February 27th, 2018

Illya K

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Pacific Rim: Uprising’ trailer
This looks stupid. Bad accents.

‘Pitch Perfect 3’ trailer
Fat Amy punches a fish. Ha?

‘Collateral’ promo
Mmmm.

‘Kiss The Girls’ (1997) promo
No.

Corleggy (hard goat) cheese - nice.
Creeny (hard sheep) - cheese - nice.
Drumlin (hard cow) traditional cheese - nice.
Drumlin (hard cow) garlic cheese - yum.
Drumlin (hard cow) cumin cheese - nice.
Chipotle chilli & garlic dip - lovely.
Mediterranean herbs crisps - bland.
Forest honey - too sweet.
Seville orange choc - okay.
Parmesan fries - okay.
Elderflower presse - good.
Gluten free Diavilo pizza - good.
Gluten free dough balls - yum.
Caramel M&Ms - okay.
Cherry Dr Pepper - okay.

Recall Rose McGowan and Rosario Dawson’s hideous 2007 ‘Rolling Stone’ cover to promote ‘Grindhouse’?

Party shorts are a thing?

I’d try beef rara.

Recall the ‘Batman: The Animated Series’ ep ‘The Showdown’?

Who saw ‘Mr India’ (1987) or ‘Mickey Blue Eyes’ (1999) or 'Easter Parade'?

Recall ‘Danny Phantom’?

I want wicked twinkle toes shoes.

What is a Dublin coddle pizza?

What has happened to Lara Flynn Boyle of ‘Twin Peaks’?

Anyone read the ‘Highlander’ and ‘Star Trek’ crossover fanfic ‘A Dish Served Cold’? Well it was all padding, too long and out of canon. What about the ‘Due South’ fanfic ‘Across’ or ‘An Undead Benny Story’ which involved vampires? Or the very short story ‘Revolver’s Prayer’ which saw everybody die? Sadly all 3 stories were short and naff. Anyone read the ‘Kung Fu: The Legend Continues’ fanfic ‘Mistaken Identity II’? It sees Peter under the influence of evil forces again. It was badly written.

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:
“The poet laureate of lost masculinity.”

“I am exactly the person that I want to be.”

“Stoned bowling. Welcome to LA, 2018.”

“Epochal shift.”

“Rather less glamorous era.”

“A personality that had divided the town.”

“Brought much of the negative attention on himself.”

“How an innocent person was supposed to act.”

“Without vanity, redeeming virtue or apology.”

“Does a magnificent impression of a simple rustic unused to big city ways.”

“Savagely reduced by a sudden switch from peaceful co-existence to barbarous internecine conflict.”

“At the lower end of the quality spectrum.”

“Impose virtue on others.”

“Intellectualised censoriousness.”

“Jumble sale underwear.”

‘The Sunday Business Post’ Quotes:
“Daring us to be offended.”

“Kitchen-sink approach to dystopia.”

“Tailoring her output to the desires of other people.”

“Notions of her intelligence, her creativity and her destiny as a great sophisticate.”

“Tepid wild-child antics.”

“Terminally affected.”

“The consequences we never consider when someone swaps fame for infamy.”

‘3News’ Quotes:
“Weather event.”

“The beast from the east.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“What would be the cause of action?”

“You are useless to society.”

“You live in a parking lot.”

‘Batman Beyond: Return Of The Joker’ Quotes:
“Nana Harley.”

“Look up Nightwing someday; has he got stories.”

“You always had a few spare kids hanging around. So we borrowed one.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quote:
“Road opening licence.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Not credibly achievable.”

“Normative masculinity.”



Scary Books

Movie Review: Happy Death Day (2017)

The horrible horrible Tree and her equally horrible jerk sorority ‘friends’ hang out and party. One feels visceral loathing for Tree and her stupid name. She is menaced by a killer. The harridan is murdered and wakes up and repeats the day over and over and over and over again. There is no explanation for the time loop.

Tree is attitude heavy and acrimonious and attiudinous and self-entitled. She’s a walking catastrophe, she has no sense of purpose or moral sense, she’s just angry of demeanour and a nakedly hostile malefactress. Tree is having an affair with a married lecturer. She has misaligned priorities and is fully committed to antagonism.

