April 8th, 2018

Scary Books

Book Reviews: History Of Wolves + The Reunion

History Of Wolves by Emily Fridlund
I’ve no idea what this was about, it was entirely without any validity and not emotionally charged and disquieting.

The Reunion by Samantha Hayes
Claire feels guilt over the disappearance of her daft sister Eleanor in 1996. Now it is 2018 and Claire organises a reunion of friends and family and long buried secrets emerge. This is a badly written bit of self-published pap and it is entirely without any validity.
  • Current Music
    I Never Loved You Anyway - The Corrs/Love Shine A Light - Katrina And The Waves/Spice Up Your Life - The Spice Girls
  • Tags

Movie Reviews: Dirty Dancing (2017) + Point Of Entry + 4 others

Dirty Dancing (2017)
A remake that has excised all mentions of Baby joining the Peace Corps and Johnny is played by some Zac Efron knockoff. There is bad dancing and bad music. Bruce Greenwood plays Baby’s father. This was DREADFUL, the format and the wretched ending make no sense.

Best Lines:
“You should be ashamed of yourself.”

“Now please, get out of my life.”

Point Of Entry (2007)
Holly Marie Combs, Patrick Muldoon of ‘Starship Troopers’, Roark Critchlow, Traci Lords and Richard Roundtree star in this terrible TV movie. A retired policeman (Roundtree) looks into an unsolved murder. Meanwhile a family move to Hidden Glades, a gated community where a creepy neighbour (Muldoon whose acting hasn’t improved since his stint on ‘Days Of Our Lives’) creeps.

This is woefully and unforgivably dull as the family make one ludicrously bad decision after another. The awful husband shrugs off his wife’s grim memories and hangs out with a slut. The wife (Combs) has to fend off the nutter while an oversexed neighbour (Lords) is her only friend. Nobody feels apprehension about the nutter until it is too late.

Best Lines:
“I got his wine cellar along with his house in the divorce settlement.”

“Never wildly popular.”

Vibes (1988)

Rose Red (2002)

Arachnophobia (1990)

Ghost Ship (2003)
  • Current Music
    Wicked Game - Chris Issac/Love Song For A Vampire/Little Bird - Annie Lennox/I Am A Woman In Love - Barbara Streisand
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SEAL Team 1x03 + The City And The City (2018) 1x01 Reviewed

Boarding Party
Jason’s lame bitch wife is always creating tension. Spenser is laughably boring and thoroughly unmemorable. This ep is not even pleasingly mundane. A research vessel is hijacked. There is technobabbling. Spenser and his bimbo bore. There is no emotional realism just mumbling. This was astonishingly bad.

Best Lines:
“I never liked you.”
“And yet you’re marrying me.”

“Do your drinking there.”

“Some real Chuck Norris action.”

“I’ve been punched, shot and stabbed. Got frag in my shoulder twice. An RPG almost killed me.”

BBC2 adapted this flop from a book I’ve never read. It makes no sense and is full of constant swearing. Somewhere a city is actually 2 cities divided in two. Each city chooses to literally not see the other and not interact. Then a dead woman (but of course) is found in the green, brown and grubby city and it seems she was killed in the other bright shiny city.

There is mumbling about not being permitted to look, voice over narration, an adopted tongue and the hero has a missing wife. People yell about breach and David Morrissey looks sad. There are rumours of a third city and no, just NO.

Best Lines:
“That’s brown stuff.”

“Food for the kids and clothes comes first. Then crack. Conditioner’s way down the list.”

“That place. Again.”

“The cities love hating each other.”

“Avert Decorum.”

“Either bemused or irritated.”
Kylo Ren

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Westworld’ season 2 promo
Cue ridiculing laughter.

Best Lines:
“It’s us or them.”

“A place hidden from god.”

Star Wars Rebels’ clip
Time portals and voices of many many characters, Kylo Ren among them.

WWE 1999 Superbowl ad

Best Lines:
“We’re a non-violent form of entertainment.”

“We’re good wholesome family entertainment.”

‘The First Purge’ trailer
How it all began, to be seen and understood.

