June 28th, 2018

Kylo Ren

A Decade!

I have been on LJ 10 years and 1 Day
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Illya K

Movie Reviews: The Babysitter + The Preacher's Wife + 3 others

The Babysitter (2017)
Dream girls can be a nightmare. Bella Thorne and Robbie Amell star in this sexist mediocre McG film. Tween Cole is bullied a lot by everyone. He likes his babysitter Bee and wonders what she does when he’s asleep. Bee turns out to be into Hollywood Satanism. Bee and her gang have snide derision and are without pity and make terrible life choices.

Horrible neighbourhood kids pick on Cole. This was not inherently serious. Bee and her gang are insufferable whining narcissists with withering smugness. Bee’s pal Allison (Thorne) is murderous. Cole’s mom is played by Leslie Bibb of ‘Popular’. There is no modicum of realism. Cole’s dad is Ken Marino of ‘Veronica Mars’ and ‘Reaper’.

This has no terrifying effect. Plans are being laid by people with grim purpose and unbending will. This film has dubious sexual politics like ‘The Club’ (1994). This has no brutal premise and what is the intended impact of this film? For Bee and co, Satanism isn’t a grim business done in secrecy and shadows, it’s fun.

This is not carefully calculated. The teens who look way too old for high school speak stupid teen speak. There is a monotonous innovation of satan. There is comedic violence and blood flies. Overly eager teens get murderous. Reprehensible teens have smug condescension. Bee defies conventions of female virtue.

Amell won’t wear a shirt. A load of mist shows up. Where did it come from? This was sexist and full of bad acting. The 12 year old Cole drives a car into his house. Bee seems to have survived the movie. This was mediocre.

Best Lines:
“NASCAR Nation bitch!”

“Kick em in the dick.”

“Go to get away from me.”

“Personality real good.”

“Wreck his ass.”

“Have fun getting murdered.”

“Looking like Big Bird’s side-bitch.”

The Preacher’s Wife (2011)
This true story stars Michael Shanks (with a bad Southern accent), Rose McGowan (and her bad cosmetic surgery) and Martin Cummins. A wife (McGowan) murders her beloved preacher husband (Shanks). What are icebox cookies? The pastor threatened to shoot a neighbour’s dog. Shanks walks around with no shirt on. His seemingly perfect wife seems scared and unhappy. The children annoy. The pastor is murdered.

This is based on a Diane Fanning true crime novel. The wife confesses to the murder. The trial becomes a circus. The wife alleges abuse and that her husband made her dress up like a hooker before sex. Cummins is the defence lawyer. The wife says the shooting was an accident, the jury agrees and it seems TPTB do not. This was good.

Best Lines:
“Pump filth right into our homes.”

“He was the important one.”

“Crazy awful evil woman.”

“To submit myself to my husband.”

“Divorce will not be allowed.”

“To revere and obey him in a meek and quiet spirit.”

“Speculates to events not proven.”

“The average teenage girl dressing like a streetwalker.”

Fight Club (1999)

Terror Vision (1986)

Double Team (1997)
Scary Books

Book Reviews: The Room By The Lake + Queens Of Fennbirn, part 1

The Room By The Lake by Emma Dibdin
Caitlin is lost, isolated and alone. She ran away to NY to escape family tragedy. But then she ended up meeting a group of people who promised to make her better. It’s a lie; Caitlin has unwittingly wandered into a cult and faces traumatisation as she is negatively by people with no moral code.

Her emotional awkwardness and craving love and closeness is exploited by people with false humility who wear her down to a demoralised wreck as they demand submission. Can she realise the magnitude of the danger she is in and save herself or is it already way too late for her? This was dull and boring with unfortunate Ed Westwick and Kevin Spacey references.

Best Lines:
“A gathering that should have never included me and will play out without my participation.”

“All I do is take responsibility for things.”

“Don’t try to challenge her reality.”

“The family you’ll keep.”

“How is this place allowed to exist?”

“She wore the same black Marks & Spencer bikini, now two sizes too small for her, wore it around the house and to put the bins out and once even to Sainsbury’s Local where two of my classmates spotted her. That was a fun month at school.”

Queens Of Fennbirn by Kendare Blake, part 1
A collection of 2 novellas (previously e-only).

The Young Queens
A tale of the triplets as children and how their mother arranged for the swap of prisoner Arsinoe and the naturalist Katharine as an act of rebellion against the prisoner clan. She unwittingly set dark events in motion. The sisters are not aware of the undeclared hostility between them. This was okay if unnecessary. Also there are photos in Fennbin?

Best Lines:
“Their lives would not be easy.”

“Not to love one another too much.”

“Beating her when she gets it wrong.”

