May 20th, 2018

Scary Books

Movie Review: Sinister 2 (2015)

The idiot deputy from the 1st film returns. A single mother and her 2 idiot sons face danger. This unspectacular sequel was not widely loved. The idiot deputy tries to project the air of a deep thinker. There is demystification and this was faintly ridiculous. Blumhouse movies can be met with a level of expectation that is unmatched. The mother shrieks and annoys and doom is foretold. There is desperate rage, evil home movies and no persistent allure or cataclysmic events  or melancholy reverie. This was not wrenchingly moving or delightful inanity, just singularly unpleasant. Ghost kids lurk with malign intent and this was all incredibly dull and done with  ill-judged sincerity and earnestness.

Best Lines:
“Supposed to get sugar, that’s the whole point of cereal!”

“Are aware of the incident.”
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Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Tremors’ TV show promo
The ad for this failed pilot starring Kevin Bacon looks okay. Apart from Bacon who looks old.

Best Line:
“Nothing works here!”

‘13 Reasons Why’ promo
Hannah drama-queens some more.

‘Destination Wedding’ trailer
Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder star in a romantic comedy with their blank expressions and dry delivery.

Best Line:
“Oh dear god be quiet.”

‘Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists’ promo
Teens, murders, secrets and no.

Best Line:
“Someone is about to snap and kill.”

‘Mission Impossible: Fallout’ trailer
There is action, babble about suffering and attacks. Who is the baddie? Ethan is outright hostile. There is a fight in a bathroom, an observer and Ethan is told not to go rogue. He’s gone rogue so often, I’m amazed it took this long for repercussions. The plot is all deliciously vague. Henry Cavill fights, people get run over, knives are waved and Ethan jumps out a window. There is simmering resentment and stuff blows up.

Best Lines:
“You’ve lost this one.”

“I’m jumping out a window.”

“I prefer a hammer.”

Bohemian Rhapsody’ trailer
Gurning, staring, ugly clothes, music, a cat, bad hair, big teeth and Live Aid. Mmmm.

Best Line:
“6 bloody minutes.”

‘Elementary’ promo

‘Deadpool 2’ TV spot
“Luck isn’t a super power!”

‘Once Upon A Time’ promo

Jelly party mix - yum.
Duck liver pate with Armagnac & prunes - yum.
Aloe Vera lychee drink - yum.
Garlic Aioli with Sicilian lemon - okay.
Steak burger - nice.
Super chunky peanut butter - yum.
Rosemary & garlic roast potatoes - yum.

I won’t review ‘SEAL Team’ 1x09 ‘Rolling Dark’.

Bonnie McKee sucks.

Emmer is an ancient precursor of wheat?

Who saw ‘Untamed Heart’ or ‘The Right Stuff’ (1983)?

A 1665 bride pye had live birds or a snake in it?

What are activated almonds?

A ‘Pennyworth’ show?

I’d try sheep’s milk ice-cream.

A ‘Lando’ movie?

The ‘Charmed’ reboot got a full series order?

Interesting stories about the ‘NCIS’ set.

‘The Martian’ Quotes:
“Just discovered dirt.”

“Don’t dig up the big box of plutonium.”

“50 million miles away from home.”

“Alert and undistracted.”

“He may be prone; we don’t want to step over him.”

“Four years until a manned mission can reach me.”

“On a planet where nothing grows.”

“Have complex astro-physical engineering conversations using nothing but a stilt frame camera from 1996.”

“You want to send him into space under a tarp?”

"Thrust vector."

"Let's go Iron Man."

"Maybe it's not the worst idea."

‘HollywoodReporter’ Quotes:
“Feel like your life is more important than everyone else’s.”

“Alternative sources of wisdom.”

“Rational inquiry.”

“Drive up and immediately see the wealth.”

“Excommunicated from her life.”

“Sorrowful email lamenting her response.”

“Preached the virtues of marijuana-enhanced sex, especially with him.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Thought process.”

“Capricious assertiveness.”

“Irretrievably lost.”

“Venting bile.”

“For some reason, it was difficult to remove the persona non grata thing.”

“Chain of causation.”

“Remembrance culture.”


“Primarily composed of footage of Danny Dyer furiously bawling “I’M DOING ME NUT!” into a Wetherspoon’s toilet mirror.”

“The need to react to the latest public outrage.”

“Moral sanction.”

“Strong clan networks.”

“Cultural dark ages.”

“The outrage meter is broken.”

“Contribute to harm.”

“The Prince of Wales, morbidly obese, picking his teeth with a fork and surrounded by medication for venereal disease.”

“Sullying their contemplative world.”

‘Aertel’ Quote:
“Without the offer of employment.”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Claiming him as her own.”

“Emotional weight.”

“Procreating like there is no tomorrow.”

“Eating up shrubs.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Questioning my sources’ knowledge, motives or very existence.”

“Writing open letters of opposition to whoever is in power.”

“Who no longer exists and seems to have no desire to.”

“Famous for putting actresses in bikinis, - if you went shopping, or to get a coffee, or even to a funeral, you wore a bikini, for reasons unknown.”

