June 12th, 2018

Illya K

Green Hornet 3 & Vampironica 2 Reviewed

Green Hornet 3
A new lot of baddies bother the heroes. People wonder why the Green Hornet and Kato would be in Turkey. Brit Reid Jnr’s raising seems incompatible with his father’s heroism. There is fighting. Britt cheated on Mulan? There are fight scenes. Clutch violates Turkish airspace. A dude wears a mask.

I think this is worse than ‘The Man Of Steel’. TPTB seem unaware Turkey has its own cultural identity. This bores and loses credibility with very page. This fails to deliver on quality and reading it is not an enrichment activity. This was not purposeful, profound or satisfying. It’s an unqualified failure.

Best Lines:
“Grooming their sons to inherit the earth...”

“Trying to establish a new world order. For fun. And profit.”

Vampironica 2
Veronica gets help from an unexpected source, shrugging off her insurmountable trauma. Betty and Archie are awful. Reggie’s a vampire. This is done with endearing relish.
  • Current Music
    Come Giuda - Carla Bohi/Mascara - Electro Hijinx/Senorita Swing - Series/Walk Like An Egyptian - The Bangles
  • Tags

Star Trek The Official Magazine 194 + Prison Break: The Official 2007 Yearbook notes

Star Trek 194
This has a review of the second half of season 1 of ‘Star Trek: Discovery’ and a retrospective of ‘Star Trek: Deep Space Nine’. Pola-motion graphics are mentioned? What are they? This was a far from satisfying read and there is way too much cultural discussion of ‘DS9’. It is not explained why the Duras sisters wore armour with boob windows. The ambiguous morality and confrontational paths of ‘DS9’ are discussed and earnestly debated. As are the substantial implications and the moral claustrophobia thereof. This was an okay read if a cloying irritant in places.

Best Lines:
“A genre unto itself,”

“Revolutionary within its own franchise,”

“Being somebody else for more hours than I was myself.”

“Cultural motif of honor.”

Prison Break: The Official 2007 Yearbook
This summarises season 2 and spews lies about season 3. There are lies about Sara. This is an arduously prolonged read done with po faced seriousness that does not address the ethical and emotional morass of the show. There is no scuzzy realism. The show and this magazine are inconsequential.
  • Current Music
    Clocks - Coldplay/How Soon Is Now? - Smiths/Knock On Wood - Ami Stewart/Minor Riff - Stan Kenton
  • Tags
Scary Books

Poirot (1989-2013) 3x09 + Supergirl 3x21 + Counterpart 1x08 + Carrie (2002) Reviewed

The Theft Of The Royal Ruby
This has dated opening credits. What became of Poirot’s art deco flat and his friends in later eps? Why does he waddle like The Penguin? David Suchet minces. This is based on the story ‘The Adventure Of The Christmas Pudding’. A prince's royal ruby is stolen. Poirot does showy manipulation, this is before he became a gloom merchant and the show developed a dark aesthetic. Poirot does smug smartass banter.

The Prince is Egyptian and the ruby has to be retrieved because of Suez. There is exposition dumping. This is before Poirot became an enemy of happiness who lacked empathy and guilt and acted without risk of consequences. Poirot is coruscatingly blunt; we see hints of the rooted nastiness that became more apparent later on. Still his mocking pomposity is emotionally taxing. There are no complex character dynamics. Poirot is needlessly prickly.

There is a Christmas gathering and Poirot must sniff out the ruby thief. Cue logic-defying desperately twee acts as Poirot goes blame-laying. Annoying kids are insouciant. People lounge picturesquely. Wouldn’t the cook have made the pudding months earlier? Who eats pudding on New Year’s Day? The maid is Irish, but of course. Poirot is snobbish with a vehemence. This is okay even as complexity is shunned.

People don’t know how to eat mangos. Dreegy baddies are unmasked. This has fleeting relevance. Annoying kids lurk. Someone writes an ungrammatical letter. TPTB never interrogated, subverted or challenged Poirot. Cold and troublesome people commit moral outrages. There is over-acting with hysterical intensity. This has only a thin veneer of credibility. This was a bit vapid.

