October 31st, 2017


Book Review: Ancient Images

Ancient Images by Ramsay Campbell
This 1990 novel is a tale of the video nasties moral panic era, occult menaces, death, uber cads, unfathomable malignity, hippies, public shaming and vilification, unapologetically hateful types, naked contempt and the catastrophic effects and consequences of hunting down a long lost film.

This was woeful incompetence as a boring woman follows a thread of malignity and faces logical defects, aspersions and social pain as she calls down calamities. This was monumentally irrelevant and does not leave you in rapt wonder. This is not bleakly realised and has no hellish allure.

Best Lines:
“If there was an audience for this film, Sandy wouldn’t like to live next door to them.”

“It Crawls Up You. It Crawls Back Up You.”

“You don’t think they’ll be welcomed.”
“Not in a way they would want to be.”

Movie Reviews: Scary Movie 3 + 14 others

Scary Movie 3 (2003)
Pamela Anderson and Charlie Sheen star in this dumb spoof as grim faced people face sporadically amusing ill considered decisions. This was marginally less irritating than ‘1’ and ‘2’.

Best Lines:
“No, not that tape!”

“I gotta dream!”
“What is your dream?”
“To have a dream!”

Coneheads (1993)
Vomitous rubbish.

The Ring (2002)
Overheated and not strikingly realised.

The Descent (2005)
Scary with a creeping air of dread.

Batman (1989)

Cape Fear (1991)

Miller’s Crossing (1990)

The Amityville Horror (1979)

Halloween H20 (1998)

Lethal Weapon (1987)

Grosse Pointe Blank (1997)
This was bad as a hitman stops keeping life at arms length.

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

Save The Last Dance (2000)

Dumb And Dumber (1994)

Jaws (1975)
To Light The Way To Bed

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Bosom Buddies’ opening credits
This is a gloriously incoherent tale of 2 men (1 of whom is Tom Hanks) pretending to be women to get an apartment in a women’s hotel. There are bad wigs and really tight sorts and this ran from 1980 to 1982.

‘Game Of Thrones’ clip
Ramsay Bolton and his stupid accent gets got by useless bint Sansa. Who tied him to the chair? Why didn’t the dogs attack until after Sansa finished her speech? Why didn’t they try and go for her? What happened to the dogs afterwards? The dogs eat him and she watches. Blood flows.

Best Lines:
“You haven’t fed them in 7 days.”

“Sit! Down!”

‘The Endless’ teaser trailer
Two men who escaped a cult return. There are 2 moons and staring and clouds. Interesting.

Best Line:
“Something out here.”

‘Unspeakable’ promo
A woman learns her boyfriend is a perv.

‘The Others’ (2001) promo
Not very big on subtlety.

‘Fried Green Tomatoes At The Whistle Stop Café’ (1991) promo

Best Line:
“We’re younger and faster!”

‘Cape Fear’ (1991) promo
No emotional coping.

‘Tyler Perry’s Boo 2: A Madea Halloween’ promo

Best Line:
“People got dead up there for real!”

‘House Of Cards’ axed.

What is burnt milk ice cream?

A new Jaye Wells book!

Who goes on about imagined slights? Who leaves the fridge open, doesn’t tidy up after himself, makes mess and leaves the cooker dirty? Who won’t apologise? Orders people to wash things by hand yet won’t do anything himself and lies in bed all day in a stinking room? Who makes sexist comments and accuses others of having control of the house? Who makes horrible sexist comments, makes a mess and screams about the dishwasher? The sort of person who occupies a uniquely low place.

What is boutique milk?

I may review ‘What We Do In The Shadows’.

The Majestic Mogok Ruby Suite is lovely.

