April 10th, 2018

Sergio Balleseros

The Green Hornet 2 Reviewed

Some guy called The Oko is mentioned as are a possible new big bad. People quip and fight. There is fancifulness but no intriguing new resonance or sense of drama. Battles are not astutely chosen. This issue is an artless shambles. The Daily Sentinel is in a parlous state. Mulan engages in violent activity. There are no emotional stakes just ineptitude. Some useless pal of Britt’s shows up, he’s apparently well known and respected. There is death, fire and ninjas. This is inherently silly.
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Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘The Titan’ trailer
I am interested in this body horror.

‘Michael Inside’ trailer

The Strangers Prey At Night’ trailer
Hell no.

‘Ocean’s 8’ trailer

‘Ordeal By Innocence’ 1x03 promo
Pills, the maid, mumbling and slapping.

The Woman In White’ promo

‘Dave’ (1993) promo

Gluten free soda bread - okay.
Wild garlic pesto - yum.
Chocolate centre with a dark, bittersweet chocolate shell - yum.
Hazelnut Gianduia coated with hazelnuts & milk chocolate - yum.
Gluten free flapjack cookies - okay

I hope to review ‘Big Game’, ‘True Horror’ and ‘Zero Day’.

I’d try parsnip ice-cream and frozen custard and oyster ice-cream and foie-gras ice-cream and jalapeno bacon.

You can use a hairdryer to crisp up roast chicken?

Picasso nails and sushi tea are things?

Recall ‘Pasadena’ or ‘Newlyweds’?

Who read Andrew Morton’s Monica Lewinsky book?

What is lockwood?

We’ll see how long I can be driven batty by season 4 ‘Gotham’.

Who saw ‘Swingers’ (1996) or ‘I Am Sam’ (2002) or ‘Rob Roy’ or ‘Remember The Titans’ (2000)?

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:
“Trapped animals exist only to assuage the neediness of strangers.”

“Created to soar and swoop.”


“Pony poo for sale.”

“Unbalanced their marriage.”

“Traumatised by a lack of tablecloths or upholstered seating.”

“Social-media shaming.”

“Whale-strangling plastic.”

“Unable to manage the cognitive effort of food preparation.”

“The edgy dance crews that defined New York hedonism in the late 1980s and early 1990s.”

“Strongly clustered living.”

“Where nothing has happened since the 17th century. And nothing happened then either.”

“Left-wing lunatic.”




“Rational optimists.”

“The disconnection is total and catastrophic.”

“Natural carrying capacity.”

“Final redoubt.”

“Unwashed armpits, dirty hair and menstrual blood.”

“Nasty landlords of yore.”

“What was requited to crack Nashville: a rural upbringing with a series of accident-prone dogs; a personal life like a train wreck; and outstanding musical ability.”

“Taut, ruined grace.”

‘Jesus’ Female Disciples - The New Evidence’ Quotes:
“Even Jesus never came here.”

“Centuries of Christian thought.”

‘Meddling Kids’ Quote:
“Pretty much what any menopausal New Age nut would happily embrace now, but when it’s done by men who also live alone in the woods, it looks weird.

“So ancient no one alive today can read them.”

“How do you think he learned to read books that no one alive today can read?”

“What my father was talking to, what my father was shouting at. What I sometimes heard replying. What I hard replying in fear;”

“Genesis myth.”

‘Warehouse 13’ Quote:
“Maybe you’re not dead.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Oppressive social and cultural norms.”

“Override cultural taboos.”

“The thought of what it would take to stop what she had set in motion was overwhelming;”

“Confidence in a glass.”

“Builds up a false sense of who the person is.”

“Fill in the blanks with positive information.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Thrive on crisis.”

“Emotional decision making.”

“Tried to get us taken from our parents.”

Ordeal By Innocence 1x02 + Supergirl 3x12 + Girlfriends (2018) 1x01 Reviewed

Ordeal By Innocence 1x02
This good, slow-burning Agatha Christie adaptation goes on with seething drama. Matthew Goode looks like James from ‘Hollyoaks’. Just pointing that out. The family are confrontational and disagreeable and prone to anger, aggression and retaliation and emotional freezing. Arthur and his startle reflex lurks. Nobody cares to de-escalate emotionally charged situations by remaining calm and pleasant.

Nobody listens or cares to listen to Arthur. Nobody examines the internal logic of their actions. Philip emotionally abuses Mary some more. The family are all spiritual decay and moral depravity. Arthur looks homeless and haunted. Mickey is violent. There is heartache, betrayal, regret and injustice.

Mickey does nihilist gloating. There are dark modern resonances and fearsome things. Jack doesn’t have a gravestone. Mickey has oafish contempt and TPTB make no apologies for the darkness or bleakness or swearing. Flashbacks reveal how Rachel never knew how to feel or show love. Arthur’s frosty reception and Mickey being personally hostile to him was not a careful and strategic choice, it only emboldens Arthur to make himself heard.

The family at last accept that Jack didn’t carry out the explosive act of revenge on his awful adoptive mother. Mickey swears as Philip evokes hostility in him. The family are not people of goodwill. Philip brings no joy to anyone. Gwenda eats grapefruit in the 1950s. Is that possible? Mickey is disproportionately hostile to the deeply grim Philip.

Someone is feverishly plotting Philip’s downfall. Did Mickey and his adoptive sister Christina have a relationship? Why did Christina give up her bed-sit in town? Philip is a sad, angry suckhole who is unembarrasable and he has trademark windbaggery and oozes smug. There is judgmental cruelty. Arthur has indignation and fury. Local children hurl abuse at Christina. Philip is overly opinionated and has a sense of mischief.

