August 10th, 2017


Colony 2x06 + Salem 3x09&3x10 + Reign 4x09 + Trust Me 1x01 Reviewed

Crying Brits are menaced by people speaking foreign. Katie has moral turpitude and social imbecility. She transgresses the bounds of decent conduct. The Resistance has a moral collapse. Bethany Joy Lenz, Adrian Pasdar and Ally Walker guest star. A Resistance guy develops an incurable cough of death. Katie has non-compliance with sense. Nobody has heard of non-violent resistance or tactical withdrawal.

Where has Will’s accumulating resentment about Katie’s sheer awfulness gone? The Resistance bothers Katie. Nolan is now the deputy proxy. There is yelling and bad acting. Will ruins somebody else’s life. Snyder plots.

Bram sulks and tantrums. A doctor smugs. What are the aliens having shipped off planet? Why is the Resistance member sick after handling alien tech? Oh, radiation! Katie wears nude lipstick. Maddie bothers Nolan. Katie is smug and vile. There is sap. Workcamp morons build a bomb. TPTB plot and this was dreck. This show has gone down the toilet.

Best Lines:
“Why haven’t they done anything?”

“I suggest you stop.”

“Show some gratitude.”

“This is depressing.”

“Your ex-wife’s ex-assistant.”

“Order and duty.”

Saturday Mourning
Tituba sews smol satan back together. Witches match wits. There are dramatic looks all round and bemusement and no predictive thinking. Lucy Lawless and Marilyn Manson feature. The Countess orates and Sebastian whines, bitches and moans. There is no proper thinking. Mercy lets Cotton know what’s become of his whore. Cotton humps his whore. Nothing is well-meant. Cotton becomes an outraged detractor of his wife. John Alden is useless and Mary mumbles.

Purveyors of evil are everywhere. Cotton and Anne fight. Where is Brown Jenkins? Anne reminds Cotton of his sins. There is no grave dignity and this was not a welcome addition to the show. Mercy is intolerable. What is the point of Dorcas? Anne and Sebastian engage in incest. John Alden slaps around the dude played by Marilyn Manson. Mary engages in animal abuse. Tituba rants about her formative experiences. Mary fails to comprehend. Smol satan and his bad acting is back. This was bad.

Best Lines:
“More than one kind of angel.”

“You think Tituba in league with the devil.”

“The grave they took me from.”

“God may forgive all but I won’t!”

Black Sunday
This televised spectacle sees Anne ranting about the violence she is going to inflict. John Alden and Mary shrug off their son’s death and rebirth as smol satan. Sebastian has malicious intent and no focus or purpose. Smol satan isn’t menacing or looming. John Alden and Sebastian continue their ownership dispute over Mary. What’ll become of Marilyn Manson’s character? Is Sebastian dead? Oh who cares?

Cotton is sent to hell, like the doctor. What’ll become of the whore? If there is a door to hell, why don’t the demons just walk out? Cotton ends up in hell and doesn’t meet the doctor. Cotton preferred going to hell than staying with Anne, he HATES her. Anne is irredeemable. The red mercury turns out to be a non-event.

Anne plans to make the Grand Rite a repeatable template, maybe. Is Anne is going to do all the sacrifices and blood letting AGAIN? Cotton isn’t taintless. Smol satan becomes big boy satan. Isaac may or may not be dead. The world’s dumbest riot takes place. What was the point of Dorcas? The countess returns, sorta. Anne revels in her triumph and Cotton screams. Anne lets John live because she loved him once. Mary lives. Anne is to be satan’s new bride, maybe.

Anne rids herself of Tituba, the Countess, Mercy and Hathrone. She has new malevolence. What happened to Tituba’s magic? Is Tituba dead? Cotton and the whore’s baby will be satan’s new vessel, maybe. This was okay. John Alden and Mary stroll off, presumably to live off just the clothes on their backs. Anne puts it about and starts the witch hunt up again, by telling part of the truth. Brown Jenkins returns and the show ends with Anne’s triumph. This was the final ep so why did Mary live?

Best Lines:
“Oh shut up!”

“It won’t hurt. Not at first.”

“You’re sorry?!? To her?!?”

“Satan’s whores.”