‘Warlock III: The End Of Innocence’ (1999) trailer
Once the Warlock wanted to end creation now he wants a house? This is overlit, 90s looking and full of idiots. The Warlock shows up played by Bruce Payne now and he knocks at the door. There is bad VFX and this trailer is stupid. I’m sure the movie is even more stupid and dumb.

Best Line:
“You get a bad vibe watching cartoons.”

‘Designated Survivor’ 2x17 promo
“They will hang him in the street!”

Come Home’ 1x03 promo
The vile wife and her awful daughter.

The City And The City’ 1x02 promo

‘Tyler Perry’s Acrimony’ promo

‘Fantastic Beasts 2’ promo

‘The Adventures Of Kid Danger’ promo

I will review ‘Meddling Kids’.

I won’t review ‘Our House’ or ‘Girl In Snow’.

They remade ‘The Dunwich Horror’ in 2009?

Recall ‘Biker Mice From Mars’ or ‘1-800-Missing’?

Is Colin Donnell really returning to ‘Arrow’?

Why no Hawkeye character poster for ‘Avengers: Infinity War’?

Who saw ‘Impromptu' (1991) or ‘The Browning Version’ (1994)?

Joan Collins to be in ‘American Horror Story’?!?

There is to be another ‘The Stand’ TV show?

Recall the ghastly ‘Gormenghast’?

What’s a build your own omelette?

‘Meddling Kids’ Quotes:
Old mills and barns where hand-wringing bad guys think of their evil plots,”

“Am I interrupting a moment? I can leave.”

“Words must be picked carefully in a parole hearing.”

“I staged a haunting in an old mansion and dressed up as a giant salamander to scare people away.”

‘Splinter’ Quote:
“The West Virginia mating call is the sound of shaking a bottle of opioids.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
Imperative or interrogative style,”

“Night courting.”

“Girls who take part in immodest sports,”

“Disallows this form of self-protection.”

“The dominance of a few over the many,”

“The problem is that this vision of the world is at odds with the reality.”

“Like those lettuce-leaf Carlton Ware salad bowls all the rage at ‘70s dinner parties.”

“St George was a hobo who was famous for beating a rare lizard to death at the behest of a voice in his head.”

“Precipitate such national trauma on a whim.”

‘Poirot’ Quote:
“Her love will reform him.”

‘The Gloss Magazine’ Quotes:
“It’s a fresh way for people to wear heirloom pieces by switching up how they are actually worn.”

“Mothering narrative.”

“A stew of self-pity and bad advice.”

‘Blackadder The Third’ Quotes:
“Glutinous levity.”

“Restless lynch mob.”

“Auditioning for the part of Arnold The Bat in Sheridan’s new comedy.”

‘Warehouse 13’ Quotes:
“Everyone has a choice. As I discovered, people often make the wrong one.”

“Regent vault.”

‘American Housewife’ Quotes:
“Eight guys talking about persevering dirt roads.”

“Don’t use any of the words Momma screams while she’s driving.”

“We should be proud.”
“Not openly.”

“The pie literally made Stan throw up in the birdbath.”

“Why is everyone dramatically entering?”

'Doctor Strange' Quotes:
“Implicit in my disgust.”

“All I need is possible.”

“Lead another gifted student to power.”

“Bring ruin upon us all.”

“Continuum probabilities.”

The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“Bait the traps. Momma needs a new people coat.”

“Rich people justice.”

“Beach thongs.”

“Rotten Time Ranch.”

“Please laugh at me!”

“Intentional unfunnyness.”

‘Sky News’ Quote:
“To appear reasonable."

On ‘Neighbours’: fat Terese ignores Gary and harasses Paul.

On ’Hollyoaks’: Kyle plans to frame James. Ste looks like a depressed rodent. There is family chaos and joyless twerp Elly has willed ignorance. Alfie cracks up. Nobody cares. Elly rejects James. Kyle lies about being abused by James. These odious falsehoods are easily believed due to James’ combative personality. Ste is a gooby chav. Nancy berates James; this show is full of rubbish. Maxine’s abuse by Patrick is brought up. Sami and Kyle have competitive cruelty.

Best Lines:
“There are no elves or wizards in ’Game Of Thrones’!”

“We’re fine without you.”

“James has to get sent down.”