October 24th, 2017

Scary Books

The Family 1x05 Review

I Win
The creeper fakes an attack and frames John. The perv and his wife are on a roadtrip. This show leaves viewers biting the carpet with rage. Everyone hates Danny. The reporter is disgusting. John is arrested. The creeper is smug and weird and creepy. The perv is a criminal mastermind. Why am I watching this dreck? It is not achingly solemn and has no unrelenting seriousness. I don't care about the creeper and his simmering resentment. I don't care about the insufficiently supportive John or his boring wife. I don't care that Adam isn't Adam. The perv doesn't ooze dread and Danny isn't a loveable loser. There is no desperate sadness or underlying unease or drastic consequences. This leaves you disengaged.

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Arrow’ 6x03 promo
No veiled menace or detached harshness.

‘Salvation’ promo
This show has Ian Anthony Dale, some hipster and an asteroid named Samson which is about to collide with earth in 108 days. Isn’t that the plot of ‘Deep Impact’?

Best Line:
“The sky is falling.”

‘Life In Pieces’ promo

‘Seed Of Chucky’ (2004) promo

Organic creamy peach bio-live yogurt - okay.
Roquefort cheese - yum.
Gluten free Rosemary & onion cheese crackers - okay.
Gluten free spiced pear tart - yum.
Cape gooseberry - okay.

Skeet Ulrich’s real name is Bryan Ray Trout?

Who saw ‘The Two Jakes’ (1990)? Or ‘The Field’ (1990) or ‘A Man Called Horse’ (1970)? Or ‘Unforgiven’ (1992)? Or ‘Some Kind Of Monster’ (2004)? Or ‘Tears Of The Sun’ (2002)? Or ‘Beowulf’ (2007)? Or ‘Wag The Dog’ (1997)?

Who screams about spoons and objects to being referred to as part of a couple? Who deliberately blasts music so people can’t sleep? A loser.

Scary Movie’ (2000) was terrible.

Recall Enid Blyton’s ‘Faraway Tree’ books?

I won’t read ‘Smile’.

‘Sunday Independent’ Quotes:
“People were genuinely worried at this point.”

“Would you stop woman,”

“Cast a pall of infamy.”

“People turned away from me on the street.”

“Incessant and strident.”

“Feeling threatened by groups of men.”

“Do not believe in themselves on some profound level.”

“May escalate such revelations.”

“Dominant form of discourse.”

“Doesn’t want me shaming her.”

‘Supergirl’ Quotes:
“That sentient bottle of cheap cologne.”

“Pathological lying.”

‘The Sunday Business Post’ Quotes:
“Remained firmly in the gutter.”

“May never strike viewers of their documentary as talented,”

“Hash smoking wasters.”

‘Dark States’ Quotes:
“Sleep on the ready.”

“That’s how you die.”

“Doing lawless stuff.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“As if simply mentioning it will cause it to visit itself upon you.”

“Deep and authentic listening.”

“Systematically unattended to.”

“An aversion to the complaints.”

“As socially acceptable as toothpaste.”

“Has been badly hurt and very much wants acknowledgement of that.”

“Nonchalant, poor account of themselves.”

“Refrain from overly upbeat or entertaining content.”

‘Nationwide’ Quote:
“Far too many donkeys in Ireland.”

Book Review: One Thousand Monsters

Anno Dracula: One Thousand Monsters by Kim Newman
Vampires, ninja turtles and ennui feature in this novel yet it creates no abiding interest or heavyweight gloom. This was woefully ineffective. The heroine has bleak remembrances. Vampires end up in a ghetto in Japan. Cue devious scheming that leads to utterly disastrous interminable goings on. The vampires find ill-favour in this slightly unnecessary book. Characters are sneering, superior, irritating and have apparent contempt for each other. This was wretched and there is no sense of menace and nothing good is about to happen. This was incredibly spectacularly irritating and is all enervating worthiness and pontificating.

Best Lines:
“You could whisper apocalyptic omens to each other.”

“A public accusation, even by a child or the village idiot, was enough to make an elder abandon name, rank and property and depart for a distant land.”

“If she ever sits down, stops scheming and looks at her life, I’ve a feeling Christina might be unhappy with how it has turned out.”

“The shame of my parents.”

“Couldn’t be trusted around your mistress, stableboy or locked desk with your chequebook in it.”

“Would do well not to walk under chandeliers.”
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