Her dominant conversational mode is sneering and her inevitable comeuppance keeps coming. People are impressively volatile and fantastically uninhibited with raptor grimaces and gloating triumph. There are date rape jokes and the bell toils for Tree. She decides to solve her own murder and there is a funny montage. There are cat fights and unquestioning acceptance of weirdness. Who is the ruthless scheming killer?

Why is there a time loop? This was not tense or poignant. There is escalating confrontation and a gauntlet of stupid. Tree decides to be a better person and uncovers the killer and their nefarious motives. This was okay, maybe it should have gone with the alternate ending though.

Best Lines:
“Look weirdo, I’m not scared!”

“It’s not like you have a footlong.”

“Cat lady buffet.”

“Nutter butter.”

“Man ass.”

“Who’s Bill Murray?”

“Clumsy hos.”

“EAT IT, BITCH!”
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Dollanganger

Collateral 1x03 + Trauma (2018) 1x01 Reviewed

Collateral 1x03
Pizza woman is dead. The cops are useless. A Nick Frost-esque fat man oversees the conspiracy of morons. They’re human traffickers. There is gratuitous nudity by the despondent shooter. Pizza woman’s mother wails. The female cop snarks and nothing develops the narrative. Karen lies in bed radiating smouldering sexual intensity and blatant disregard for her children.

John Simm ignores his ex-wife’s drug use and does a Corbyn impression and rants about his nasty little country on TV. The solider hangs out with her mother who is austere, irreproachable and lives a life circumscribed.

Army woman is unwanted by her mother. This has no stark tones. John Simm and Karen scream about drugs and principles and her past. Things are explained and there are reveals and lies. The Vicar faces consequences. A Bishop reveals deep sadness. The female cop is sworn at. Army woman’s pervert boss has a family. This had lost all quality since 1x01. Army woman stalks her boss menacingly and this has no emotional resonance.

Best Lines:
“Dumped down Shagwell way.”

“I can’t pretend I’m happy.”

“A bid for attention.”

“Grumpy French girl.”

“Steak is for men.”

“Prison’s better than this.”

“M&S suits.”

“Low level sexual scum.”

“I had to pay off gangsters! Russians!”

“No one commits murder for dope.”

“Come back in through the front, loudly.”

~
Trauma (2018) 1x01
This ITV 3-part show stars John Simm who is a scruffy working class devoted father who is fired. A posh doctor is also a devoted father who is called in for an emergency after he had a party. The working class man’s son has been stabbed and John Simm bursts into an operating theatre and rants and annoys. The son dies. John Simm starts ranting about lies and accuses the doctor of making a mistake. John Simm annoys and harasses the doctor. FFS.

John Simm rants about his workmates having a whip-round for the funeral that nets him £30. The prevailing impression is that he’s a jerk with an unapologetic obsession with the doctor. He’s pitiful and screeches conjecture and creates a false narrative. He’s vehemently annoying and given to idle talk. John Simm argues endlessly and bitterly about class.

If TPTB are trying for moral contrast. It’s not working. John Simm is a vindictive ineradicably annoying arse. Why isn’t John Simm angry with the person who stabbed his son? John Simm gets a job at the hospital, surely he could be arrested for stalking. This was the pits.
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PromNight2

Nova 1 + The Mighty Captain Marvel 1 Reviewed

Nova 1
The exposition dump at the start of this mentions a bad guy called Annihilus and a parallel dimension called The Cancerverse. Then there is babble about Nova Corps and helmets. There is mobile phone usage in space, a talking planet and The Thing breakfast cereal.

Why did various people quit the Avengers? Why is a guy who looks 12 being a superhero? This was not intoxicating, funny or engaging. There is a hallucination of Thanos, Venom, Ultron, some Hydra guy, Juggernaut and Red Skull. 2 different Novas have issues. I’m not getting this.

I felt indifferent to this bitter absurdity. This was not sober, lucid, gripping or darkly amusing. This was sub-literate lethargy with no purpose or meaning. This was all aimlessness.

Best Lines:
“You didn’t say you were invested with Sidri?”

“Avengers don’t have time to shower!”

“What if Galactus attacks?”
“Tell him to wait!”

“Yeah, but why?”
“They don’t!”

~
The Mighty Captain Marvel 1
Captain Marvel saves a Kree child. Various weirdoes hang out at Alpha Flight. There’s a baddie shapeshifter and a whining heroine. This has no intensity and it seemed brazenly contrived. But it was okay.

