April 26th, 2018


Book Review: Zero Day

Zero Day by Ezekiel Boone
The spider trilogy that started so wonderfully with ‘The Hatching’ and then got shaky with ‘Skitter’, falls apart completely in this mop up. Characters with stupid names and identical personalities fail to have a dramatic confrontation with killer spiders. The author’s weird attitude to women becomes ever more apparent with the handling of the female POTUS.

Set post Trump (though the author won’t use his name), this is ploddingly contrived dross. This is not a deep and convincing evocation of a near apocalypse - it’s full of quips, idiots and over the top theatrics. This is not done with total conviction and has no redeemable qualities or constant level of tension. The disturbing nature of what is happening doesn’t seem to register on anyone nor does the impending doom or catastrophic consequences caused by the POTUS’ decisions.

The characters are gutter punks, who are insufferably smug with arbitrary malevolence and no ethical positions.

Best Lines:
“Spectacularly uncivil.”

“You know we can’t walk back from it.”

“There’s no take-backs on this.”

“Designed to create perceived value.”

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Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Supergirl’ 3x16 promo
Pestilence shows up. Mon-El’s bint wife annoys.

Best Line:
“You fail.”

‘Agents Of SHIELD’ promo

‘Westworld’ season 2 opening credits

‘Venom’ trailer
Tom Hardy shows off an odd accent as an inept reporter. People obsess over symbioates. A woman lurks. There is screaming, jumping and pill guzzling. Tom Hardy hears a voice and attacks people. They reveal what Venom looks like. Tom Hardy is not inducing fear.

Best Lines:
“History starts today.”

“I follow people that do not want to be followed.”

“Why would we do that?”

“What the hell are you?”

‘Westworld’ 2x02 promo
There is looking and mumbling about somebody guarding something. What is the real purpose of the park? There is a city and William and Samurai. This is not slow perfection.

‘Hunter Street’ opening credits

‘Patrick Melrose’ promo

Best Lines:
“Your father was a remarkable man.”
“You should have heard the remarks.”

‘Anon’ promo

Best Line:
“Look and you are dead.”

Gin lemon square - okay.
Gluten free custard - mmmm.
Ginsecco truffle - okay.
Sugar free milk chocolate with sweetener - okay.

‘Ghost Wars’ cancelled.

On ‘The Flash’: I want Barry to finally tire of Iris and her BS. Ralph dies, yay! I wish Iris would piss off. Snow is not a Meta anymore and Harry’s lost his mind, literally. I'm done with this show, why should anyone care about Ralph?

Best Line:
“His hubris was his undoing.”

Why no ‘Doctor Strange 2’?

Dyscopia - a failure to cope.
Status dramaticus - overly dramatic.

I want a Alain Saint-Joanis Louxor cutlery set in silver and gold plate, stainless steel and resin.

I’d like a vintage Noah’s Ark.

I want a Skylar Fabio hanging chair.

Who remembers Switzers?

After the horrific 1993 ‘The TommyKnockers’ miniseries, it’s now to be a movie?

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Distrust her motives and her seriousness.”

“Silenced whole communities.”

“Would be rescuers who broke down doors to find entire families either dead or beyond help.”

“Coffins were stacked up to 18-high.”

“Little to suggest the age of land empires was about to end.”

“The complexity of the imperial structures.”

“Phenomenally long-lived.”

“Still celebrate in national mythology.”

“A more or less secret vocabulary and idiom peculiar to a particular group.”

“Freud squad.”

“1950s-sized family.”

“Lonely through self-imposed isolation.”

“A human to befriend!”

“Socially disengaged.”

“One of those people who speaks very quickly, and only at the decibel level of an active bin truck.”

“With as much dignity as one can muster while holding a feline lavatory made of plastic.”

“His parents emigrated with the other siblings to Australia without telling him.”

‘3News’ Quote:
“You’re not wanted.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“That’s somewhat unlikely.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Define fairly quickly.”

“Looked for her under bridges.”

“Needs not to happen.”

“I don’t want to yet.”