“Aspirational thrift.”

“Where you live in a construct that is interdependent with others.”

“Mistress-swamped creatures of voluptuary indulgence.”

“Petulant, bloated, waddling creature devoted to gratifying needy appetites.”

“The more the country saw of the Prince Regent the less it liked him.”

“Devoid of meaningful definition.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Judgemental towns.”

“Would not be deterred by casualties.”

“Social calamity.”

“Conformed to the social norms.”

“She’s from Dublin and had the English stations growing up.”

“Be in significantly worse trouble.”

“George acceded, paving the way for his daughter Elizabeth, on his death in 1952, to assume the throne - where she remains ever since.”

“Social reasons.”

“Being brought home by the guards every day.”

“Reassigned agreement.”

“Men have futures that must be protected at all costs and women have pasts that need to be dissected for signs of wrongdoing.”

“Legally reconstructed.”

‘RTE News’ Quote:
“Alternative means of resolution.”

‘Quietus’ Quotes:
“Crow-pecked earth.”

“As Meloku hoped, her landlords died.”

“Householders threw family member’s corpses into the gondolas on pain of arrest.”

“University settlements, bored into the side of the continent-spanning super volcano.”

‘American Housewife’ Quotes:
“I’ll throw the frozen washcloth at you.”
“Not Senor Freezy!”

“Something non-hospicey.”

“Tear the heads off their favourite stuffies.”

“Watch you make poor choices.”

‘Meerkat Manor’ Quotes:
“Rallying call.”

“Never be allowed to return.”

‘Let’s Get Physical’ Quotes:
“Buy my cell-phones at gas stations.”

“Smells like ketchup and desperation.”

“Like a community theatre production in a halfway house.”

“Unflattering emojiis.”

“We’re not going to speak of that again.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“All my radio loudmouths tell me to hate that.”

“Brooding TV dramas about teenagers getting killed.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Glenn treats Grace with astonishing intransigence. Cleo is pestilential. Sienna’s NOT dead. Nico steals Sienna’s baby. Warren lurks.

Best Lines:
“Dog ugly.”

“I’m not having it!”
To Light The Way To Bed

Arrow 6x21 + The Handmaid’s Tale 2x05 + Quantico 2x07-2x09 Reviewed

Docket No. 11-19-41
Oliver’s horrific selfishness and self-obsession are laid bare in this ep. Where is Slade? Why doesn’t Oliver call on him to help fight Diaz? Felicity smart mouths. A cop openly boasts of being in Diaz’s pocket. Oliver is smug and wants an acquittal ignoring that he’s a mass murderer. Renee is imploding emotionally, no one cares. Oliver is a no-goodnik.

Whore heels are worn. Quentin sneers. Oliver has grown increasingly insular. There is no genuine unpredictable tension. Felicity is snotty and claims she loved Oliver whilst he chased Laurel, Sara, McKenna and Huntress. William is stupid. Teryl Rothery is the defence lawyer. Diggle tries to look tough. This lacks even soapy tension or sheer improbability. Diaz has pathology.

Oliver said he planned to give up being the Green Arrow at some point, yet when he had the chance to relinquish the hood to Diggle - he didn’t! Felicity doesn’t wear a blouse or bra in court. Oliver lies about the island come out in court. A man pretending to be Tommy Merlyn crashes into court and he says he is the Green Arrow. Diggle and Oliver are sick to use Tommy’s memory in this fashion. None of this mitigates Oliver’s actions.

Colin Donnell’s 2nd cameo of the year is wasted. Oliver didn’t care this much about Tommy when he was alive. Felicity laughs off the Tommy fake. I detest her. Who is Christopher Chance? Oliver should be under a long shadow of shame for his over-complicated defence. Felicity is impertinent. Misusing Tommy’s memory the way they did was impermissible. Oliver fawns all over Felicity.

There is no moral dimension in this show which is no longer a creative entity. Black Siren pretends to be the real Laurel. Oddly she isn’t arrested for Laurel’s vigilante actions. This is not brilliantly witty and it has no brutal efficiency. Black Siren lies. Oliver out-manipulates and out-affects Diaz. I do not look favourably on Oliver; the man has had a pernicious affect on the city.

Do people still think Tommy is alive and the Green Arrow? When will Oliver finally get his reckoning? William acts like he is a toddler. This ep is not memorably insightful. Oliver acts without consequence. Diaz gets retaliatory. Oliver and co shrug off the fate of the judge that they caused. Oliver and co get away with their crap as triumphant music plays. Chance wears ‘Mission Impossible’ style masks and annoys. I’m waiting for Oliver to apologise to Renee. Every single season of this show has ended with every single bad guy targeting Oliver’s loved ones. Nothing new here. This could have been good but the misuse of Tommy and the vile smugness of Oliver ruined it.

Best Lines:
“We are guilty!”

“A shocking fall from grace.”

“She took down intergang.”

“I watched ‘American Crime Story’.”

“Why does Lian Yu look a lot like Russia?”

“Don’t let me get away with it. Not again.”

