June 22nd, 2017

Sergio Balleseros

Book Reviews: The Lying Game + Diana

The Lying Game by Ruth Ware
From the author of the inept ‘In A Dark Dark Wood’ comes this tale of 4 boarding school friends - Isa, Kate, Thea and Fatima - who are reunited 17 years later. They recall the lies they told, the games they played and the fall they took as precipitous as a fall can be.

As teenagers they lacked compassion, were volatile and got caught up in something bad. Now after all the secrets and lies, the truth is coming out. It isn’t safe and they’re morally responsible for what happened. This was good, even if Isa the ‘heroine’ is an utter fool, predicated to being dumb.

Best Lines:
“I was siding against the others. And that soon they might side against me. A wall, after all, isn’t just about keeping others out. It can also be for trapping people inside.”

“She sold her father’s paintings, and when she ran out she began to forge them.”

~
Diana: Her True Story by Andrew Morton
This 1992 book is sad.
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To Light The Way To Bed

Trailers, Quotes and musings on issues 78-86 of Misty

‘Next Of Kin’ (1982) trailer
There is staring and blood. This has no dialogue so you can’t tell it is from Australia.

‘Reign’ 4x02 promo
Modern day tiaras, red lipstick and where is Lola’s baby?

‘American Gothic’ (1988) trailer
People go on holiday to an island. The acting is bad. There is a scythe, Yvonne de Carlo and knitwear and a cliffside swing. Maybe.

Best Lines:
“Weirdoes!”

“No devil’s play in this house.”

“He who waits, gets.”

‘Guardians Of The Galaxy 2’ post credits scene
Stan Lee and the Watchers. Naff.

‘The House’ TV spot
Jeremy Renner!

‘Babe’ (1995) promo
No.

‘The Life Of David Gale’ promo
No.

I will review ‘The Year’s Best Dark Fantasy & Horror 2016’, ‘Whispers From The Abyss 2’, ‘One Of Us Is Lying’, ‘The Never King’, ‘Enigma Tales’, ‘Little Heaven’ and ‘The Adventure of the Deadly Dimension’.

I won’t read ‘The Last Act of Hattie Hoffman’, ‘Game of Queens’ or ‘Little Sister'.

Calico cats are the result of the migration of domestic cats along trade routes in Europe from Egypt?

Josh Hartnett turned down playing Batman, Spider-Man and Superman?

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Cranial moulding.”

“Who is you?”

“I’m going to ‘Game Of Thrones’ your butts.”

“Rescued from a prostitution ring.”

“The victim of sex trafficking. Again.”

“Run back to that.”

“Ugly and dangerous existence.”

“Create an alternative scenario.”

“Not death penalty eligible.”

“In financial ruin.”

"Why would you ask her something like that?"

"Kidnapped them back."

“Sexual behaviour.”

“Reckless accusation.”

“Poor card.”

‘The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes’ Quotes:
“Prepare for the end of your world.”

“Space god.”

“Eats planets.”

“Eat us more?”

‘The Dark Phoenix’ Quote:
“You won’t be coming back.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“This term is militaristic.”

“Streets of shame.”

“Really trenchant opinions.”

“Ruling hegemony.”

“A political figure who is inconvenient to the political establishment.”

“Affordability spiral.”

“Providential leaders usually end up badly in France. Remember Joan of Arc, two Napoleons, Marechal Petain?”

“Grave cuts.”

“Dark friable soil patches.”

“The lack of association with a church building, grave slabs or dedicative saints.”

“Family readiness plans.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“All tamed cats today descend from the African wildcat, or Felis Silvestris Lybica,”

“Migrating farmers took cats with them as they moved into Europe,”

“Subservient prison habit.”

“Escalated in seriousness.”

“Ground typically reserved for peeing dogs.”

“Justified complaint.”

“You can’t survive on a dime like we did in the 70s.”

“Social murder.”

“Clear-felled.”

“Escort chain.”

“Considered too dangerous to perform,”

‘Hollyoaks’ Quotes:
“You’re fired!”
“From what?!?”

‘Girls On Top’ Quotes:
“Bunny jam on the pavement.”

“Self dignity.”

“Dangerous hardcore junkie smack.”

‘Eastenders’ Quote:
“She kills your baby.”

‘Irish Impendent’ Quotes:
“Throwing a side table at him on Christmas Day.”