“You bring chaos.”

“Turkey neck.”

“Fat cow.”

“Dramatic inconsistent medical history.”

Friedrich Nietzsche Quote:
“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”

‘Unsub’ Quotes:
“The Prophet has devotees. There are dozens of true-crime books about him. TV movies.”

“It’s like a cult. Church of the Prophet.”

“Lick it off.”

“Serious News Lady talking.”

“If she saw eyes like that on the street, she would have probable cause to search for LSD.”

“If you need to punch a wall, do it outside.”

“He made tough cops wet themselves, the stuff he did.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Jack throws Esther out because she hates Darcy. She had to have a liver transplant because he and everyone else ignored her being bullied and in fact joined in. Jack chooses the diabolically corrupt Darcy over Esther’s baleful warnings. Maxine falls out of her ugly green pantsuit. Jack isn’t dying. Jack is hostile to dissent. Darcy has nefarious purposes. Adam descends into low-rent gangsterism.

TPTB recall Sienna’s ex Ben. He’s in a bad place we are told by his son, who was never mentioned before. Ben’s son bothers Sienna. Goldie and Courtney plan a fake poly scam relationship. Grace wears the LOUDEST UGLIEST trousers. Grace and Maxine’s children are ignored. Ben’s son is a policeman and spews mock displeasure. Where is Ryan?

Is Kim dead? She has to be at this point. She was reduced to eating flies. Nobody cares about Sienna’s sorrowful misfortune or her kidnapped daughter. She has no nurse or social worker. Nobody can convince Jack of Darcy’s worst intentions. Darcy suddenly decides she wants him alive to take care of her and that she won’t poison him.

Goldie wears a flamenco dress. Maxine has a bone of contention with A-dumb. Esther’s family don’t care. She drinks Darcy’s poison. This was not dryly effective. Jack screams and won’t see any wrong in Darcy. He doesn’t care about Esther. Darcy is busted and Glenn helps her run away with their son.

Best Lines:
“Fake money grabbing cow.”

“Keeps you in blow dries.”

“I can’t get it up.”

“What’s the stress this time?”

“Sick mess.”

“Your bald vain number one son.”
Scary Books

8 TV Reviews

Timeless 2x04

Salem Witch Hunt
Wyatt obsesses boringly over his boring not dead wife. Rittenhouse saved her life. Emma sucks up to the cult leader. Said cult leader wants Lucy dead. Rufus is dumb. He, Lucy and Flynn go to Salem. Flynn gets to go due to the shared threat and common obstacle. Why is Rufus so stupid? Where do they get their pilgrim clothes?

Goran Visnjic ramps up the crazy. Witch trials are held in a tavern. People are in no mood for compromise. I’m sure TPTB saw ’Salem’. Rufus points out that Flynn was right when in season 1 he prognosticated that he and the gang would be fighting side by side. Lucy is in peril.

Wyatt is blind to the obvious. The mother of some important American personage is in peril. Yeah and? Lucy turns the Salem witch hunt into a MeToo moment. Lucy’s dreadful mother shows up. Rufus whines and blubbers. Lucy is just fine with Wyatt running out on her and back to his wife. Did he even shower? Wyatt’s boring wife is shrill. This was boring.

Best Lines:
“Your untamed mouth.”

“I dislike that exertion machine.”

“Dangerous paranoid times.”

“She could be the danger.”

Xena Warrior Princess (1995-2001) 4x16

The Way
This episode offended Hindus and was yanked from screens and banned in 1999. Now it is back in re-edited form with disclaimers. After a 19 year wait to see it, was it worth it? To be honest. No. Xena and Gabrielle are in India. People in silly masks attack. Holes open up in bad VFX. It is like ‘Power Rangers’ done faux-seriously. People babble about the avatar. Xena suddenly doesn’t want to be a warrior anymore for personal betterment, it lasts for 10 minutes.

Recall the Eli dreck? Well he’s back and annoys emotionally fragile people. He’s thankless and takes a confrontational stand. Post season 3, TPTB let this show’s tonal balance go out of control. Gabrielle listens to Eli’s lame efforts toward non-violence. There is screaming, violence, mock displeasure and no probity or professionalism.