Best Lines:
“My closest friends are either dead, or not speaking to me.”

“Not as old-school as brute force. Namely mine,”

“Her boob windows?”
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To Light The Way To Bed

Book Reviews: Dead But Dreaming part 2 + Brave

Dead But Dreaming edited by Kevin Ross & Keith Herber, part 2

The Unseen Battle
A girl meets an ill-omened man. This was miserably flawed and full of nefarious deeds and mediocrity.

Bayer’s Tale
An emotionally deadened cop tells a story of stroppy tetchiness, death and a monster. This has no deadly predicament. It causes malaise and is mundane and logic-defying, farcical, choppy and disjointed.

The Call Of Cthulhu: The Motion Picture
People try to film one of Lovecraft’s most famous stories. The screenwriter gets an alarming insight into Lovecraft’s inspiration. This has no class or gravitas as the film affects people’s lives negatively. This has no individuality or spark and everyone is an idiotic blowhard.

Under An Invisible Shadow
This zombie tale is not Lovecraftian. Nor is it dispassionate, steely or scintillating.

Best Line:
“And then, in the sudden taut silence, something answered.”

The Thing Beyond The Stars
A badly written sci-fi tale of humanity’s future. Ancient certainties are swept away by unflinchingly grim things.

Fire Breathing
This incoherent tale is all inscrutability and mystery that does not adhere to conventions like plot. This was messy.

Best Line:
“The bar that scared everyone, the kind of bar that never had a name, never had a front door.”

The Other Names
A horrible boy becomes a social ill. All misery.

Final Draft
A man is asked to investigate a cathedral. This was very very good. This is dramatically complex and astonishingly good with life-ending disaster and calamitous truths.

Best Lines:
“He was sure that Christianity wasn’t the only thing it predated.”

“The last thing any sane person would do was set foot in that tower.”

~
Brave by Rose McGowan
The star of ‘Scream’, ‘Jawbreaker’ and ‘Charmed’ has written this efficacious ceaseless protracted rant which tells of, among many other things, her childhood in the Children Of God cult which caused fear, shame and resentment and no doubt profoundly affected her for the rest of her life erasing her sense of proportion.

She rants that after escaping the cult she was a punk, a runaway, a drug user and hooked up with many terrible men. She was discovered and became a movie star and hated the accepted image she had to adopt and it had a negative effect on her.

Abuse is constantly befalling her. She badmouths that producer she helped bring down, her married director boyfriend, ‘Charmed’, her co-stars and crew on that show, Marilyn Manson and everyone in Hollywood and everyone who watched her movies. Everyone is an object of derision to her.

Her acting career is an ill-remembered time and she hated having to be pretty and deferential and existing in order to be looked at. She hated being under the unassailable authority of men. Her unfocused rage makes this book incoherent as she rants about the chilly vampishness she had to fake and the Hollywood powerbrokers with mouth breathing delusions of grandeur that had to be appeased.

She rants about retaliatory acts, her downright tragic family, her disaffected life and Hollywood’s unevolved views that left her emotionally exhausted and filled with righteous fury. McGowan has been the subject of a lot of negative attention and there is nothing really revelatory in her reveal of Hollywood, cults and tortuous relationships.

She seems lonely, fragile and prone to social isolation. She seems to have hated acting and other actresses. She’s thrown away her once feted career to be ferociously aggressive on social media. She’s not as seismic as she thinks she is and seems vindictive as she rants about her worldly morals. She’s right about something darker lurking in Hollywood but there is something about McGowan, you don’t take to despite her protracted trauma.

She rants about never having been asked about her method and craft yet doesn’t talk about it in her own book. Yet despite its flaws, this highly negative account (of which you feel much has been left out) reveals the long term negative impact of abuse and male defensiveness. This won’t be transformational and McGowan’s narcissism is increasingly annoying but this is an engrossing read.

Best Lines:
“Leaving out the front door when I could hear my dad’s soft snores. I’d make sure to leave the front door open in case anyone wanted to come in and murder him, but no one ever did, much to my disappointment.”

“Sounded like an Irish scrub girl.”

“Having no discernible mental assets.”

“Brain smut.”

“Societal norms.”

“Moral crime.”

“Wilful stupidity.”

“Cothinkers.”

“Artistic thought.”
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