December 31st, 2017


Movie Reviews: Birdman + 4 others

Birdman (2014)
Michael Keaton shows off his ACTINGS as a former movie superhero trying to get respect in a Broadway play. Emma Stone is bony as his daughter and Edward Norton is a pretentious difficult actor who is his co-star. Norton gets punched in the face by Keaton. There are extreme close ups and this does not leave one enraptured. Nobody has a meaningful relationship of goodwill or noble goals. Keaton rants about how his movie career was woefully unfulfilling to him. Nobody has appropriate emotion. This was talky and philosophical and kind of boring. Naomi Watts prances and the ending is bizarre. This was not exquisitely wrought.

Best Lines:
“I look like a turkey with leukaemia!”

“Cultural genocide.”

“Beg people to love me.”

The Score (2001)

Cobb (1994)

Kingpin (1996)

Pretty In Pink (1986)
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Feud 1x05&1x06 Reviewed

And The Winner Is...(The Oscars Of 1963)
Olivia de Havilland discusses Bette being nominated for an Oscar while Joan was not and she also slips in a few digs about her feud with her sister Joan Fontaine. Joan and her drag queen makeup has sulky vengefulness. Hedda poisons the voting well against Bette. There is no nakedness of emotion. TPTB dislike the buzzard Katherine Hepburn. Hedda rants she gave up her career as an actress, her marriage and her dream of many children to keep Hollywood pure.

Joan intimidates other actresses into letting her accept the Best Actress Oscar on their behalf. People feel sorry for Joan as she seems a tragedy beyond measure. Joan is urged to think about not upstaging Bette. Famous faces are played by actors who look nothing like them. Bette doesn’t win Best Actress and Joan gets to accept the Oscar on behalf of the winner whilst comically disengaged from the effects of her actions. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“They all still think of her as a television actress.”

“Did all the gold plating fall off?”

“How I adore a man in a leather skirt.”

“Even more blind on screen.”

“I find her vulgar.”

“Do not speak. Just work.”

“Allows this Babylon to stay standing.”

Joan Crawford plays an axe-murderer in a movie that is not solemn or severe. It is 1964 and John Waters guest stars as William Castle. Joan has to do cheap movies to pay the bills. She abuses her faithful maid. This was devoid of intellectual or moral content. Jack Warner sees the exploitation movies as a way to degrade past it movie stars. He is a vile person. The famously disliked fearsome Hedda rants on the reds, queers, whores, cheaters and dopeheads whose careers she ruined.

She brings up rumours of the stag film that Joan Crawford allegedly did. This was insipid. Aldrich smashed his wife’s Sinatra records. Hedda feels it her moral responsibility to turn on her alleged friend Joan. As for Joan, she is unfathomably miserable. Aldrich is told to make another movie about monstrously manic women and he decides on ‘Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte’. He has to get Bette and Joan to work together again. Joan looks up her vile brother. Aldrich tells Warner where to go. Bette bullies Joan on the movie set. Sigh, here we go again, again.

Best Lines:
“Why did I say yes to any of this?”

“Fine line between art and trash.”

“Scary Louisiana plantation mansions.”

“There’s a hatchet murder.”

“I outlasted Garbo.”

“Tale of shame.”

“These hag movies.”
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Kylo Ren

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Mom and Dad’ trailer
Nicolas Cage and Selma Blair are sick of their kids. Parents decide en masse to kill their kids. Cage goes nutzoid and overacts. This looks hilarious.

‘Red Sparrow’ trailer
Jennifer Lawrence is trained to seduce and manipulate. There is violence. Mmm.

‘Britannia’ promo

‘Molly’s Game’ TV spot

‘Inside Number 9’ promo

‘Team America: World Police’ (2004) promo

‘The Hurricane Heist’ promo

‘Jamestown’ promo

‘The Beatles: Eight Days A Week’ promo

‘The Worst Witch’ promo

‘Darkest Hour’ TV spot

‘Big Cats’ promo

‘Spiral’ promo

Apple, Elderflower & lemon sparkling water drink - mmm.
Godiva Milk chocolate - yum.
Plum sauce - okay.

I will review ‘Desperate Hours’.

I won’t read ‘Year One‘, ‘What We Knew’, ‘Hearts And Other Body Parts’, ‘Versailles’, ‘Iceling’, ‘Gena/Finn’, ‘Master Of The House’, ‘Paulina & Fran’ or ‘Futureshock’.

