September 2nd, 2017

Pretty Smart

Riverdale #5 Reviewed

A look at Reggie and Josie who turn out to have far more in common than you could imagine. Though the show diminished in relevance, this was an okay tale of obstinacy.

Best Lines:
“You walking lump of Creatine.”

“Red Sheeran.”

“Andrews, I’ve heard your tunes. They depress me. This is a joyous event which must be spared of your gloomy teenage dirges at all costs.”
  • Current Music
    London Calling - The Clash/The Politics of Dancing - Re-Flex
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Scary Books

The Magicians 2x01&2x02 Reviewed

Knight Of Crowns
WTF is going on? Julia is a tool. How are the heroes alive? Julia betrayed them with no hesitancy. This was not compellingly toxic. The Beast is a tormentor. Julia is wholly unconcerned with sense. I don’t care about her emotional pain or morose attitude. This was all miserablism. This was not entertainingly bizarre. There is no controlled intensity. Everyone is a useless fool. This is one long whine anthem. There is no brooding dude or gallant heroes. This leaves one emotionally uninvested. There is no coldly menacing dark brooding presence and no frightening intensity. Julia and the Beast bond over abuse. Will Julia have a psychotic breakdown already?
This was bad.

Best Line:
“Sleeping or dead?”

Hotel Spa Potions
WTF is with the Beast singing? What happened to Rupert Chatwin? Where is Jane Chatwin? Who are all these people? There is overacting. Marina whines. A pixie is a literally maniac pixie dream girl. There is miserablism and no tough candour. This was not terrifyingly delicious. Julia is a tool. There is no crescendo of grimness. The heroes get their demon tattoos. The Beast is not sinisterly over familiar. This was not oddly menacing. One wonders, back when Quentin, Eliot and Margo had their threesome - what part did Quentin play and to whom?

Best Lines:
“Fill the void of existence.”

“I doubt they’re your friends anymore.”
  • Current Music
    Major Tom - Peter Schilling/Der Kommissar - Falco
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Cat

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘American Horror Story: Cult’ opening credits
Nice.

‘American Horror Story: Roanoke’ clip
It rains teeth? WTF?

‘American Horror Story: Roanoke’ clip
Fake reality show credits - mmm.

‘Bromans’ trailer
ITV2 scrapes the bottom of the barrel.

Southbound’ trailer
Various types are all on some endless highway, the trailer is better then the movie.

‘V/H/S’ trailer
Jerks break into a house to steal a VHS tape. This looks cheap and features morons in the woods.

‘Scary Movie’ clip
What is with Carmen Electra’s lip-gloss? There is a Prince parody and somehow the killer rips all Carmen’s clothes off and she runs through a sprinkler in slo-mo and gets stabbed in her breast implant. Hee.

Best Lines:
“I want to see what your insides look like!”
“Well then turn to page 54.”

“You forgot to lock it!”

“Hello Drew.”

‘The Farthest’ promo
Oh yes.

‘Wind River’ TV spot
No.

‘Girls’ clip
Adam beats up a radio. Hah.

‘Girls’ clip
Adam smashes stuff while shirtless and screams at Siri while shirtless. He’s oddly hot and what does he see in the mutant Hannah?

Best Line:
“Face space or whatever.”

‘Siesta Key’ promo
No.

The Expanse’ promo
No.

‘Grimm’ promo
No.

Best Lines:
“This won’t end well.”
“For you.”

‘Bates Motel’ promo
Wha?

‘Cruel and Unusual’ promo
Oh.

Raspberry doughnut - okay.
Gluten free sausages - no.
Gluten free Angel slice - okay.
Cloudy lemon flavoured sparkling water - okay.

I won’t review ‘Devour’ or ‘You Too Can Have A Body Like Mine’.

I’m thinking of reviewing ‘The Secrets She Keeps’, season 1 ‘Girls’ and ‘American Horror Story: Roanoke’.

There is to be a female take on ‘Lord of the Flies’.

