June 10th, 2018


Book Review: The Chosen Ones, part 2

The Chosen Ones: A Sabina Kane Short Fiction Collection by Jaye Wells, part 2

Rusted Veins
Sabina indulges in petty jealously and badly written sex. She has no gentility, sweetness or cheerfulness. Sabina deals with Adam’s ex, baddies who lack moral enlightenment and engage in unconscionable acts and various selfish idiots in this okay story. This is much less interesting, satisfying and emotionally interesting than it should be. The kooky intrigue is not wildly interesting.

Best Lines:
“Who I’d somehow convinced to love me.”

“In full drama mode.”

“My complete lack of awe over his ridiculous nickname.”

Fire Water
A prequel to the ‘Prospero’s War’ books. This is told with commitment and seriousness as Kate has defensiveness and resentment of people. We are meant to attach great experience to this as a learning experience. It is an okay if defensive whinge.
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Scary Books

Vampironica 1 Reviewed

Archie goes on a date with boring Betty causing Veronica to fall prey to the diabolical designs of a vampire! Are the Lodges dead? Reggie is in peril and who is the vampire inflicting terror on Riverdale? This was good and full of magnificently disturbing relentless horror done with crazed intensity and eerie grandeur. This was preposterous but good and satisfyingly vicious.
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To Light The Way To Bed

The Handmaid’s Tale 2x08 + Counterpart 1x07 Reviewed

Women’s Work
Offred smugs but then the fractious ungrateful Commander returns home like a dark visitation and Serena Joy hates having to withdraw into domesticity. The Commander adds to his list of male depravities. He is a profoundly wrong man devoted to Gilead’s social order which is entirely the product of deliberate lies. Serena Joy faces his furious criticism.

The Commander does a menacing patronising lecture. Offred thinks she is an untameable spirit but she isn’t. Serena Joy’s unrealised dreams are broken by her husband’s cool calculation. The Commander is an absolutely objectionable sour faced tool whose personality flaws have been enhanced by the fundamental moral shift in society.

The Commander has no loyal devotion or real concern for his wife in the hostile environment of the theocratic dictatorship. Eden incites anger in Nick. The Commander is a full-blown curmudgeon full of bitterness, hate and a lack of charm. The Commander beats his wife in front of Offred creating an impossibly creepy, ever-present sense of dread. It’s an amazingly disturbing, utterly devastating, extremely disturbing, extremely unsavoury scene.

Baby Angela gets sick, possibly from emotional neglect. She recovers and isn’t an unbaby shredder like in the book. Serena Joy is emotionally devastated and has escalating anguish and dread and unbearable uncertainty. She’s disenchanted by her outrageously smug husband and his hateful turn. Emily rants unwisely. Where did the kneeling ritual for a sick baby come from? Serena Joy has gone from stultifying boredom to facing unfathomable cruelty.

The toxicity of Gilead grows. Janine is unnecessarily attention seeking. A top doctor is now a Martha. The dark subject matter and unpleasantness that sees Serena Joy disproportionately sanctioned for violating accepted Gilead wisdom is no real surprise. The Commander is apparently indifferent to how he negatively affected his wife with strident criticism.

The Commander thinks he has intensity and purity. Has he beaten his wife before? Aunt Lydia lurks. The Commander’s theatrical shenanigans are supposed to make him the prescient voice of reason. He’s never been that receptive to sense. There are negative conversations. The Commander who lost a hand lurks looking seedy. Is TV no longer a thing in Gilead? Can Eden read? Did she read the Handmaids letters in Nick’s possession? Nick saved the letters. Offred feels pity for Serena Joy. This was an astonishingly successful ep.

Best Lines:
“An offence to god.”

“That is his decision.”

“That horrid girl.”

“We should have known better.”

The Sincerest Form Of Flattery
This is the origin story of Clare 2. She lost her parents to the pandemic in Dimension 2. She was brought to The School aka Indigo. This was okay if portentous. My interest in this show is finally piqued after a lot of farcical eps. At The School, the children are made to replicate their Dimension 1 counterparts aka shadows in every way.

Is Dimension 1 the scapegoat for the social ills of Dimension 2? Howard 2 and Peter Quayle know Clare is a mole. Tobacco is illegal in Dimension 2 also the flu came from pigs and pork is not eaten anymore. This ep is depressingly eerie and Clare 2’s teachers were less than altruistic.

Peter Quayle’s inattention to Clare was such that he didn’t notice she was replaced by Clare 2 before they were married. Who is Peter Quayle the cheater and liar to moralise? Clare named her baby after her childhood friend. Peter Quayle is driven by pretension and never misses an opportunity to miss an opportunity. Poor sweet Clare 1 was murdered by Clare 2. Clare 2 does a sob story to Peter Quayle - is she lying?

