September 17th, 2017

Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘The Last Post’ promo
Eh?

‘Mr Mercedes’ promo
We’ll see.

‘Inhumans’ trailer
Inhumans on the moon! It sounds like a 80s parody. There is weird VFX and Rag N Bone Man sings over the trailer. WTF is with the normal gravity and presence of oxygen on the moon? There is staring by a scruffy dude. A woman wears a bad red wig and a lavender dress. So the Inhumans are smug, violent, racist twats. Okay then.

‘The Flash’ season 4 promo
Reeks of creepitude.

‘Hatchimals’ ad
No.

‘Dolphin Magic Barbie’ ad
WTF?

‘The Jungle Bunch’ TV spot
No.

‘Mysticons’ ad
No.

‘Forces Of Destiny’ ad
No.

Mixed peppercorn & garlic butter - good.

I will read ‘Leia’ and ‘S.T.A.G.S’.

There is carrot ketchup?

They’re rebooting ‘Halloween’ again?

RIP Harry Dean Stanton.

Anyone see ‘Paris, Texas’?

Recall the 2003 ‘Taken’?

Watched some of the ‘Marple’ ep ‘Nemesis’: Marple looks into a girl named Verity. This does not depict aching loss. There is a phonograph message. Dan Stevens, Richard E Grant and George Cole feature. There are murder, brattishness, disempowered police and the self-contained Marple. This has potential for proving a disappointment.

Best Lines:
“A servant family?”

“Dark and dreadful deeds.”

“Right a dreadful wrong.”

‘Southside People’ Quotes:
“Low ruffians and abandoned females.”

“Receptacle of abomination.”

“Wretched den.”

“Desperate occurrences take place in it.”

“Horrid nuisance.”

“Singing the most indecent songs.”

“Turn away with shame.”

“Respectable females.”

“Before whose door this creature slowly moves?”

“A friend to morality.”

‘RTE News’ Quotes:
“Implications for their working life.”

“Fire brigade noise.”

“We have vast amounts of wall.”

“Electrical people.”

“Transgenerational impact.”

“Team song.”

“Jersey day.”

“Think in.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Live on a corner.”

“Got himself arrested.”

“Running around the house with a knife and pills.”

“Don’t consider it to be a transgression.”

“Run them off.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Drink away an afternoon in an old-man’s pub dressed in full bondage attire.”

“Drives men away from her.”

“Regional engagement.”

“Work elimination.”

“There is a belief system that we should grieve for years.”

“Containerisation.”

“Shame them into moving or ceasing their activity.”

“You’re just one pill away from a meltdown in a soap.”

“Loved beyond their reach.”

“Provincial malice misses no opportunity to show off its cruellest self.”

“We do not intend to sign, ratify or ever become party to it,”

“A posse of louts and misfits in tow.”

“Not infrequent decisions to abandon the family.”

“Male satisfaction.”

“Male prerogative for both self-and social respect.”

“Bears no connection to any effort on his part.”

“The ever-present risk of institutionalisation for intentionally, or unintentionally, bringing social shame on male relations.”

“Fun is happening elsewhere.”

“The plague of democracy.”

“Cultural pessimism.”

“Cultural practices.”

“Policies of exclusion.”

“Accepted narrative.”

“Facts of sufficient significance.”

‘3 News’ Quote:
“Death plunge.”

‘Last Days’ Quote:
“The adepts were like Big Issue sellers in Hammer Horror robes.”

~
On ‘Hollyoaks’: They changed the opening credits, again. Billy Idol plays on the soundtrack. Myra dresses like a Jackson Pollock. Warren dumps Sienna. Nancy is a bitch. She doesn’t have pure righteous anger. Darren is eely. Will he just punch his bitch wife out? Warren is a non-event nemesis. Simone has barely concealed malice. Who is Joel’s mother? Darren cries. Zack cries. Who’s Nathan? What is the tattoo on Grace’s back? Nancy is yelled at by Jack and Darren gets 6 months in jail. Warren and Sienna are to marry in a restaurant? Grace stabs Warren in badly choreographed scene. Warren doesn’t die. Sienna learns about Grace and Warren.

Best Lines:
“Demented cow.”

“Your whole life has been an embarrassment to me.”

“Actually insane.”

“An extra 2 grand. My daughter wants a pony.”

“He chose her. Again.”

“Learn to hate him.”

“Cheap plonk.”
Scary Books

Movie Reviews: My Favorite Wife + Nightflyers

My Favorite Wife (1940)
Cary Grant and Randolph Scott star in this tale of Grant whose 1st wife was shipwrecked off Indochina. A deaf sexist judge babbles. Grant has his 1st wife declared legally dead and marries a shrew. Then his 1st wife shows up and his 2nd wife has hysterics. Her children are dumb and nobody locks their door. The 1st wife was rescued by a Portuguese freighter. Her husband didn’t take his kids to his 2nd wedding. This was terrible in every way.

Best Lines:
“Wash your face instead of paint it.”

“Fever ridden pest hole.”

“Forgive me for not drowning.”

“Is she nice?”
“No.”