I won’t review ‘Something To Talk About’ or ‘Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa’.

Poor Kylo Ren and his value delusions and ressentiment.

Anyone see ‘The Real Blonde’ or ‘State and Main’ (2000) or ‘Living In Oblivion’ (1995) or ‘Flashback’ or ‘Gone Baby Gone’ (2007) or ‘Grizzly Man’ (2005) or ‘The Magic Roundabout’?

‘A Christmas Carol Goes Wrong’ was not as good as ‘Peter Pan Goes Wrong’.

‘Futurama’ Quote:
“Hilarity unit.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Beyond challenge.”

“In lamb.”

“The era was over as soon as it had begun.”

“A rough society hacked from unwilling ground.”

“Wear clothes like weapons.”

“Push and undermine his kid only until he spots end credits looming over the horizon.”

“Enough surface class to keep the tolerant interested.”

“Beat them off the street.”

“Those that tried perished.”

“Never pleaded guilty whenever he was arrested.”

“Hotly denying (to their obvious amazement).”

“Never shown sufficient remorse.”

‘Hollyoaks’ Quotes:

“Let Adam have his sulk.”

“No more selling drugs to smackheads in dodgy warehouses.”

“When he gets bored of ye.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“She’s barely into her hag years.”

“The hex trade.”

“I’ll roast a hobbit for dinner.”

“Genital smurfs.”

“Frolic most joyous.”

“Caught reading.”

‘Law & Order: SVU’ Quote:
“Looking in her window and being creepy.”

‘The Hunger Games: Catching Fire’ Quote:
“The fog is poison!”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Second-most famous widow in Victorian Britain.”

“Devoted delusions.”

“The country that could not keep them:”

“Baby migrations.”

“The county that could not raise them.”

“The past, the culture, the history they were born with.”



“Former cotmates.”
no title

Book Reviews: HouseOfCards&Philosophy+MummyKnowsBest +ImpostorsOfAventil+ManFrom The Diogenes Club 1

House Of Cards And Philosophy: Underwood’s Republic edited by Hackett
This 2016 tome contains essays on seasons 1 to 3 of the show. It is a withering critique of Underwood and his failings of behavioural standards and how he placed people in thrall to him and how he lives the worst sort of life and pushes away all those he thought loyal.

The essayists fail to ascertain Claire’s capability and intent. It is also read the future of the show wrong, failing to account for how it would become mired in its own mythology in seasons 4&5 and nobody saw Kevin Spacey’s downfall coming.

Some of these essays are okay, some unexceptional and others barely comprehensible and overcomplicated. People babble about how Underwood confuses love with possession and is raging and seething in his act of self-creation, yet oddly sympathetic as he lives outside the bounds of morality.

Best Lines:
“He keeps himself busy by digging through the capitols trash bins, faking vandalism, and bribing the police commissioner.”

“Frank and Claire take turns doing whatever they want to Meechum.”

“They wanted the same things, or more precisely they wanted exactly compatible things (including, apparently Meechum, their

Mummy Knows Best edited by Theresa Derwin
This anthology doesn’t leave you beset with fear because it is utterly unable to satisfy basic things like story structure and talented writing. All interest was rescinded halfway through the first story. This was pathetic.

The Impostors Of Aventil by Marshall Ryan Maresca
This ‘Maradaine’ novel isn’t fiercely satisfying or endlessly inventive. It’s boring as the soulful grim avenger faces people who don’t exactly ooze malignity. The local coppers are increasingly confrontational and this has no darker connotations or unintended negative consequences. This was not substantive or dramatically ascendant. This doesn’t leave you super-enthusiastic and I am done with this series.

Best Line:
“I will find whatever place he lays his head down and I will burn it to the ground.”

The Man From The Diogenes Club by Kim Newman, part 1
Reprinted at last.

The End Of The Pier Show
This tale of a time slip on a pier is hokey fatuousness that is unbearably brilliantly awful.

Moon Moon Moon
A group of moon cultists do not respond well to Apollo 11. This was arch, absurd and good.

Best Line:
“He did not want to be seen running from a horde of ducks in St James’s Park.”

You Don’t Have To Be Mad...
A loony bin brainwashes people. This was okay, gloomy and morbid. There are hints that this will cast a long and oppressive shadow.

Best Line:
“Had fought for King and country in three world wars, only two of which the history books bothered with.”