“No longer kept in the basement out of fear.”
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Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘A Discovery Of Witches’ promo
Based on the rubbish book. Still it has Matthew Goode so maybe.

‘SWAT’ promo

‘Uncle Drew’ TV spot

‘Krypton’ promo

Caramelised onion Philadelphia - good.
Lemon & green tea Ecuadorian 100% organic cacao - okay.
Organic sugar free peanut butter - chunky.
Mandarin Ecuadorian 100% organic cacao - good.

Who saw ‘Dead Man’ or ‘Don Juan De Marco’ or ‘Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas’?

I plan to review season 3 of ‘Shades Of Blue’.

‘The Club’ (1994) is a terrible terrible movie.

What became of Gabriella Sabatini?

I mourn the ‘Star Trek’ book reviews and TV reviews lost with PC.

‘Stath Lets Flats’ sucks.

What is ‘Silk’?

Who saw ‘Grey Gardens’ or ‘I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle’ or ‘White Hot’ or ‘The Funhouse’ (1981) or ‘The Black Cauldron’ or ‘The Fox And The Hound’ or ‘After Hours’ (1985) or ‘The Amazing Howard Hughes’ (1977) or ‘A Stir Of Echoes’ (1999)?

Dieu le veut.

‘Timeless’ cancelled AGAIN.

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“You don’t even know my life.”

“Actually you did.”

“Crazy bitch wife.”

“Destroy our family.”

“Psychotic disorder.”

“Psychotic features.”

“Worn my mother out both financially.”

“Can do nothing right.”

“She doesn’t like boring.”

“Eliminate you from my life.”

“You’re not in my life.”

“Done being stupid.”

“That’s not good judgement.”

‘Rolling Stones’ Quotes:
“Never-ending reservoir of wine.”

“Punch him while on ‘ludes just for kicks.”

“Things that were charming when he was 28-...-seem disturbing at 55.”

“One more mistake away from being blackballed from his industry.”

‘TVNow’ Quotes:
“Previously disreputable.”

“Finally realises that someone is plotting against him.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Exclude bias.”

“Retained securely.”

“Low-ceilinged, grimly-lit jumble of ugliness where joy died.”

“Profound vindication.”

“Physiological flow.”

“Before the age of reason.”

“Time-limited public forum.”

“Technological practice.”

“Not being loud and noisy and moving around.”

“Did not want her to be confronted with this.”

“Celebrity is manufactured by planting outrageous stories that you can later confirm or deny depending on how they go down.”

“People get used to something they may initially recoil from,”

“Killed striking.”

“Long-dead keepers of a profession how long redundant through automation.”

“People used to like shooting stuff.”

‘The Professionals’ Quote:
“The cemetery of nameless men.”

‘TotallyDublin’ Quotes:
“I’m sick of doing dead white man plays.”


“Thermal stability.”

“Solvent residues.”

“Sub-Breckettian prolixity.”

“Lexically awkward.”

“Long-gone accent that drips wealth and regality.”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Fire lift.”

“Dry rise infrastructure.”

‘She-Wolves’ Quotes:
“A keen sense of her own majesty.”

“Armed and angry.”

“Political predator.”

“Appeal for mercy.”

“Dreadful penalties.”

“Open defiance.”

“Sin and treason combined.”

“No longer any safe options.”

“His death was announced but not explained.”

“Sexually corrupt.”

“Impose evil on the Kingdom.”

“Presumably she mourned for him.”

“Unnatural impulses were at work.”

“Pretensions of majesty.”

‘TuneinTonight’ Quote:
“Had to work hard to get publicity, let alone keep it,”
Sergio Balleseros

Cry1+iZombie3x03+WildWildCountry4&5 + Star Trek Discovery 1x06-1x08+Carter1x03+Gotham4x12 Reviewed

The Cry (2002) Part 1
A social worker loses her second baby and whilst in hospital befriends a nurse with a sick child. There is mumbling and overwrought overacting. People talk down huge old phones. The social worker bores and overacts. The nurse has a volatile husband. The social worker accuses the baby’s parents of abuse. This was ridiculous and it gets even more so. When her tales of abuse are shrugged off as delusional nutter ravings - she steals the baby.

Best Line:
“Stocking fairy.”

Eat, Pray, Liv
I’ve seen no other eps of season 3. Major is in some zombie paramilitary set up and faces unnecessarily hostile people. The soldiers eat brains out of tubes. Liv mumbles and is selfish. Blaine sings. Mark Ghanime and Robert Knepper guest star. A slutty lawyer mumbles about a will.

The untalented Ghanime is some guru’s boring sidekick. I’ve no on-going intention to watch more of this. Liv has absolute certainty in herself. The glaring problem of this show is that the malicious and false Blaine won’t go. There is no personal complexity. Bad choices are made. Who is the shrill woman who suspects zombies? Liv shrugs off her chronically precarious existence. TPTB can’t write the true sentence. Robbie bores.

