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February 1st, 2018

The Man From U.N.C.L.E 4x09 Reviewed

The Fiery Angel Affair
Illya is militantly inscrutable and full of rampant mysteriousness. An Eva Peron knockoff is in peril. This doesn’t go anywhere original. Illya is overly cynical. People coated in fake bake rant. There is no moral ambiguity and this was not darkly funny, disconcerting, brilliant, troubling, thoughtful, provocative, wise, gripping, terrifying, wonderful, frightening, adorable, compelling or wonderfully creepy. Solo does unaffectionate mocking.

People talk about The Secret Three, baddies who sound like Enid Blyton baddies. Even Illya is caked in fake bake. There is sexism. This was wholly unsatisfactory and universally unloved. Illya and Solo seem to have had their personalities surgically removed. They have brusque manners and negatively impact people. This creates no powerful excitement.

Best Lines:
“A courthouse.”
“Oh, every capital city should have one.”

“Made rather a display of myself.”

“A dancing girl from the streets.”

“Voice of crass reality.”

The Fandom by Anna Day
This pastiche of YA dystopian fiction starts out well but turns into an irony free calamitous mess full of male malcontents and a traitorous slut. The novel within the novel ‘The Gallows Dance’ has poor world building yet has rabid fans. Some of whom somehow end up inside the world of ‘The Gallows Dance’ and find their outsized expectations unmet.

The moron fans number among them dumb heroine Violet and her alleged bff Alice who is a slut into tactics of manipulation. There are unnecessary levels of violence, an atmosphere of fear, verbal and emotional abuse, poor treatment, rage filled outbursts and canon love interests who are ineffectual and have black holes of personalities.

Alice is sheer nastiness and is a dire friend who is not overly burdened with guilt or morals. I found this quaint and slow with no power or immediacy. Alice has a weak commitment to her friends, Violet has no salty toughness and asspull technobabble draws attention to the artifice. This lacks cohesion and Violet is shocked, shocked to learn the male menace canon love interest lacks valiant loyalty and remarkable kindness and that the dystopian hellworld is worse than ever.

The morally wavering Alice has pious certainty about herself and has no perception of her own entitlement. This doesn’t withstand the scrutiny of logic and is totally irrational. I detested the ill-intentioned, ungrateful, inconsiderate, unsupportive Alice who spews vituperation at her friends and whom is adversarial.

Best Lines:
“People fall in love quickly in dystopian chick lit.”

“Extra if you smile.”

“Think Tris, think Katniss.”

~
Last Act by Christopher Pike
This dated 1988 novel tells of a new girl in town who thinks auditioning for the school play is an amazing opportunity that will led to tentative self-renewal and a chance to have her talent recognised. The new girl doesn’t realise her new friends are reprehensible moral poison who have no reasonable responses to anything. This is a tale of high school moral degeneracy. The stage is set for murder. Are we seriously supposed to believe that even in 1988 real alcohol and a real gun would be allowed in a school play? Also if the victim realised what was going on, why didn’t she say or do something?

The heroine is an idiot and the baddie carried out an over-elaborate murder for drama’s sake. Somebody has 2 VCRs which is a major plot point. A woman using the title Ms is sneered at. The baddie is obvious but it takes everyone ages to cop on. There are exposition dumps and this was okay. There is no acceptance of consequences, extraordinary reckless cops and this was never deeply convincing.

Best Lines:
“I was at the arcade in the mall playing Centipede.”

“A moronic ex-jock.”

“Ducks were not to be trusted.”

“Getting ready to bleed,”

“And no one ever spoke to Rindy again.”

“How much my sister was hated.”

“I get a call in the middle of the night from a policeman who says my daughter’s in jail for killing someone and you ask me what’s new? Melanie, what have you done this time?”

“There wasn’t a pair of eyes not watching them.”

“There’s not a guy in Careville who’d feel safe with either of us.”

“She was trash!”



~
The Asylum by John Harwood
From the author of ‘The Séance’ comes this tale of an innocent heiress, an evil doctor, a loony bin, a callow man and well intentioned gullibility. This was rubbish.

Best Line:
“Foolish young women will persist in wandering about strange woods at night, exposing themselves to shocks of all kinds-”
The nice to haves at ‘Trinity’ are not always a reflection of what we want to see. This is a place where college is cheerfully unpleasant and bracingly nasty.

