Damien killed. Hannah has no desperate intensity or ferocious concentration. This was all futility and gleeful violence and I couldn’t understand half of what Fox was saying.

Best Lines:
“We have no privacy rights.”

“What credibility?”

“Tainted by association.”

“There will be other presidents.”

“A huge perception problem.”

“Decisional incapacity.”

“Your name forever blighted.”

Hannah rants. There is career threatening disfavour all round. Twitchy dude, West, twitches. This was irritating. There is theatrical delivery, intimidating looks and devious and cunning people. Hannah has more violent insistence that she is right. She thinks her candour seems more appealing than it really is.

This turns into a clip show at one point. West drags up Trey’s bipolar disorder. West takes beaming delight in his awfulness. TPTB have admirable nonchalance to sense. West is deliberately confrontational. TPTB have worshipful reverence for Kirkman who has to deal with meddling intruders seething with discontent. No one is of honourable character. Hannah is fired. This was terrible and Moss is full of intimations about Kirkman’s sanity. West has the personality of a bag of chips.

Bad Reception
Goals are attained that just lead to more goals. West lurks and interferes with a hostage situation whilst twitching. Psychotic thug Hannah is pointlessly smug. Under Mike’s watch the POTUS has been shot and the FLOTUS died in a car wreck. Why wasn’t he fired? West is a twitchy ass. Kirkman dictates. The White House coven does a man down over MeToo crap. The hacker is revealed. Have we ever seen him before? There’s an asspull. No.

Best Lines:
“Hormone free cheese puffs.”

“A lot of power coming from this closet.”

The Force Of Gravity
This boring mess is dark, underlit and low budget. Daisy shows off the grim catalogue of qualities that make her awful. There is no hyper-realism here. Coulson annoys. TPTB try for the nihilistic brutality of a dystopian novel. Talbot (Adrian Pasdar) is the big bad. Coulson has no cynical brilliance. Exposition is spewed. Talbot is not a chilling presence.

The core narrative of this show makes no sense. Daisy quips. SHIELD does behaviour that causes harm. May is awful and shrugs off all the crap she and SHIELD have done. There is no build-up of menace. This lacks distinction. May is an utterly inhumane, woeful cow who lacks a moral core. Why do people give their devotion to Coulson?

Fitz whines. Mack mumbles. Nobody makes a positive contribution. Nobody has moral courage. There are dubious ethics and I dislike SHIELD intensely. Daisy blusters. This was not complex and thoughtful. May and Coulson are rude and ungrateful. Daisy gets undeserved hero moments. She has insouciance. Fitz is not setting out to please anyone at all.

Nobody cares about Talbot and his social pain. Not even his bitch wife. This was not deeply involving. Coulson is gross. Does nobody notice Thanos and his minions attacking Earth during this? WTF? Nobody has rational thinking skills. Pasdar tries to look dignified in his outfit. Who is the dumb running woman? Talbot’s idiot son babbles. SHIELD is deliberately looking for trouble. There are asspulls and a Creel mention. Coulson’s dying of the dying. So?

Best Lines:
“Very very much.”

“Really hard to beat up.”

“Not fail.”

“In full villain mode.”

Perverts Are People, Too
The show is imperilled. Shelia meets a fan. There is glitter eyeshadow. The girls get fanmail. Bash’s butler has left. Sam is imperilled by his limited cultural status. Ruth literally becomes currency. This was not utterly enchanting. Ruth is only in GLOW on sufferance. She is bothered by a creeper. Debbie is disquieting. There is social pain and Bash is dumb. I didn’t like this.

Best Lines:
“Very much not uninterested.”

“Owe them our gratitude.”

“I saw the billboard behind the DMV in Encino.”

“Little girls who like my hair glitter.”

“Fan outreach.”

“Incest baby.”

“Fur corset.”

Work The Leg
Debbie is awful and nefarious and needs a good slap. This was dull. There is crippling mistrust. Sam and Bash’s plots are leviathan bloat. There is no self-scouring intensity. Debbie’s husband cheats again. Debbie does cocaine before a match and breaks Ruth’s ankle leaving her in horrific agony. No, just stop.

Best Lines:
“Only showing banned horror films from the 70s.”

“American princess.”
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Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Doctor Who’ promo

‘Fear The Walking Dead’ promo

Southern kolas are cute.

Thigh cleavage and portfolio partying are things?

