April 29th, 2018

To Light The Way To Bed

Trailers, Quotes and tape tales of 2004 and 1999

‘Arrow’ 6x21 promo
Oliver is on trial and TOMMY MERLYN crashes the trial. How is that possible?

‘Avengers: Infinity War’ TV spot

‘Rampage’ TV spot
Of course the wolf flies.”

‘I Feel Pretty’ TV spot
“How’s your vagina?”

The Rundown’ TV spot

‘Solo’ trailer

Ginger & lemon tea - strong.

There will be ‘A Quiet Place’ sequel?

Who saw ‘Perrier’s Bounty’ or ‘Until The End Of The World’?

2 more ‘Star Trek’ movies? We’ll see.

I won’t review ‘SEAL Team’ 1x06 ‘Spinning Wheel’.

A film of ‘The Long Walk’?!? Yay!

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“The capacity to define his entire political career.”

“Present and future populations.”

“Thrive away from their own families.”

“Routinely kicks people into unconsciousness for a living.”

“Shouty radio.”

“My nice handsome husband who had to deal with me.”

“Have cool names with random nouns and adjectives in them.”

“Suspect in their composition.”

“Societal title.”

Imposed regime.”

“Becomes angry when he says certain things.”

“Picked up a rolled-up bit of carpet and threw it at him.”

“Ran at me.”

“Chased her son out of the house at night with a coat-hanger.”

“Would not be tolerated again.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
Evil psycho hoarding bitch.”

“Insignificant other.”

“Out for good.”

“Your dad works and he lives in the garage and it’s his house?”

“Stop being lazy.”

“Personal conduct order.”

“Pushed me out of the house.”

“Commandeer the space.”

“I want my house back.”

“You live on this couch in the garage.”

“Drug people.”

“Keep my friends out.”

“Manipulative little liar, just like her mother.”

“No one ever listens to her.”

“Owed to her.”

“Weirded out by my dad.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Received masculine history.”

“Committed fraud, faked his own death, fled to Australia with his mistress and was later revealed as a Czech spy.”

“State-sanctioned climate of hostility.”

“Revulsion, mockery or pity were the only acceptable responses.”

“Old men yelling at me on Twitter.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Cultural question.”

“Morality-free zone.”

“You are the problem.”

“Denying them the sex that is rightfully theirs.”

“Cannot meet the standard of machismo.”

“I don’t write novels.”

“You might spend your entire life as a recluse, but after you die the woman who buys your old house will put your toilet on eBay for a million bucks,”

“A pathetic man forced to live with his mistakes,”

‘RTE News’ Quotes:
“Beacon of hope for our bees.”

“Mothers when they’re pregnant.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“My first love: not teaching music.”

“That’ll traumatise him good.”

“Maybe we’ll have one of those passenger riots that seem to occur every other day on US airlines.”

‘The Flash’ Quote:
“Flip phones are old. This site is from the age of dial up.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“Disputed death.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Esther’s ANGRY. Ruby shows up. Esther has seemingly forgiven Ruby for the bullying that drove her to a suicide attempt. Darren and Nancy have no empathy for Esther. A-dumb and his dad do a robbery while wearing stupid rubber masks. Did Ruby know Grace? A-dumb gets violent and likes it. Esther plans to move to Spain with Ruby to help run a bar. The word Brexit is never uttered.

Aspirant bar owner Esther leaves after Grace gives her a wad of cash and blows a kiss. Esther does not say bye to Curtis the child she carried as a surrogate. Jack and Nancy hurl abuse at Esther before she leaves. Charming people. Jack recovers his emotional effect. A-dumb cheats on Maxine AGAIN. Esther shrugs off the café she owns. Alfie rants about an ELE as he suffers obvious mental illness. A-dumb makes a sex tape of his cheating.

Best Lines:
“I’m sorry.”
“For which bit?”

“We go hard.”

“He gets brave.”

“You chose her over me.”

“No point in me existing.”

“You are really loved.”
“By who?”