Cake art is a thing?

Who saw the 1988 ‘Talk Radio’?

Unfinished Terry Pratchett works were destroyed? WHY?

RIP Richard Anderson.

Recall ‘Ever Decreasing Circles‘ or ‘Six Feet Under’?

Anyone see ‘Elephant’ or ‘The Calcium Kid’ or ‘Aileen: Life and Death of a serial killer’ or the 1991 ‘Let Him Have It‘?

I hate people who freak out about scissors, shriek that they hate things that don’t work, tantrum, shove food in their mouths, don’t recycle, blast noise on their ipad and the radio at the same time and get annoyed at being asked questions. I detest people who yell about newspapers, the dining table and act like twats.

It will take Voyager 1 300 years to reach the Oort cloud and 30,000 to pass through?

Recall the Yellow Pages JP Hartley ad?

Watched some of the ‘Marple’ ep ‘Ordeal by Innocence’ which starred Burn Gorman, Jane Seymour, Richard Armitage, Julian Rhind-Tutt and Lisa Stansfield. An awful man (Gorman) is executed for the murder of his vile mother and her leprous toxicity (Seymour). Times passes and the widower is to marry his former secretary and then a stranger (Rhind-Tutt) shows up and makes an incendiary claim that gives the dead man an alibi. Cue a hum of disquiet, bad acting and this was valueless.

Best Lines:
“Not a game woman!”

“Your substandard books!”

“Talked a lot about eels.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Bi-directional links.”

“Disengagement internationally.”

“I get no thanks for doing the right thing.”

“It was the gayness!”

“Cake-traitor.”

“Despite copious evidence to the contrary.”

“The way I present myself to the world.”

“Who is the only rightful judge.”

“Lunatic drivers.”

“Emotional terrorism.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Eco-vanguard.”

“Everybody accepted it as a normal decision,”

“Bit Hunger Games, innit?”

“Being heckled by a naked man on a mower.”

“The lower end of celebrity.”

“Sank to fame.”

“Clearly bothered by the negative reactions.”

“I never heard such profanity at such volume.”

“Beacon of integrity.”

“Not at all a caring place.”

“A real atmosphere of vengeance.”

“As though her victimisation had made her unclean.”

“Describey.”

“There to facilitate the emotional growth of Michael and Thor and their all-important relationship with each other.”

“Why it wasn’t acceptable to admit to liking both Backstreet Boys and ‘NSync.”

“Ran naked with a pair of scissors.”

“Wants him and what he represents, back.”

“Increasingly unrealistic odds of success.”

“Needlessly litigates.”

‘Blackadder II’ Quotes:
“That cretin Percy.”

“The dogs go bark.”

“Lizzy go plop plop.”

“Black monks of Saint Herod.”

“Damn his impudence.”

“Got his knob out at Hampton Court.”

“You’d laugh at a Shakespeare comedy.”

“A good hard shag.”

“Botty land.”

‘Hollyoaks’ Quotes:
“Smile at me sweetly.”

“Unprovoked acts of violence.”

“You absolutely hate me.”

‘Diana, Our Mother: Her Life and Legacy’ Quotes:
What feelings meant.”

“Weird shorts.”

‘Scary Movie’ Quote:
“Get away from me you bum!”

Law & Order: SVU’ Quotes:
“His disgusting friend.”

“To know them is to loathe them.”

‘Spaceballs’ Quotes:
“Knock on my door! Knock next time!”

“Did you see anything?”
“No Sir! I didn’t see you playing with your dolls again!”
“Good!”

‘The Gloss Magazine’ Quote:
“Her version of what a President should be was rejected.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“An inauspicious collision with an Arizona tumbleweed.”

“Listening to Charles Manson’s prison songs.”

“Infiltration by the Other.”

“What are we fencing in and fencing out?”

‘How To Spend It’ Quote:
“Incredulous at the suggestion that her girls would associate with such rabble.”

‘Cold Case’ Quote:
“Touch you where they’re not invited.”