What is a hammam?

I will review ‘The Girl In The Green Silk Gown’, ‘The Endless’, ‘Sex With Kings’, ‘All These Beautiful Strangers’, ‘Festival’, ‘Chalk’, ‘The Twilight Pariah’, ‘A Demon In Silver’ and ‘The Auctioneer’.

Who saw ‘Gunga Din’ or ‘Willing To Kill: The Texas Cheerleader Story’ (1992) or ‘Operation Petticoat’?

‘The Last Man On Earth’ is a terrible show.

‘Very Cavallari’ is full of awful people:

Best Line:
“You’re more than welcome to not be here.”

My ‘Sherlock’ fanfic lost with PC: vampire Sherlock, abusive Sherlock, cheating Sherlock and John possessed by Moriarty. Sigh.

What is sorrel sorbet or rosemary-scented butter?

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:
“Duty-free used to be chronic.”

“A hilarious shop dedicated to ceramic red postboxes.”

“Hopeful coldness.”

“Do you not know how shopping works?”

“Dated green website.”

“One of those books floundering teenagers pick up when they’re feeling misunderstood.”

“The behaviour it could provoke in others.”

“Sponge off your relatives.”

“Elegised rural lives.”

“Forever getting pregnant and drowning themselves in a millpond.”

“Fulfil their destiny and actually button up.”

“Sustainable underwear.”

“Cleavage calamity.”

“Unfathomable appetite for cheap plaid.”

“It’s not them adoring you.”

“Before they’re lying to the nation.”

“I’m really famous and you’re really excited that I’ve acknowledged you.”

“Responsible format.”

“In Los Angeles, a house that’s 100 years old is considered a relic.”

“Oil heir, DJ and actor.”

“He is not a big star among the over-seventies.”

“The idea of a teenager even having a radio is funny.”

“His job was to frighten off the over-thirties listeners.”

“Deep Calvinist pessimist.”

“Data localisation.”

“The war on drugs is now in its third generation.

“So riddled with moles and informants that any contact with them whatsoever was suspect.”

“Bloody disgusting.”

“Less than 5% of the population was causing more than 50% of the crime.”

“Violently defending their territory.”

“Mutually reinforcing arrangement of interest.”

“The informant owns them.”


“Simply didn’t want food.”

“Panic and vomit.”

“Worry postponement.”

“Attention training.”

“Thought interrupter.”

“Now obsolete processor.”

“Inhabits this space culturally.”

“Society places unfair constraints on exceptional individuals.”


“Instructive history lesson.”

“Distrust of trendiness.”

“Salty anecdotage.”

“That some of the most sophisticated technology resting on the contributions of our greatest intellects, finds its ultimate destiny in
computer games.”

“Like being imprisoned in a cinema inhabited by psychotics.”

“They can go into any world they want, and they can conquer it.”

“No Dracula film has ever lost money.”

“Cosy prejudice.”

“Too popular to be deemed serious.”

“Star-maker machinery.”

“No. Shan’t. Don’t want to.”

“The band’s famous fallout over who got to wear the best jacket at a photoshoot-”

“Will not cease to persecute me even unto death.”

“Left for faraway courts.”

“Took his tantrum as mandate.”

“Did not come back for us.”

“Exhausted by the constant threats he faces from glory-seekers out to get him,”

“Anything but a lovable rogue.”

“Foods of desperation.”

“Looked so ferociously middle-class.”

“Bacardi-infused vomit.”

“Inherited problem.”

“Heighten their impact.”

“Increasingly desperate and irrelevant.”

“Could not take the risk that they would panic.”

“Under circumstances that have never been fully made public.”

“Previously aired content.”

“Aggravating an existing crisis.”

“They all knew me and didn’t seem to like me very much.”

“Approvals lawyer.”


“Diplomatic wreckage.”

“Ossified assumptions.”

“The tomb of Jonah.”

“No way to run away or leave,”

“They deserve bullets.”

“Generally getting in everyone’s way as they wait for meals-on-wheels and death.”

“Regarded her as useless and unwanted.”

“All these people coming into your family space.”

“Orchestrated violence.”

“Walked away from security.”

“Natural lies.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“Doesn’t behave like an international statesman.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Asleep on the lawn.”

“Taking her to the homeless shelter.”

“You drank in rehab.”

“Too hungover to parent.”

“Everything we had just went away.”

