July 20th, 2017

Scary Books

Book Review: Final Girls

Final Girls by Riley Stone
Quincy survived the Pine Cottage Massacre and people take malicious delight in calling her a Final Girl and making her pain into click bait. Then she learns another massacre survivor has died under mysterious circumstances and then another Final Girl shows up on her doorstep. What is going on?

This had some promise at the start but gets more and more tiresome. This lacks emotional impact as Quincy lacks all violation and initiative, having only misperceptions and challenging behaviour. The twists make no damn sense and Quincy is no steely avenger, her dudebro boyfriend annoys and Quincy and her issues annoys. People don’t act like people, no one is clear-sighted and this was ludicrous and stupid.

Best Lines:
“That harm certainly seemed to be your intent.”

“I still think of her as that. My best friend. It doesn’t matter that she’s ten years in the grave and that I know our friendship wouldn’t have survived even if she had.”
  • Current Music
    White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane
  • Tags
Sergio Balleseros

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Hush’ (1998) promo
Trash.

‘Bear About The House: Living With My Supersized Pet’ promo
There is a buffalo at the dinner table!

‘The Emoji Movie’ TV spot
Oh hell no!

‘Promposal’ promo
No.

‘The Ringer’ (2005) promo
Ha!

Philadelphia Mexican Salsa flip & dip - nasty.
Pear, with almond oil smothered in milk & dark choc - okay.
Caramel infused with sea salt and smothered in sweet milk chocolate - okay.
Grand cru ganache - yum.
Spiced orange praline - okay.
Dark chocolate & sea salted caramel - yum.
Dulche de leche choc - okay.
Crème Brule choc - okay.

RIP George Romero.

I may review ‘Chicago Med’.

Anyone see the 1988 ‘Offerings’? Or the 1991 ‘Happy Hell Night’? Or the 1987 ‘Graveyard Shift’?

Recall ‘Caroline In The City’ or ‘Total Recall 2070’?

‘A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors’ (1987) was not good.

The ‘Waking The Dead’ series 4 finale ‘Shadowplay parts 1&2’ which aired in 2004 had an interesting plot. Part 1 was okay but part 2 was terrible.

Candied roses in Tudor times were a cure for gonorrhoea - ew.

Sugarplate looks nasty.

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“The baseball bat was an ominous touch.”

“Without anger and without openly condemning.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Not allowed to use the kettle anymore.”

“He looked like he had escaped from an institution.”

“Define themselves by their problems.”

“Sleep hygiene.”

“I don’t feel involved.”

“Shame-based mark of disgrace.”

“The dog leash is always made of twine or rope as though to buy an actual dog lead would be to give in to the capitalist conspiracy.”

“Indeterminate and unverifiable.”

‘Modern Family’ Quotes:
“Chased into a lake.”

“You’re back again?”

“Movies about how women feel about crap.”

“A prayer jog.”

“Nobody admires our garden. It’s a dead cactus with a grocery bag stuck to it.”

“He burnt down his shoe store to pay for our first demo.”

‘RTE News’ Quote:
“Deep water squid.”

‘Hollyoaks’ Quotes:
“Money grubbing snake.”

“Beyond illegal.”

‘Enigma Tales’ Quotes:
“Self-denying sort.”

“Managed a facsimile of friendliness.”

“We don’t do anything like that, not anymore-”

“Garak had met many people who had ended up wanting to kill him, and regretfully most of those had extremely good reason.”

Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“You caused this to escalate.”

“I’m not allowing her to go to a motel with a stranger.”

‘The Sweet Makers: A Tudor Treat’ Quotes:
“Thieving varmints.”

“Closed up the stomach.”

“The hallowed ranks of the gentry.”

“Spirit procreative.”

“Open arse fruit.”

“To preserve oranges after the Portuguese fashion.”
To Light The Way To Bed

5 TV Reviews

Colony 2x03

Sublimation
What is going on in the work camp? Katie tries to sob story Jennifer. Katie eye rolls and visits a religious meeting. Fundamental societal transformation is grossly repellent to her. Katie finally notes the logical and causal effects of her actions. She’s not humorously clueless. Maddie is full on dedicated to Nolan’s cause. Are the aliens getting rid of the intellectuals?

Bram is in a work camp which looks like an Amazon warehouse. He is beat up. Katie’s contributed nothing. Will and unwashed Charlie are not endlessly fascinating. Will’s former partner tags along. Nolan smugs. Gracie is older than in season 1. This ep is full of sap and has no dynamism. Will casts aspersions on Katie. Nobody is commendable. Jennifer’s boss menaces. Charlie whines. Snyder recruits Bram to spy on his fellow detainees. No to this. The Resistance carry out another massacre. They kill humans because the aliens are untouchable. Will is not killed by a drone unlike some other unfortunates. An ominous indicator. This was not good.

Best Lines:
“Guy hit me with a board, had a nail in it!”

“You found a safe harbour.”

“Escape tunnel.”

“Lower the prisoner attrition rate.”

“You’re Will Bowman’s other son.”