Xena calls to Krishna for aid. Which is what caused all the fuss back in 1999. Eli is a useless load. Krishna and the king of the demons run around. Xena becomes Kali at one point. There is no serious emotion. Eli and Gabrielle are in peril. A Yeti man runs around, like a reject from ‘The Man From UNCLE’. Eli (Timothy Omundson of ‘Starship Troopers’ and ‘Seaquest’) annoys. This was not intense or enthralling.

I don’t care about the characters actions or motivations. This is ridiculous and illogical and full of stupid endless fight scenes. Eli doesn’t do humble recounting of his abasement. This ep is entirely unwarranted. Eli and Gabrielle do futile opposition to the demon. I wish Eli would just die; he would be mourned by no one. The king of the demons prances. TPTB made terrible harmful decisions about this show.

The king of the demons has malign fury and hacks Xena up and so Xena turns into Kali by again calling to Krishna for help and she reacts with hostility to the demon. There is even more fighting and a lack of narrative control and no affection or concern. This was resolutely depressing. Gabrielle sets her staff on fire. Xena makes gurgling noises like a demented meerkat. Xena says the way of the warrior was wrong for Gabrielle, such radical candour was undone in the final ever ep.

This unnecessary ep has a melodramatic scenario that lacked proportionality or reasonableness. Gabrielle throws her staff into some water hole. There are moral flaws all around and another post show disclaimer. This sucked hard and made NO SENSE!

Best Lines:
“Doing my philosophical stuff.”

“Cycle of violence that has ravaged the earth for centuries.”

“All rivers run to the sea.”

“This is an evil man.”

“His is the way of evil.”

“I’m not one for cryptic talk.”

“The way is not for people like me.”

“Angry ass kicking.”

The Americans 5x07

The Committee On Human Rights
Paige meets Gabriel. Philip’s honeytrap sees right through his spy tricks. He seems stunned that his spy wang has failed him. The FBI bothers a woman. Stan’s plans backfire on him. Matthew and Paige break up during a scream-fest. Elizabeth learns her honeydick is a liar. There is more obsessing over wheat. This was boring.

Best Line:
What means not much?”

Gotham 4x03

They Who Hide Behind Masks
Penguin, he nasty. Ra’s Al Ghul’s origin story is shown. He gets his shirt off and gurns and his accent slides. Bruce poses and don’t he and Alfred ever sleep? Bruce thinks his fancy suit justifies an escalation. His mask has pointy ears. Bruce is all shrill discord. Why does Alfred have fealty and defiant compliance to the twit? Gordon decides to manage chaos by looking up Carmine and his pillow lipped daughter Sofia Falcone.

This show lacks internal cohesion. Nobody has conciliation. Gordon has laxity of morals and lives without guilt. Gordon has quiet confidence in himself. He also looks jaundiced. There are murky circumstances all round. Bruce expects unconditional submission from Alfred. There is a disintegration of moral values in Gotham. There is misplaced credulity.

Barbara sells guns. Who built her revolving walls? Why does Victor dress like Pinhead? Riddler is freed from the ice. Oh come on! Riddler is not congenial. Riddler has a stalker. This is not credible or engaging. People obsess over a knife. Sofia wears a braless, backless, frontless shameless dress. Riddler gets a short-lived unwanted sidekick and has no profound gratitude to her. Riddler is violent toward yet another woman. His overacting is a blight on this show

Batbrat sneers. Who is Harper? Ra’s Al Ghul is over 2000 years old. He dunked Barbara in the Lazarus Pit and so they make out. No, just no.

Best Lines:
“Take me!”

“Why are you sitting in the dark by yourself?”

“If you’re going to play the part of a street kid. Learn how to talk like one.”

“Heard a lot of good things.”
“From who?”

“Rehashing someone else’s idea isn’t very original.”

“Unfortunately nobody stays dead in this town.”