“You’re better than what you’re doing.”

‘Lords & Ladles’ Quotes:
“Potatoes as we’d recognise them.”

“Glorious potential to go horribly wrong.”

‘Spying On The Royals’ Quotes:
“Punctuality was not something he thought mattered.”

“Dirty knicker drawers of the aristocracy.”

“Of the bounder type.”

‘Carrie’ (2002) Quotes:
“Whore girl!”

"Jesus loves everybody momma! Even you!"

“Do yourself a favour and run away from home!”

‘Black Helicopters’ Quote:
“Any we desire not to know our business.”

‘3News’ Quote:
“Soil moisture defect.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:

“Self-serving foundation myths.”

‘Who Is America?’ Quotes:
“Made one mistake. Just 14 times.”

“I’m a cisgender white heterosexual male. For which I apologise. 2 weeks after the election was stolen from President Hillary Clinton, I managed to get out of bed.”

Movie Reviews: Pumping Iron + Restless Virgins

Pumping Iron (1977)
This documentary (though it is said some scenes were faked) changed body-building and made Arnold Schwarzenegger a star. Schwarzenegger does ballet to improve his posing. There is 70s hair. Louis Ferrigno is trained by his intense father. There are bizarre opening credits and muscles and moustaches and sweat.

Gold’s Gym is grubby looking and full of body builders and no women. Yellow dungarees and other 70s polyester horrors are worn. Schwarzenegger is 28 and has won Mr Olympia for the past 5 years. Schwarzenegger compares working out to sex and works out in a prison. There are huge muscles and the word steroids is never uttered.

There are rabid cheering fans. Who are they? Schwarzenegger and some other guy are the designated villains. Apparently there are bodybuilders from Baghdad. One bodybuilder looks sad and inscrutable. Schwarzenegger is uncompromising, which is why he is a success. A nice guy is displeased. The designated villains preen. Incendiary topics (like steroids and a contest taking place in Apartheid South Africa) are not discussed.

TPTB know Schwarzenegger’s star quality. Louis Ferrigno is 24. He takes unknown pills and lives in Brooklyn. His deafness is barely mentioned. The body builders pose and preen like alley fighters. This film has charm despite the innate idiocy and insidious consequences. Various competitors have irreconcible expectations. The pain barrier is discussed. Schwarzenegger commands reverence wherever he goes.

The bad dude is resented. Steroids constantly go unremarked. A dude blows up a hot water bottle. Schwarzenegger speaks German, something we rarely see him do on film. Schwarzenegger has real intellectual conviction and eternal self-confidence and a manic quality. There is no intellectual opposition to him. Nobody discusses the personal consequences to bodybuilding.

People are visibly overwhelmed. Schwarzenegger wins and announces his retirement and smokes a joint. He and Ferrigno would go on to be the 2 biggest stars out of this documentary. I enjoyed this. It was a fascinating slice of a life.

Best Lines:
“Your bike isn’t as good as our bike.”

“Lacks too many things.”

“We need Australia.”

“4 years to win Mr America.”

“Couldn’t do anything bad.”

“Kinda sexy.”

“Largest bodybuilder ever.”

“Reading the muscle books.”

“King of the hill can only go down.”

“Never get this chance again.”

“I threw up many times.”

“Admiring what you’re going to show them.”

“Hunk o’man.”


“Pose off.”

“6 compulsory poses.”

“Mr France.”

“Pose down.”

“Look like something Michelangelo cut out.”

Restless Virgins (2013)
This is based on a true story of a sex scandal at a prestigious prep school. There is bemused narration from the horrible ‘heroine’. She hates the horrible rich kids at her school. How does she afford the school? It is never explained. A scholarship kid gets expelled due to rich brats. Did he ever get back in? It’s not said.

This was not immensely impressive. The ‘heroine’ has terrible but justifiable insecurity. The lacrosse team create a sex tape and the ‘heroine’ makes it public. Oddly she is not arrested or expelled for revenge porn and she never apologises to the girl who was in the tape. Instead she mocks the girl who was in the tape. There is rampant hypocrisy, bribery, bad acting and awful people. This was mediocre.

Best Lines:
“Pretty rich popular girls.”

“Pictures of rich dead people.”

“A tradition of excellence.”

“A place of history and possibility.”

“Senior handoff.”

“I don’t confer social status on you.”

“You’re letting yourself care.”
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