July 23rd, 2017

Hawkeye

Batman ‘66 meets The Legion Of Super-Heroes #1 Reviewed

Swingin’ ‘60s action with the teens from tomorrow. I’ve never heard of the Legion. Batman and his costiveness has to help snotty teens from 2966. Egghead has no throbbing menace. Batman has stupefied gentility and enduring ubiquity. There is a dig at the dark knight and a Teen Titans shoutout. This was very good.

Best Lines:
“Being dark and scary really works.”

“Smash nicely!”

“Bat-brat!”
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Scary Books

Book Review: Enigma Tales

Star Trek Deep Space Nine: Enigma Tales by Una McCormack
Elim Garak is Castellan of the Cardassian Union; he has to deal with the upcoming publication of a war crimes report and accusations against the respected Dr Natima Lang. The supremely irritating Dr Katherine Pulaski and the annoying Dr Peter Alden visit Cardassia and get involved in the goings on.

Politics, secrets, lies, long buried projects, the weight of history and agendas all collide in this excellent novel. Bashir is catatonic and of all his friends and colleagues, only Pulaski - the ass boil of Starfleet - visits him. His family, friends and colleagues have abandoned him and the only thing Pulaski gives him is a ratty teddy bear. There is no mention of treatment (like ECT) and no one suggests any treatment. The hypocrites at Starfleet intelligence strike again and many future plotlines are seeded. People with ill-intent connive and the treatment of Bashir is incredibly cruel.

Best Lines:
“Cardassians, for all their faults, could be passionate. The trick had been to divert these passions away from things like murder, conquest and national pride, and toward healthier pursuits like democracy, lifelong education, the news and hound-racing.”

“Really does live on the moon, high above his subjects, who gaze up adoringly at him, while he looks back down and presumably thinks what a bunch of gullible idiots they all are.”

“The kind of person you hire to punch people for you,”

“All I ever seem to see is small rooms and seedy alleyways.”

“Be scrupulous in what you assert to be the truth.”

“How extremely obliging of him.”

“You have no power over me that I recognise.”

“Has he at any point offered an explanation as to why he embarked upon this sequence of extremely questionable life choices?”

“An enemy in the making.”
Pretty Smart

Trailers, Quotes and a 2004 Tape Tale

‘Man In A Orange Shirt’ promo
No.

‘Game Of Thrones’ promo
“We have an army, a fleet and 3 dragons.”

‘Study Hell’ trailer
A low budget parody of ‘The Breakfast Club’ done slasher style. This looks rubbish.

Best Line:
“He might not be Freddy, he might not be Jason, but he is the teacher in charge.”

Chorizo extra - eew.
Cashew, almond & cinnamon gluten free granola - yum.
Nocciolato fondente novi - yum.

Another ‘Body Snatchers’ remake?

Amazon is adapting Agatha Christie books - namely books already adapted.

I won’t read ‘Scourge’.

I recalled the old ‘Bunty’ story ‘School For Scruffs’.

I watched some of the ‘Marple’ ep ‘A Murder Is Announced’. Matthew Goode, Elaine Paige and Catherine Tate were in this tale. A murder is predicted in the small and so half the village show up at the house where it is supposed to happen. Patrick (Goode) and the maid (Tate) stare. The villagers turn out to have a stupid willingness to assume the best of someone. No.

Best Line:
“Will there be screaming?”

The much hyped Prom Night on ‘Eastenders’ was dumb. A bimbo did a slo-mo fall onto some candles. Then the sprinklers went off and stuff exploded and someone did a dramatic slow-mo turn showing off her fake eyelashes. This was ridic.

I’d try smoked mayo.

Anyone see ‘Reach For The Sky’? Or ‘Rambling Rose’?

Recall ‘The World At War’?

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Faking inability to comprehend.”

“Feigning offence.”

“Mock indignation.”

“A tendency to dissolute living.”

“Ineducable.”

“Every available boat - fishing, pleasure and life- set sail with the intention of bringing the boys back home.”

“Geographical Travel Restriction.”

“Identity rights.”

“Sees these young people as the enemy.”

“You try not to dress like a northsider.”

“I try and dress like a southsider.”

“I think a lot of it was calculated to get media attention.”

“Social father.”

“With an interest in me.”

“Her attempts to contact him met with legal threats.”

“Women who weren’t wanted.”

“An unnecessary encumbrance.”

“Put his foot through the television.”

“Body orifice scanner.”

‘RTE News’ Quotes:
“Confrontation on the street.”

“Died unnoticed.”

“We don’t have a culture of puppetry.”

The Shadow Queen’ Quote:
“Trusted advisors who shouldn’t have been trusted.”

‘Hollyoaks’ Quotes:
“Smug prat.”