“Birth a race of gods and monsters.”

“Left you for a mere whore.”

“Spare you what is coming.”

“A fool knows a foolish path and you are set upon one!”

“And give up my kingdom on earth? No.”

“The world to come will be founded on the blood, sweat and bones of people like you.”

Pulling Strings
Mary wears a tiara. Catherine plans strategic whispers. Catherine never visited Scotland. Where are Mary’s powerful Guise relatives? Greer’s pirate shows up and wanders around the palace with his shirt billowing open. Greer annoys. Bothwell humps Mary’s leg. Mary is pregnant. Is it Darnley’s? Gideon bores. Will Gideon just frak off?!!? James sexes up Knox’s wife. Keira never existed! Nor did Gideon! Stupid TPTB!

Lady Lennox meets Catherine. They never met. There is plotting and bad acting, Mary is unaccommodating and caustic. Why is Mary so obsessed with taking England? Greer acts sniffy over access. Knox abandons his wife on the street in her shift, which was legal for a husband to do to his wife who had shamed him then. Mary and Bothwell head to their destruction. Darnley is drunk. David lurks. Mary wears anachronistic clothing. James romances Greer and forgets Knox’s shamed wife.

There are bagpipes and Mary wears a very modern gold dress with a veil and bouquet. Elizabeth tantrums. Darnley is a wayward loser. Elizabeth shags Gideon on the floor. Greer says noble girls don’t have pierced ears. This was not good.

Best Lines:
“Dark cloud of shame.”

“Pull you from the pub.”

“Forever do the same.”

“The end of me.”

“You’ll be disgraced.”

“Never let him benefit from your death.”

“Piety peddlers.”

“Consequence of wickedness.”

Trust Me (2017) 1x01
This BBC1 drama stars Jodie Whittaker as a nurse who whistle blows on failings in the NHS. The nurse, Cath, has a daughter and a useless mooching ex. Nobody listens to Cath. The NHS takes a low level of culpability. Cath is not welcome. Cath conveniently has a best friend named Alison who is a doctor. Alison is leaving the country to marry a New Zealand sheep farmer. She leaves Cath her clothes. Alison also conveniently dumps all her paperwork in a bin.

Cath takes the paperwork and steals Alison’s identity and moves to Scotland to work as an A&E doctor. Cath’s ex is useless. Cath’s daughter giggles. Cath has no fire or fury. Cath forgets things like painkillers. How is she paid? What about a background check? Cath meets a new man. A reporter looks for Cath, like a creepy stalker. Cath's not doing herself any favours. She needs 'her' passport. This was soul-deadenng.

Best Lines:
“Weak ankled whingers.”

“Another lesbian skirt.”
Scary Books

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘American Ripper In London’ promo

‘Runaway Bride’ (1999) promo

‘Rocky V’ (1990) promo

‘The Mummy Returns’ (2001) promo

‘Underground’ promo

‘American Made’ TV spot
Tom Cruise does ‘comedy’.

‘Trust Me’ 1x02 promo

Cranberry, rose & sweet vanilla tea - no.
Jalapeno hummus - nice.
Apple, Elderflower & lemon sparkling Irish Water drink - nothing special.

I will review ‘Ouija’ and ‘The Purge: Anarchy’.

I won’t review ‘Queen Anne’, ‘The Devil’s Staircase, ‘Immortal Coil’, ‘The Exit, ‘The Donor’, ‘Lost Island’, ’Heroine Complex’, ’What The **** Is That?’, ’Strange Practice’, ’The Cityborn’, ’Waste Of Space’ or the ‘A Time To’ series.

Anyone see ‘Take Me Home Tonight’ or ‘Days Of Thunder’ or ‘Operation Dumbo Drop’?

The Arctic Seal is cute.

WTF is a birth sling?

Recall ‘Police Squad’?

‘Eastenders’ Quotes:
“I love you.”
“Do you?”

“My Lady Di mug!”

“No one else would have you!”

“Why wasn’t you?”

“You choose not to be here!”

‘Daily Mail’ Quote:
“Sleeping peacefully. Elsewhere.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Incentive to self-rehabilitate.”

“Blinkered into the western mindset.”

“Justify this choice.”