There are no rapturous reminiscences of Rachel. Gwenda has been planning her uptrade for a while despite being of no personal distinction. Mary broods. The aura of mystery hovers. Leo is ponderous. There is angst and peril. The creepy cooper tries to get rid of Arthur. Why does Leo run a daycare centre for his deadbeat children? Mary dances attendance on her openly hostile husband. A white grand piano is played. Philip makes out with a sister in law.

People mock Arthur’s tragic backstory and try to discredit and damage him. The maid freaks out. The house has a nuclear fallout shelter in the basement. Leo won’t listen. Flashbacks show how Jack walked around naked and may have been framed after making hints of abuse and getting a prophetic threat. They also show how Gwenda was Rachel’s secretary and how she wore more clothes in the past. Meanwhile Hester is a creepy disturbed woman. There is lots of swearing and some bad ADR.

Christian Cooke looks like the lovechild of Ant and Dec. There is smoking and Gwenda demands a ring on it. There is more smoking and Mary is an awful person who has sibling rivalry. It is still not explained how Philip gets around the non-wheelchair accessible house. Arthur reveals he worked on the Fatman and Little Boy project. Rachel did something the day of her murder. But what? The closing scenes show another murder which is disguised as a drug overdose and the murderer is strongly hinted at.

Best Lines:
“I need to make your father listen to me.”

“Just blood and teeth.”


“Riding Leo like a seaside donkey while Rachel was still alive, probably on this sodding table.”

“Nasty boy.”

“Unspeakable savagery.”

“Hurling her shoes at children.”

“Driving his car at me.”

“Who I thought was my friend.”

“Gentleman of the road.”

“He’s just a jumped up copper.”

“A good war would sort you out.”


“Try so hard to appall me.”

“The rest of you just turned up!”

“She is the tea girl!”

“What you are.”


“Bugger off!”

“Keep you reasonable.”

For Good
Mon-El is all over this dull ep like the capricious jerk he is, he sticks to this show like crap sticks to a blanket. He casually mentions that Superman killed Zod but Zod will come back. Nobody is too concerned with that reveal. Alex jokes about working in Seattle. James and Lena hang out. The plot feeds on broken promises. Morgan Edge has a negative mindset. Adrian Pasdar overacts wildly. This ep has arse-clenching tweeness and saccharine sentimentality.

Edge makes accusations and has a desire to be noticed. How did he get away with the lead poisoning and attempted murder? Sam seeks reassurance and is afraid of the response she might invoke. There is a mention of Maxwell Lord, but no mention of where he is. James has an emotional response to Lena being poisoned and tries for genuinely terrifying. There is an arranged obviousness. This ep was gravely disappointing.

Fake Hank does a liberal speech. People lie to Lena. TPTB ignore the alien threat to bring back Lillian. There are more fierce liberal polemics and cultural and political sanctimony. Lena gets a glimpse of the abyss and ponders destiny. There is no intriguing new resonance. There are dumb VFX and Winn is useless. Mon-El takes over the show and armed vengeance is threatened.

Best Line:
“They are mediocre, you’ll fit right in.”

Girlfriends (2018) 1x01
This terrible ITV drama centres on 3 barely disguised stereotypes - Linda, Gail and Sue - who are lifelong friends. Linda’s teddy boy husband vanishes off a cruise ship. Gail’s son is on house arrest and Gail is played by Zoë Wanamaker who screwed herself out of a job in the ‘Harry Potter’ franchise. Gail adores her feckless jerk son even when he gets arrested again.

Sue (Miranda Richardson) works at a magazine and her boss/lover (Anthony Stewart Head) is pushing her out the door so he can boff a trainee and give her Sue’s job. Nobody has tact or gentleness. Sue screeches and is a youth-obsessed harpy. There are lies and Sue SHOUTS. Her lover and his bimbo mock her and Sue’s co-workers ignore her as she’s pushed into aggrieved obscurity. Nobody is particularly joyous. Linda opens the door to some bag lady who screams and makes accusations.

Best Lines
“Got cat poo on my dressing gown!”

“Better off without that bastard.”

“All I wanted was to be put first once in a while.”

“Don’t have the money to spoil him.”

“You’re no longer relevant.”
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Kylo Ren

Movie Reviews: A Quiet Place + Thoroughbreds + Speed

A Quiet Place (2018)
This mostly silent horror movie stars John Krasinski and his wife Emily Blunt as parents protecting their children from monsters or are they aliens? It is never clear. Anyway the monsters hunt by sound so the family must make no sound to live. Krasinski’s never named father must have been a crazy paranoid prepper before the monsters showed up because he has adapted scarily well to the primal post-apoc world. There are late night signal fires that show the presence of other survivors but later on, there are no signal fires. That and the lack of radio broadcasts suggest that humanity is being driven to extinction by the monsters. The ending and fate of the family is ambiguous. One question: why does Blunt have waxed legs in the apocalypse?

Best Lines (well, signed):
“There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
“Yes there is!”

Thoroughbreds (2018)
Two well groomed posh girls hatch a murder plot in their immaculately designed mcmansions. Anya Taylor-Joy pouts and this is an okay tale of chilly rich nihilist sociopaths and an evil jerk step dad (Paul Sparks of ‘House Of Cards’) and a checked out mother. The late Anton Yelchin has a pointless role as a drug dealing sex offender.

Best Line:
“’Swimfan’ over there.”

Speed (1994)
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