February 11th, 2018

To Light The Way To Bed

Star Trek The Official Magazine 192 notes

This has a collection of articles on the rather tedious Klingons, oddly all the Klingons featured are male, not one female Klingon is mentioned or pictured. There is also a review of the 1st 9 eps of ‘Star Trek: Discovery’ which TPTB have a deep liking for.
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Illya K

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Bad Apples’ trailer
A teacher, creepy kids, mmm, blood, okay.

Best Line:
“Certain teaching methods.”

‘A Quiet Place’ TV spot
An attack, post apoc, silence, no shoes and dumb kids. Am interested.

‘Riverdale’ 2x14 promo

‘Here and Now’ promo

‘The 15:17 To Paris’ TV spot

‘Everything Sucks’ trailer
A Netflix show. It’s 1996 and there are nerds and bad hair. This looks yawn. There is 90s music and dial up internet noise.

Best Lines:
“What kind of fairytale world does Alanis Morissette live in?”

“There isn’t a single female behind those doors.”

“I can see your car!”

“You like the idea of me.”

“Any minute now.”
“God, I love the net.”

‘Young Sheldon’ promo

‘Pacific Rim Uprising’ promo

‘Meerkat Manor’ opening credits
Ah the social problems one and the brave one and poor Shakespeare, they’re all gone now.

‘Jamestown’ promo

‘To Trap A Spy’ (1964) promo
Wildly overblown.

‘The Spy With My Face’ (1965) promo

Best Lines:
“No quarter asked or given!”

“More alluring girls!”

Seville oranges - tart.
Strawberry Greek style yogurt - no.
Seville orange juice - tart.

I will review ‘Istanbul’ and ‘Game Of Queens’.

I won’t review ‘Everything You Told Me’ or ‘His Other Lover’ or ‘A Simple Favour’ or ‘The Daughter’ or ‘Anatomy of a Scandal’ or ‘The Lie Of The Land’.

Found 2 reviews of the 1983 'Deadly Lessons' TV movie that amused, they are here and here.

Who saw ‘Calendar Girls’ (2003) or ‘News Boys’ (1992) or ‘The Italian Job’ (1969) or ‘The Host’ (2006) or ‘Song For A Raggy Boy’ (2003) or ‘Kiss Of The Dragon’ (2001)?

‘Once Upon A Time’ axed.

Who recalls the ‘Get Smart’ 1995 revival?

WTF is ark energy?

RIP Reg E Cathey.

I’m on a break from ‘Hollyoaks’: they brought back Mandy (she was the one who used to scream about her father’s abuse of her) and TPTB are doing plotlines where everyone craps on James.

WTF is a fog sculpture?

I don’t think I’ve seen ‘Creature From The Black Lagoon’ (1954).

WTF are drain flies?

The Josephine collection from Chaumet is beautiful.

‘RTE News’ Quotes:
“Statement of means.”

“Even Cher’s supporting it.”

‘The Irish Times Quotes:
“One cannot accept that the measure is reasonable, necessary or wise.”

“Patriotic pageantry.”

“One single woman who knew her place.”

“The nuns will come and get ya.”

“They don’t do the things that are recommended.”

“Centre of remembrance.”

“A box that sits in the corner and makes noise.”

“Deliberately destabilise them, then use their instability as a reason to disbelieve them.”

“Who assume no one will listen to her.”

“Secrets no one wants to hear.”

“Overdetermiend by.”

“Made a difference, morally.”

“Fell in with bad company.”

“Watches television the old-fashioned way, circling “programmes” she wants to watch in TV guides. Sitting down to watch them “in real name”. Not fast-forwarding the ads.”

“Curious run-ins.”

“Grim contemporaneous warning.”

“Something chin-stroky.”

“After a certain age, any attempt to redraft one’s life was regarded as evidence of lunacy.”

“Obliterated by a reasonable desire for some alteration to comfortable circumstances.”

“Evinced no care.”

“Dark truth.”

“Created a climate of fear and suspicion.”

“Influenced by the mood of the community.”

“I completely refute everything you have just said.”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Nonsense about corruption.”

“Charm offensive.”

“Not moral.”

“We have a right to associate.”

‘Great British Railroad Journeys’ Quote:
“Perpetual foreigners.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“Shut up idiot.”

“Failure ham.”

“Okay sidekicks back in our shadows.”

“It can sense that you’re poor.”

“Tastes like seagull.”