Best Lines:
“In their world, pigs still roam free.”

“Didn’t want his daughter to marry down.”

“Teeth and fingers.”

“It will hurt. Badly.”

“I need you to hurt me. Badly.”

“I never had anything of my own.”
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Sergio Balleseros

Trailers, Quotes and an ode to my Windows XP PC (2004-2018)

‘Halloween’ (2018) trailer
The sequel to the original (which makes it ‘Halloween 2‘) which ignores all the other sequels and reboots. People unwisely bother Micheal who is locked up in some Gitmo style loony bin. Laurie Strode is a grandmother and wants Michael dead. There are teeth, scares, the theme music, guns, a secret passage and how did he get into the closet? Looks good, I’ll be there.

‘A Star Is Born’ (2018) trailer
Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga star in yet another remake. He plays a country singer who is an addict. She is a singer. Cue singing, romance and stuff being smashed.

‘Get Shorty’ promo
A wildly miscast Chris O’Dowd stars. No, hell no.

‘Lethal Weapon’ promo
The greasy unwashed one was fired.

‘Hereditary’ TV spot

‘Skyscraper’ TV spot
A bit ill-timed this.

Best Line:
“Keep going up.”

‘Counterpart’ promo

‘Murder In Suburbia’ promo

‘Stath Lets Flats’ promo

Salad cream - yum.
Apple, cucumber, lemon, orange juice with elderflower extract - okay.

Anthony Bourdain RIP.

Who saw ‘Space Truckers’ (1996) or ‘Shock Treatment’ (1981) or ‘Grizzly’ or ‘Amazon Women On The Moon’ (1987) or ‘Nightmares’ (1983) or ‘Double Trouble’ (1992) or ‘The Masque Of The Red Death’ (1964) or ‘Dolls’ (1987) or ‘Carnival Of Souls’ (1962) or ‘Men Don’t Leave’ or ‘Betty Blue’ (1986)?

Was Chris Grahamson the actor who played the cute constable in episode 1x03 of ‘A Very English Scandal’?

The Mandarian Oriental in Knightsbridge caught fire, I’ve been there!

They’re making a Joker movie with Jared Leto?

I am done with ‘SEAL Team’.

I’d try olive-oil and bay leaf ice-cream.

They’re rebooting ‘Willy Wonka’?

Recall ‘Ski Sunday’?

Val Kilmer is in ‘Top Gun 2’?

A ‘Legally Blonde 3’? Why?

Gesamtkunstwerk - a total work of art.

Anaerobia - the inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable by others.

I want a picnic basket and a Persian hand-blown hand-painted glass tumbler and jug. I also want a green tsavorite and white diamond drop necklace and stacking rings made from white and black diamonds, blue and pink sapphires and rubies and 18kt gold. I also want a Faberge locket with a ladybird surprise and I want an 18kt white gold diamond and sapphire pendant.

Recall sun visors? Viennetta? The 99 Flake? Wafers?

I won’t read ‘Brief Cases’ or ‘Shadowed Souls’ or ‘The Pan Book Of Horror’.

Blue mascara is still a thing?

There are edible photographs and gelatin robots and cashew cheese? And Tomato dust, Pickle mustard and Almond soup?

House of Fraser is closing stores.

Where are the old pigeons?

Aungier Danger is to revamp?

Still doing work on LJ.

‘Jezebel’ Quotes:
“Allowed to us.”

“Empowerment language.”

“Makeup exclusion.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Attempting to bond with Kim Gordon over the salad bar.”

“Used to follow weirdly dressed people around town in the hopes they would lead me to something more interesting.”

“Never afforded the same reverence.”

“The charisma of a used swimming sock.”

“Fascinated by this epoch.”

“My only remaining chance.”

“Too much about lads in bands.”

“You do not have to go to great lengths to be difficult.”

“Thinks you’re difficult because you’re inconveniencing them.”

“Cruising on the reputation of one obnoxious, over-testeosteroned book.”

“Tend to not want anyone to be upset with them.”

“1 per cent of the population was incarcerated, often without legal process or appeal.”

“Social contaminant.”

“Scene of protest.”

"Mean world syndrome.”

“Reputationally toxic.”

“The year that changed America.”

“Marginal characters on the fringe of society.”

“The art of trying to look like a Kardashian.”

“Decaying into folly.”

“The values of the younger generation invariably become the cultural norm.”

“Appalled at what the next batch of youth believe.”


‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Victimised by media coverage.”

“Unfairly destroyed by false allegations.”

“Nostalgic miasma of an imagined 1950s in the days before divorce, career women, single mothers, perverts and ethnic minorities caused mortal moral decline.”

“You’ve never done anything good since 1982.”

“Disparity between public perception and reality.”

“Portray him in the worst possible light.”