Thieves are inept. Old cars are driven. Poirot has an unerring talent for self-dramatisation. Baddies face enduring indignities. There are colonial hints. Poirot does folksy homilies and casts moral judgement. Nobody shares information and there is classicism and no emotional authenticity. While deeply imperfect and insufficiently effective, it is watchable.

Best Lines:
“Some coffee for the woman.”

“The miscreant may try to run away!”

“Choices of men friends.”

“Is it vulgar enough yet?”

“Looking very furtive. Stop it.”




“Daughter of a licentious camel!”

“She wouldn’t listen to the likes of me.”

Not In Kansas
Lena wears very red lipstick. I see Reign has been doing her hair while locked up. Mon-El does his annoying cape tricks. Sam and Reign are separated. Supergirl asks Lena for a favour. Kara decides to abandon Earth for Argo City. She is selfish and a deeply unpleasant person. Alex exists only to want a child and fawn over Kara, quite a change from 1x01.

Kara more or less asks Mon-El to go to Argo for a dirty weekend. Lena is excluded from Kara’s leaving party. As the DEO send Kara off with a party, nobody points out her selfishnessness. Guardian lurks. Winn bores. Kara hangs out at boring Argo city. Nobody has motivation or purpose. J’onn and his mumbling father bore.

DEO weapons are on the street. Kara and Mon-El fawn over each other, ignoring Imra’s existence. This is an unsubtle gun control ep. Eve studied nuclear physics. So why is she James’ PA? Lena and James discuss gun control. Kara acts like a big bully in Argo. From gnashing her teeth about Lena’s every utterance and move, now she has distain for randoms. Her smug satisfaction and self serving pretexts allows her to treat people miserably.

She thinks she is on a moral mission. This ep is a boring, excruciating catastrophe. Mon-El and Kara fawn over each other and we are supposed to support these 2 homewreckers. Why do people fawn over Kara? There is bad acting. Selena is revealed as the big bad. J’onn says the DEO must give up their guns. WTF? Do they throw rocks at bad guys and worldkillers from now on? Sam just goes home after being Reign. Selena strands Kara and Mon-El on Argo. Mon-El looks like a shady Ferris wheel operator at a carnival. This sucked hard.

Kara is always making alarming threats and being deliberately incendiary and acting in an unappetising way. She seems to have forgotten her illogical resentment of Lena. Baddies maraud on Earth just after J’onn’s dumb no guns speech. The DEO will have to come up with something substantially more punitive than being smug libtards. Kara’s stopped caring about her solemn commitment to heroism and Earth being under persistent threat from people from Krypton. Kara’s forfeited her right to sympathy and this ep was dreary, monotonous and boring.

This was all done in deadly serious fashion. Who cares if Sam has emotional distress? Kara has to bang her married mancandy after insidiously withdrawing from Earth! This was not emotionally accurate.

Best Line:
“Concerning weaponry.”

Love The Lie
Pope warned The School to clear out. The School had wheelbarrows ready to transport documents to be burnt in metal bins, which they had standing by. The School is a potentially interesting and disturbing plot development after the mortifying mess of the early eps. The School defends itself with guns and suicide pills.

What was the final file burnt? This was badly lit. Some of The School get away and those left behind take suicide pills, even the students. There is no cataclysmic confrontation. The School’s toxic legacy goes on. Ian whines. Dimension 2 had no 9/11. Ian and Emily 2 have no authentic hardness. There is a pile up of predicaments.

This tries for profundity. Howard 2 trails emotional and physical destruction wherever he goes. Emily 1’s mother Charlotte shows up when Emily 1 wakes up. Peter Quayle can’t parent. Clare 2 is locked up by him. The boring assassin bores. Some in Dimension 2 have unquenchable, indiscriminate hatred of Dimension 1. Clare 2 lies about Clare 1’s fate to Peter Quayle. Charlotte isn’t considerate.

Peter Quayle’s torment violently escalates, via slow-burn ambiguity. Clare 2 talks about the flu and torments Peter Quayle for self-amusement. What will become of Clare 2’s child? A child, after all, born of 2 worlds. Clare 2 has a creative attitude towards the truth. The boring assassin kills someone and has an appetite for confrontation. Peter Quayle shrugs off Clare 2’s historical grudge; she has a long and bitter memory and a duty to her dimension that must override all other concerns.