Best Lines:
“Ross has never looked better; apart from the face he’s dead.”

“I’m President of the Dandelion Club! That is a polyester shirt! Stand at a distance.”

“I’m wearing black underwear. Silk.”

“Ruddy ungodly!”

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Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Star Trek: Discovery’ 1x14 promo
No more Lorca?  Mmmm.

Best Lines:
“Lost one third of our fleet.”

“How does this war end?”
“It doesn’t.”

‘Supergirl’ 3x13 promo
Another worldkiller and mumbling.

Best Line:
“I am purity.”

‘The Rain’ teaser
A new Netflix show. People live in a bunker, hazmat suits are worn, apocalyptic ruins are outside and people outside need to stay dry to stay alive.

‘Unsane’ trailer
The Steven Soderbergh movie sees a stalking victim end up locked up and stripped. She’s committed and treated by an evil nurse. She’s forced to take pills and tied to a bed. Claire Foy stars and there is death. This looks good.

Best Lines:
“I never feel safe.”

“Those are from crazy people.”

‘Tully’ teaser trailer
Motherhood and self imposed isolation. Less witty than TPTB seem to think.

Best Line:
“Frozen pizza. Awesome.”

‘Better Watch Out’ trailer
Ha!

Best Line:
“Why can’t exes just go away?”

‘Maltese’ promo
Is this a parody? It looks like a parody.

‘Modus’ promo
WTF?

I will review ‘Z Nation’ season 4.

Recall ‘More’ magazine?

‘Neighbours’ Quotes:
“Garden gnome killer.”

“Threw this relationship away for nothing.”

“An absolute psycho.”

“Intervention order.”

“I could smash a large Hawaiian.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“It was always your fault.”

“Motivated by a sense of national identity.”

“Erased our history and there is no pardoning that.”

“Hatchet fiend.”

“No tangible existence.”

“Office-disrupting embarrassment.”

“Expressing their pain admits it.”

“Nuance stripped out.”

“Fidelity to the historical truth comes second to the values of entertainment.”

“Confiscation ruling.”

“People will think Daddy can’t afford to keep us.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“A celebrity before the term was used, a household name from the telly in the days when everybody watched the same programme at the same time.”

“Lost insight completely.”

“No longer felt part of the family.”

“Dog poo seems to hold equal fascination.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“Gross! Weird! Complicated!”

“Irish up my coffee.”

‘Inside Number 9’ Quote:
“Every opinion is valid, even yours.”



Better Watch Out (2016)
Filmed under the title ‘Safe Neighbourhood’ this Australian horror is pretending to be American. 2 horrible teenage boys plot and have prurience and macho explosiveness. Increasingly menacing tones are used. Virginia Madsen has a cameo as a useless mother. She and her husband have no respect and calmness in their interplay.

A babysitter has affability. The mother is overly critical. The babysitter is minding Luke who is 12. Luke and the babysitter face a home invasion. Or do they? The trailer gave too much away.

The babysitter faces those who have disciplined dedication to misbehaving. The baddie deserves a reprimand and confrontation never ends. The baddie has no moral compass and the babysitter is angrily resistant to the baddie who has vindictive satisfaction and unconcern. The baddie shrugs off moral judgement and tantrums. This was okay as the baddie is ominously sure of himself and has behavioural deviation. The baddie ominously lingers and can be violently threatening in their entitlement.

Best Lines:
“I was unconvinced.”

“Don’t you have a curfew?”

“The foetus machine.”

“So what are your family’s plans for the holiday?”
“Drinking and arguing.”

“Why do you hang out with this guy?”

“Have a seat.”
“No.”

~
Prom Night (1980)
This kicked off the franchise and the remake. Leslie Nielsen and Jamie Lee Curtis star in this tale of a killer stalking teenagers responsible for the accidental death of a little girl years ago. This has bad acting, muffled dialogue and funny phone calls.

This is so much more awful than expected. People speak in flat affectless tones. People wander around Hamilton High and nobody has the honesty gene. An escaped lunatic lurks and no man has calm efficiency. This is not a signature achievement in film. This is a constant source of embarrassment. There are psychosexual and nonsensical goings on. Watching this does not give you enormous satisfaction. This was all futility.

Best Lines:
“Missed you on the bus today.”
“Didn’t ride it.”

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