July 27th, 2017

Scary Books

Book Review: The Best Horror Of The Year Volume Nine edited by Ellen Datlow, part 1

I’ve read this tale of the dustbowl before. There are no new narrative possibilities here, as a family live in a hostile society. I was uninclined to care about this mediocre tale.

The Oestriae
A family live lives devoid of all pleasure or benefit. This was mediocre and leaves one disengaged.

The Process Is A Process All Its Own
By Peter Straub. A serial killer joyously stalks his latest victim in unabashed fashion. This was clichéd and shows a distinct lack of compunction.

The Bad Road
A stupid woman goes to an isolated community and stirs up crap. This was bad and full of morons.

Red Rabbit
This is an okay disturbing tale of odd goings on around a dysfunctional couple.

It’s All The Same Road In The End
I’ve read this before. 2 brothers go on a road trip looking for their missing grandfather. They find secrets and horror. This was very good.

Best Line:
“A threat display.”

This tale makes no sense.
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Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Game of Thrones’ promo
How are Dany and Jon related? Will they get it on?

‘Valerian and The City of a Thousand Planets’ TV spot

‘Hollyoaks’ promo

‘Atomic Blonde’ TV spot

‘Jigsaw’ trailer
He’s back again, again.

Was there or was there not once a book called ‘Florida Horror’?

Recall ‘Pasadena’?

Anyone see ‘Grand Canyon’ (1991)?

‘Aladdin’ (1992) was not good.

‘Let The Blood Run Free’ Quotes:
“Oh good! Sick people!”

“You’ll get yours girly!”

“Jump you stupid trollop!”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Comply or leave.”

“Enhanced social status.”

“Particular friendships.”

“Forbade any social interaction.”

“Personal initiative.”

“Mr ordinary.”

“Turned into a sofa that grunts.”

‘Wayfaring Stranger’ Quote:
“The home place.”

‘Black-ish’ Quote:
“Private little beating booths.”

‘BBC Breakfast’ Quotes:
“Any evidence of that nonsense.”

“Jurors are very suspicious.”

‘The Sweet Makers: A Georgian Treat’ Quotes:
“The sugar boycott.”

“From the lochs of Scotland.”

“Not deemed useful to society.”

“Liquid composition.”

“Cream ices.”

“Parmesan cream ice.”

“Previously unobtainable luxury.”


“Made dishes.”

“French boiled sweets.”

‘The Windsors’ Quotes:
“I’d rather sh-t a porcupine.”

“Who wants a functioning toilet when you’ve got a nice statue of Prince Charles?”

“Haven’t been hit like that without paying for it since the navy.”

“Why did you sell me at a fair?”

“Poldarked me.”

‘Drakon’ Quote:
“I’m not human, but my ancestors were, and what they dreamed, we are.”

Colony 2x04 + Young And Promising 1x01 + Salem 2x10-2x12 + Reign 4x07 Reviewed

A menaced Jennifer looks out for herself. Katie bothers Charlie. The Bowman’s oranges show up again. Will stole the house from someone? People spy on other people. Katie won’t give up the Resistance cos she’s a dumb bint. Jennifer hears Will’s true opinion of her. Will is an idiot. Jennifer is dumb. Will realises they are being watched. Helen speaks to the global authority. Brenda Bakke was in this somewhere. Will’s former partner got killed. Jennifer is being watched and may have killed herself. Okay.

Best Lines:
“I welcome the review. Order and duty.”

“Bad bad.”

“Gang lords.”

“Something illicit was happening in your unit.”

Young And Promising (2015-?) 1x01
This Norwegian drama seems a doomed attempt to recreate ‘Girls’. Women babble about hormonal attraction or the lack thereof. Various people reject adult responsibility. Someone’s dad is having a baby with his mistress. This has no traction. One has intense aversion to these people. There is bowel control loss, a rejected visa, babbling about writing, mocked life situations and unfulfilled expectations. This was downright annoying.

Best Lines:
Get paid in beer.”

“Performance test.”

“She smells like sausage.”

“Tell me a bit about your life situation.”

“Do you have any assets?”
“Like money?”

“She only eats fruit that died of natural causes.”

Til Death Do Us Past
Cotton annoys. John is murderously fierce. Cotton is all deep intrinsic falsity. This has no rising pall of dread and it is not unremittingly bleak or entirely plausible. The sanctimonious Mary is rage filled and making no effort to be likeable. This was badly lit and not immensely potent.

The Countess is an enemy who cannot be conciliated. Only Hathorne notes the disappearance of Reverend Lewis and Dr Wainwright. Lawless overacts. Cotton and Anne wed. This was boring.

Best Lines:
“Drove away my love.”

“Your way to find me at fault in every matter.”

“Do you ever speak anything but threats?”

On Earth As In Hell
There is tremendous disruption and misinformed comment. Satan is agitated and enraged. Mary is condemned forcefully and publicly as a painted whore. This was terrible and has bad acting. There is a mention of Niagara Falls. The Countess’ son is a rat looking wet rag mama’s boy.

Best Lines:
“Corpse botherer.”

“Even the village idiot knows a harlot when he sees one.”

“Miserable dunghill of creation.”

Midnight Never Come
Mercy shows up to gloat. There is more bad acting. Cotton is warned about his devilish wife and doesn’t listen. The Countess is Anne Hale’s mother? WTF? Someone finally recalls Tituba. Anne turns traitor. The Countess makes proffessions and Tituba and Anne develop a positive attachment to her. The Grand Rite has been incipient since 2x01 - get on with it.

So the witch hunts killed real witches. WTF is the Essex oath or the forbidden threshold? Mary prances in the woods. How long is the orbit of the comet? A badly lit ritual is carried out. Mary is tricked cos she is thick. John Jnr is dunked in hellsblood - doesn’t that stuff burn? Anne stares blankly. Sebastian is useless. John is useless. John Jnr growls like a malfunctioning dishwasher. Cotton comes to certain realisations. This was bad.

Best Lines:
“No-one has ever wanted you.”

“It is men who inherit everything.”

“Twig-worshipping barbarians.”

“But once a turning.”

Hanging Swords
Mary seems unaware that q Queen does not marry in a wood. Mary is dumb. Elizabeth is angry. Mary angers James. Gideon bores. Why does Mary want to take England? Darnley’s woman bothers him. Bothwell shows up. Leeza sneers. Charles declares he is protestant. This was not good. Were there blueberries in Tudor England? Catherine wants rid of Charles. Mary tantrums. Darnley snots. Mary and her unremitting rage bores as does this ep. Mary acts like a crazy woman.

Best Lines:
“Respond to a strong male authority figure.”
“In the absence of such a man I will settle for you.”