~
Almost Human (2013-2014) 1x01

Pilot
This JJ Abrams cops and robots show set in 2048 is terrible. It is full of contrivance, manipulation and false trails. Karl Urban looks mournful. He’s been in a coma and his girlfriend left him and he’s billy-no-mates for the death of his team. Nobody has core ethics or a kind presence. This was tremendously unpleasant and robots annoy and are argumentative. Karl Urban throws a robot out of his car and gets a new robot partner. Karl Urban has no common sense or good judgement. This has a blatant disregard for quality. Karl Urban (I can’t even recall his characters name) is violent and emotionally difficult and bad in social situations. He’s a crypto-fascist git and I hate him and this.

Best Lines:
“Humans back.”

“Halt advancement.”

~
Fearless 1x06
Kevin’s dead and his ex whines. Heather and Matthew plot. Emma makes it all about her. Emma is rude to Olivia. Rachel’s mother is located and she lets it be known that Rachel has become Laura Wild. Heather berates Laura. Emma doesn’t care that terrorists threatened her or were living in her house. Emma berates Laura and is lectured by Matthew Wild. Emma is ridiculous. Laura is not nice and Matthew throws it all away for nothing. Linda’s death was an accident but why the elaborate cover-up? Matthew ran Linda over. Emma makes a speech and wears a wire. Heather is arrested and someone takes an overdose. Emma hangs out with the terrorist like nothing happened. Her boyfriend can’t act. Emma spews sob story backstory. This was utterly stupid.

Best Lines:
“All the fuss I made. What did it do?”

“Four years too late.”

“It proved nothing.”

“Can’t get anyone to listen.”

“Her credibility’s shot.”

“How did you become her?”

“What I can’t forgive you for.”

“Fell right at his feet with your legs wide open.”

~
Salem 2x01-2x03

Cry Havoc
Being united with her son isn’t a family strengthening moment for Mary. She is not high-spirited, witty, determined or ill-rewarded. Mary goes on about witchpox and witchblood. Tituba makes uncompromising declarations. Mary is proud of her self-creation and sad compromises. She is unwavering in her devotion to satan. It’s been 6 weeks since 1x01. Lucy Lawless, Stuart Townsend and Raoul Trujilo guest star.

Mercy makes rightful challenge to Mary. Cotton is not politically capable and people are anti-congratulary. The power of Mary’s silent love for John is shrugged off when she believes him dead. This is of dubious historical authenticity. Mercy does something needlessly severe to people. What happened to the bodies of the Hale parents? Anne is judgemental.

Hathorne rants about normative restrictions, there are references to Knocker’s Hole and Mary has resilience and eye-shags the doctor (Townsend). The hags in the wood reject Mercy and die for it. More witches show up and an important witch (Lawless) lurks. Isaac lives. John hangs out with the Native Americans and gets a haircut and a common cause for revenge. Mercy makes an evocative statement. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Begin the consecration of the land with hellblood.”

“She is a cradle witch. Of the highest and oldest order.”

“Only a broken heart can feel true malice.”

“My malice is in full bloom.”

“Only horror awaits you.”

Blood Kiss
Mercy loses another coven. John and his questionable tattoos stares. Mary is hurtful and disruptive. Now Tituba and Mary are on about The Great Task and a comet. Mary’s son torments George. Tituba is back in Mary’s house as if she was never arrested as a witch. Anne is bothered by Hathorne. There is sugar in Puritan Salem.

Anne says her father was in the West Indies which contradicts what he said in season 1. This is better than the profoundly inept season 1, this is a vast improvement. Anne travels via the magic mask which her father burnt in season 1. Lewis rants. Since when is a collection of witches called a hive? John killers the Seer. Dude! The important witch aka the Countess torments Anne and claims to have once been known as Hecate and Bathory. Also she says she is the last of the true witches.

Why is the Grand Rite the highest ambition achievable for witches? The Countess once encountered Increase. This was good and engaging. Anne is not without importance. The doctor moves into John’s house. Mary’s son acts inappropriately. Mercy goes home.

Best Lines:
“Cease your shrikeing harpy.”

“Our Dark Lord at last incarnates.”

“Make the crossing.”

“Pit of death.”

“Done the undoable.”

“An awkward and bloody thing.”

From Within
Mary gives her son fascinated stares despite the fact he killed a dove. Has nobody in Salem noticed that Anne is missing? Tituba has no marks or scars from Increase’s interrogation. Even if she healed via her magic, wouldn’t anyone have noticed her sudden healing? Nobody seems to notice the boy living in Mary’s house. Doctor Wainwright seems dodgy. John prances around dressed like a highwayman. Mary’s will is challenged and she has a visitation. Witch wars! This was okay.

Best Lines:
Your ever silent husband.”

“Reach so far beyond your station.”

“George is my power in this town.”

~
Reign 4x06

Love & Death
Mary and Darnley smug. Claude revels in her adultery. Gideon’s brat is sick. People don’t seem worried about infection. Where are the Guise family? Darnley is a horrible person. Leeza sneers. This was terrible. Leith is awful and tries to murder Luc.

Best Lines:
“Baby eating and so forth.”

“Treasonous peasants.”