“Hiding in attics.”

I Shot My Parents’ Quotes:
“I need somebody to go outside without a gun.”

“It’s not like the gun did it.”

“What a gun does.”

“Just them being away.”

“Turn the love off.”

‘The Adventure Of The Deadly Dimensions’ Quote:
“I assure you the furniture in this room has no murderous intent.”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Evil!”

“Not interested in speeches.”

‘3 News’ Quote:
“Things can happen.”

‘The Windsors’ Quotes:
“Drag you into the 1950s.”

“Sewing yourself into your winter underwear.”

“You knew I couldn’t read when you gave me that contract.”

“Considered a social embarrassment.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“She had lost the ability or inclination to attempt any nuance of tone with words.”

“Bright bits of nothing.”

“Absolutely vacant, contentless connection.”

“Trying is so painfully evident.”

“Detachment form speech.”

“Imposition of a narrative line upon disparate images.”

“Black vinyl trousers, worn without underwear.”

“That topic is irrelevant to your life.”

“Odes to the enduring loftiness of the human spirit.”

“Female mechanics in impracticably scanty unitards.”

Lawrence Of Arabia’ Quotes:
“A nation of sheep stealers.”

“Great things have small beginnings.”

“I do not want your company.”

“How much of that is there?”

~
Cleared out a tape from 2004. There was a ‘Dead Like Me’ ep ‘The Bicycle Thief’ - enough said.

Then there was a ‘Xena Warrior Princess’ clip show ep ‘The Xena Scrolls’. The framing story set in 1940 was okay. There were ‘funny’ accents and nobody does anything sensible.

Best Lines:
“The power to turn myth into history.”

“Don’t make me giggle.”

“Useless tagalong.”

Then came a witless ‘The Pretender’ ep ‘Indy Show’ and finally there was a ‘Cleopatra 2525’ two-parter ‘Hel And High Water 1&2’ in which they don new outfits and visit an undersea city. They were rubbish and devoid of merit.
Sergio Balleseros

Movie Reviews: Into The Storm+Dennis Rodman’s Big Bang in Pyongyang+Annie+Dumb And Dumber To

Into The Storm (2014)
Richard Armitage and Sarah Wayne Callies star. A put upon principle (Armitage) has 2 jerk sons meanwhile a group of storm chasers chase a storm front. One of the chasers is Callies. This sexist found footage film is terrible.

Best Lines:
“The goal of a documentary is to actually document something.”

“Pretend to be interested.”

~
Dennis Rodman’s Big Bang in Pyongyang (2015)
Words fail me.

~
Annie (2014)
This remake is slower than a snail on Mogadon. Cameron Diaz is a bad foster mom who revels in domestic ruin amid urban blight. One has disinterest for this and the bad singing.

Best Lines:
“Wake up rats.”

“Aren’t I supposed to be married to George Clooney?”

“If you find any change over a nickel, it’s mine.”

“Less singing and more cleaning.”

“Blow on this.”

“Act well cared for.”

“Don’t say hobos, say bums.”

~
Dumb And Dumber To (2014)
The sequel nobody wanted. This has an appearance by the actor who plays Quentin Lance on ‘Arrow’ who shows off his real accent. Also Kathleen Turner shows up. This was unnecessary and why are they so stupid?
Cat

Sanctuary 3x08-3x10 + Salem 2x04-2x06 + iZombie 2x08 Reviewed

For King And Country
Who is Adam? Why is Tesla there? Adam is Jekyll and Hyde and hates Magnus, understandably. Why is Will in this show? He contributes nothing. Magnus screams and yells and nags. Peter Wingfield shows up in flashbacks. There are fake moustaches, beards and sideburns. Adam wanted to join The Five but they ignored him. In flashbacks, Tesla has an accent.

Magnus needs to shut up. The Five made excuses for Druitt’s murderous rampage but Adam was persona non grata. Adam (a Brit) uses the word: jello. Magnus has a map to an underground city. Adam keeps calling Will a concubine. This ep has an over-abundance of people being jerks to Tesla. Magnus wears a bad wig in flashbacks. Adam had a sick daughter and naturally Magnus didn’t help. Druitt shows up to annoy. Nobody cares that Ashley is dead.

Druitt was always a cause of embarrassment to this show. Druitt wears a bad wig in flashbacks. Watson mocks Tesla pointing out that he is Serbian. Magnus is downright petty. Why does everyone hate Adam? Because he had the rotten luck to be born in a slum? Did I miss anything by skipping 3x05-3x07? Will looks as though he was born in a slum. Magnus is suddenly dying. Oh happy day. Magnus has no remorse for anything. Nigel was the boring one in flashbacks. This was okay even if it had no intellectual polish.