Blaine encounters his not dead father and learns how much his father detests him. Hulk Hogan is a zombie apparently. Major has to ask Blaine for help. Liv goes on defiling corpses. Shrill woman makes connections. It’s only been months since 1x01? Liv has no observation or intuitiveness of her own. TPTB decrease the efficiency of this show. This ep is not very effective.

Nobody cares about the personal, social or cultural influences of zombies. Blaine really does have amnesia. This ep is a negative experience. TPTB do not increase satisfaction. Slutty lawyer does no emotional work. She is disrespectful and accuses Robbie of being patriarchal and masculinist.

This was not appalling. People have a lack of respect. There are bizarre practices and no terrible fear of zombies. Slutty lawyer has idleness and a falsely idyllic view of Blaine. Robbie made out with slutty layer after banging the shrill one. This was dull, even if Blaine’s dad has an evil plan.

Best Lines:
“Stroking out.”

“Sounds shady.”

“A pimp yelling at a hooker in a car!”

“How do you drink almond milk?”

“I’m crafty.”

“Zombie mercenaries.”

“Way too alive to come in here.”

“A fundamentally decent person would realise that you owe him.”

“Be you zombie or be you man?”

“Why’ve you been so awful to me?”

Wild Wild Country Parts 4&5
The Man built up a sense of threat from the despised out group cult. The cult was fanatically committed and had an absolute imperative to resist The Man. The cult had a lab. The Man thought they were eminently reasonable. People have 80s hair. The cult had overt menace and ran from a fate they end up bringing about: namely a raid by the authorities.

People are belligerent and miserable. There was a food poisoning outbreak and the cult was accused. They are accused of lots of things. There are allegations the cult caused the food poisoning outbreak. There is deeply rooted dysfunction. The cult had blind loyalty to their guru. The Man makes purely malicious claims. There is deep distrust on both sides.

Hollywood people show up. The cult leadership has a split due to inner turmoil and drugs. The Man wants to deport people. The guru seems more and more like an amoral con artist. The Man makes accusations of fake marriages. Arch mock-dignified people talk. Absolute minimum effort is put in. The Man says the cult fled India due to accusations of arson and gold fraud.

The street people are kicked out. People have a terror of street people and the cult. They are undesirable elements. There is no larger cultural conversation. These two parts were not compelling. It is alleged that Dark Secrets chocolates were poisoned. The Man made vague but worrying suggestions about the cult. The cult are said to have evasive tendencies.

Dated tech is seen. There is paranoia and reckless excess. The guru’s excommunicated sidekick Sheela needs to seem needed. There is no emotional rigor. The cult goes unchecked and has self-inflicted exile from the world. People have sure devotion to the cult. A cult member is induced to attempt murder. This is empty spectacle that is not highly entertaining. After Sheela’s flight the guru finally emerges and speaks. Where has he been for 4 years?

Stuff seems left out of his documentary. Complex and sinister things happen. The intercine cult feud drags on. Nobody seems to have a moral conscience. The Man accuses the cult of an alleged planned assassination. The FBI found tapes and bugging equipment and a hot tub on the cult compound. There are accusations of food tampering and attempted reservoir tainting involving beavers.

Sheela talks to Stern magazine. The cult has a gun range. The guru flees in his lear jet. The Man is aggressively determined to crush free thought and those it deems other like the cult. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“None of those trips were very pleasant.”

“Delinquent income.”

“Unable or unwilling to conform.”

“Poison a whole town.”

“Another rambling incoherent speech.”

“Surrendering to the master.”

“Government decides to get you.”

“His evil influence.”

“Amoral people.”

“Committed life together.”

“Enemies of the commune.”

“They left for a reason.”

“Problem makers.”

“Protect themselves against homeless people.”

“Got militant pretty damn fast.”

“Target for murder.”

“Are strange things happening here?”

“Jabbed his doctor in the butt with a poison needle.”

“The pain in my left buttock.”

“Blended beavers.”

“Pattern of lawbreaking.”

“Situations of mortal danger.”


“Mass-death situation.”

“That’s not a good idea.”

There is more nice VFX. Sarek speaks English on Vulcan. All Vulcans seem to have the same haircut, like Romulans. There are Discovery crew t-shirts. Burnham and Tilly jog around the ship. Burnham goes on about the training command programme. The Enterprise is mentioned. Tilly pants. Ash Tyler is a Discovery crew member now. He seems to have no side effects from being a POW whatsoever.