“Polish your balls?”

“$1000 swallow.”

“Wax your alley?”

“Disrespect? Is that a word?”

‘Derry Girls’ Quotes:
“That useless drip you call a husband.”

“Shift his hole.”

“You’re ruining our statement.”

“A real life lesbian walks among us.”

‘American Housewife’ Quotes:
“House manager.”

“Man sick.”

“I admire you, how sad is that?”

“This is humiliating!”

“There’s an old sock next to the shrub.”
“I’m not touching that.”
“In prison, you’d be touching worse.”

‘Meerkat Manor’ Quote:
“Spit and growl calls.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quote:
“Spiritual viper.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Institutionalised vengeance.”

“Defiantly biological.”

“The most obviously exasperating thing.”


“Horribly personal.”

“Biological experience.”

“Women’s bodies have been used to shame them.”

“How others chose to remember him.”

“Flouted it ostentatiously.”

“Such as one was accustomed to attribute to women from the slums.”

“Plagiarising the margins.”

“People are terrible.”

“Lousy human bastards.”

‘3News’ Quotes:
“No reality to that.”

“Grievance procedures.”

Cold War, Hot Spies: U.N.C.L.E and The Cold War’ Quotes:
“We will bury you.”

“That long dangerous knife.”

“Thrush can try and kill you for a while.”

“You are a sly Russian.”

“Used up the mythology of the West.”

“Can’t fun that.”

‘Thor: The Dark World’ Quotes:
“I can feel the righteousness surging.”

“Have a rousing discussion about truth.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Relict species.”

“Some bastard stole.”

“Punished for resisting.”

“Storing his fabrics in the toilets.”

“Fans of fallen clubs inevitably live in the past,”

“Return to the methods of pre-agrochemical generations.”

“These warlord empires and people who must faithfully serve them.”

“Last place to produce them.”

“Effort can be deemed embarrassing.”

“Exciting male captainship without threat.”

“Lost their migratory urge.”



“Today’s America serves a useful function: a model for how not to run your society.”

Scary Books

Book Reviews: White Bodies + How To Hang A Witch

White Bodies by Jane Robins
Beleaguered Callie is creepily devoted to her successful outgoing twin sister Tilda. But Tilda begins to date the convincingly nice Felix who seems to exude decency. The stupid Callie descends into absolute insanity as she vows to protect the theatrically condescending Tilda from Felix who she sees as a crafty, cunning, manipulative, cackling panto villain.

This is not a violent gothic horror nor is it fiendishly ridiculous. It is largely disastrous arch camp and I quickly guessed the ‘twist’. Callie faces understandable outright hostility from Felix. Callie feels apathy and antipathy for everyone and sees sinister intrigue everywhere. This is not pleasingly nasty and is one big narrative weakness. This is not deliciously creepy or subtle or beguiling or nuanced or complex. It’s just exposition dumps.

This is hokum as acrimony and a hard reckoning are imminent. This is full of emotional u-turns and horrible, horrible people who are selfish and insensitive. This is unappealing and full of grim pessimism. Callie moans incessantly and is wearisome and she is not a model of probity. This is a tale of unjustified paranoia, emotional tyranny and it lacks consistent characterisation. It is a tale of how someone can be wrongly perceived as threatening.

Best Lines:
“I don’t need or want you to look after me.”


“Presumably but not definitely by mistake,”


“No, no, god no, that’s frightful.”

How To Hang A Witch by Adriana Mather
This novel by a descendant of the infamous Cotton Mather is terrible. A snotty rancorous brat moves to Salem and finds herself the subject of collective grievance and bullying. This was not deliciously creepy just dumb.

This is a tale of forced ties, a miserable friendless twit, useless adults and no social conscience. There are also ghosts, witches and a stupid romance. It was a daunting challenge to get through this idiocy. I'll avoid anything else ever written by this author.

Best Line:
“That isn’t a popular name around here.”
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Pretty Smart

Movie Review: Ricki And The Flash (2015)

Meryl Strep and Kevin Kline star in this tale of Ricki who is mutton dressed as lamb, also her real name is Linda. Ricki (formerly Linda) walked out on her husband and three children to be a rock star, she failed and ended up singing (badly) covers of other people’s songs in a dive bar. There is no powerful explanatory factor for why. This is plainly doomed.