“A false face and a made up story.”

“Try not to need me again.”

“You really must be stupid!”

This was under-lit boredom. Offred burns the letters. Aunt Lydia is always there. Aunts have special dispensation to write, to Serena Joy’s disgust. Serena Joy is an unhappy shrew, why did she help create a society where women are forbidden to read and write? Nick lurks. The unwomen sing hymns in the colonies. Janie and Emily work and Emily is dying. Offred sits on the toilet. Serena Joy and the wives hang out in the park and Guardians follow them. Nick speaks unwisely.

I don’t care about Offred or the mind shattering events she was subjected to in this drastically wrong society. The Commander laptops. There are veiled and not so veiled threats. Offred is in an untenable situation. The Commander is at work. What do the Commanders do all day? The Commander wants Nick out of his house. Offred is bleeding, no one notices.

There is a prayvaganaza which sees Guardians including Nick married to their helpmates. Offred is sad. The Commander and Serena Joy seem to have set this up. Who are these brides? They are so young. Nick doesn’t want his wife. The Waterfords are all toxic emotional inadequacy. Nick’s wife is going to live with him above the garage in the Waterford’s house. Emily whines.

The Commander sorta menaces Nick. WTF did Offred do? How did she get outside? There is death, lots of graves and Offred doesn’t miscarry despite her best efforts. Who was watching her in the hospital? Nick’s wife Eden is a true believer in the theocratic dystopia. This lacked logic, morality and merit. Even the Waterford’s latent menace and lack of moral boundaries lacked piteous horror. This was not brilliantly rendered or utterly harrowing.

Best Lines:
“Let myself become a bother.”

“Godly, harmonious environment.”

“God’s light be with you.”

“Our divine republic.”

“So that happened.”

“This place is hell.”

There is a mention of the VP in the now and in the then Lydia and Owen have issues. There is no narrative momentum. NY faces urban ruin again. Ryan has a mischievous sneer. This is not talismanic TV or agonisingly effective. Harry is irredeemably unpleasant. There is no grim bleakness or apocalyptic dread. The plot is semi-incoherence that isn’t fiendishly clever. Sebastian sort of sees through Harry. Ryan is all essential hollowness.

Ryan is tiresome and pathetic and prone to feckless male self-destruction. The baddies are bracingly hostile. In the then Shelby is ill-equipped for normal human interactions. Doesn’t Leon recognise Shelby? Isn’t she well-known? She was a cover girl for a gun magazine prior to the FBI! Leon is treated as sketchy. Alex is malcontent. The trainees are trained in interrogation. There is no real emotional purchase.

Things get ugly with catastrophic consequences. This is wilfully nasty. Ryan is not pleasingly gormless. Alex jumps off a roof and there is no enthusiasm for this. Nobody enforces moral boundaries. Ryan is pernicious. Sebastian and Harry make out. Miranda frames a guy. This was not enduringly watchable, competent or enjoyable.

Best Lines:
“Put a rock in it.”

“Be strong.”
“You too.”

“I’m not on your back mate.”

“Some perceived conspiracy.”

“Enhanced interrogation techniques will be also be used on you if you’re ever caught.”

“No such thing as going too far.”

“What’s waiting for all of you.”

A General shows up in the now and in the then Ryan is recruited by the AIC. Harry yaps and leaves Alex with a bill. CIA training takes a break for Thanksgiving. The twins face off. The baddies alleged manifesto is ranted incoherently. Lara Pulver guest stars. Ryan and Harry have no sincerity or focus. Concerns escalate. Harry visits his ‘family’ and Pulver is his handler. The UK doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving! Pulver mumbles about Brexit and spies in a vague conversation with Harry.

Lydia is calculatedly misleading. There is no ever growing intensity or consistent moral principle. After several eps of inconsequence - this show gets interesting and eerily compelling. Men have a tendency to male rage. Owen learns he hasn’t been reacting proportionately. The AIC recruits are revealed. Alex gets a shock as the desperate situation gets worse.

Best Lines:
“What about London Spy?”

“You think that means he’s an insurrectionist of the highest order?”

“It’s really not like you can just unplug it.”

This was good with an espiocracy. In the now: Alex is bothered by Hannah. Who? In the then: Owen pimps the trainees out. There is bad photoshop and a twist. Alex isn’t an FBI agent anymore. Ryan hasn’t heard of Snapchat. How did Owen end up in Federal prison? Dayana is called a ho. Things go badly or do they? Leon and Dayana have secrets.

Exposition is spewed. What is the cultural impact of the attack? People do value extraction on Alex. There are no realistic claims or moral agents. Dayana strays toward certain things. The perfectly respectable streets of NY face critical risk. Unfounded assertions are made. Stunning possibilities are hinted at. A malign shadow is cast.

Best Lines:
“A history of talking to very beautiful women.”

“Kill team.”

“What did you get yourself into this time?”

“The centre of a conspiracy that no one magically knows about but you? Again?”

“In the wrong place, at the right time, 2 years running.”

“She won’t be a problem, I won’t let her be.”

“Who are these people? Why should I care?”