“Asked him what he’d be doing if he hadn’t ended up running strip clubs. He said: ‘Two words: benefit fraud’.”

“A relationship now defined in the public eye by betrayal and rage.”

“Enormous influence over the political agenda.”

“Stitched into a bull’s hide to be brought back to England for burial.”

“Nothing this old with legs has been discovered to date.”

“Pathologise a group of young people in which every transgression is seen through the lens of feral youth terrorising wealthy Londoners.”

“No legal obligation to remove her.”

“He found her conducting the song - with a toothbrush - from a first floor window while the suffragette inmates marched round the courtyard below singing The March Of The Women.”

“Treated abominably by the establishment and savaged by the press.”

“Refusal to submit to passivity and silence,”

“Going home to face an angry partner, domestic chores and existential emptiness.”

“A muster of feral peacocks has been attacking luxury cars.”

“She coined the filtered Instagrammed world 20 years before Instagram was invented.”

“Devised an entire aesthetic.”

“Financially manageable.”

“Drink £8 pints they cannot reciprocate.”

“Meandering pleasure of pub chat.”

“A man with a fuse so short he once punched a monkey on a TV show.”

“Admit to having eaten the ear of a cadaver while on acid and working in a morgue.”

“Death spiral of sex and absinthe.”

“Admittedly, it would stretch credulity.”

“Living off shoplifting.”

“A cry from the street.”

“Once I’d seen Jello Biafra, I knew I was not going home.”

“Outlasted yet another government.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“Sex encounter venues.”

‘RTE News’ Quote:
“Float properly.”

‘American Housewife’ Quotes:
“Getting drunk at a gas station at 9:30 in the morning.”

“Made jello shots out of toilet water.”

“I bet you even started wearing underwear.”

“50/50 on wearing a shirt.”

‘Let’s Get Physical’ Quotes:
“Hippo in spandex.”

“Your old house.”
“One of them, we were evicted from several.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Heroin hidden in his underpants.”

“Lacteal secretion.”

“That postwar favourite that came in a tin, contained six forms of flavoured biomass that tasted like they’d never been near a tree, and looked like melted Lego, all embalmed in a sugar syrup that could strip the enamel off your teeth at a five-metre range.”

“Jacket potato sort of place.”

“Just because you’re near-hysterical with stress and grief doesn’t mean there isn’t a dark conspiracy surrounding you.”

‘Poirot’ Quotes:
“Furtive walks.”

“Is there something queer going on Sir?”

‘Reeling In The Years’ Quote:
“Puke football.”

‘Friday Night Dinner’ Quote:
“Arse worm.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: People are harangued and harassed. Cindy can’t move her face. A recast Liberty is back, she sings badly. Harry’s arrested for prostitution, AGAIN. Marnie has ever-smiling venom and no one is decent and honourable.

Best Lines:
“He cheated on me with a Cheeky Girl tribute act.”

“Refused to have a wash for a week.”

“Crushed my dreams.”

An ode to my PC (2004-2018)
My Windows XP PC has died after 14 years. I got it in 2004 and despite an initial bizarre episode involving vanishing icons; it served me well until it didn’t. It died and the tetchy Microsoft helpline were no help to my exasperated fury. Well, it’s dead and useless now. So piss off Microsoft. My PC has taken years worth of fanfic (‘Smallville’, ‘Lost’, ’Buffy The Vampire Slayer’, ‘Numb3rs’, ‘Man From UNCLE’, ‘The Man In The Iron Mask(1998)’ and ‘Hannibal’) with it. It also took games (Bejellwed!) and photo editing software and DVD screen capturing software and art software. Also it took my ‘V For Vendetta’ photos, my ‘Star Trek’ photos, my ‘Man In The Iron Mask(1998)’ photos and ‘Lost’ pics as well as various ‘Days Of Our Lives’ clips featuring Tony. Sigh.
Kylo Ren

Movie Reviews: Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom + 4 others

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)
This good film is full of homages to the original and takes the franchise in a dark and downbeat direction while satisfying existing expectations. The dormant volcano on Isla Nublar is erupting and Bryce Dallas Howard is trying to save the dinosaurs from going extinct, again. She, Chris Pratt and 2 sidekicks take part in a rescue mission to evacuate the dinosaurs to a sanctuary. Too late the heroes learn it isn’t a mission of mercy at all.

The mission is a snatch and grab to sell the dinosaurs as weapons to rich scumbags. Rafe Spall and Toby Jones prance as the baddies. The existence of cloning technology takes a logical turn, the world changes and there is the tear inducing hearbreaking sight of a wailing brachiosaurus left behind on the island dock wailing as the Arcadia (note the pun) sails away leaving it to die in a plume of volcanic ash.

The Amityville Horror (1979)

Cat People (1942)

Ring (1998)

The Skeleton Key (2005)
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