“Opinions and thoughts that don’t align with hers need to be shut down,”

“Forced thinking.”

“The moralisation of political life.”

“What are perceived as his American ways.”

“Overlooked and diminished by many.”

“Revisionist manipulation.”

“Pretend to hate each other.”

“Usual rant-fest.”

“Unexpected paternity.”

“Street activists.”

“Has us living in fear.”

“Stood up threateningly.”

“Unphysiological behaviour-”

“High rectal temperature.”

“Convective cooling.”

“Entering other people’s homes uninvited and lecturing them abrasively on philosophy, insulting prostitutes and breaking wind in company.”

“More hate than care.”

“Overdose victims are being ferried to morgues in refrigerated lorries.”

“First responder fatigue,”

“I thought it was prescription drugs crushed up,”

“He had felt disrespected.”


“Has insisted that fairy forts are the reason a dip in a Kerry road reappeared after being repaired.”

‘Who Do You Think You Are?’ Quotes:
“He served his country well.”

“Appreciation will run high.”

“Deeply southern.”

“Not a job he particularly loved.”

‘Reeling In The Years’ Quotes:
“Of no harm to Westport.”

“General standard of the jacks.”

‘Hollyoaks’ Quote:
“Constantly the afterthought.”

‘The First Man In Rome’ Quotes:
“The god who permitted safe opening of a door.”

“An owl inside the augural palace.”


“You have lost our love and respect, and that renders apologies valueless.”

“A man who isn’t fit to lick the ground a Caesar walks on!”

“I piss on you! Piss, piss, piss!”

“Not women your father approves of.”

“It’s your job to be pregnant,”

‘Nationwide’ Quote:
“Caved in to sinister elements.”

‘RTE News’ Quotes:
“Bad boy of sport.”

“Gritty streets of Crumlin.”

“Horse sport industry.”

“Revered his Christian faith.”

‘The Big Bang Theory’ Quote:
“I’ve never been in this room while you’re awake.”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Escalation by statement.”

“Norms of international conflict.”
Sergio Balleseros

Book Reviews: If You Really Loved Me + Little Heaven

If You Really Loved Me by Ann Rule
An over-written account of the murder of Linda Brown and the years it took authorities to uncover shocking machinations of her husband David. A toil was taken upon David’s daughter Cinnamon and his sister in law Patti. This is a story of manipulation, an unrelenting search for the truth and abuse. The case inspired the Clancy Brown miniseries ‘Love, Lies and Murder’.

Little Heaven by Nick Cutter
From the author of ‘The Troop’ comes this nigh-unreadable tale about a group of thugs who have weary resignation and they are inherently dangerous. They take on an apocalyptic cult or something. People are ever contentious and or paranoid-delusional and have grievances. They are also vociferous in creating problems for themselves and haranguing others and acting contrary to public decency. This was Did Not Finish bad.
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Movie Reviews: The Devil's Candy + The Mummy Returns

The Devil’s Candy (2015)
Deeply cross and unpleasant people face badly lit horror. A struggling painter is possessed by satanic forces after he and his young family move into their dream house in rural Texas. Ethan Embry, Shiri Appleby, Tony Amendola and Leland Orser star.

People talk like they are on opiates. There is loud music, mumbling and this was not emotionally intense. This was remarkably dumb and has a lack of narrative structure and no genuine creepiness. This was all crass stupidity and entirely useless plot dross. Characters do bizarre things and this creates no overwhelming fear. A reverend speaks about satan.

There is a fight over a guitar. The artist and his wife bore. There are poor choices and no complexities or nuanced narrative. There is not 1 second of gripping dramatic narrative here. There is a lack of logic. Dad is dickish and this was deeply, deeply uninteresting. There is no sinister darkness or evil charm. Bad things happen to odious people. There is screaming and this was beyond ropey.

Best Lines:
“Pack your things; you’re going back to the hospital!”

“Not like Charlie Manson lived here.”

“There is someone here and it’s not the pizza man!”

“You don’t live here anymore.”

“You’re mean.”

“Satan’s lie.”

“An active violent anti-god personal reality.”

“Various religions of man.”

“The Dark God. The Fallen God.”

“Change them locks.”

The Mummy Returns (2001)