This had bad VFX and the steampunk flashbacks were the best things in it. Druitt was never a menace so one can’t say he has had menace decay. Will RAGES. Why is he on this show? Magnus is awful.

Best Lines:
“Secrets hidden from mainstream science.”

“This shipment of fresh hell arrives.”

“I don’t do humble.”

“She’s hardly the hero you think she is.”

“Druitt: menace to society.”

“Please tell me he’s dying.”

“I owe you nothing.”

“It needn’t have come to this.”

“Built on the blood of a dead man.”
“It was necessary.”

“His death gave us all a future.”

“Suicide? You’ve already played that card.”

Vigilante
Will is a slack jawed idiot. Who is Declan? Magnus snots at Druitt. They’re both rude. Tesla snots. Why is Will such a jerk? Magnus shrieks. Adam might as well not be there. Will lies. I don’t care. There is stupid VFX. Magnus, Druitt and Tesla stare at a VFX map and all 3 seem to have different sightlines. This was unfathomably bad.

Best Lines:
“We have to try.”
“Do we?”

“Dies a strange death.”

“Ignores logical associations.”

The Hollow Men
Kate needs to shut up and go away. Will is thankless. Polly Walker shows up as the leader of the underground city. Recall when people predicted that Walker would become a huge star due to ‘Rome’? Druitt shouts. This was not epic or unpredictable. The gang end up in a terrible predicament thanks to Magnus’ stupidity. Why is Magnus so universally adored given her incredibly disproportionate responses to things?

People she takes against have a strange way of vanishing from her social circle. Kate whines. As Magnus and co venture underground there is no issue with air or pressure. There is light for some unexplained reason. The underground people have tight t-shirts and dress like a 90s boy band. This ep had no emotional ballast. There is an underground airship and a basilisk. Will is a moron. Where does the underground city get its water and light?

There is an underground farm and technobabble and a mass transit system. Adam sneers. There is an underground waterfall and everyone mocks Tesla but he is the only one not trapped underground. Magnus is arrogant, Druitt is in peril and they are fried by stupid glowy things. This was okay if daft.

Best Lines:
“Don’t be bitter.”
“Oh I do it so well.”

“Triggered an autolock.”

“3 surface life forms.”

“Bang 2 rocks together and call it tool-making.”

“We don’t abide unlawful transumations here.”

“Vampire detector.”

~
Book Of Shadows
Tituba gives Mary warnings and eats the dead Seers eyes. There is no stunning intensity as John murders and walks around in a plague doctor’s mask. This was not darkly mesmerizing, intricate or disturbing. It was also not morbid, sinister or spellbinding. Hathorne sneers. The characters seem to have forsaken grammar. Mary revels in her own crapulence. Mary gives Anne a Book Of Shadows. Every witch has to keep one apparently.

Everyone is unimpressed by Cotton. There is a Newton mention. Dollie lurks. Mercy torments Isaac. Anne gets a familiar: Brown Jenkins. Mary sexes up the doctor. Mercy batters Dollie. Anne engages in animal abuse. This was mediocre. Also Mary spies on Anne.

Best Lines:
“Cotton Mather returns, like a dog to its vomit.”

“Cut your candle short.”

“The old ways are not lost.”

“Your familiar will come.”

“The benighted bigots of this little town.”

“Goddess of bitches.”

The Wine Dark Sea
The Countess and her son are creepy and weird. What does a true consecration mean? John menaces Cotton. Anne is menaced. Mary indulges in elder abuse. Mary’s brat is creepy. Puritans orate. The Countess killed other old witches. Mercy tantrums. Anne engages in more animal abuse. This was terrible. The Countess kills George. Nothing is commendable here.

Best Lines:
“The sweaty molestations of Mr Sibley.”

“Your witch stick.”

Ill Met By Moonlight
Mary engages in self harm. George is really dead and Mary unravels. John stalks Anne. There is a bar fight, that the good puritans do not stop. Mary tries to be fierce. The Seer isn’t dead or is he? The Countess wears purple. She and her son steal. There is a sex dream. Anne has cast a spell on Cotton to make him marry her. Brown Jenkins’ eyes glow red. There is inaudible mumbling. Tituba is onto John. Mercy bathes in Dollie’s blood and Mary digs up Increase. This was BAD.

Best Lines:
"FIND THE TOAD! FIND THE TOAD!"

"His corpulent carcass."

~
The Hurt Stalker
Steven Weber snots and plots. Clive is a murder suspect. Liv nags Major. Liv ends up in jail. She nags Major more and this was BAD.

Best Lines:
“Register some concern with my news.”

“Go with the urine flavour.”

“Classic whore line.”

“What’s George RR Martin up to right now?”
“Not writing!”