Who saw ‘The Wind That Shakes The Barley’ (2006)? Or ‘Mrs Brown’ (1997)? Or ‘The River Wild’ (1994)? Or ‘Reservoir Dogs’ (1992)? Or ‘Mad Max’ (1979)? Or ‘Mad Max 2’ (1981)? Who saw ‘Nanny McPhee’ (2005)? Or ‘Amistad’ (1997)? Who saw ‘The Mexican’ (2001)? Or ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ (1999)? Or ‘Beethoven’ (1992)? Or ‘Spy Game’ (2001)? Or ‘Transporter 2’ (2005)? Anyone see ‘Easy Virtue’ (2008)?

‘The Sunday Business Post’ Quotes:
“Not understood or recognised back then.”

“So horrifically personal.”

“Shirtless yogurt commercials.”

“Has a hooker and coke moment.”

‘The Sunday Times’ Quotes:
“Hidden persuaders.”

“Without any scrutiny or comment.”

“Who proclaims Marxism in a marine barracks?”

“Undisguised fury.”

“A snail ate her partner’s tax return.”

“Territorial machinations.”

“Rival claimants.”

“HMS Investigator.”

“Frequently fractious.”

“Lady petrol.”

“Long porn hair.”

“Serving class.”

“Considered wildly disreputable and louche.”

“Chock full of disapproval.”

Well, I hiss.”

“His parents begged him not to go, but he went anyway.”

“The source of ridicule.”

“Intellectual history.”

“Mimetic desire.”

“Look around us at what other people are doing and wanting, and we copy them.”

“Filter bubbles.”

“Reputation for unwholesomeness.”



“Wave hamburgers in his face.”

“Extraordinary tracheal control.”

“Spectacle of the real.”

“High-risk population.”

“Sad old men.”

“The sort of thing you might scoop out of the bottom of Hannibal Lecter’s recycling bin.”

“With an emphasis that suggests capitalisation.”

“Struggling to articulate.”

“Wind whipping.”

“In whose name to live and labour.”

“Remade their world so completely.”

“”Wreckers at home.”

“Personal destiny.”

“Competing victimhoods.”

“Compete for his allegiance.”

“Thinks getting drunk and taking drugs makes you artistically interesting.”

“Historical memory.”

‘Top Gear’ Quotes:
“Soft close boot.”


“Any other bright ideas for cultural exploration?”

“Mauled by a cock.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quote:

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Reveal aspects of their personal lives.”

“A conservative MP who allegedly takes pictures of young men in compromising positions and uses them to extract sexual favours.”

“Reclaim his reputation.”

“Relevant success.”

“Remains should not be portable.”

“Dark money.”

“Women of expertise.”

‘RTE News’ Quote:
“Embers from hell.”

On ‘Hollyoaks’: Mac blew up the school, somehow. Luke has a son. Leela steals Louis from his wife. Is Jack dead? Neeta lost her moral purity so Mac murdered her. So much for Neeta knowingly sacrificing her reputation.

Heartless (2014) 1x01 + The Family 1x06 Reviewed

Heartless (2014) 1x01
This Danish TV show about vampire twins and a mysterious boarding school is full of needless expostulation. It is significantly undermined by bad acting and the fact you don’t care about the murdery twins. They have despair and solitariness but you don’t care as they don’t care about the catastrophic consequences of their irresponsible actions.

They are ungracious, lack a moral compass and have waspish arrogance. The boarding school is full of weird pencil necked morons. How did they get into the school? The school has weird Aryan students. The twins have ingrained hostility and cruel scorn. They also have minimal to non-existent social skills. This was not entertainingly caustic.

Best Line:
“Respect the line.”

Nowhere Man
The perv experiments on his dog. The vile reporter spews her DNA test crap and is lied to. Willa has to know Adam isn’t Adam. This was not evocative. Danny whines. This was not intensely solemn.  Nobody has heartfelt decency. The perv turns his dark attentions to sanding ominously. The vile reporter has an insatiable need for attention and admiration. Adam isn’t winsome. The creeper gets a girlfriend and then his amiable façade drops. This show follows no meaningful logical path. More evidence pops up that Adam isn't Adam. Willa and the vile reporter hook up. There are reveals and fake Adam may be another victim of the perv and his name is Ben.