“I can stay.”
“Don’t you dare.”

Cleared out 2 tapes. The first was from 2004 and began with a ‘Jake 2.0’ ep ‘Arms And The Girl’ which was a cheap dated looking boring show in which there were old phones and yelling. The innocent wasn’t so innocent.

Best Line:
“Dear old dead fake dad.”

Then came another cheap looking dated looking ‘Jake 2.0’ ep ‘The Good, The Bad and the Geeky’ in which Carly Pope guest starred. This was boring and some boring hacker is introduced as the big bad and Jake’s arch nemesis. Old phones are used.

Best Lines:
“James Bond, Napoleon Solo, Steve Austin. You never saw any of those guys count pennies for a tow.”

“Ride sharing. It’s an idea whose time has come.”

“Thrift store clothes wearing, 6 dollar haircut loser.”

Then came a ‘Smallville’ ep ‘Delete’ in which 2 future sex cult members star. I could care less. Finally there was yet another ‘Jake 2.0’ ep 'Last Man Standing' in which Martin Cummins guest stars. People talk a lot. Jake trips balls and Marina Black’s character is so vapid, one is not surprised she just vanished from the show for no reason.

The second tape I cleared was from 1999. It began with a ‘Xena Warrior Princess’ ep ‘Gabrielle’s Hope’ in which the sidekick gives birth to her demon baby. This was not done with tremendous, gusto, theatrical dash or raw authenticity. It was mediocre.

Then came a ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’ ep ‘The Pact’ in which Xander is possessed by a hyena and turns into an arrogant bully lacking in decency and kindness. There is quiet acceptance of the principle being eaten. This is emotive nonsense that does not leave you viscerally engaged. As Xander spews vituperation and bile, one recalls what a malign force the actor turned out to be in reality. This leaves you choked with the mediocre.

Best Lines:
“Lounging about with imbeciles.”

“I hit him.”
“With what?”
“A desk.”

“They ate Principle Flutie?”

Then came an ‘X Files’ ep ‘Millennium’ which was a wrap up to the ‘Millennium’ TV show. Frank Black does lengthy brooding. There are zombies and salt and melancholy is magnified. This was not impassioned. There is ghastly behaviour and communal complicity. This was not profoundly affecting.

Best Line:
“Naysay me.”

Then came an ‘Earth Final Conflict’ ep ‘Horizon Zero’ which had the original fantastic opening credits. The alien Taleons kill the space programme. No, Obama would do that. Lili’s shuttle is stolen. The Taelons alleged benevolence is bitterly contested by astronauts with grievances. This looks low budget and full of smell the fart acting. How does Boone fit his shirt over his skrill? There is hideous interior design and real bad VFX. There is something mysterious on the moon.
Scary Books

Book Review: Unsub

Unsub by Meg Gardiner
This is a very good thriller from an author nobody seems to read. This is the start of a series and it sees Detective Caitlin Hendrix drawn into the case of a serial killer known as The Prophet. The infamous killer terrorized the city with ritual murder and cryptic messages in the 1990s before stopping for 20 years. Now The Prophet is back doing chill-inducing murders to add to his lasting infamy.

Caitlin’s father was the lead investigator on the case and was left a broken man by his failure to solve it. Caitlin has emotional volatility and the Prophet has moral deficiency. The city is in a perpetual state of fear due to the deeply troubling acts of the killer. The Prophet is a morally reprehensible mysterious unnerving cipher which makes it bizarre that 2/3 of the way into the book, Gardiner reveals the Prophet’s identity and motive.

This reveal shows that he is not quite horrid enough to be interesting or engaging without the mystique. There is a cliffhanger ending to set up the sequel. I’ll read that.

Best Lines:
“Because he was angry she didn’t turn up for her own murder.”

“He drew maps of the entire neighborhood, with concealment spaces highlighted and escape routes plotted in detail. And with his goal inscribed in hard capital letters. PUNISHMENT.”

“Someone who didn’t arouse immediate distrust.”