~
Nightflyers (1987)
This was BAD. Apparently Syfy are adapting the George RR Martin novella that inspired this into a TV show. Why?
Sergio Balleseros

Hiding (2015) 1x01&1x02 + Liar (2017) 1x01 + Girls 1x04-1x07 + iZombie 2x16 Reviewed

Hiding (2015) 1x01&1x02
A family of bogans have to relocate from the Gold Coast after cops smash into their house because their father is a failed drug dealer. They are put in witness protection and end up in a bad neighbourhood in Sydney. The family are renamed the Swifts and have to leave friends, family and life behind them. The wife has hysterics. This is woefully bad. The wife wears flesh coloured trousers that make her look half naked and she looks the same age as her kids.

This Australian drama seems very like that old show ‘Runaway’. The himbo son wants to leave. The violent criminal father attacks a dude. Everyone in this bogan family is thick. There is lying and a gun. The son whines. The rest of the family are selfish whining losers. The mother can’t drive. A chick from ‘Home & Away’ shows up. A rubbish gangster looks for them. The witness protection seems very slipshod. They’re so pitifully dumb!

Best Lines:
“Things fell down.”

“You’re putting us in a crackhouse?”

“They’re not trash.”

“Things happen to people.”

~
Liar (2017) 1x01
This ITV drama was mediocre. Laura is single and having mid-life disappointments. Andrew is a widower. His son is at the school where Laura teaches. The son looks 23. Laura has a sister named Katie. Andrew is seemingly lovely and she seems to have no emotional acuity and is catastrophically insincere to a deranged degree. They have a date and then it is the morning after. Laura seems to misattribute events to Andrew. She wails about creep sex and wine cries.

There are no significant witnesses and the distressing possibility is that she’s an attention seeking loon. Andrew (Ioan Gruffudd from ‘Hornblower’, ‘Forever’ and ‘Fantastic Four’) broods and is arrested. There is bad acting and grim treatment. Her brother-in-law makes a reference to “what happened last time”. What did Laura do? She bullies Andrew’s son and shrieks. Why was she on medication? Laura’s sister Katie is boffing Laura’s ex Tom who is a cop. Tom looks into Andrew’s wife suicide. Laura obsesses over glasses in the dishwasher. Laura rants online. She’s a loon.

Best Lines:
“Feel like I’m in ‘Dawson’s Creek’.”

“Are you decent?”
“Very rarely.”

“Arrogant sod.”

“A hysterical madwoman telling lies about the hero surgeon.”

“Whatever you’re planning. I’m asking you: don’t do it.”

~
Hannah’s Diary
The girls misbecome. Adam sexts Hannah, by mistake. They have sex as a result. This was decrepit.

Best Lines:
“I feel like I can smell it through the phone.”

“He’s a noted psychopath.”

Hard Being Easy
Charlie finds out what Marnie really thinks of him. He’s angry and hauls off a table. Hannah is a narcissist and wears an owl clock pendant. Adam and Hannah are unaffectionate. This was not mournful. Hannah is an inconsiderate intrusive presence.

Best Lines:
“I hate everyone who loves me.”

“You filthy boy.”

The Return
Hannah visits her parents with her belongings in a bin bag. She doesn’t own a suitcase or any measure of love for them. How can she afford flights and health care with no money? Hannah has a 2004 imac in her old bedroom. Hannah and co are emotionally lost. So? This show is increasingly awful. There is copious nudity. This leaves one deeply unsatisfied. Collective discomforts are mined with scathing mercilessness. Adam is breathtakingly unhinged and Hannah gibbers incoherently about her emotional torpor. Adam is in his pants.

Best Line:
“A sex injury. So that happened.”

Welcome To Bushwick A.K.A The Crackcident
Hannah always wears hideously unflattering clothes. Crack is accidentally smoked. Hannah learns Adam is an alcoholic in AA since he was 17. Adam yells. It tries.

Best Line:
“You never asked!”

~
Pour Some Sugar, Zombie
Liv consumes the brain of a recently murdered stripper. Liv is awful. There is snooping. Liv learns her boyfriend is a cop. Major turns back into a zombie. Oh this sucked.

Best Line:
“I figured I might need to remember that.”
Richard/Lost

Book Review: Phasma

Star Wars: Phasma by Delilah D. Dawson
A captured Resistance spy tells an affectionless stormtropper, the origin story of Phasma and her sinister intent, incompatible principles, pitiless irrationality and egotism. The stormtrooper is just the right amount of world weary to listen to the story of the emotional mayhem and worse unleashed by the malicious Phasma. This is a good origin story for the dread-bane Phasma.

General Hux senior shows up full of intellectual abnegation, he collects petty grievances and everything triggers his anger and annoyance. General Hux jnr and his ill-founded snobbery also shows up. This takes place sometime after ‘Bloodline’ so with bitter inevitability Kylo Ren is mentioned but does not appear.

So we’re still not clear what caused such a decisive shift in Ben Solo that he developed such a nostalgic hankering for the grandfather he never knew, to the extent of becoming Kylo Ren. I enjoyed this, logic gaps aside.

Best Lines:
“She’s got to act normal, which means belligerent.”

“One day-and it’s coming-”

“Not that he deserved his current end, bleeding out on the floor.”

“If you get tired of sending children planetside to oppress innocent populations with blasters and flamethrowers.”

“Suffer in an amusing way.”

“This lockstep hellscape you call the First Order.”

“Pound on one another with riot batons.”

“Made the foolish decision to trust her.”

“Armitage, just like Kylo Ren, seems to appreciate a certain starkness in his person and in his quarters.”

“We are very forgiving of those who choose to serve us.”

“Fades from consequence.”

“In a professionally violent sort of way,”
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