Ricki is selfish and broke and is a damaged damaging person. She is perfectly dreadful in her badly done loudness. She dresses like a hooker and has no moral purpose. This is not a visceral production as she has a joyful rejection of her family. She’s not conciliatory, one of children is being divorced and another is getting married so she finally shows up to pay some attention to them.

This is mind-bendingly boring as Ricki is selfish and horrible and a source of conflict. She faces moral criticism and her singing is ear-shredding. Yet she has an inherent idea of herself. She’s not a moral arbiter or a moral guide and lacks moral capacity. She feels no moral obligation or moral duty to her kids. The ending is all schmaltzy uplift as she makes her son’s wedding all about her. She is consistently infuriating and motiveless.

This is not unbearably poignant. Ricki deserves unremitting hostility. This was absurdly irrelevant and ruinously unsuccessful. Ricki whines about falling foul of social mores. Her kids are unapologetically angry. Ricki has knowing egotism and this is not unalloyed joy. Ricki has falser humility and felt morally entitled to walk out on her family. This is not a tale of hard-won truthfulness and moral lessons.

Best Lines:
“You shut me out of this family.”

“I wanted the kids to have a mother who was there!”

“That was 1988.”

“Do you always dress like a hooker from ‘Night Court‘?”

“You don’t really give a damn.”

“You guys are fighting, like the 80s all over again.”

“Oh my god she’s parenting, someone get a camera!”
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Illya K

The Man From U.N.C.L.E 4x12&4x13 + Cold Case (2003-2010) 2x06 Reviewed

The Man From THRUSH Affair
This is an Illya free ep. There are raucous scenes and no emotional integrity. Season 3 was a collective shame and utterly inconsistent with seasons 1&2. This is not captivating. Season 3 failed to inspire acclaim and so nobody was watching season 4 by this point. Season 3 was a garishly colourful creative cul-de-sac that was a shame and an embarrassment. Sadly this ep is kind of a throwback to that time, being all dung scented dialogue.

People are arbitrarily vicious. Nobody is purposeful looking and there is no underlying rationale. Solo shows off feats of machismo as he joins a group of baddies uninvited. The Illya place-holder has an accent and can’t act and he has unearned confidence. This was excruciatingly boring and unsatisfactory.

A bad guy is called Killman. Subtle. Thrush are developing force rays and yet another earthquake machine. A female baddie dresses like Cher. People speak only with fists. Solo has solemnity. Thrush finds it morally permissible to be bad. This ep is a detriment to joy.
This is stupid and bad which is an insurmountable obstacle. This has bad acting and fake niceties. This was dreary and uninspired and one feels sullen eye rolling distain for this dramatically inert mess. The Russian ride Illya is missed. The Illya place filler is an energy sucking vortex and a listless actor.

Best Lines:
“You walk over that hill.”

“A peeper.”

“Take those 2 out and arrange an accident.”


The Maze Affair
Del Floria’s shows up. Illya takes his own badge, I thought the receptionist had to hand it to the agents or alarms would go off. William Marshall guest stars. Thrush plot. This has no hard-hitting neorealist clout, sense is an ignored nuisance. The duo have shut themselves off from empathy. This is stripped of any sense of urgency. Thrush are not meddling in nation’s affairs this ep. Thrush do dark muttering. This was not thrillingly ambitious or disturbing.

Solo acts like he’s reached some pretty severe carb levels. This was unexciting and very predictable. The guest star has hypnotic intensity and there are artificially scripted filmic moments. Illya poses moodily and Solo acts in a manner absolutely guaranteed to make things worse. This is not familiar or strange.

The incautious duo are in peril from the moral vacuum of Thrush. Illya wears an ugly hat. There is contrived behaviour, self created ordeals and people with slightly scary streaks of self delusion. The print of this ep is damaged in places. A woman screeches. This was not compelling, it is just cognitive dysfunction.

Illya seems in no emotional turmoil from Solo’s supposed death. Where’s their matchless loyalty? Solo is distracted by some bint’s devil vagina magic. This was a woefully misconceived ep. Illya doesn’t show all that much concern. I virulently disliked this. There is cold hearted treachery and this was lamentable and not daring or innovative.

Best Lines:
Hold yourself in readiness.”

“That minor annoyance.”

“No active demolition mechanisms.”

“I once passed myself off as a Tibetan lama.”

The Sleepover
The cops look into the 1990 murder of a bullying victim. 3 former teen bitches named Ariel, Brandi and Tiffany are suspected. Whodunit? This is an okay tale of abuse and lies.