A whispering dude casts a malign cloud. This was unsavoury and dull and one feels no enthusiasm whatsoever. There is escalating aggression and profoundly unsettling stuff happens. When will the Howards switch back? Peter Quayle does no moral searching and thinks about the totality of his doom. He has a conflicted attitude. Howard 1 and Howard 2 berate each other; Howard 1 is visibly horrified by his double.

Social cohesion is threatened or something. This is not a thought provoking plot. Howard 2 lies about Emily 1’s condition and contemptuously dismisses him. Howard 1 has wilful incuriosity about Emily 1. He knew about her secret life and multiple affairs. Emily 1 is a ho. This was unconstructive. There is no moral vision. Potentially bad things seem ready to happen. There is T&A.

Howard 1 still hasn’t learned Howard 2 isn’t factually reliable. The School wasn’t an oasis of learning for Clare 2. There is no ready excitement. Peter Quayle claims Howard is the mole. To protect himself? His child? He deliberately misleads people. One feels withering distain for Peter Quayle.

Best Lines:
“Our legacy only survives if we can protect this secret.”

“Their work is finished. Ours isn’t.”

“They’re comparing timelines between our worlds.”

“Teaching kids about life over there.”

“Just invited a homeless person over for a one night stand.”

“This place was already burning when we got here.”

“I didn’t say they were good ways.”

“Charade we call diplomacy.”

“A child born of 2 worlds.”

“Now you’re a spy hunter.”

“They hate you.”

“Can’t do that. It’s weird.”

Carrie (2002)
  • Current Music
    All I Want For Christmas Is You/Heartbreaker - Mariah Carey/Faux Shade Drifter/Systematic - Goldfrapp/The Heart Of Me - Mike Snow/In The Midnight Hour - Wilson Pickett
  • Tags
    , , ,

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Serenity’ (2018) trailer
Anne Hathaway wants Matthew McConaughey to kill her husband. Odd.

Best Line:
“Do what’s right okay?”

‘Mission Impossible - Fallout’ trailer
Ethan has no personality and there are guns, stuff blowing up and a ranting loon. Ethan can’t show emotion. Mm.

‘Poldark’ opening credits
Very dramatic.

‘Counterpart’ promo
“They’re coming for you.”

‘The Happy Prince’ promo
HORRIBLE make-up

Soft & juicy caterpillar gums - yum.
Feta with oregano & Sicilian lemon - nice.
Rose - nice.

Pink-washing is a thing?

I’d try the blazer and miniskirt look and I’d also try a swim cardigan.

I want to see ‘Bird Box’.

They’ve remade ‘Dirty Rotten Scoundrels’?

Who saw ‘Desperate Romantics’ or ‘What A Carve Up!’ (1961) or ‘The Conversation’ (1974) or ‘Field Of Dreams’ (1989) or ‘Bus Stop’ (1956) or ‘America Screams’ (1978) or ‘Blue Smoke’ or ‘Bodies Of Evidence’ or ‘John Doe’ or ‘Hamburger Hill’ (1987) or ‘The Brides In The Bath’ (2003) or ‘The Abyss’ (1989) or ‘Good Luck Chuck’ (2007) or ‘How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days’ (2003) or ‘Aeon Flux’ (2005) or ‘Conan The Barbarian’ (1982)?

Who watches ‘Simply Painting’?

What are celestial mechanics?

Volcanic eruption = pyroclastic torrent of lava, gas and rock.

‘Ocean’s Eleven’ (2001) was too smug. ‘An American Werewolf In London’ (1981) was not so hot. ‘Carry On Teacher’ (1959) was okay.

What is anchovy butter? Butter lettuce? Baked Japanese cheesecake? Yuzu cream?

Naff ‘DS9’ eps: ‘Past Prologue’, ‘The Nagus’, ‘Vortex’, ‘Dax’, ‘Battle Lines’, ‘The Forsaken’, ‘Q-Less’, ‘The Way Of The Warrior’, ‘Progress’, ‘Field Of Fire’, ‘Second Sight’, ‘The Siege Of AR-558’, ‘Civil Defence’, ‘Fascination’, ‘Starship Down’, ‘Melora’, ‘Invasive Procedures’, ‘The House Of Quark’, ‘The Visitor’, ‘The Sword Of Kahless’, ‘Return To Grace’, ‘Sons Of Mogh’, ’Meridian’ and ‘Rules Of Engagement’.