Flight HS13 (2016-?) 1x01

There is nudity, a woman running around Iran, a mysterious jailbird relative and unclear flashbacks in this okay if odd Dutch drama. Liv and Simon have an annoying moppet son. People have sex and 2 mysterious people watch a house. Simon is a doctor and gets a flight to Spain. It crashes and Liv who has a perm from 1983 howls. The moppet is a brat.

Nobody acts normally. Flowers are ignored. Liv is shocked when Simon’s name is left off the list of the dead. It turns out he never checked in and wasn’t on the plane. So where is he and where is his luggage? Liv is shocked that Simon left his phone behind. CCTV reveals that Simon skipped out of the airport with another woman and her boy. So what are Simon’s secrets and what is going on?

Best Line:
“Dad didn’t explode into a hundred pieces in the air.”

Shadowhunters 2x16&2x17

Day Of Atonement
This is okay if not relentless or compelling as Valentine faces the infinite wrath and infinite despair of his demon son. One views this disinterestedly as Valentine deals with his son’s challenging behaviour. No one has intriguing mystique. Maia annoys. Alec and Izzy’s dad shows up. Clary and Jace run around Idris. Sebastian shows off his ill intentions and disturbing nature. This has no compellability.
Alec and Izzy’s dad is morally complicit. Simon moves on with Maia. Sebastian makes violent threats and his dad wails about his destructive matchless brutality. Clary can make portals. This ep has way too much Simon. Season 2 has been an unremitting hell so far. Alec has effective disinterest in his Mark Strong looking father.

A Dark Reflection
Jace gets his shirt off. Valentine named both his real and fake sons Jonathan Christopher. Max mush-mouths. Valentine wants Luke’s sister to fix the soul-sword. Where’s she been kept? Valentine wants to raise the Angel. There are cheap VFX. Valentine and Sebastian are driven to brutal ends by their ambition.

Maia and her public taunting annoys. Bane whines about moral complications. Oh SHUT UP you tool. His negative response shows the lack of the power of reasoning on this show. Maia is rude to Izzy. SHUT UP Maia with your show of pride. Maia is ever ready to take offence at being challenged. Luke pot stirs. This was okay. Izzy uses the phrase nephilim. Max is on to demon boy. Bane is the classic creepy controlling abusive boyfriend.

Best Line:
“Which you?”

The Assassination Of Gianni Versace 2x09

Ricky Martin is out on his ear, he does a dramatic attention seeking suicide attempt and Princess Diana goes to Versace’s funeral. Old news footage is shown. Andrew basks in his infamy. Maybe season 3 will be better. Andrew shaves his head. Judith Light guest stars again. Andrew can’t escape and his mom loses it. Andrew eats out of the trash and eats dog food. People make speeches about Andrew and his man pain. Andrew rings his father, who is busy exploitating Andrew’s crimes. His father denies his son is gay and the police grab guns. Andrew kills himself and nobody misses him. This was mostly okay.

Best Lines:
“He shot himself.”

“Male prostitute.

“What has he been doing for 2 months?”

“Disgusted by him long before he became disgusting.”

Doubt 1x07

Where Do We Go From Here
Sadie and Billy’s mother plan to discredit Billy’s sister Molly by taking her down via her therapy tapes. Sadie refuses to consider that Billy is guilty. People do a divorce case and ignore an engaged workmate. The firm defend a dangerous driver. Sadie makes a divorce case all about her.

Sadie’s mother was terrible and goes on about the movement and ignores how Sadie was neglected and left alone. The ex-husband wants to use his and his ex-wife’s embryo to have a baby with his mistress.

The firm laugh at Billy’s abusive mother. The engaged woman doesn’t want to live in Iowa. Sadie’s mother is selfish. People mock Molly’s suicide attempt and want to make her a suspect. I hate these people and this terrible show.

Best Lines:
“Leave her 2 year old at home with a 17 year old babysitter to go rob a bank.”

“The Russian nanny just locked her in a closet for not finishing her homework.”

“Existed before you got there.”

“No one ever chooses me.”