“The play of the shadows in the wind was less than random.”

“Emergent situation.”

“Going to effect entry to the premises.”

“Noise discipline.”

“She was at his mercy, and knew he would show her none.”

“Superficially unexceptional.”

“I feel kind of intimidated. This is like, microaggrssion.”

“All Hope Abandon, Ye Who Enter Here.”
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Arrow 6x18 + The Handmaid’s Tale 2x01&2x02 Reviewed

Oliver beats up people and grunts. Felicity bigs up Oliver, who thinks he can stop Diaz all by himself. Felicity babytalks at Diggle. Oliver won’t listen to anyone and takes vicious delight in being an ass. Oliver is smug about his impeachment as is Quentin. Diaz is dismissed by people as a low rent ex-con. Oliver’s self-inflicted pressure is a joke.

Oliver’s moral posturing can’t hide the fact he’s not morally unblemished. Oliver’s acts are unjustified and unjustifiable. Quentin might as well be Oliver’s boot boy, his personality and balls are gone. The dire situation is Oliver’s fault. There is no consistent air of dread. Oliver is not emotionally vulnerable. Felicity and William get yelled at by Oliver who smashes William’s science fair project. Who cares about Oliver’s existential conflict?

Oliver isn’t even delightfully pathetic. TPTV act like Felicity is Oliver’s only significant relationship. TPTB overlook how Oliver got Tommy killed. Why is it morally acceptable for Oliver to be an enraging ass who holds particular scorn for everyone? Where are Slade and his sons?

Oliver is a very negative person. I’m sure a cataclysm and a catastrophic defeat are coming for Oliver. His often disrespectful behaviour needs to have consequences. Olive’s guiding principle is to be an unamused jackass with one facial expression. Quentin badmouths Diggle. Oliver still won’t apologise. Felicity babbles, shut up bitch. Oliver is dark and moody. Where is Watson? Oliver gets a gun and hallucinates Prometheus.

Oliver is socially troubled and harbours resentments towards all his friends. Prometheus has a new haircut and he’s growling cue an imaginary fight and dramatic music. Prometheus gurgles and mumbles. Oliver doesn’t care about his son. TPTB have cast Latino villains for seasons 6 and 5, I’m just pointing that out.

Oliver is tripping balls on Vertigo. Oh who cares? Oliver wails about failing as a father, a mayor and as a hero. Where is Susan? Oliver is ethically and morally obligated to be awful. Why is Quentin bootlicking Oliver? Why is Oliver conversing with Prometheus? Diaz’s malign hand is felt. Who is Kullens? Oliver hallucinates dead Laurel. Oliver destroyed Laurel and thinks her being a vigilante was a mistake. He hasn’t apologised for cheating on her. Oliver is berated by an imaginary Renee who he didn’t bother to visit in hospital. He still won’t apologise.

Diaz is the man with the dragon tattoos or something and he’s angry or something. Oliver wails about the mission. Diaz is not a known threat apparently. Oliver denies being the Green Arrow in smug unconvincing fashion. Oliver is impeached. Quentin is mayor now. Oliver fails in dramatic fashion. This was good. Oliver punches Quentin out and gets away with it. Felicity runs. I loathe Oliver. Felicity coos over her violent, drug addled, jerk ass, murderer of a husband. Oliver wants to be alone and fires Felicity. Oliver thinks he’s a lot more impressive than he is.

Best Lines:
“All of our help quit.”

“Cloned a cabbage.”

“This is who he is Felicity.”

“A second rate drug dealer.”

“What’s Napster?”

“There’s no team.”

“Dad is on drugs.”

“A bunch of angry cops.”

“More escaping.”

“Drugs are bad!”

“Why does everyone keep leaving me?”

“I’m just not killable.”

“Just get them all to abandon you.”

“Kill you straight.”

“Mull faster.”

“Why did you let her become the Black Canary in the first place?”

“Gave you an out.”

“Back to basics.”

“Go back to your secret lair.”

“Bad beat.”