Discovery seems to have a holodeck. Lorca has brooding intensity and an aura of bizarreness. Lorca wants Tyler to be his new security chief. Tyler has a forlorn expression. Sarek is berated for his human obsession. A Vulcan suicide bomber tries to kill Sarek; there are others like him apparently.

Where is Burnham in the post ‘VOY’ era? Sarek and Burnham communicate as he is unconscious and endangered and lost in a nebula. Burnham can see his memories and there seem to be Asian Vulcans and Amanda (Mia Kirshner) shows up. It is said the rogue Vulcans/logic extremists bombed the learning centre. Paul seems to have had a personality change. Sarek has a secret. The Admiral shows up and there is foreshadowing.

There is a Spock mention. Burnham is older than Spock. Lorca has weird scars on his back and sleeps with a phaser under his pillow. The Admiral is shocked by this. I’m shocked they’re wearing underwear in bed. Lorca is accused of not being as good in bed as he used to be and lying about everything. The doctor can’t act. We see Vulcan writing. Sarek is bad at family relationships. The Klingons capture the Admiral. Lorca won’t rescue her without orders. Lorca wears a phaser in his quarters. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Don’t apologise for excellence.”

“Fights like a Klingon.”

“Green juice, extra green.”

“2 appetising and nutrient filled burritos.”

“Vet the legitimacy of their claims.”

“Logic based ideology.”


“He engaged in eugenic manipulation.”

“Rules are for Admirals.”

“I don’t think you’ve been the same since Buran.”

“The choice I made merited nothing.”

“You are not the man I used to know!”

“Your behaviour’s pathological!”

Magic To Make The Sanest Man Go Mad
The disaffected Harry Mudd returns for vengeance against Lorca cos he is an ass. Harry Mudd claims to love Stella but he doesn’t. Which makes his ‘TOS’ fate hilarious. Mudd somehow has a time travel device and he traps the USS Discovery in a time loop to kill Lorca over and over and over again. Paul can see the time loop. What are Lorca’s private dynamics? What happened to the space whale? Burnham causes issues. Mudd’s ill-will spreads and he is really annoying. This ep was irritating. Betazed is mentioned. There is a time crystal. Mudd ran out on Stella. I did not like this ep at all.

Best Lines:
“A space whale.”

“Does it melt brains?”

“A 4-dimesional race.”

“The Klingon’s messiah.”

Si Vis Pacem, Para Belum
The captured Admiral Cornwell meets L’Rell. How many show runners has this show had? This ep was written by Kristen Beyer of the ‘VOY’ reboot books. A Starfleet ship is blown up. Paul has creepy ports in his arms. Burnham, Saru and Tyler go on a secret mission on a strange planet. They make first contact with a life from. Who built the hut?

Ash Tyler and Burnham kiss. Saru runs, hilariously. Paul again has a preening waspish presence. L’Rell says she wishes to defect. Saru acts out. The Klingons watch L’Rell and Cornwell catfight. L’Rell sees dead Klingons and is in peril. The Klingons act bizarrely. Things go awry and this ends on a cliffhanger. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Fire at something.”

“You won’t stop taking!”

“Invisibility screens.”

The Farmhand Who Bought The Farm
Harley prances around in his pants. A guy is run over by his own tractor and then a meth lab blows up. Bikers show up. This was not good.

Best Line:
“Cop people.”

“She is a saucy harlot.”

“Rules have teeth.”

“Why would a millennial even have a walkie-talkie?”

“Chauffer slash sidekick which is exactly what Bruce Lee was in ‘The Green Hornet’.”
“Bruce Lee was dead at 32.”

Pieces Of a Broken Mirror
Poison Ivy shows up. Alfred hangs out being pathetic. Lee plays at being Mother Theresa. How is Alfred poor? Didn’t he get a severance payment? Solomon Grundy recalls he is Butch. Bruce does his talk-yelling and partying. He isn’t going to school, is partying underage and has no guardian. Where are social services? Gotham has a culture of complacency and scathing wit.

Gordon is impervious to unwanted realities. The Toymaker strikes. Moral boundaries are undermined. In Gotham there is little but bad news. Poison Ivy has been recast yet again. There is a Sirens Club TV ad. Poison Ivy eats green ice-cream and kills people with poison ivy. Bruce is a jerk. Barbara wears another polyester wig. Emotional skills go unlearnt for Bruce. Alfred is in trouble. Bruce is time-sucking vampire. Gordon doubts Alfred. Gordon is not fitted for his job. Gordon sees Lee who is hostile. Riddler bores. There is destructive ambition all round. Bullock has a fierce reaction. This was BAD.

Best Lines:
“You’ll like it. It’s nice.”

“I know you. All of you. And I’m pretty sure I hated you.”

“In the flesh. Just different flesh.”

“Crazy loon.”
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