Partnered forces.

‘My Favourite Manson Girl’ Quotes:
“I wasn’t exactly shocked to learn that John Waters made friends with a Manson girl. He was out there. She was probably scared of him.”

“Zombie-bimbos.”

“Roaming bands of Satanists.”

“Back-door gals because the front’s for Jesus or your husband or something.”

~
Read ‘Misty’ issues 78 to 85. ‘The Gravedigger’s Daughter’ is not liked and takes revenge. This was okay. ‘The Missing Piece’ is a bizarre tale of a jigsaw puzzle. ‘Sweet Tooth’ is about a trip to the dentist. It’s dumb. This was 10p an issue? ‘Dead Man’s Eyes’ is an okay tale of a dig gone wrong. ‘Spitting Image’ was the tale of a painting and was not good. ‘The Governess’ is an okay tale of a nasty child. ‘The Monkey’ sees a monkey mocked by a snotty girl, she regrets it. Okay.

Darkness At Noon’ is an okay tale of Vesuvius. ‘Time To Spare’ is a bad tale of a girl who gets judged. ‘The Lighthouse Keeper’s Daughter’ is a good tale of thieves who kill a helpless old man and then run into his daughter. ‘Inside Story’ is an okay tale of Pandora’s Box. ‘Sprig of Heather’ sees a girl’s evil stepfather hauled off by a press gang. Okay. ‘Hands of Nefri’ makes no sense and neither does ‘Present From Singapore’.

Old Collie’s Collection’ is a dumb tale of evil snow globes. ‘The Black Gauntlet’ is okay. ‘Cathy and the Nature Spirits’ does exactly what it says on the tin and not well either. ‘The Ghost of Golightly Towers’ sees a girl taken from her mother by interfering social workers and sent to a childrens home in an old castle where she meets the resident ghost. This was an okay comedy. ‘The Tadpole Terror’ is utterly stupid.

Nobody’s Child’ is a daft tale of a Victorian street urchin with a 70s perm and her dog. ‘Danger In The Depths’ is the tale of a killer fish, somehow the radiation in the lake doesn’t kill people. ‘Nightmare Nightmare Nightmare’ is a tale of a wicked girl who gets got. ‘The Silver Racer Back’ is a daft tale of mind controlled swimmers. ‘What Did You Say?’ was dumb. ‘Monster Of Green Acres’ was excellent. ‘Mrs Grundy’s Guest House’ was an okay tale of ghosts. ‘Jorum Is Coming’ was a silly tale of an alien.

Best Lines:
“We’re better than you!”

“I shall never, never forgive.”

“Rich girls are not always happy girls.”

“I’ve heard better stories on the telly.”

“Let’s go and shout through a few letter boxes.”

“Bloodstains on the carpet? That always goes down well.”

“Me and the girls will spread you on our bread-”
Sergio Balleseros

Reign 4x02 + Shadowhunters 1x08-1x10 + Fearless 1x02 Reviewed

A Grain Of Deception
Narcisse rants. Knox visits Elizabeth. Mary is not ingratiating. There are no lurking pagans in the hills. Mary is not content with her place in the world. The show is in irretrievable decline. Mary wears a gaudy tiara. Charles cracks up. Narcisse lurks. Mary has a luncheon. John Knox’s wife is miserable. Greer needs a good kicking. Leeza looks tan and annoyed. Claude wears ‘mourning’. Leeza’s personality has changed since 1x01.

There is a French embassy in Tudor times?!? Mary is billy-no-mates. Lola’s brat is seen. Bad fake accents are heard. Greer plans to leave. TPTB have total ignorance of the Tudor legal system. Leeza suggests a new minister. Narcisse rants. Gideon snots. Greer bigs up Mary. James is angry. Knox’s wife is manipulated. Narcisse stirs the pot regarding Darnley to hurt Elizabeth; of course he dooms Mary by doing so. Is Charles sick?

Best Lines:
“A woman with a throne.”

“The secret is in the arsenic. Or is it the lead? I forget. Both are so good for one's skin.”

“Straight off the farm.”

“Makes her have relations through a hole in the sheet.”

“Another empty chair.”

“I’m aware who you married Leeza, you don’t have to keep saying it.”

“We must kill them. Kill them all.”

“A woman of questionable birth that no-one really wants on the throne.”