“Not a great tack record when it comes to hiring DAs, though”

“Solar hot dog cooker.”

“Go play video games.”

There is violence against woman in Gilead as Offred and her fellow handmaids pay for their defiance. June continues to be defiant and unlikebale. She is not helping herself. Offred stares and makes things worse for herself. She has a serious experience and TPTB show every vicious detail as the handmaids are punished for stepping outside of their prescribed behaviour. Why is Aunt Lydia always there? Flashbacks show June’s husband had to sign a form for her to get contraception. If there was widespread infertility, than why was there contraception?

Aunt Lydia seems locked in long term regret. Janine is off to the Colonies. Offred sees what is being done to the handmaid Ofwyatt who did not practice self care and who drank drain cleaner whilst pregnant. The handmaids are punished some more for their rebellion. Flashbacks show June berated for ignoring her sick child.

The Commander and Serena Joy are blindingly avaricious over the unborn child of their handmaid and the chauffeur. Offred mouths off. Then she escapes. Flashbacks show the Eye existed pre-Gilead. Nick shows up. Offred bleeds and breeds. Is Nick still in the Waterford’s house? This was okay.

Best Lines:
“There is freedom to and freedom from.”

“God has created a new soul.”

“Now you are being given freedom from.”

“If you choose to be difficult. I will be forced to make arrangements.”

Offred is ‘free‘. The Colonies are horrible and guards ride horses around. I assume the poor horses will also get sick and die by being exposed to the toxins and radiation. The workers in the Colonies all seem to be women. They clear radioactive topsoil. What caused the radiation? Emily is there and flashbacks show she used to be a college lecturer. She faced worrisome pressure when Gilead rose.
Meanwhile Offred is in an abandoned newspaper where something bad happened. What about the Waterford’s Martha? Is she still around? Offred is screaming and ungrateful. She has sex with Nick. This show is so underlit; you can’t see what is going on.

A Commander’s wife (Marisa Tomei) ends up in the Colonies for a sin of the flesh. The water is full of ecoli and everyone is sick. Flashbacks show death and Emily and her wife (Clea Duvall) going to a packed airport which was full of ICE and ACLU officials. Emily’s Canadian wife can travel as can her son (who Emily gave birth to) as they have Canadian passports but Emily is trapped. Janine arrives in the Colonies. Offred watches ‘Friends’. Emily is embittered and poisons the wife and strings her body up. This was okay. Did you know Elisabeth Moss was in ‘Suburban Commando’? Well now you do.

Best Lines:
“The sinners and the whores are blessed with his grace.”

“You’re not a Martha making a run for the border, you’re a pregnant handmaid.”

“There’s nowhere for you to go.”

“Not in favour of the university purges.”

“A mistress was kind to me. Once.”

“The document is no longer recognised.”

“What law?”
“The law.”

“Some things can’t be forgiven.”

“You should die alone.”

“There will be consequences.”
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Avengers: Infinity War (2018) Review (SPOILERS)

More full of crap than a portapotty at a biker convention:
[Spoiler (click to open)]
This overlong overcrowded Marvel mess has an obsessive commitment to being a cultural moment. The plot is a morass of infinity stones and Thanos (Josh Brolin) a Malthusian baddie. There is junky VFX and inaudible dialogue and inane character decisions and bizarre personality changes and a choppy plot. This is a preposterously incompetent ruinous mess with no ultimate purpose or deeply sinister baddie.

There is no narrative advance as TPTB set in motion a calamitous transformation of the Marvel universe as characters lose control of the consequences of the decisions they make. The dangerous rightwing vigilantes have moral certitude in lieu of a functioning social contract. There is no feral intensity or winning reasonable tones.

Clint and Ant-Man are not in this film at all, there is some stunt casting and the return of Red Skull (played by a different actor, rendering his cameo a blink and miss it moment). The overdone music tells us how to feel, it wants us to feel unironic wonder but you don’t. The bleak ending is a total WTF moment and I hated this boring crapulence.

Best Line:
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