Naff ‘TNG’ eps: ‘Chains Of Command’, ‘Unification’, ‘Time’s Arrow’, ‘Justice’, ‘The Neutral Zone’, ‘Frame Of Mind’, ’A Fistful of Datas’ and ‘Birthright’.

Naff ‘VOY’ eps: ‘The 37’s’, ‘Persistence Of Evidence’, ‘Innocence’ and ‘Flesh & Blood’.

Naff ‘ENT’ eps: ‘Broken Bow’, ‘Judgement’ and ‘Damage’.

In Japan, you can buy partially cooked eggs?

‘Poirot’ Quote:
“Out and out rot.”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Unmoved by calls for compromise.”

“Chaos and upheaval wherever he goes.”

‘The Book Smugglers’ Quote:
“People define family based on exclusion and heredity.”

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:
“Too golf club even for a golf club.”

“All I wanted back then was to be seen.”

“Twitter gets mean.”

“The hostility you’d feel.”

“Such is the perceived scale of the problem.”

“Drug use was prompting psychotic episodes.”

“Wasn’t as hard as he thought he was.”

“Who he wanted to be.”

“Must prove themselves to earn their place-”

“Are we on the road to achieving them?”

“Had his bollocks bitten by ants.”

“Creepy sheep who never stopped their plaintive moaning outside my window.”

“Tied Leo to a tree to calm him down.”

“The fat of an easy life.”

“Set the bartender the challenge of impressing you.”

“Big red buttons that look like the one you pray Donald Trump missed on his tour of the White House.”

“Cultural nationalists.”

“Regarded this body-based music as a sexual and cultural threat.”

“Would lead to bad morals.”

“Spent much of his childhood getting expelled from English boarding schools-”

“Trashy television has to be artificially elevated before it can be acceptably consumed.”

“No instinct or longing for democracy.”

“A dream of bygone days when traditional British values were unthreatened.”

“Because of the way he was living his life.”

“Releases music solely so he has something to pin his opinions around.”

“For women to eat very much, or indeed at all, was poor form.”

“Brawl his way into prison or the grave,”

“Very special shower of bastards.”

“Dive of Masonry.”

“Know nothing or care nothing about books and the people who write them.”

“Fall from social scene-setter to pariah.”

‘Lords & Ladles’ Quotes:
“Not a vegetable in sight.”

Kitchens of yesteryear.”

“Wrapping the venison in marshgrass.”

“Only sweet thing, we had no sugar.”

“Pay me in honey.”

‘Being Human’ Quotes:
“Keeping the mentals in here or what?”

“Run into some random bit of countryside.”

“Go like now.”

“Strangely unwelcoming.”

“Taken stupid pills.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quote:
“Social mask.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Satisfy the whimsical emotional impulses that drive your bosses.”

“Unable to deal with basic queries.”

“Properly publicly shamed.”

“If Hilary had listened to Bill’s urgent warnings about addressing the alienation of white men in flyover country in 2016, she’s be president.”

“Cascading scandals.”


“Imagined facts.”

‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ Quote:
“Bless this house with peace.”

‘Friday Night Dinner’ Quotes:
“His rectum seized up.”

“Your arse blows up.”

“Get me a gin and tonic. With no tonic.”

“Dead mum in box.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“1990s rave aesthetic.”

“Very well, Alone.”

“Accountability of disclosure.”

“Fictional good is boring and flat, whole fictional evil is varied and intriguing, attractive, profound and full of charm.”

“Been sufficiently punished for offences real and perceived.”

“Really good at being on the run it seemed.”

“Excluded from a group that offers in inclusion.”


“Modernity in its myriad forms, is viewed as a menace.”

‘Prison Break’ Quotes:
“Looking for these?”
“Yeah, where did you find them?”
“Three feet that way.”

“You can’t kill. And that’s what it’s gonna take to stop me. ‘Cause I don’t have the same reservations.”