~
Bad Blood
Clary is selfish and Alec has passive hostility. Clary has no moral cognition. Alec is deeply unimpressed by Clary. To be scathingly candid, I have utter vitriol for Simon. There is no suffocating atmosphere of dread. Raphael lurks. Isabelle has a combative tone. This show eats plot. Judgy pants Alec judges. Clary is indignant and has irrational reactions and can’t act.

Valentine operates without regard to morality or judgement and there is no reasoning, bargaining or escape from him. He’s not utterly malevolent or calmly imposing, just defiantly unrepentant. A Clave rep, Lydia, has bravado and swagger. Simon’s mom has avuncular warmth. Lydia and her side plait annoys. Alec learns his parents were followers of Valentine. There was bad acting. Isabelle is a forensic pathologist? Hodge shows up again. I don’t care about Simon’s manpain and his tantrums. This was goodish.

Best Lines:
“Last I checked Valentine is a shadowhunter.”

“I don’t want trouble with the shadowhunters.”
“Smart decision.”

Rise Up
Simon has little to do but yell inconsequentially. Seriously, enough with Simon! Clary is selfish. Simon is disconcerting in his credulous awfulness. A Seelie rants. Alec snots and has contempt for liberal values. Screw Simon and his hysterical bleating. Salad bitch Clary gets into hugs and tears territory. Simon is rage-stricken. Hodge lurks. There is no sense of menace. Lydia has no cold reserve.

Clary is inciting. An acrimonious dispute breaks out between Alec and Jace. This has no mythic texture or purpose. Alec and Jace demonstrate hostile intent. They fight, hotly.

Best Lines:
“It’s your life to ruin.”

“Someplace the Clave would never look.”

“Anyone of importance.”

“Bite me.”
“All over.”

“Come with me.”
No.”

This World Inverted
The blue haired Seelie points out the obvious and waves his hands to send Clary to another dimension. Wolves growl. Simon shows off his plastic fangs. Clary’s obvious orange dye job makes her look like a carrot. Valentine is a caring parent in the other dimension. Oddly there is no sight of Clary’s dead brother. Bane is a cheesy psychic and Luke and Hodge appear in this TV ads. A Mad Hatter party is thrown which is blatant and obvious product placement for that flop ‘Alice Through The Looking Glass’ movie.

Clary sees Alec, Isabelle and Jace as normal people, which is freaky. Clary wears orange eyeshadow. Clary wants Jace to sexually pleasure her. Valentine wears a Mad Hatter hat. In reality Isabelle is arrested and disparages Lydia. Simon prances and Alec is stupid. This was good. Alec takes his shirt off and writhes around. A demon in a rubber suit attacks. Jace is always pulling his shirt up. Jace meets his daddy.

Best Lines:
“Where the hell have you been?”
“Where I need to be, away from you.”

“Could you be more vague?”

“There’s something dead outside.”

“Malodorous monstrosity.”

“That’s not even a little bit funny.”

“Chairman Meow.”

“Jace is dead to me.”

~
Fearless 1x02
Emma is a disgusting person. She may have had a baby she gave away. Kevin is thrown out of a hotel. Emma thinks she’s redoubtable. An MP, Wild, lurks. Is he played by Jamie Bamber? Why does Annie defend Kevin? Jason hates Kevin. Emma snots. Emma shows everyone the glamour shots of Linda. Kevin is a lying liar who lies. Emma rants about a conspiracy and perceived wrongs and wants to exhume Linda. She’s sick.

A woman with a bad US accent lurks. Emma is a person of interest which leads to an anti-terror squad raiding her house. Emma covers up for the terrorist living in her house and doesn’t care that Linda was horribly murdered in 2003. Annie insults Linda. Emma is sure Linda had a connection to the USAF. Emma is punched in the face by Linda’s mother. Emma insults Linda’s family, slutshames Linda and doesn’t know Olivia as well as she thinks. Wild is up to something. There is overacting. Emma leaks the photos which should be illegal as Linda was 15. Emma is vile and her sidekick is hilariously run over while doing 2KPH on a scooter. Emma is stupid. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“I’m not sorry.”

“She was a little slut.”

“What’s that?”
“Tits.”

“Since when do you wear jewellery on a bra?”

“The legal risk to himself.”

“Protesting everything.”

“You over-played your hand.”